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BABIE_JANE's Photo BABIE_JANE Posts: 19,723
12/31/08 11:37 P

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'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste,
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared,
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese,
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt,
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt.

I said to myself, as I only can,
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"

So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished,
'Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie--not even a lick,
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore,
But isn't that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot,
Happy New Year to all and to all a good (healthy) diet!


BJ


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BABIE_JANE's Photo BABIE_JANE Posts: 19,723
12/24/08 1:56 A

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Click on the reindeer:

www.glenn.tapley.us/MC.swf

BJ


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BABIE_JANE's Photo BABIE_JANE Posts: 19,723
12/24/08 1:49 A

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Make sure your speakers are on:

members.shaw.ca/cybernana/funpage/do
mi
nick/dominick.htm


BJ


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BABIE_JANE's Photo BABIE_JANE Posts: 19,723
12/21/08 3:16 P

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Holiday Fruitcake Recipe

1 C Water
1 C Sugar
4 Large eggs
3 C dried fruit
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 C Brown sugar
Lemon juice, nuts
1 FULL bottle of your favorite whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
Take out a large bowl.
Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest quality.
Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 C of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 tsp. sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another cup. Turn off the mixer.
Break two geggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the burner.
If the fried fruit gets stuck in the beaters,
pry it loose with a screwdriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for toxisisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt.
Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one tablespoon of sugar or something...whatever you can find.
Grease the oven. Turn on the cake tin to 350 degrees.
Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window.
Check the whiskey again. Go to bed.
Who the he** likes fruit cake anyway???



BJ


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MAGA99's Photo MAGA99 Posts: 14,317
12/17/08 10:13 P

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LMAO

Santa has checked his list;
He even checked it twice.
So here the latest scoop;
All u get is snoman poop.
@@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@@@@
I give this out with marshmallows

Edited by: MAGA99 at: 12/17/2008 (22:15)
My enemies don't be glad because of my troubles!
I may have fallen, but I will get up;
I may be sitting in the dark, but the Lord is my light
Micah 7:8


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BABIE_JANE's Photo BABIE_JANE Posts: 19,723
12/17/08 10:07 P

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When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to
visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that
three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the
floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground
and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of
apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the
cupboard, he discovered the elves had finished off the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa
marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas,
Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful
tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.



BJ


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