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TEACH4110's Photo TEACH4110 Posts: 192
1/31/12 4:19 A

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Along with the other posts i also invite you to look into Louise Hay and Sonia Choquette. Louise talks about (as does Joyce Meyer) and Cheryl Richardson...what you focus on...expands. If you walk around all day under a attract more things to keep you in that cloud. A gratitude journal is an amazing thing and so is Marianne Williamson's A Course in Weight Loss. There is a Course inWeight loss spark group.

One day at a time...start with something positive and focus on that. Best of luck to you.

"No matter how sophisticated or wealthy or broke or enlightened you are, how you eat tells all." Geneen Roth

"Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

LIVELYGIRL2 Posts: 4,944
1/31/12 2:10 A

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Dear Amy,
I don't think that you are a reject, even if you ave doubts about yourself, or people say mean things. As you said, you it is obviously more than a weight issue. The weight probably just reinforces how you feel about yourself, or people's attitudes.

I'm not a professional, and don't know you, so I can't say where these feelings and problems stem from. .

I do know a lady that has general social anxiety disorder. This can be hormonal or physical

Depression makes one see the world through " rose colored glasses " ( influenced by a persons' life experiences and perception of these events Chemical imbalance in their body or sickness plays in to these things . But God is able to also heal our souls and inner being, not just our bodies.

In my life, I have seen God change my thinking by renewing my mind to what God says about me. Many of us have struggled with peoples' impression of us, or what we believe about ourselves. Honestly, I can understand why you would feel the way you do, but I do think that what you said it inaccurate. God thinks ALL His children are special, significant, and precious. We can't base that on feelings. It is a fact !

I can recommend 3 books that have been helpful to me and others I know. Battlefield of the Mind. and Power Thoughts by Joyce Meyer. Also Beth Moore wrote one called,Breaking Free ( Making Liberty in Christ a Reality in Life ) . In addition she also put one out named, Praying God's Word. This one gives a bunch of examples of people of people who dealt with various strongholds or habits, and how they overcame them.

I hope everyone here will pray for you that God will guide you in receiving what you need. God doesn't make junk , and you aren't a failure. It's just that problems can seem overwhelming.

Even though you have a therapist, I encourage you to find christians that are supportive and fellowship at church. They can refer you to spiritual guidance too.

EJOY-EVELYN's Photo EJOY-EVELYN Posts: 48,205
1/30/12 11:01 P

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People on the SparkPeople web site are specifically asked to be an encouragement to those seeking to make the health improvements this site promotes. I pray that God shows you the light out of this horrible place you you are in. It's no fun to feel like you're buried so deep that life is not worth living. This is not the life God would have for us. Jesus died that we might have life and have life abundantly (full and rich). (John 10:10) What you describe is absolutely a horrible way to live.

We are to be kind as Christ demands of us in Colossians 3:12. Try not to get caught up with stuff of this world but keep your focus on what God would have for you. These people you talk about sound like they should be a friend to you when they actually come across as being more like the enemy. This is cruel. Christ tells us to pray for our enemy. Paul’s wisdom in Ephesians 4:2, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” I pray that your prayers bring an attitude of healing to the people you who have hurt you. God gives you incredible power and I would like to think it's not worth giving up this power to allow someone to hurt or belittle you. God loves you! It's worth repeating: GOD LOVES YOU!

I'd like to say forget people who can be clods, but you sincerely are doubting yourself to the point where it may be worth talking to a professional counselor, medical person, or pastor. I fear for your life because of the self image you describe here. You are loved by a creator who sincerely wants the best for his children. Just by being on this team, you are telling me that your faith is the one element of who you are that brings you -- quite possibly -- the only peace and joy you are able to experience. Please be in study of the inspired Word of God each day. Pray often, and ask for God's help in an area you simply feel helpless.

One of my favorite verses in the bible is: "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thes 5:16-18) We learn elsewhere in scripture, that when we abide in Christ -- put your trust in God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit -- God both answers your prayers and gives you angels to help cope where needed. We must rely on Him and call on him to help direct our steps at all times. Being in continual dialog and prayer with God is serious business and I can't help but think that the prayers of those who read your plea will also speak well on your behalf. Scripture provides the tools to help us answer all the questions of life . . . there is both intense simplicity and complexity within these pages.

I might also add that I have found Indygirl, who has already lost over a hundred pounds, to be great inspiration. She is still overweight and continues to get ugly remarks from people who have no idea of the progress she has made so far. The world out there can be very mean to people who are on the high end of obese (I considered myself morbidly obese, when I started my journey to lose 100 lbs). I am now blessed to have lost my weight for all the right reasons (in honor to this body God created in his image . . . God doesn't make mistakes) and have a 5-lb cushion with a 22.3 BMI.

