Group photo
Author:
PATIENTSAM's Photo PATIENTSAM Posts: 2,705
9/28/13 11:23 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Knittingnan, thanks for the encouragement. My husband and I have decided it is time to put my m-i-l in a facility for memory care. She is getting to be too much to handle in the middle of the night, waking us up way too often. I am concerned as to how she will accept it, but I know she will be well taken care of. So sorry to hear of all you have gone through and still going through

With God all things are possible


 Pounds lost: 95.6 
0
30.5
61
91.5
122
LESLIE_2B_LESS's Photo LESLIE_2B_LESS SparkPoints: (172,578)
Fitness Minutes: (121,182)
Posts: 9,241
9/27/13 12:37 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
KNITTINGNAN - I am feeling your pain & your husbands - it is so hard see our loved ones going through this!

Leslie MO
Central Time Zone


Helen Keller explained the purpose of community best, when she said, "Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much."

SparkGuy says:
Your daily actions and words impact more people than you realize! Who will you impact today?


 September Minutes: 0
0
35
70
105
140
BONONSENSE Posts: 553
9/26/13 10:07 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
PATIENTSAM, take care of yourself. I cared for my mom in her home because she didn't want to impose on us, but by the time she died I was so drained that I was almost hospitalized. Just having somebody stay with your mom for a few hours so that you and your husband can go out to dinner would provide such relief.

Last summer my mother-in-law died, after years of my husband and I taking care of her and my father-in-law in their own home. My father-in-law had a severe stroke and died in the hospital, but my mother-in-law insisted that she could live independently in her home. Slowly we realized her limitations, but she wouldn't move or allow caregivers in her home. My husband and I were there daily to check on her, bringing meals to her, as she wasn't cooking properly. She would spend her days "puttering around the house", as she said, resulting in everything being lost. She filled the washer with dirty clothes and detergent, but then put them in the dryer, thinking that they had already been washed. I couldn't figure out why her clothes were suddenly blue tye-dyed.

We finally placed her in a nursing home, where I had worked for 20 years on the Alzheimers' unit. Our problems didn't end, though, as her health deteriorated in the unfamiliar surroundings. My husband drove himself crazy trying to control her care, which he had done for so long. It was so stressful.

Her death was a relief. However, my husband, a year later, is still suffering from guilt about what we could have done to make her last few years of life more pleasant. Alzheimers is not a pleasant disease. It not only destroys the patient, but also the caregiver, both physically and mentally.

So take care of yoursrlf!!!!

LESLIE_2B_LESS's Photo LESLIE_2B_LESS SparkPoints: (172,578)
Fitness Minutes: (121,182)
Posts: 9,241
9/26/13 12:37 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
PATIENTSAM - I can so understand where you are coming from -- sometimes we just wanna sit down and cry. I also wish I could talk with my Dad one more time! We started a conversation on the Saturday night before he got so sick that he wasn't with us anymore. I wanted to know what happened between his graduation from High School and when I was born -- we got most of the way there and then got interrupted. Gosh what I would give to finish that story with him!

Leslie MO
Central Time Zone


Helen Keller explained the purpose of community best, when she said, "Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much."

SparkGuy says:
Your daily actions and words impact more people than you realize! Who will you impact today?


 September Minutes: 0
0
35
70
105
140
BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
9/23/13 7:00 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Reading your message about your Mom remind me of Joe Biden saying "There will come a time when you remember a loved one, you will laugh before you cry. Sounds like you and your Mom had some laughs last night. My Mom thought laughing was important. I know nothing that feels as good as a laugh.

