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BECCACOZZIE's Photo BECCACOZZIE Posts: 677
9/24/19 11:23 P

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Thank you Kelly! This morning I realized that for the first time, in all the years I've worked this program, that a busy day really does require I take out more insurance against relapse. This means that during a busy day, just when I think I have zero time, I absolutely need to stop everything to work some tools for a bit. I always heard this in meetings and nodded. Made sense. But it really sunk in today. I guess willingness made the difference. Before, I would think "Yeah, yeah, nice to think about taking time for program on a day like today, but it's not practical." This was a lie anyways because there is always ten minutes or fifteen minutes somewhere to make a phone call or do some writing. Willingness paved the way for understanding. It's like magic. What else should I pray to be willing to do? Maybe there is another Aha moment lurking around the corner.

Becca


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KPHEALTHY4LIFE's Photo KPHEALTHY4LIFE Posts: 6,003
9/24/19 7:02 A

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Your doing great! Focus on what you can do and keep going. Our addiction and habits were not formed overnight. Keep it simple & one day / moment at a time.

Kelly, Gratefully recovered Addict


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BECCACOZZIE's Photo BECCACOZZIE Posts: 677
9/23/19 11:27 P

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Another busy day. I have had so much going on this weekend and today. Family family everywhere. And I had to remember to make time for recovery, because I can give away every waking minute of every day, and pretty much lose myself in that. But, I did fine by listening to OA phone meetings these last two days, calling a couple of OA's,and communicating here. Working the tools gives me some insurance against relapse.

Becca


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BECCACOZZIE's Photo BECCACOZZIE Posts: 677
9/19/19 11:19 P

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Thank you for the encouragement Kelly!

Today I went to a face to face meeting in a local small city. The same place I began my journey in OA in 1993. Haven't been to a face to face meeting in quite awhile. I am starting to realize how much I pick on myself for not doing this or not doing that well enough. But today I'm feeling good about taking this step and working all the tools this week.

Becca


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KPHEALTHY4LIFE's Photo KPHEALTHY4LIFE Posts: 6,003
9/18/19 2:36 P

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Never give up such a powerful message. Thank you for sharing. I struggle with the program at times Im grateful to know Im not alone, especially when I feel that way

Kelly, Gratefully recovered Addict


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BECCACOZZIE's Photo BECCACOZZIE Posts: 677
9/18/19 12:03 P

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Still working this program, finding the right path for me. I wish there was just one path that worked for everybody, and certainly any path through OA works if you work it. The trouble for me over the years has been making it a priority to work it. As my food addiction has progressed (and I assume this is through neural pathways reinforced again and again, until they become elaborate and strong neural highways that other thoughts and emotions lead to--sort of like all roads lead to Rome), I need more and more structure. Yet, with branches of OA (most of which are not endorsed by OA WSO), the structure that each branch has created may not be right for me. Frankly, some have simply not been doable to a busy working mom who also has a side business because they have too many daily requirements. Yet, here I am needing structure with the food because I can't stay abstinent unless I weigh and measure my food...otherwise my head starts messing with me: Did I eat too much at the meal? Might as well throw in the towel then. Did I eat too little, then okay to eat more, etc. I have to have it black on white: I'm either abstinent or I'm not. Then I can calm down and quit obsessing. Also, I get cravings that make it difficult not only when I eat sugar but when I eat flour as well. I've tried different "types" of more structured OA, and left a couple of them. But, none of that time was wasted even though I did not sustain long term abstinence. As I look back over the years, I was healthier and happier when I kept coming back to OA and kept trying...no matter which OA meeting I was attending. Today, I've begun a different branch of OA, based on the original OA grey sheet food plan. There are other requirements than committing the food to a sponsor every day and weighing and/or measuring it (I weigh it all---much easier), such as meetings and outreach phone calls. But, I'm getting the impression you don't technically lose your abstinence and have to let go of your sponsees if you miss a meeting or don't do the phone calls. So, that inner rebel says "Oh, all I have to do is the food part." NO. My higher power is telling me that I need to be at the forefront of my program, leading the way, in conscious contact with HP. I can't rely on any particular program to be perfect for me or to hold me accountable. I can benefit from the support of a program, but I need to keep doing the phone meetings and the phone calls to remember why it is imperative I keep working the program. It is too easy to forget.

So today, I am using the tool of writing. I just took an outreach phone call. And I will make two calls as soon as my granddaughter gives up my phone.

I'm glad for all the OAs who are doing it with me!

Becca


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KPHEALTHY4LIFE's Photo KPHEALTHY4LIFE Posts: 6,003
9/2/19 9:02 A

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I agree with you. Autumn is my favorite season too. I don’t feel lonely anymore. I know that my HP is always with me loving and guiding me. I just need to follow. This program is amazing. I’m so grateful for all my recovery and especially for my connecting with my HP.

Kelly, Gratefully recovered Addict


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JANINE8969's Photo JANINE8969 SparkPoints: (13,659)
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9/1/19 10:54 P

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I love September through November in Michigan. It is about the only months we can count on some consistent weather. Most of the year we can't.
September, to me, was always a month of new beginnings. Children go back to school. It's still beautiful outside so you can enjoy the park, a walk, a sip of iced tea on a park bench.
I know with this disease, many of us have felt alone. I used to. This group has taught me that my Higher Power is the best person to have when I am by myself. He knows me. He knows my heart and my struggles. He understands my heart and the aches and love it's able to experience. Therefore, I am never lonely. This disease wants you to wallow in loneliness to consume the amounts of food we used to in order to fill that void. No more. Our Higher Power shows us ways in which we need to follow to not feed the disease the fear it wants.

Janine


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