I'm no expert, so I pray anything I have said here does not have the power to hurt you at all. I mean only the best for you. Because of that, I would hope you can meet with a professional (preferably Christian) who is trained to help you better.

Christians need to encourage each other! God's peace I leave with you.

Edited by: EJOY-EVELYN at: 1/30/2012 (23:33)
 current weight: 202.0 
1/30/12 8:37 P

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(sorry if this is so long, but I honestly have no one else to talk to about this, nobody has to read it, but believe me when I say I honestly have no one else in my life to share this with)

So I just figured out something about myself today. Something I feel that has been bothering me for probably almost my entire life and I never knew how to put words on it until now. One of the reasons I want to lose weight so much is because I felt like if I do this problem would just go away and I would suddenly fit in and be normal, or like how I imagined this social butterfly who most people like and miss and want to associate with is who I have seen in my head as the person I would would be if I was skinny.

Here's the problem: something is wrong with me, and I still don't 100% know what it is. I used to think losing weight would erase it but I don't think so anymore, because looking back this was going on even when I was a skinny little girl. My first day of kindergarden the first thing I hear from kids is "you are fat" and looking back, honestly, I dont feel I was. This may sound like a dumb thing to obsess over but it just expresses how I feel right now: like I can't see things others see, like I am one big walking defected loser, and no one wants to use the word "loser" because it would be wrong and offensive, and we want to believe there are no losers in the world. What if there are? That certainly is what I feel the world is telling me. Or am I the only one? regardless of the fact that it sounds like people being losers is just a word and not a reality?

So what brought this on. Well, I honestly feel like people treat me and talk down to me. I'm the type of person who feels so clueless and has no clue what she is doing, but still tries to do the right thing. Its like I will say something like "Thats so cute." or "thats funny" innocently. And someone will say " wasn't ment to be cute or funny?" and then I will feel stupid and dumb for ever opening my mouth in the first place. If I say I feel dumb, people say I'm too sensitive. Or I even tell those people sometimes I said it innocently in terms of being myself and making a normal effort to say something sane and then I will hear I'm better than that and should deliberetly stop acting dumb. It feels like I seem to think, believe, feel, or what I say, is contradicted, and wrong, but I can never say its wrong because anytime someone says "I am always wrong." No one ever believes you.

And I can give examples. One time in in all honesty i could not get some stupid car door open. And two of my friends told me that yes, I was able to get that door open, but I "subconsciously act like a ditz to get attention." 2 friends sat there nodding their heads. Another time a friend told me "You are an outsider in the world, and always will be, but hey, maybe one day you'll be able to do something great like Einstein, because he was an outsider too." And this was supposed to make me feel better?

Even when I post on these boards I post in dread, I feel some people on here even think I'm not even good enough to be on their friends list because I am such a loser, and because I am so used to being caught off guard by what people say on these message boards. One time I said something which I thought was a normal response, and someone said "poeticblonde, did you just drink a big can of stupid?" (I felt like saying if I did it came from your fridge, but I didn't say anything for some reason because I was so shocked)

These are just a few tiny of examples of how I feel the world is trying to tell me there is something wrong with me. Wow, another time there was this guy I knew who befriended every single girl EXCEPT me. He made an effort to be friends with everyone OTHER than me, I thought maybe it was because of my weight, but then he befriended another girl who was twice my size. What the heck is going on here? Why am I such a disease all the time?

What do all these situations add up to? What is God an the universe trying to tell me, or is God ignoring me, am I selfish and dumb to think there is a hidden message here? You might think, hey, maybe these people were just mean or had issues of their own for doing what they did, and I would consider that an option to good to be true because of the fact that there are 9 zillion other accounts of stuff like this happening that I can't fit into an entire post.

At this point, I dont care if I sound like I'm nuts, I am a loser, or if someone says something cruel to me. I've honestly just about heard it all. Its just that I feel like giving up and feel like pulling the trigger on my life when it comes to everything. Dieting, trying to be a singer (which is my big dream, and since I am personality defective and handicapped to success in every single person I knows eyes.....I understand there will be people who try to stop you, but wow, even my own therapist thinks I need to be in a special living problem for the rest of my life and that I will never be a famous singer, why even try if there is so much wrong with me? I dont even know why people associate with me at all. I have even considered the fact maybe I'm evil or really special. Both polar opposites are not fun when all I want to do is fit in.

And I am tired of people saying "everything is in my head too." I may be a ditz and a loser to this world but I'm not dumb enough to not know when people talk down to me. I have no reason to live. Seriously, why live if you are defected no matter what? Does anyone have any advice on this impossible problem, or should we just go ahead and declare me insane and needing serious help.

Edited by: POETICBLONDE at: 1/30/2012 (20:49)

"Be not the slave of your own past - plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep, and swim far, so you shall come back with new self-respect, with new power, and with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

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