 Pounds lost: 123.8 
0
33.25
66.5
99.75
133
PATIENTSAM's Photo PATIENTSAM Posts: 2,705
9/22/13 10:04 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I see it has been a while since anyone has posted here, but this looked like a good place to post today. I had another rough night last night. I was woken up around 3:30 a.m. by my m-i-l. All I could hear was "How do I get out of here" I found her sitting on the bathroom floor with her underwear off and it was obvious she had not made it to the toilet. Thankfully it was only wet and not poop (sorry) and our bathroom has a tile floor. (Wouldn't you know, I had just washed the floor!)
After helping her up, she went to the toilet and did go again. Then I finally got her settled in bed and went to clean up the mess. By that time, I was wide awake, so I did some work on the computer and then went to relax in my recliner. I was trying to get back to sleep, but things kept going through my head. First of all, my husband wants to take her off of the meds she just started because she is getting unsteady on her feet. (She is on the meds to calm her down.) I just don't know how I feel about that, but I do know that if she ends up in a nursing home, she will be on more meds than that and will most likely end up in a wheel chair. Sigh...
Anyway, then I started thinking about my mom. She was in a nursing home for the last 16 months of her life. She also had memory problems, but she also was not very mobile. Taking care of my m-i-l last night just stirred up so many feelings of what I went through with my mom. I would love to have my mom back and give her a hug. I would love to have my mom back and just be able to sit and talk and laugh with her again. But I know she is in a far better place. Man, I sure do miss her. I thought I was done with the tears, but here they are again. Thanks for listening.

With God all things are possible


 Pounds lost: 95.6 
0
30.5
61
91.5
122
NEELOJ's Photo NEELOJ Posts: 8,733
8/13/12 3:22 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
That would be so fun, for both of you, to get your mom down to the water!!
I have learned to look for things that are for handicapped people. That is the only thing I would know to do. I bet there is something out there!!

My life has mellowed out. My husband is still in the Care Home but he is doing better. His health has pretty well stabilized and he is looking better. He seems to be able to hold his weight at 112 which is very low for his height but at least he is not losing now. Getting his foot amputated took a lot of poison out of his system and has really help.
His dementia is of course still bad but I manage to deal with that okay with the help of the "girls", (that is what he calls them, ha ha), at the Care Home.

I also have started crocheting. I use to do it many years ago and had forgotten how much I love doing it and how relaxing it is. It is a great way to spend my many hours with my husband. I am making afghans and when I finish one I just toss it over a chair for the residents to use at the Care Home. They seem to enjoy so much watching me make them and then be able to use them. It gives me great contentment and joy!



Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Please visit my Flickr Page for my photographs.
flickr.com/photos/neelojtsl/
I also have a Blog on Blogspot for my Short Stories.
joreflections.blogspot.com/


 current weight: 198.6 
260
235
210
185
160
SLIMCRUISER Posts: 1,047
8/13/12 2:15 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi all, just checking in. At the moment things are on a pretty even keel. Mom is doing well. We went to the beach yesterday to hear some old-time music at the bandstand. What a blast!! The youngest member of the band was probably 75! They played a lot of swing and jazz (my dad was a jazz drummer when my mom met him.) There were 50 or so elderly people dancing and singing and enjoying the music....so awesome. It was interesting to see the people who slipped back into their own world when it was over....many had to be led away by a spouse or caregiver. By the time we got home my mom forgot most of the day....but I know she enjoyed it in the moment!
A neighbor gave us a wheelchair so it lets us go on longer outings. Mom walks well with a cane, but would never have lasted long enough to do something like the outing yesterday without the chair. We have 3 more concerts at the beach before the end of the season. NOW, my next challenge is to get her down to the water. No way can she walk on sand...I think the chair will just get stuck in the soft sand before we get to the harder, wet sand....any suggestions? (I have looked into renting an all terrain beach chair...so far cannot find daily rentals)

 Pounds lost: 0.0 
0
9
18
27
36
JRAUTIO's Photo JRAUTIO Posts: 1,704
4/2/12 2:30 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
So glad you've been in "calm mode". It makes life so much easier!

~~Julie~~


 current weight: 164.2 
164.2
155.65
147.1
138.55
130
SLIMCRUISER Posts: 1,047
3/31/12 6:08 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
hi all...just checking in. Things have been on an even keel around here for a while. (My brother said this morning...well, we made it a week with no crisis!) A picture of my mom at her birthday party was in the local paper with a shot blurb about all she has done in the community over the years. Every time she picks up the paper she says "Oh for heaven's sake...would you look at this!!" She is tickled pink with it!

 Pounds lost: 0.0 
0
9
18
27
36
JRAUTIO's Photo JRAUTIO Posts: 1,704
3/26/12 3:35 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Sounds like you made the most of your day! Good idea not to overdo. I think it's smart to start slowly and build up to it! I love the yard and garden work, too!

