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GENTLEVIKING's Photo GENTLEVIKING Posts: 3,798
8/31/13 9:26 A

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I agree totally! Everyone needs a caregiver with your kind of attitude about the illness, Tami!

T E R R Y

***Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself!
***"I can do all things through Christ!" Phillipians 4:13




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LESLIE_2B_LESS's Photo LESLIE_2B_LESS SparkPoints: (172,578)
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8/31/13 2:17 A

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Tami - I sure wish you could be a caregiver for my Mom! I love your compassion & understanding. God bless you!

Leslie MO
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Helen Keller explained the purpose of community best, when she said, "Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much."

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8/23/13 3:27 P

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emoticon well said Tams, thank you... it is about meeting them just where they are isn't it...

GENTLEVIKING's Photo GENTLEVIKING Posts: 3,798
8/23/13 11:31 A

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Very well said, Tami!!! I think we all would do well to print out what you wrote there and put it somewhere where we could read it now and then! I especially appreciated the reminder that an Alz. patient needs the reassurance of knowing we still love them.

I'll bet the folks you care for just love you as their caregiver!!!

T E R R Y

***Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself!
***"I can do all things through Christ!" Phillipians 4:13




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TAMIBKD's Photo TAMIBKD Posts: 541
8/23/13 12:20 A

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I know it is hard for some people to deal with losing their loved ones in the first place, going thru alzheimer's is like two deaths the death as the person I know, and then the final death at the end of the disease. Realizing that this is not the same person I knew or even want to remember. This is not mom or dad as I know them, but they are still there and they deserve love them anyway. As one morns the loss of the person they remember; as the strong and fearless one who could do anything for me. Now we need to be the strong and fearless ones who will do anything for them. They may think you are their brother or their sister, or just somene they know, but deep down they know this is a familiar face, one who cares for them, and one who visits and loves them.

Who cares if they know your name. Love them any way. Be who ever they want you to be. Just be there for them. Hold their hand, smile and reassure them - that is what they need. As a newborn who feels lost in the world and longs to be swaddled, so to an Alzheimers resident loves to hold your hand, smile and just have you be there. It helps them feel secure.

~Tami

Starting Spark Weight in September 2010; 272 pounds. Been on and off a few times like a yo-yo. And here I am at 293 in March of 2017. I joined a work group for 'Weigh-down Wednesday' 12 week challenge. And came back to SP because I knew it worked.


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GENTLEVIKING's Photo GENTLEVIKING Posts: 3,798
8/22/13 10:27 P

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People can be like that, Nuwalk, even family. When my brother had cancer, some of my sisters just didn't visit him much. I think they didn't want to deal with it. I know they loved him, but I wish they had thought through that avoiding him was NOT the way to deal with it. They missed out on some of the last months of his life because of that kind of thinking (and later regretted it). I'm grateful now that I tried to visit him as much as I could during that time. I sorta had a feeling that I had better do it while I could--and I was right.

Your family is missing out. I'm glad you are wise enough to know that your time with her is precious, even though it can be difficult sometimes.

T E R R Y

***Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself!
***"I can do all things through Christ!" Phillipians 4:13




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8/22/13 12:05 P

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I tell people about mom, go with it... It's the 1st time she said it... it's all new to her....

it is hard for people to understand b/c it's not normal, and it's shocking/emotional.... I have found a lot of people in the family don't want to deal with it... and disappear to other rooms at family events... (sighs)

GENTLEVIKING's Photo GENTLEVIKING Posts: 3,798
8/22/13 11:22 A

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Thanks Tami, Leslie, Bel, Juli, and Slo for all your sweet input! It does help having others to talk about this with! Some of you no longer deal with this, and yet it's still on your mind--I'm glad you are willing to help us who are now going through it! And some of you work with people with it, so you see it almost everyday. It's good that we can support one another like this!

T E R R Y

***Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself!
***"I can do all things through Christ!" Phillipians 4:13




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GENTLEVIKING's Photo GENTLEVIKING Posts: 3,798
8/22/13 11:18 A

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Slopoke, it was my birthday wednesday, and my mom didn't remember it...so I know kinda how you feel. (But mom did remember it about a week ago, so I take that as she did remember in her own way.)

Don't let it get you down. She would remember if she could remember--it's not "love" related, but memory related. Her love for you is still very much there.

