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KATELAU1's Photo KATELAU1 SparkPoints: (75,447)
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5/2/13 3:18 P

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My 12 year is the same way. He has school friends but is happy to see them only at school. He has hockey friends but is fine with just seeing them on the ice. He texts and talks to them on google plus some, but is just a home body. When I have gone up to school to see a project presentation, he is with a bunch of kids, totally social.
I think because kids are with other kids almost all of time, I think they just need some downtime, too. If he's happy, then I think he may be getting enough social time during the school day.

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6/18/10 9:07 A

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My son is 10 and I've always worried about this with him. He's only ever been to 1 sleepover and doesn't really seem to get invited to birthday parties, etc. However, teachers always say that everyone likes him, when we went on our field trip, kids were yelling across the park to say hi to him. I've had to accept that if he's ok with this, then I have to be. Someday he'll hopefully make some closer connections with kids. But until then, he seems happy enough!

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." -Aristotle

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HSAGE1212's Photo HSAGE1212 Posts: 4,633
6/18/10 12:20 A

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I don't know if its bad or its good. My son doesn't hang out all that much either. Partially because there isn't much time between school and night time. He has friends at school and a best friend that he does things every once in a while with. Tomorrow he is going to the beach with his friend and family. But for the most part he is not just hanging out. Witch might be a good thing since my son has gotten into trouble and has been influential in the past. He isn't anti social either. He is friendly and talks with people. He is in the Boy Scouts and does things with them weekly. But for the most part just doesn't plainly hang out.

My self and my husband are not all that social either. We don't just call people all the time just to hang out. I kind of like being a loner in some ways. We do things just not that often. But in every situation I have been in most people like me. I have a great sense a humor and get along with people well. I think its just in someones preference. I would just watch your son and see how come he like this and if it bothers him. Then I would either worry about it or not at that time. Maybe its something or maybe its not.

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CMFARRA's Photo CMFARRA Posts: 602
6/17/10 4:41 P

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Since he's chatting with the kids at Tae Kwon Do he doesn't have any actual "anti-social" tendancies. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Since he and his bff will be going to different schools next year they may have, unconciously, been separating in preparation for the split. He'll be with a new bunch of kids next year. When he enters high school, see if there's any activities that he may want to get involved in that weren't available in junior high. High schools have all kinds of sports and music groups, as well as groups that may be associated with future professions. For example, I'm and RN and I was involved with a Health Careers group. What are your plans for him for the summer? Is he going to be stuck at home all day alone? If you're working you may want to get him involved in some kind of camp. If you're home then you may just want to see if he wants to take any kind of day trips (for example, we live near Valley Forge National Park) and maybe invite a friend. I have no problem with my boys playing video games but you don't want him glued to it from the time he gets out of bed until he goes back to bed! My kids play video games, then jump in the pool, then watch some TV, then maybe more video games. They also go to judo several times a week so they're not total couch potatoes!
Unless your son starts separating himself while at Tae Kwon Do I wouldn't worry too much about the "friends" issue. Like I said, next year is a new school and a whole new bunch of kids. Just give him some time.

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RSWIFE's Photo RSWIFE SparkPoints: (56,084)
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6/17/10 3:08 P

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My 14 year old has always been a loner. it has always bothered his dad and I. The only one it doesn't bother is my son. He seems perfectly happy being alone. He is also on the computer a lot. He has joined band in school, and his dad and I are just hoping he clicks with some kids there. Lately he has been messaging kids on facebook, so I am hoping he might form friendships soon. I don't think I can help him at his age he has to foster the relationship himself.

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THEQUEENBEE333's Photo THEQUEENBEE333 Posts: 1,689
6/17/10 12:53 P

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I worry about it too. My son hasnt had a lot of close friends through school - a few here or there, and most his dad doesnt like, so it limits things. He gets texts from school kids sometimes, but no one to really hang with, although yesterday at the pool he hung out w/some friends from school I had never heard him mention. So maybe they are just in their own little world... Dont get too hung up on it. Happiness doesnt depend on the quantity of friends one has, but the quality.

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PJGABRIEL's Photo PJGABRIEL SparkPoints: (63,707)
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6/17/10 12:50 P

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I went through a phase with my son, but him getting involved in football and lacrosse in High School has changed everything. Is in the band? Does he play any sports in school? Sometimes just getting him involved will help more than saying anything.

"A wise and frugal government, which shall leave men free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned - this is the sum of good government."

"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them. "
Thomas Jefferson

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SPIEGY's Photo SPIEGY Posts: 1,229
6/17/10 12:11 P

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Just curious if anyone else has gone through this. To boil it down -- my 14 year old doesn't seem to have friends to hang out with anymore. No one's calling or texting and he's only calling his best friend maybe once a week to see if he's around over the weekend, if even that, and his bff hasn't been to our house in months.

For the last two years or so my son pretty much only hung out with his best friend at our house or his house, although he saw other friends at his after school program. This winter he barely saw his friend on weekends and I haven't actually seen the kid in months. And we pulled him out of his after-school program so he's home by himself after school. No kids on our street he's friends with. Doesn't go out at all. Doesn't seem bothered by it at all.

He's an only child, very happy to sit on computer/playstation/in front of tv all day. Does tae kwon do 2x/week and interacts with the kids there (I see them talking before/during & after) but no interest in seeing more of them. Doesn't seem bothered at all. Perfectly happy to hang out at home with his electronic stuff. He's not moody or anything, just content to lay on the couch all day playing his games. My dh and I are not very social people ourselves, but we do have friends we talk to (and see less often), but we're not social at all in our town - our friends are elsewhere.

SO -- normal or not? He doesn't seem to realize that maybe his bff is not his bff anymore, and I don't want to push this point because why make him feel bad? They're graduating middle school tonight & going to different high schools after the summer. This partly bothers me just because I want him to have friends of course, and partly because he himself doesn't seem to want to put himself out and DO something/call someone when he's perfectly happy at home.

Sound familiar to anyone and how did it pan out?

When the blues whomp you up on the side of the head, throw them to the floor and kick them out the door... -- the B'52s

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