~~Julie~~


 current weight: 164.2 
164.2
155.65
147.1
138.55
130
NEELOJ's Photo NEELOJ Posts: 8,733
3/26/12 12:29 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi Everyone.....
I managed to get the front lawn mowed but still have the back yard and a 100ft long ditch area by the road. I think the ditch will just have wait for a week, (or more! ha).

I am so out of shape!! I was worn out when I just did the front lawn. Decided not to over do it, (and a good excuse, ha).
A year ago I was walking two miles a day around the neighborhood and now I can't even get around the block!! But I will get built back up, it will just take time. I enjoy yard work so much and am anxious to get to my flower beds and clean them up.
And all of that is great exercise!!!
JO

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Please visit my Flickr Page for my photographs.
flickr.com/photos/neelojtsl/
I also have a Blog on Blogspot for my Short Stories.
joreflections.blogspot.com/


 current weight: 198.6 
260
235
210
185
160
JRAUTIO's Photo JRAUTIO Posts: 1,704
3/26/12 7:36 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
You're very lucky to have so much support, MAYBER! Joleen, I know it's hard not to feel guilty, but remember that you DO need time for yourself. And he is being cared for when you're not there. Hope the mowing went ok!

~~Julie~~


 current weight: 164.2 
164.2
155.65
147.1
138.55
130
MAYBER's Photo MAYBER SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (0)
Posts: 9,764
3/25/12 5:06 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hello to all and yes it is so important to take care of yourself NEELOJ your loved one is being cared for whether you are there or not and take comfort in that and not guilt
Am am still lucky enough to have my DH at home with me and have three people from our church who come sit with him when a break is needed and am so grateful
DH is easy to care for cooperative and accepting most of the time
We have had a great winter season here in MN with little snow great temps and sunshine
Also have five special children nine grandchildren and three greats who are supportive
We moved four years ago to a home across from our son and partner and are so happy they help us a lot and are within a moments notice if needed
One day at a time

 current weight: 192.6 
206
197
188
179
170
NEELOJ's Photo NEELOJ Posts: 8,733
3/24/12 11:50 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Beautiful sunshine today and suppose to be tomorrow too!
I think I am going to stay home today, not go to the care home. I feel so guilty when I do that but I want to try to get the lawn mower going and then mow the yard.
I am so out of shape I know it will take me three or four tries at the mowing, with rests in between, to get it mowed so I figure that will take all day!! LOL
Everyone keeps telling me to take care of myself and I keep trying.....
JO

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Please visit my Flickr Page for my photographs.
flickr.com/photos/neelojtsl/
I also have a Blog on Blogspot for my Short Stories.
joreflections.blogspot.com/


 current weight: 198.6 
260
235
210
185
160
MAYBER's Photo MAYBER SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (0)
Posts: 9,764
3/11/12 10:33 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
It is so nice to come here and read about everyone and count my blessings
My heart and prayers go out to everyone and their loved one
It is not easy caring for another and making decisions just know that you are all doing the best thing you know how to do with what you know
I am very grateful that have been with my DH for 55+ years and he is cooperative and easy to care for truly one day at a time

 current weight: 192.6 
206
197
188
179
170
JRAUTIO's Photo JRAUTIO Posts: 1,704
3/7/12 8:27 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
NEELOJ: Hang in there, Jo! So relieved he made it thru the surgery after so many "naysayers"! One day at a time is definitely the way to go!
BELSNICKEL: I'm glad you were able to share on this post. This is such a horrible disease, and so many people I know have loved ones with the same battle. I'm glad you're continuing to get out to church and have other activities even though your wife isn't that interested. I think as a caregiver, this is a way you can look after yourself. Since your health isn't so good either, is there a way you could hire someone to come in to help? Even just a hour or two a day? For my mom, us kids alternated taking in or cooking meals for a while, but the last year we had a wonderful gal we paid to come twice a week for a couple hours who was GREAT at interacting with Mom. Even just having that outside person who knew our situation and was supportive was a relief for us emotionally.

