Group photo
Author:
SPIEGY's Photo SPIEGY Posts: 1,824
7/5/10 8:06 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
This sounds great and I hope it works out! For encouragement, a friend's daughter wasn't doing well at her school for a while and hanging out with the wrong kids, not focusing on school work, etc. and she went to live with relatives in another area last year and it was a very positive experience. She did the best she's ever done in school, the teachers loved her and she really learned something about herself and about life. I hope your daughter also has a positive, uplifting experience!

"When the blues whomp you up on the side of the head, throw them to the floor and kick them out the door..." -- the B'52s

Phyliss in NJ


 Pounds lost: 50.0 
0
25.25
50.5
75.75
101
SHELLYL74's Photo SHELLYL74 Posts: 265
7/5/10 9:18 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Cheri,
I am happy to hear that you found an option that both you and your daughter are ok with. I hope that you are continuing the counseling. Even if this school is a better fit she is still going to face challenges and she is going to be forced to make decisions about what is right and wrong. It sounds like she has a lack of self-confidence and wanting to "fit in". She needs help to learn how to say no and to stand up for herself. Its so hard at 14! I remember struggling all through high school with those types of decisions. I wish you both the best of luck and wish you well! Take good care of you!

 current weight: 135.0 
181
169.5
158
146.5
135
CHERILANET's Photo CHERILANET Posts: 36
7/5/10 6:29 A

Send Private Message
Reply
Dear Friends, I thought an update was in order... My daughter has gone to live with my eldest daughter and her husband about 2 hours from me, in a large city. She attended a new school for the last 4 weeks and finished they year without failing any classes. She is very excited about all the opportunities there and loves being with her sister and brother in law. I know in my heart that putting her back in our high school is not an option, she is just too much a follower to fight to get her identity back. There are not enough kids (350 in the whole school) to be a part of another group except the kids that are acting out. She needs a peer group in order to feel whole. At the new school she has befriended some very nice girls. They have values and are serious about their studies. I am hopeful she will succeed and know that I love her enough to let some one else raise her for now, even if it is her sister. Well, Thanks so much for all the advice and understanding. Take care and God bless you all.

 Pounds lost: 5.7 
0
18.25
36.5
54.75
73
SWTLDY's Photo SWTLDY SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (2,360)
Posts: 338
6/1/10 2:19 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
*hugs*

I know how you feel. My daughter (now 19) gave me trouble at age 15.

You see, my daughter was always "honest and truthful". (so, I thought) I was naive. I believed her in everything. Well, one night she was staying the night with a friend. My daughter has a curfew of 10 p.m. I get a phone call around 11:30 p.m. By the time I got to the phone, she had already hung up. I called her back, no answer. I called a second time, no answer. Then I get a voice mail. and it said. (with alot of noise in the background) "Hey y'all, my momma's calling me. Why is she calling me. I'm suppose to be staying the night at Kim's. Hey y'all she's calling again, why is she calling me."

So, I called her the third time. She answered. No noise in the background. She does not know I got this voice mail. I asked if she called me. She said "no, me and Kim are sitting here on her bed texting people, maybe I hit the wrong button." I said, (knowing she's lying) "oh maybe that's it. I feel like something's wrong, I'm going to come get you." She said, "ok, but we are just sitting here."

The guy she was with is 19. She's 15. So, of course I was not too happy.

That's when she started spilling everything. She had sex with her first boyfriend (at age 14). She smoked dope with him once. She was trying to cut on herself. So, needless to say, I took everything away from her. She has to earn everything back.

Well, about a month later, she runs away. (She was gone only 2 days) She decides to call children services on us. (which there was no reason for it). They found out that my daughter was rebelling against us.

Then a month later, she's pregnant. (which at this time it is one month before her 16th birthday) That's when I lost it. I took everything away, including make up and her nice clothes. She had to go to school with morning sickness, no nice clothes. She had to wear sweat pants (since it was winter) and sweat shirts. She got her hair cut, (12 inches).

After she had the baby, I thought maybe she will now grow up and be responsible. She was responsible when it came to her baby, but when the baby wasn't here (he was with the father) she start into her lies again. Before her 17th birthday, she tried to commit suicide. Going 95 around an ESS curve. She was put in a mental hospital. Doctor said it was due to post partum depression. (baby was 2 months old at the time) So, she got the help, and wasn't in trouble. Post partum depression is an aweful thing to go through. So, thinking now this might wake her up.