Happy birthday!!! We missed having the same birthday by one day, I think!

T E R R Y

***Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself!
***"I can do all things through Christ!" Phillipians 4:13




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JRAUTIO's Photo JRAUTIO Posts: 1,704
8/21/13 6:56 P

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These are exactly the ways we need to cope with our loved ones. I learned a lot from the staff while my mom was at the memory care center. We often teased them whether they were able to grasp their own reality when they left work for the day after being "high school teachers, sisters, daughters, and other special people" who existed in their residents' minds!

We learned early on not to try to correct Mom or it just confused and/or aggravated her. And you did NOT want her aggravated! :)

~~Julie~~


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SLOPOKE_SAL's Photo SLOPOKE_SAL SparkPoints: (99,045)
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8/21/13 4:59 P

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My mom hummed jingle Bells every day for 3 years. Sorta drove me nuts. She didn't know it was my birthday yesterday till the sitter told her.
emoticon

If you want to be happy, desire and pursue happiness more for others than yourself, and your own well-being will take care of itself. Dedicate your weight-loss journey and the achievement of all your goals to someone else and think of them when times get tough.

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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
8/21/13 3:47 P

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Thanks all, this is something I've got to learn. Just a few years ago when my mother went though this I learned to ask questions about her past. This often triggered new story. And got her off the ones we all heard so.often. This doesn't seem to work with S W. Keep on posting it helps me a lot.


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LESLIE_2B_LESS's Photo LESLIE_2B_LESS SparkPoints: (172,578)
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8/21/13 1:17 A

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Tami - love it!

We currently keep a white board in the kitchen - as my Mom is is only at what I hope is the beginning stages. She wants to know what day of the week it is, what time it is, has she had her meds, has the mail come. She so far can come back to the correct day of the week, and has no problems with the year, time of the year or month.

But if your loved one is not at the point where correcting them will bring them back to reality then, there is no use at all in correcting them -- just going with their flow and their here & now will just work better for them.

Leslie MO
Central Time Zone


Helen Keller explained the purpose of community best, when she said, "Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much."

SparkGuy says:
Your daily actions and words impact more people than you realize! Who will you impact today?


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TAMIBKD's Photo TAMIBKD Posts: 541
8/20/13 10:59 P

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Back in the day we used to say every one needed reality orientation. We had to make them know the day, the year, their name, the town they lived in, etc. Now I have a woman who wakes up and on the way to breakfast blurts out - "Happy New Year". I say Happy new year back, because in reality today if the first day of the new year. lol

Why cause agitation and confusion, and try to correct it? Go with it is exactly right. Make believe, go be like a child and play in their world when possible. Another lady tells me she is a teenager in college, she's 85 who cares. Re-live the college days, I asked what classes are you taking, who is your favorite teacher? It gives them a chance to reminisce and work out those memories that they do have. It's all good!



Edited by: TAMIBKD at: 8/20/2013 (23:00)
Starting Spark Weight in September 2010; 272 pounds. Been on and off a few times like a yo-yo. And here I am at 293 in March of 2017. I joined a work group for 'Weigh-down Wednesday' 12 week challenge. And came back to SP because I knew it worked.


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GENTLEVIKING's Photo GENTLEVIKING Posts: 3,798
8/20/13 10:47 P

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I watched a good movie at my mom's today. I think it was called "Down in the Delta" and there was one scene where a lady's mom (who has Alz) wanted to frost a cake--something her daughter knew she probably could not do. So she says, "I wish I could find me a purple grapefruit!" And the mother gets excited and goes to the fridge to find one. Her brother says, "A purple grapefruit?" to which she says, "You don't fight it...you go with it"....meaning, you don't fuss at her to not frost the cake, you give her some new challenge...and you also don't fight her Alz, you go with it.

Later in the film she visits her mom in the hospital and her mother says, "Mama!!! Mama!!!" and the lady, who seems to understand the illness well, says, "Yes, mama's here! It's mama!" And this just delights the mother. Sad, but touching all at the same time.

If my own mom has Alz for sure, I hope I'll also "go with it" and not try to fight it...let her enjoy life, as it is for her, and make her happy.

T E R R Y

***Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself!
***"I can do all things through Christ!" Phillipians 4:13




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