~~Julie~~


 current weight: 164.2 
164.2
155.65
147.1
138.55
130
NEELOJ's Photo NEELOJ Posts: 8,733
3/6/12 1:15 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Well, sitting in the hospital. DH had surgery last Friday.
DH is doing pretty good, especially since on Friday we had four doctors tell us he very likely would not make it through surgery! But here we are!!
He had to have his leg amputated at the knee. He got through surgery and then two days later got pnuemonia. But I think he will get through that too. He just loves to prove doctors wrong!! LOL
I was worried about how it would effect his dementia, but it does't seem much different, not much worse. He keeps asking if he broke his leg.
We will deal with everything one day at a time.....
JO

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Please visit my Flickr Page for my photographs.
flickr.com/photos/neelojtsl/
I also have a Blog on Blogspot for my Short Stories.
joreflections.blogspot.com/


 current weight: 198.6 
260
235
210
185
160
BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
2/26/12 7:08 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
i folks, maybe here is a place i can share. My wife and i are in our mid sixties and she is in the beginnings of Alzheimer's. She still does many things including drive. Many things she does have problems with are simply things. What she seems to have lost many is desire to do many things, Attending church is one of those. i go but its feels strange and rather lonely. I want us to have as good as life as possible but do find it difficult. My health is not as good as it could be. At a time I feel the need for a care giver I end up being one, We have one daughter who lives 5 hours away. I do feel alone. Sorry for such a down share, but I do need some kind of feed back.

 Pounds lost: 123.8 
0
33.25
66.5
99.75
133
JRAUTIO's Photo JRAUTIO Posts: 1,704
2/17/12 2:20 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Now that the decision is made, I'm sure you're to the point that you just kind of want to get it over with. Will be thinking of you and, of course, sending prayers your way.

~~Julie~~


 current weight: 164.2 
164.2
155.65
147.1
138.55
130
NEELOJ's Photo NEELOJ Posts: 8,733
2/17/12 1:38 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
It is set for March 2nd right now....
Our primary doctor wanted it sooner but the surgeon is out of town for a week.....


Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Please visit my Flickr Page for my photographs.
flickr.com/photos/neelojtsl/
I also have a Blog on Blogspot for my Short Stories.
joreflections.blogspot.com/


 current weight: 198.6 
260
235
210
185
160
JRAUTIO's Photo JRAUTIO Posts: 1,704
2/17/12 1:28 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I know this has been a really tough decision for you, JO. It sounds like it's probably the only logical choice now, though. It does say something that he has gained weight and his health has improved since it's been in the care facility. That is encouraging. When does he have the surgery? Will definitely be sending prayers your way. Hang in there!

~~Julie~~


 current weight: 164.2 
164.2
155.65
147.1
138.55
130
NEELOJ's Photo NEELOJ Posts: 8,733
2/17/12 12:46 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
More concerns are coming my way. DH is going go in for surgery in about two weeks to have his foot removed. He has PAD and all of the toes on his right foot are black and dried up.
He was to have surgery several months ago but he was in such poor health they wouldn't do it. Now it is to the point that we "have" to do it because of infection creeping in. They will take the leg at the knee joint so they won't have to cut through any bone.

Thanks goodness, since being in the Care Home for the last six months DH has gained some weight and is in better health. It will still be a very risky surgery because of his COPD and very weak heart. And of course the dementia is another whole issue.
I have tried to explain to him the situation but of course he doesn't remember. I will wait until the day of the surgery to explain it again I think.

It has been a real struggle to make this decision but I really have no other choice.
I pray things go okay because I am not ready to lose him yet.....
All prayers will be welcome!! :)
JO

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Please visit my Flickr Page for my photographs.
flickr.com/photos/neelojtsl/
I also have a Blog on Blogspot for my Short Stories.
joreflections.blogspot.com/


 current weight: 198.6 
260
235
210
185
160
JRAUTIO's Photo JRAUTIO Posts: 1,704
2/6/12 10:13 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I relate to everything you've all said! Mom had gallbladder surgery about 3 years ago (before she was REALLY bad), and we just kind of hoped she wouldn't wake up. I know that her biggest issue was always that she didn't want to be a burden to her children. Because she had that mindset and would never even entertain the idea of looking into care facilities, we are convinced that she planned to "check out" on her own at some point. We would ask about looking into facilities and she would just say "I won't need that". Except for the gallbladder issue and a few other "more minor" things, Mom has been "healthy as a horse" her entire lifetime. For obvious reasons, we can consider that both fortunate and unfortunate...

