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SHERI1969's Photo SHERI1969 SparkPoints: (0)
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9/25/09 2:27 A

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Looks as though you have a good conversation going here. I'd encourage you to keep discussing it and see if you can come to a resolution, which may be different for each!

Sheri

Sheri Adams
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CHANGES4KAREN's Photo CHANGES4KAREN Posts: 493
9/20/09 9:53 P

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Sometimes I wish I would let people down. I am so used to saying yes. I would like to do for others when I am physical or emotional distress but there is little energy to go around. The formula seems simple. There is little energy so there is little to give out. Yet for me, I want to make big commitments because I get excited or invested in things beyond my means in different ways. Then I am stuck paying the bill with energy I don't have and time and money that are hard to come up with. It really is disappointing. It is good to be able to set boundaries. I am just learning this. You can't please everyone. Who knew? Well, you can't! I can't, let's put it that way...I wish I were better at setting limits and boundaries.

When I am sick and some people notice I have a little time on my hands it seems they think I have to use it better instead of taking care of myself. That is another spin on it. So out come new ideas but as soon as I am well, I am going and going until I drop again.

I think I just need to begin to pace myself better.And take what OTHER PEOPLE say with a grain of salt.

Who do I trust? Them or me? What is my intuition telling me? What do my trusted friends who have my back tell me?

I am beginning to develop litmus tests for a good or not so good decision. Sometimes I pick up a little late in the game when the ball is already in play...but I can learn from my mistakes...that is the beauty of mistakes...they are great teachers!!!

~Karen Ellen~

I AM INSPIRED BY THE COURAGE, GRACE, AND STAMINA OF THOSE AROUND ME HERE AT SPARK PEOPLE.


*As Lao Tsu has said*, "A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step."


OLDCAT1's Photo OLDCAT1 Posts: 1,302
9/20/09 7:07 P

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I find it helpful to look at causes when I feel that I have let others down. For example, did I over-estimate the energy I would have for activities? Did I underestimate the amount of time it would take me to complete certain activities? Do I say "yes" to every request without thinking through what it will require of me? Or perhaps people are just expecting too much from me?

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DEEALLEN9100 SparkPoints: (0)
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9/20/09 8:15 A

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AS LONG AS I DON'T DISAPPOINT MYSELF, AND MY HEAVENLY FATHER, I CAN ONLY HOPE NO ONE ELSE IS DISAPPOINTED. I DO MY BEST, THAT IS ALL THAT IS EXPECTED.

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KAGOULET's Photo KAGOULET Posts: 169
9/19/09 10:08 A

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As a manager, I will comment on the job issue. If your supervisor is the person commenting on your lack of willingness to put in overtime, you need to reevaluate taking time from this part of the job. It is a tough economy out there and if your job requires overtime, you either need to look for something else or rearrange your other activities to allow for the overtime. This may sound harsh, but the harsher reality would be trying to find a new job in this economy and having to explain to a future employer why you were let go. If it is your coworkers who are complaining, maybe they feel they are being forced to pick up the slack that your reduced hours have created. Look at working out a compromise with them. It will make for a more harmonious work environment which will also help to reduce your stress.

Edited by: KAGOULET at: 9/20/2009 (08:26)
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SHERI1969's Photo SHERI1969 SparkPoints: (0)
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9/19/09 12:51 A

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I have only one thing to say: if they were true friends and they truly understood you needed a break, they'd understand and be happy for you.

Sheri

Sheri Adams
SparkPeople's Official Stress Relief Challenge www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=32500

All True Christians On SparkPeople teams.sparkpeople.com/AllChristiansO
nSparkPeople


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MARPARMC SparkPoints: (0)
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9/15/09 7:55 P

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i was a caregiver for several years and i quickly found out that you must take care of yourself first. it is only when we are full that we can give to others. just let folks knowthat you have to have a different priority right now. if they love you they will understand. best of luck to you.

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CHANGES4KAREN's Photo CHANGES4KAREN Posts: 493
9/15/09 8:35 A

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Well put Nancy. I am struggling with helping others when I need to also be taking care of myself, my mind and my body. I want to be there for others but if I also don't take care of myself there will be no me to go around. And if you have family it is really tough to make huge social commitments and take on external loads. I am beginning to see there is more pleasure in enjoying the simple pleasures of just living and letting things happen than in being on the social calendar. It is novel in this day and age but life actually does go on outside of the mainstream culture...people have fun and love each other and cry and have joy and fall down and get up all in the course of the days we live as the sun rises and sets and has so little to do with the outside world. The universe has its own compass that popular culture may not always be privy to with its fads and fashions. There is a life to be had in the simple moments, taking care of the kids, and doing the laundry, looking into the little things and not worrying so much about the social engagements...they will always be there. Sometimes, we just need to take time for ourselves and the ones we love the most.


~Karen Ellen~

I AM INSPIRED BY THE COURAGE, GRACE, AND STAMINA OF THOSE AROUND ME HERE AT SPARK PEOPLE.


*As Lao Tsu has said*, "A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step."


NANCYLEE46's Photo NANCYLEE46 SparkPoints: (96,448)
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9/15/09 8:03 A

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Good Morning SFERENTI,

The journey using Spark changes our lifestyle. The key is to make yourself a priority so as you are healthier and happier. I prioritize and am honest with myself about what is important to me. Are you happy? Are you making progress? If so keep doing what you are doing and invilve yourself with what you want to. Life for me did balance out after awhile and yes, my priorities changed, but to a more benefical note. This included losding some contacts, but adding soime great ones.

Nancy

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You, too? Thought I was the only one.’” (C.S. Lewis)

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9/15/09 7:44 A

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Hi All,
As I sit here this morning, planning my day, I realize that one of the big sources of stress that I've been feeling lately is about letting people down.

As I've carved out time to focus on my current goals, I've had to take time away from other pursuits--turning down social invitations, limiting the amount of overtime I work, being less available to attend to my family's needs--and this is naturally having an effect on other people's lives. Many of them (mostly in relation to my job) are letting me know they don't like it.

Any suggestions for making peace with this situation? I feel really torn in two directions--being good to others and being good to myself.

I'm Sue, and I won't let fear hold me back.


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