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MAMABEARLICIOUS's Photo MAMABEARLICIOUS SparkPoints: (93,422)
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10/1/12 5:31 P

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elizabeth, i have missed you !!!! that was sooooo funny !!! thanks for the laughs !!!!!

~~Debra~~
~~~kirby~~~
~~~~la la la~~~~






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CATIATM's Photo CATIATM Posts: 37,756
10/1/12 5:07 P

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Too funny!!!

~ Cat


"We first make our habits, and then our habits make us."
- John Dryden


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NANALD's Photo NANALD SparkPoints: (78,654)
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10/1/12 3:03 P

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Elizabeth....that was priceless and I can't wait to pass it on!! And so true...the word squirrel causes Gidget to go into a total frenzy! emoticon

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GLAD2BME2's Photo GLAD2BME2 Posts: 617
9/30/12 8:36 P

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A very old, very well-loved Westie dies and is met at the gates to Animal Heaven by St. Francis. St. Francis says, " You were a very good dog and you have a place waiting for you in Animal Heaven. Is there anything I can do for you to make your eternal stay here more comfortable? " The Westie thinks for a minute, then says," My family loved me very much, but they were very poor. I always had to sleep on the floor. If you could give me a pillow to lie on I would be very happy." "No problem," responds the saint. Next thing you know, there is a five foot square red velvet embroidered cushion, with gold fringe and tassels. The Westie settles in with a contented sigh.

Soon after, a group of chipmunks arrives at the gate to Animal Heaven. St. Francis meets them and says, "You were all very good chipmunks and you have a place waiting here for you. Is there anything I can do to make your eternal stay more comfortable? " One chipmunk speaks up, "All our lives we have had to run from cats, and dogs, and foxes, and other animals. We would be very happy if we never had to run again." "No problem!" says St. Francis, and the next thing you know, each chipmunk has two pairs of solid gold roller skates. The chipmunks skate away, squeaking their thanks.

A few days later, St. Francis is strolling through Animal Heaven, and decides to check on the newest residents. He comes across the Little Westie, sleeping on his cushion with his paws in the air. As he approaches, the Westie awakes. St. Francis asks him, "Well, my little friend, how are you enjoying Animal Heaven?" "Oh, it's just wonderful here, my cushion is so soft and comfortable, " replies the Westie. "And the Meals-on-Wheels was a great touch."

Elizabeth

"You have made us for Yourself, O God, and our hearts are restless until they rest in You."
--St. Augustine of Hippo

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again, I will say rejoice."
--St. Paul in his letter to the Philippians

"Preach the Gospel at all times. When absolutely necessary, use words."
--St. Francis of Assisi


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MAMABEARLICIOUS's Photo MAMABEARLICIOUS SparkPoints: (93,422)
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9/28/12 8:30 P

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elizabeth, i love these !!! that was sooooo funny and yes you're right.... that westie is soooo kirby.....lol !!! thanks for these, looking forward to reading more !!

~~Debra~~
~~~kirby~~~
~~~~la la la~~~~






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DOCHAS79's Photo DOCHAS79 SparkPoints: (10,793)
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9/27/12 1:28 P

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emoticon

Live Well
Laugh Often
Love Much

Sandy :)


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CATIATM's Photo CATIATM Posts: 37,756
9/27/12 10:59 A

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WAAAA ha ha ha ha ha!

~ Cat


"We first make our habits, and then our habits make us."
- John Dryden


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GLAD2BME2's Photo GLAD2BME2 Posts: 617
9/26/12 11:10 P

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Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return. Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them “The first one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.”

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says “I love liver and cheese.” “Oh, how childish,” said the Poodle. “That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.”

She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said “How well can you do?” “Ummmm...I HATE liver and cheese,” blurts the Golden Retriever.

“My, my,” said the Poodle. “I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s sentence.”

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?” The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Westie.

He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says... “Liver alone. Cheese mine.”



Elizabeth

"You have made us for Yourself, O God, and our hearts are restless until they rest in You."
--St. Augustine of Hippo

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again, I will say rejoice."
--St. Paul in his letter to the Philippians

"Preach the Gospel at all times. When absolutely necessary, use words."
--St. Francis of Assisi


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NANALD's Photo NANALD SparkPoints: (78,654)
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9/25/12 1:55 P

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emoticon emoticon

Edited by: NANALD at: 9/25/2012 (13:56)
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CATIATM's Photo CATIATM Posts: 37,756
9/25/12 11:50 A

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Wonderful!

~ Cat


"We first make our habits, and then our habits make us."
- John Dryden


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AMAS92568's Photo AMAS92568 SparkPoints: (378,152)
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9/25/12 11:16 A

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Cute!

Athena



DOCHAS79's Photo DOCHAS79 SparkPoints: (10,793)
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9/25/12 6:45 A

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emoticon This is so going on my fridge.

Live Well
Laugh Often
Love Much

Sandy :)


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GLAD2BME2's Photo GLAD2BME2 Posts: 617
9/24/12 11:31 P

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WESTIE DICTIONARY

LEASH: A strap that attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.

DOG BED: Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

DROOL: A liquid that, when combined with sad eyes, forces humans to give you their food. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and get drool on the human.

SNIFF: A social custom used to greet other dogs, similar to the human exchange of business cards.

GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.

BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards. The person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction or lying down.

THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly and following at their heels.

WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes and old candy wrappers. It is important to evenly distribute its contents throughout the house before your person comes home.

BATH: If you find something especially good to roll in, humans get jealous and they use this degrading form of torture to get even. Be sure to shake only when next to a person or a piece of furniture.

LEAN: Every good dog's response to the command "sit!" especially if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.

BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the regular bump doesn't get the attention you require...especially effective when combined with the sniff. See above.

CHILDREN: Short humans of optimal petting height. Standing close to one assures some good petting. When running, they are good to chase. If they fall down, they are comfortable to sit on.

LOVE: A feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return.


Elizabeth

"You have made us for Yourself, O God, and our hearts are restless until they rest in You."
--St. Augustine of Hippo

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again, I will say rejoice."
--St. Paul in his letter to the Philippians

"Preach the Gospel at all times. When absolutely necessary, use words."
--St. Francis of Assisi


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