When we see what a horrible decline she has had since moving her, we're now convinced that she must have been on such a very precarious edge before the move and she was just good at "covering" because she was in familiar surroundings.

Us kids laughingly (but not really, if you know what I mean!) say that Dad took the easy way out with cancer. Mom's the only one in our family that's lived long enough without cancer to have a dementia issue.



~~Julie~~


 current weight: 164.2 
164.2
155.65
147.1
138.55
130
ENNAID11's Photo ENNAID11 SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (4,554)
Posts: 1,338
2/5/12 8:45 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
It is always a shame that the body does not go with the mind. Having lost you faculties must be 10x worse if you are otherwise healthy.

I'll be thinking of you.

Dianne

HOPE is not pretending that there's never any sorrow - It's the knowledge that our troubles will be overcome tomorrow. It's the inner strength we call on to sustain us now and then, till our problems lie behind us and we are happy again


 Pounds lost: 0.0 
0
21
42
63
84
KSROMAN's Photo KSROMAN SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (15)
Posts: 140
2/4/12 8:45 P

Send Private Message
Reply
I know that this is a safe place to make such a "confession". The guilt comes when I think, "Did I hope for that for HER or ME?" Yes, it WOULD make it easier for ME, BUT I ALSO know that I know that I know she NEVER wanted to live like this. Dementia was ALWAYS her WORSE fear.

When I was in first grade (I'm 53), Mom was given 5 years to live unless we moved to Nevada because her asthma was so bad. She had the last rights THREE times.

About 20 years ago she has a small stroke. It was a blessing because they found out she needed triple by-pass.

When she was 80 she found a lump in her breast - it was cancer. It was a blessing because they found out she also had lymphoma which would have probably gone undetected had she not had breast cancer. She wouldn't allow me to come to Nevada and help and drove herself 35 miles each way to chemo & radiation.

She has ALWAYS faced physical illness head-on, grabbed on with both hands and beat it to a pulp.

Then I think about what I would want if/when this happens to me. AND I know I don't want to go through this. I (only halfway) joke with hubby & sons that I'd rather stick my head in an oven than go through this. I don't tell THEM, but it's more that I don't want to put THEM through this. I don't regret "having" to take care of mom. As my brother said when he was her care giver - this experience is really quite rewarding.

Thinking of it from THAT perspective I still FEEL it, but I don't let guilt get the better of me.



I have seen women looking at jewelry ads with a misty eye and one hand resting on the heart, and I only know what they're feeling because that's how I read the seed catalogs in January.

Barbara Kingsolver - Animal, Vegetable, Miracle


 current weight: 172.0 
172
167.75
163.5
159.25
155
ENNAID11's Photo ENNAID11 SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (4,554)
Posts: 1,338
2/4/12 8:11 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi KSROMAN, I understand how you felt when you said you were shamefully you were a little disappointed. My husband has nearly died twice now. From cancer, from a stroke and now from cancer. He is beating all the odds but with his dementia he is getting worse in his mind. His body seems to be able to fight whatever is trown to him. But he has very little quality of life. I, too, shamefully wish it was over both for him and for me.

It is amazing what we as caregivers can endure.

Dianne

HOPE is not pretending that there's never any sorrow - It's the knowledge that our troubles will be overcome tomorrow. It's the inner strength we call on to sustain us now and then, till our problems lie behind us and we are happy again


 Pounds lost: 0.0 
0
21
42
63
84
KSROMAN's Photo KSROMAN SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (15)
Posts: 140
2/4/12 8:00 P

Send Private Message
Reply
Sorry for the confusion. The quote I put on my signature is from Barbara Kingsolver.

I'm Kim. : )

I have seen women looking at jewelry ads with a misty eye and one hand resting on the heart, and I only know what they're feeling because that's how I read the seed catalogs in January.