It was her 17th birthday. She thought she was grown, and was able to go to a party and get drunk. My instincts kicked in, and I went and got her. So, she's grounded again. Now she's doing wonderful! She is grown and out on her own.

That is just some of the stuff I have been through with her. I also have another daughter that is 17 now. I went through stuff with her as well. No pregnancy as of yet, but other things she's following her sister's foot steps, but just at a later age.

Now I have a son, that is starting high school. Scares me to death. Right now (he's 14) he's a good kid.

If there is one thing I've learned throughout my experiences, is to still love your child no matter what, and just keep disciplinning her the way you see fit. The problem with you, is it seems like your daughter is going to do the things she wants to, no matter what you have to say. Of course she's going to do good with you around, but us parents cannot be around 24-7. I don't think there is much you can do. Seems as if you have done all you can do. Maybe a councelor will be good for her. But if she does not want to go to one, then I doubt that it will work. My daughter went to one, and she told them what they wanted to hear, and they excused her from the sessions about a month into it. (because she was doing so great).

Bless your heart. Just stay strong and try everything you can. Don't give up on her.

*hugs*
Jayme

Jayme from TN


 Pounds lost: 4.5 
0
17
34
51
68
CHERILANET's Photo CHERILANET Posts: 36
6/1/10 10:37 A

Send Private Message
Reply
Thank you both for responding. It is always nice to hear encouraging words. I'm sorry to say that the school was as perplexed as I am as to what to do for her. The truth is... if she stays with him she is o.k. in her mind, but if she is not with him.. she is considered a slut. What a world this kid has to grow up in. I am hopeful that my last option of the consler will be able to turn her around. She is a great student, nice person, beautiful child.... I want her back!

 Pounds lost: 5.7 
0
18.25
36.5
54.75
73
PJGABRIEL's Photo PJGABRIEL SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (37,934)
Posts: 12,086
6/1/10 9:09 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
My son is now 18 and he is good student, and avoids girls to stay out of trouble, but he is also a hand full at home. I applaud your effort to help your daughter, see so many of them at the High Schools where I sub that it is depressing to see these girls that are pretty and nicely dressed hanging on these guys whose pants are so low that have to hang onto them to keep them from falling completely off. Hang in there and if you are happy with this counselor then find another, there are plenty out there. I wish you the best in getting help because that is sometimes the hardest thing to find. Has the school counselors been any help? I probably know the answer but just maybe that also could be of some help.

"A wise and frugal government, which shall leave men free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned - this is the sum of good government."

"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them. "
Thomas Jefferson


 Pounds lost: 0.0 
0
26.05
52.1
78.15
104.2
STEPPNSTRONG Posts: 663
6/1/10 9:03 A

Reply
Sorry you're having such trouble. I can't offer advice - my girls are only 12 and not noticing boys much yet. Hope that someone has something useful to suggest - soon.

(((hugs)))

CHERILANET's Photo CHERILANET Posts: 36
6/1/10 5:41 A

Send Private Message
Reply
Hello Spark friends, I have a 15yo daughter who is out of control. She does have some medical problems and was molested by her birth father at 4yo, but we have never had any major issues with her until about 3 months ago. She started "dating" a guy that was a "player" (by her definition), and said that she was turning him around. Then we found out that she was having sex with him and we told them both that it was over. I went to school with her and sat through high school to help her with her personal boundaries. The first day I missed, she was caught making out with him at school... I went back to going to school every day for lunch (the only "class" they shared) and the first day I trusted her to go to school by herself, she ditched and went with a 4some and I am sure him too to an abandoned trailer in town.. "she watched while the rest of them played truth or dare". I finally sent her to her sisters home 2 hours away and she seemed to be doing great in a new school until she got her internet privilege's back and was caught contacting him again. She has NO phone, ipod, computer, freedom... life. what more can we do to get her on the right track? Any thoughts would be appreciated as we are at wits end. She is due to see a councilor too. thanks cheri emoticon

 Pounds lost: 5.7 
0
18.25
36.5
54.75
73
Page: 1 of (1)  

Report Innappropriate Post

Other Parents of pre-teens and teens (ages 12 to 17) General Team Discussion Forum Posts

Topics:
Last Post:



Thread URL: https://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_messageboard_thread.asp?board=0x22491x34505059

Review our Community Guidelines