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SUSANLEVELS SparkPoints: (0)
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8/29/11 7:17 P

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Unknown Sister - My husband has multiple sclerosis and constantly breaks things. For example he breaks glasses when loading the dishwasher, and chips plates when setting them on the table. We were at a picnic last Wednesday at my daughter's college and he picked up the tongs to put something on his plate and he pushed them together so hard they broke. He just can't feel how hard he is doing something. I know he can't help it, but it just seems to me that if he would just slow down and be more careful these things would not happen. I do know intellectually that that is not true, but I still get angry and we don't even have any financial pressure. A friend once told me that it is when our loved ones/kids are at their most unlovable that they need us to love them the most. I don't have an answer - I just want you to know that you are not alone.

GARDENGIRL58's Photo GARDENGIRL58 Posts: 80
8/29/11 11:14 A

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Unknown sister: Do you have a spiritual practice? My advice is to turn to God as you know Him/Her and ask for help. If God is not your thing, then positive affirmations may help. "All my needs are met here and now" is a good one to repeat to yourself all day long. Our thoughts create our world so be mindful of your thoughts. That's my advice, it works!

To everybody having problems with their breakers blowing...its an easy fix...you need to put fuses in your breaker box that can handle more energy. Get somebody who knows about such things to assist you. For a few dollars the problem will go away.

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MYBABYBEARS's Photo MYBABYBEARS Posts: 1,457
8/19/11 7:05 P

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Is it possible he is just klutzy? As far as your examples, how did he break the fan? Why was he "playing" with it? Is he bored?
Maybe he needs to channel his energy into something. Something crafty?
He just sounds like a bored teen who doesn't think about the consequences of his actions. Probably very normal for a teen.
My electricity blows too like yours. I do it, my 16 year old does it. We have to always make announcements - "Is the ac on? Is the microwave on? Is the toaster oven on? Are you straightening your hair?".
Maybe you could attach an extension cord to the microwave and only plug it in when you are using it.
When it comes to purchased items, I tell my kids, these things are replaceable, they are not. If the rod gets broken, oh well. Will it matter when he is out at college in 5 short years?
He will grow out of this. He is a good kid, you said it yourself.
Time goes by way too quickly to dwell on material items. We have to adjust.
I completely understand your frustration but I believe it is YOUR frustration.
I know this might not have been what you wanted to hear but it might put things a little more into perspective.
Good luck.

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail!
RICEOWL86's Photo RICEOWL86 Posts: 776
8/19/11 2:43 P

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I second/third the other comments here. Your current doctor doesn't seemto be able to help you with your situation, so you may need to find a different doctor/counselor to help. I don't know about you, but I tend to be kind of intimidated by doctors and don't always question them like I should. I have to remind myself that it's his JOB to help me solve my illness/problem; sometimes I should push if I don't get the help I need, and if he doesn't respond to a push then I need to find a different doctor. I'm not saying your doctor is bad, he may just not be the right doctor for you and your son. Hang in there--being a parent is the toughest job around!

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OLGAINTX's Photo OLGAINTX Posts: 3,496
8/19/11 2:02 P

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Oh, wow!! I am so sorry that you are going through this. Unfortunately, I don't have any real advice, but I do some questions. Is breaking things part of his ADHD? Is that what doctor says? Could it be something other than ADHD? Maybe seeing a different doctor will help? How is his vision?

My kids do a lot better when they are not yelled at. When my husband gets frustrated with them for something and screams, things seem to get worse at first before they get better.

Like I said, I really don't have any advice. Just maybe something to think about. I hope it gets better soon. Good luck.

Olga
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It maybe too late to go back and make a new start, but it's not too late to make a new ending.

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I eat to live. I don't live to eat.
NJORDGAL's Photo NJORDGAL Posts: 1,485
8/19/11 1:54 P

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When you say DR, are you referring to his pediatrician or are you guys seeing a counselor for the ADHD? You may just need another way to communicate with him, if that makes sense.

My kids are ADD & ADHD - one of each - and we constantly fought about rules until I went from "Lights out at 9:30, no discussion!" to "OK, since you have to get up at 7, and you seem to do best with 9 hours or so of sleep, I believe 9:30 is the best time for sleep, what do you think?" - not the same gravity as your situation, I agree, but hopefully a counselor can help you find better ways of dealing with this. "It's your problem, not his" seems like singularly unhelpful advice and would have me hunting for a new doc. Good luck!

Vision without action is a daydream; action without vision is a nightmare -- Japanese Proverb


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UNKNOWN_SISTER's Photo UNKNOWN_SISTER Posts: 896
8/19/11 1:39 P

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Any advice or words at all would be GREATLY appreciated as I feel like I am losing my mind....

I have a 13 year old son with ADHD, he was diagnosed at 4 years old, and been on meds ever since....he is a great kid, he gets good grades, never gets in trouble, no behavior problems or anything like that, he is very polite, and well mannered....there is just one giant problem

HE BREAKS EVERYTHING HE TOUCHES


Its insane, and I am at my wit's end....I do not make a lot of money, we struggle day to day to live, and I am in constant need to repair or replace things because of his carelessness.

The DR tells me he can not help it, and not to browbeat him, but to be honest, I can not help it, I yell, scream, swear and freak out because I am under constant financial stress to fix things he breaks....the DR says that is my problem, not his,,,,and I do feel terrible after, cuz I am killing his self esteem....I try as often as I can to tell him how awesome he is, but he hears on a daily basis that he is driving me crazy as well...

Here are JUST A FEW OUT OF MANY MANY examples, so you can get an idea what I am talking about:

Last year, I bought him a new fan for his room, he broke it twice....this year, we moved July 3rd, I bought him a fan for his room, it lasted two days before it was unable to turn anymore, and now for the last week or so, does not work at all....I REFUSE to buy him another one, even though his room is like a sauna.....I told him he will have to buy his own (constant theme at our house)

He has blown our A/C unit as well, because it can not be run as the same time as the microwave, and even thought there is a GIANT sign on the microwave saying turn off AC, he blew the breaker so many times, that the AC motor does not work anymore, it was only two years old, I feel like crying over this one....esp as I am diabetic, so heat is hard for me, and we have a pet that does not fair well in the heat....I am beside myself

He bent his curtain rod badly as he does not seem to understand that you pull curtains to the side, and not down, and this morning, broke the one in my room right in half, and despite the room now being filled with sun, insists that he did not notice and has no idea how it happened (another reoccurring theme)

I bought him a lava lamp that he wanted for his room, before he even used it, we did not even get batteries for it, and he broke it somehow breaking the wires off the inside (again, no idea what happened)

Every year, I buy him a new backpack for school, and by Christmas break, it looks five years old, has no zippers, and at least a couple giant holes in it

Almost daily he gets holes in his socks.....I have given up on this one....

He also losing things, when there should not even be a way to do so....one day, a friend drove him to the corner store, when he got back into the car, my friend handed him his house keys....some how, between the car, and our front door, he lost those keys, never to be seen again.....and this, is just the TIP OF THE ICEBERG.....


PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE...I am BEGGING for any advice and a glimmer of hope that it might get better one day......

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