Barbara Kingsolver - Animal, Vegetable, Miracle


 current weight: 172.0 
172
167.75
163.5
159.25
155
NEELOJ's Photo NEELOJ Posts: 8,733
2/4/12 5:56 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Thanks everyone for coming to help me "think"!! You guys are great!
Barbara, I really appreciate your thought and honesty when you said, "Shamefully, I was even a little "disappointed" that God didn't choose to take her then."
Many times I have wondered why this is all lingering on so long. I have wished he could have just died with the heart attack. But we have had some good days together since then and have been able to say goodbye. I understand your thought and I don't think it was Shameful.
It helps to know I am not alone.

DH will be seeing a surgeon next Tues, for a pre-op exam, and we will see what he says....
Thanks to everyone again....
JO



Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Please visit my Flickr Page for my photographs.
flickr.com/photos/neelojtsl/
I also have a Blog on Blogspot for my Short Stories.
joreflections.blogspot.com/


 current weight: 198.6 
260
235
210
185
160
KSROMAN's Photo KSROMAN SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (15)
Posts: 140
2/4/12 5:43 P

Send Private Message
Reply
I'm SO sorry you have to go through this - this is NOT a decision anyone wants to make for someone else.

I'm TRYING to put myself in your shoes and wonder how I would handle it. These are just MY thoughts. Since he is already wheel chair bound, losing a leg doesn't seem like much of a change for him (other than the possibility of a longer life and feeling better).

When my mom was in surgery for her hip replacement in November, of course I didn't have a choice - she HAD to have the surgery or be in constant pain. When she was actually IN surgery, my thought was, "If she DOES pass away in surgery, it would be a merciful way for her to go - just slip away." Shamefully, I was even a little "disappointed" that God didn't choose to take her then.

Getting back to the amputation, I also tried to think about what I would want if it was ME in that situation. I don't think I'd WANT to live longer with dementia IF I knew they would be able to keep me comfortable.

BUT since I would be making decisions for someone else, I would probably opt for the surgery.

Praying for wisdom and peace for you whatever you decide. And I'm sure we ALL support you no matter what you decide.

I have seen women looking at jewelry ads with a misty eye and one hand resting on the heart, and I only know what they're feeling because that's how I read the seed catalogs in January.

Barbara Kingsolver - Animal, Vegetable, Miracle


 current weight: 172.0 
172
167.75
163.5
159.25
155
ENNAID11's Photo ENNAID11 SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (4,554)
Posts: 1,338
2/4/12 8:59 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi Jo, I am sorry for the hard times you are going through. I also have power of attorney for my dh. He has vascular dementia caused by a major stroke. I had to make decisions about his care when he was diagnosed with lung cancer. As my dh is 80 years old. I and the dr. decided that the treatments would be worse than the disease, it would be better if we let him live the balance of his life without the sickness that comes from chemo or radiation. Surgery has only 6% survival rate and in his case, due to underlining conditions, he odds are even worse. So now he lives in assisted living facility. They take good care of him. He is very lonely there and just wants me to be there all the time. It is hard to handle as, of course, I cannot be there every day I do try to go every 2-3 day. I wish you well for your family.

Dianne

HOPE is not pretending that there's never any sorrow - It's the knowledge that our troubles will be overcome tomorrow. It's the inner strength we call on to sustain us now and then, till our problems lie behind us and we are happy again


 Pounds lost: 0.0 
0
21
42
63
84
NEELOJ's Photo NEELOJ Posts: 8,733
2/3/12 1:47 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Yes, he is in a wheel chair all of the time, or sitting in a recliner.
They even have to use a lift to move him around because of his legs and with arthritis it hurts his joints to be picked up.

You may be right, he may not really notice, but I think he will. He has accepted things pretty well so far. Maybe it is more just giving in to them. He says he is not depressed, just very discouraged.
Me Too!!
JO

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Please visit my Flickr Page for my photographs.
flickr.com/photos/neelojtsl/
I also have a Blog on Blogspot for my Short Stories.
joreflections.blogspot.com/


 current weight: 198.6 
260
235
210
185
160
JRAUTIO's Photo JRAUTIO Posts: 1,704
2/3/12 1:35 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
They are such hard decisions for us as caregivers and loved ones, aren't they?! I SOOO wish I would have had a checklist to review with my mom when she was still in her right mind to say "what if this?" and "what if that?"!

