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4/28/10 8:43 P

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I am so sorry for your loss!


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4/28/10 4:21 P

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There are no words but know you are in my thoughts & prayers during this difficult time. emoticon

~Debi~ ~Carpe Diem~

I wake up every day with the realization that this is it, that there's only one shot at this life and I can either enjoy the ride and live it to its fullest and to my highest potential or I can stay the way I am.

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4/28/10 3:38 P

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Thank you so much both of you for your sweet words. I know that he does not want me suffering and living in grief, but it's so hard moving forward with my life. I feel guilty about doing anything for myself.

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ADRIENNE29's Photo ADRIENNE29 SparkPoints: (19,497)
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4/28/10 12:17 P

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my goodness. Such a shock. We lost my sister in law (age 36) the week before Christmas, most bizarre thing, she died while watching hubby is still dealing with grief at the most unpredictable times. Just remember, no one can tell you how to grieve and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Its extremely personal, and yours to own, how you do it, how long you do it, are all yours.....don't worry about what others are thinking about you....I am sure your papa wouldn't want you to worry that if you quit crying he'll think you've forgot, if anything that would bring him sorrow. Focus on good, focus on love.

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4/28/10 12:10 P

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Bless your soul. I am so sorry to hear about the tragic loss of your dad. There are no words that can adequately "speak" right now, in your situation.
I am sending major hug and prayers your way...that in the coming days and weeks you will feel the heavenly Father's warm embrace through the love of family, friends, and all those that reach out to you during this time of loss and sadness.

From experience of losing my own father, you may very well go through a whirlwind of varying emotions....let them come. No need to "censor" any emotions.... for that is just what they are not your emotions, but they are a part of your experience, and do not require explanation or judgement - you can acknowledge them as they come, and allow them to pass through. Let the tears come when and if they may....they are healing....they are cleansing.....we must never be ashamed of tears.......
The Grief stages are denial (shock - everything is surreal, as if it's hard to really imagine its true), anger, sadness, bargaining, depression, acceptance - not in orderly fashion...but those are the various stages you may find yourself in at various times. Sometimes you'll recycle through them...
Immerse yourself in the love of family and friends. Allow yourself to grieve on your own timetable.
the first year is often the hardest due to all the newness of adjusting to life without father.

Again, thank you for allowing us fellow sparker to share in your life's story, and for you to share about your precious dad.

It sounds like you are a person of faith. For me, it always comforts me to know that my separation is only temporary... but I will enjoy an eternity with my dad and loved ones that have gone on before, in the presence of my God and King.

p.s. it is ok and healthy to feel good in time. Grief is meant to be moved through....not become stuck in. Eventually moving through and onto the other side, where you begin to feel settled and at peace, is wonderful. I believe our loved ones would have it no other way. (would it bring them joy to see us remain depressed forever?) No - love is healing, and love brings life. Remembering our family members who have died with loving thoughts, honors their memory, and allows us to eventually move on.
Here's to your's a toast to your dad's loving memory. May He always be cherished for the great love he has shown, and for the eternal deposit of love that he has placed in each of your hearts.

Many hugs and prayers going out to you,

Edited by: ONEAGLESWINGS at: 4/28/2010 (12:20)
"God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work WITHIN US" Ephesians 3:20
4/28/10 11:56 A

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2 weeks ago (April 13) at 9:40am, my Dad was killed in a tragic and
devastating car accident.

I talked to my Dad at 9am that day
because we were supposed to meet at 11:30 at the library for Papa Day. I got to
the library a few minutes late and tried to call him, of course
he didn't answer. I then started to hear gentle promptings: "He's not
coming, go to the house." these promptings kept getting louder and
louder until I finally left to go to my parent's house. I thought for
sure he had left his phone in the car and he was just sleeping on the
couch. When I opened the garage and his car wasn't in there, my heart
sank. He would never be late or forget papa day...without a phone call
as to why he was late and
he wouldn't answer his phone. My Mom was in Wisconsin on a business
trip, so my younger brother and I spent the next couple of hours calling
and driving to every possible place he could be. My brother is a
fireman, so at a last ditch effort he called a detective to see what he
could do. The detective knew there had
been a fatal crash that morning so he called that police station, they
confirmed it was him and already had 2 sherrif's on the way to the
house. The detective stopped them from coming, grabbed two of bobby's
friends from the station and came to tell us.

