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JANINE8969's Photo JANINE8969 SparkPoints: (13,529)
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2/27/20 11:48 A

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Beautifully said


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2/23/20 4:31 P

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Surrender can be freeing. I think the concept operates on a few different levels in recovery.

It sounds weird, but I often fight reality, like I won't accept things as they are. Maybe it's a human tendency, but more problematic for addicts. So, surrendering to reality is important for me. Accepting what is. Sometimes I need to say "I give _____ permission to be just as it is right now." Lovely acceptance comes in. I accept that no matter how many times I've tried, I always fail to control my eating without surrendering control over my food. I surrender to the reality that I am a food addict who needs the OA program. I surrender to the reality that I not only seem to need the program but need to weigh and measure my planned food (with no snacks and no sugar) to keep the food surrendered so the obsessive thinking about food and weight are cured for the day. I surrender food as a source of comfort, relationship, fun, anything other than nutrition. And as I write all these things I surrender, I feel joy expanding in my inner being.

Surrender can also be surrendering to a Higher Power (which I suppose goes hand with surrendering to reality), saying "I can't. You can. I will let you." meaning accepting powerlessness over food, asking HP to give the power to abstain, and being willing to follow HP's leading. I think this prayer is great because I don't always know when I am still hanging onto control over something until I say the prayer and realize the prayer is hard to say because I am not entirely ready to surrender it. So, I get an opportunity to actually make the decision to surrender.

Sometimes those moments of surrender can feel so other worldly. They can provide HP an opportunity to show how HP can help. And it is wonderful to realize, after a day of not thinking about food, that HP answered prayers and relieved me of the obsession. Every single time I've asked HP to remove the desire to overeat, HP always has...every time I've surrendered the food and been willing to receive that help from HP, the desire to compulsively eat is removed. That is a miracle.

Thank you for asking and giving me the opportunity to write on this.

We help to save each other's lives in OA.


199 Days since:  overeating
CD25361673 SparkPoints: (7,308)
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2/22/20 2:05 P

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2/22/20 12:23 P

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I'm 'not there yet' but this is how I look at it

(it's hard to explain, so this is complicated, sorry, but I'll try to write it out so it's understandable-ish)

At first glace, surrender (to me) sounds simple - we have two choices - do we do everything (or how ever many things) in our own strength? or do we surrender to God?

but (this is where it starts getting complicated) in a way it's not really a choice

If we *don't* surrender - then we are doing it in our own strength

What I mean is, if we're doing it in our own strength it may not be that it's a choice we've consciously made, it's just kind of become 'default' mode
(this is true for me in *many* areas of life)

We already know that default - self - mode won't work in the long run

That's the first thing that you have to come to terms with - doing it yourself won't work -

It's kind of a HALF step - because I've been in denial for SO long that I even had a problem, just acknowledging that I can't succeed by myself is the first bit that I have to get straight about

If I try to just 'surrender' to God without looking at what I've been trying to do myself then I end up kind of putting a 'veneer of surrender' in place, but it's not real, it's fake and it's just a veneer, it's not really in my heart and it doesn't work and it doesn't last and it's not sincere surrender

So, for me at least, surrender starts with getting Real about my heart (it's pride to think you can do it all on your own - and that pride needs to be identified, rooted out and squelched)

...and when I start to *really* understand that I can't do it myself it becomes easier to let go and surrender to God

this is where I get tripped up - i think I can just go immediately into 'surrender mode' and I can't (yet)
(maybe it will get easier with time/practice)

I don't know if that helps, it feels like an inadequate explanation, but that's where I get stuck and maybe it isn't the same issue for you, but maybe something here will help you see where you're getting stuck
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Eastern time zone, Ontario Canada
-- 2020 -- the year I learn to live life while losing 100 pounds -- first stop: weigh 230lbs by April 30/2020

blogging about my weight journey

Procaffeinating (n). – the tendency to not start anything until you’ve had your coffee

 current weight: 239.6 
2/20/20 1:01 P

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I’m not sure how I surrendered. I just knew I couldn’t live like I was. The pain & depression was too much. I was willing to try this program it felt like my last chance to stop killing myself.

Kelly, Gratefully recovered Addict

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2/19/20 12:39 P

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Edited by: CD25361673 at: 2/19/2020 (12:44)
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