Does your husband ever get around now without the wheelchair? Other than the ordeal of the surgery, I wonder if he will eventually even notice. Of course, each of our loved ones has different stages of cognition, so it might be hard to say. I guess I am thinking that if he is sitting in a wheelchair all day, would he be looking down at his foot and notice? Does he actually have times that he stands up and walks now?

We have had similar kinds of issues to think about, although not as major. We just met with Mom's doctor this week. She is having trouble swallowing her pills at this stage, and we've asked if we can just remove any that aren't really helping. I mean, what good is reducing your cholesterol when you are dying of Alzheimer's?! Thankfully, this doctor is so good and knew my mom well for a long time when she was "herself". As he said... she would never be one to prolong the inevitable and would be appalled at her current state. We have basically taken away all the meds except those that will help with behavior issues. Our goal is to keep her as comfortable as possible while she is manageable for the staff at the facility (which is a challenge in itself!).

She has had chronic UTIs (urinary tract issues), so we kind of questioned whether to keep on with treatment for those. Without treatment, she would eventually become septic. This is exactly what happened with Mom's sister, but she was quite a bit advanced from where my mom is. The doctor added a scrip for that and one to help increase Mom's appetite. She has lost 20 lbs in the 6 months she has been there. He did specifically mention that he wanted to stop and look in on her at the facility so he was sure to have a "face to face" with her prior to having to sign a death certificate. Sad, but true. This guy is so down to earth and just tells it like it is. Kind of refreshing, if you will, but the reality is pretty sobering.

I know what you mean about dealing with our feelings. Remarkable how they can change from day to day (or even hour to hour), too! Of course you want to do what's best for hubby, and we also have to be able to live with the consequences of our decisions. Hang in there. And good luck with your decision!

~~Julie~~


 current weight: 164.2 
164.2
155.65
147.1
138.55
130
NEELOJ's Photo NEELOJ Posts: 8,733
2/3/12 12:39 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi, Hope it is okay that I start this new topic.
I have trouble knowing where to post my "just daily feelings".
Each day can be such a struggle sometimes and other days go fairly smooth. It just helps to be able to come here and "spout off"! ha ha
And it helps to hear how each of you are doing too.

Right now things are not going very good for my DH. He has PAD which means his toes are all black and dried up, with dry gangrene, on his right foot. They were not able to get stints in that leg.
He has needed surgery to remove the foot, and maybe whole leg, for the last five months but because of his very poor health, COPD, Heart Failure, etc, this has not been done.
Now he is getting infection in his foot, it is not staying dry, so something has to be done.

With his dementia it seems I am going to have to make this decision! How in the world do you make a decision for another person as to whether you take their leg or not???
If we don't amputate then of course he will die. But I am told that his surgery will be extremely risky and he may not make it through the surgery.
Also DH just says he does not want to lose his leg. Who does?? And I do not think he understands that it means he will die for sure, probably soon. I try to talk to him about it but he just says "un huh".

The doctor told me that I need to think what "I" will be able to live with. That DH will probably be mad at me and not understand either way that we go with the decision. This was a new way for me to think about it. I have been trying to so hard to figure out what DH would want. But he does not remember things from one day to the next. So what ever we do I am sure he will blame me! ha
So I am leaning towards the amputation. I think I would feel better knowing I did everything possible to give him a better quality of life whether he realizes it or not.
He is all ready wheelchair bound and in a care home. None of that will change.

We see a surgeon next Tues for a pre-op exam to see if he will even consider doing the surgery.
Thanks for listening and pray I can make the right decision.
I hate having to do this!!!
JO



Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Please visit my Flickr Page for my photographs.
flickr.com/photos/neelojtsl/
I also have a Blog on Blogspot for my Short Stories.
joreflections.blogspot.com/


 current weight: 198.6 
260
235
210
185
160
Page: 1 of (1)  

Report Innappropriate Post

Other Taking care of an Alzheimer's spouse/parent/friend General Team Discussion Forum Posts

Topics:
Last Post:
9/29/2018 8:51:17 PM
5/21/2019 3:00:08 PM
9/9/2019 7:17:43 PM
9/9/2019 7:12:29 PM



Thread URL: https://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_messageboard_thread.asp?board=0x35382x46399026

Review our Community Guidelines