Once I heard the
door bell and saw them on the front porch, I started crying, It was like
a bad movie. The next words will be in my mind forever. "Bobby, Jen, we
did find your dad. I am so very sorry to be here to tell you that he was killed
in a very devastating car accident this morning." Everything
after is a blur, I sat on the couch sobbing while my brother had to call my Mom
to tell her; I can still hear her screaming.

Apparently a truck lost control and tried to slam on his breaks, the back end
started to jack knife and he swerved, unfortunately he lost total
control and went straight into on coming traffic, straight into my Dad's car.
The only solace and blessing is my Dad NEVER saw this coming, his foot
never hit the break, his hands weren't gripping the steering wheel and
when they did the autopsy his lungs were empty; so he never had a chance to even
react. There was a police officer who raced to the scene
seconds after my dad's car stopped spinning and my Dad was already gone.

I would like to share what I spoke about at his
funeral this past Saturday:

My Dad and I would always say that just because we are home
all day doesn't mean we aren't busy, we are very busy but he would
do anything
for his family. Every morning he would drive to McDonald's to get my Mom her
diet coke, and then again in the afternoon if she wanted him too. He
doing things for people, no matter how small.

For him, one of his
favorite days of the week was Tuesday,
because that was Papa Day. This all started about a year and a half ago,
I was
a new stay at home mom, just trying to keep kids entertained and doing
something to get out of the house every day. When it started, we would
meet at
Leo's for lunch and then we would go home. During the summer it
went to meeting
at the house for lunch and then he would sit in the pool with the kids
in the
afternoon. In September, it went to meeting at the library, then lunch
at the
house and then while Aiden was napping, him and Karlie would snuggle on
couch and watch anything she wanted. He recorded all of her favorite
through the week so they could watch them together on Papa Day, they
both loved
it! A couple of weeks ago, Papa Day evolved even more and Karlie started
spending the night.

It was only a couple of
weeks ago that we started planning
things we would do this summer for Papa Day, it will be hard, but I will
our plans and do everything we talked about.

Spencer called my Dad
and I the family planners, we were
always arranging dinners or plans for something. We always looked
forward to
Friday night dinner going out somewhere and then Sundays have been
dinner for as long as I can remember. I can't even remember the
last time I
cooked dinner on a Friday night. Looking back on the past week, I know
we were
all being prepared for this. We had more days spent with him than I can
remember. The kids and I were over there almost every day, all day
spring break. His birthday was Saturday and then Sunday we had everyone
at the
house almost all day, that never happens. It was a perfect day and one I
we'll all treasure the memories of that day in the weeks, months
and years to

In my head I know that
he is ok and far happier now than he
was trapped in his pain ridden earthly body, now I just have to convince
heart of the same thing. For those who don't know, he was involved in a car
accident in September 2006 that left him retired far too early in his mind. He
had spent the past 3 years living in pain all day, every day. His doctors told
him about a month ago, that without more surgery there was nothing else they
could do for his pain. They could not, but Heavenly Father could. It is now my
duty to get back to him, he is
paving the
way for us and I won't disappoint him. This week has been a giant test
faith, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that the things I have
taught my entire life are true, and now comes the hard part of living my
and moving forward every day. Someone told me this week that it will get
easier, but this will never be easy.

We love
you and miss
you Dad and even though this is hard on us, we will be ok and will
continue to
make you proud. I have a testimony of this Church and the gospel is
true, the
words that have been spoken to me this week have confirmed it all

At this point, I just don't know what to do. I don't
know how to move forward. I don't know how to be happy anymore. What if I stop
crying? Will he think I forgot about him and don't miss him?

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