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8/29/11 12:56 P

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There IS a difference between princess and crazy. Sounds like your girl is borderline a little nuts, like one of those queen bees who has to rack up #1s in life so she elbows people out of the way. Guys are usually also totally confused by this behavior. Maybe you guys can find a way to team up girls vs. guys so that she's on your side, or find a common goal to work towards? But I feel for you, I avoid drama like this like the plague. Hopefully you can find a better mix of teams soon!

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7/29/11 3:54 P

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I think under most circumstances, the "one of the guys" player and the "princess" player both have a little of each side in them. I know I'm definitely more on the princess side --I love being the only girl in the group --but I can also take and dish out as much teasing and joking as any guy. I'm sure you also know what it's like to be the only girl in a group (and have it pointed out and such). Perhaps trying to find the one-of-the guys part of the other girls (and also giving into whatever part of you is "girly") will help you find common ground. The thing you all have in common, assuming these other girls have been gaming for a while, is that you are all women in a primarily male-dominated hobby. I've found that being in that situation (in a moshpit, playing LoL, during Humans vs. Zombies, even at parties) instantly gives you some respect for each other, even if you don't necessarily get along.

As far as the girls who expect special treatment because they are the DM's wife or something? I can't help you there. I'm not a fan of that. Every time someone has tried to bring their significant other into our geeky group of friends, it is awkward for everyone, even if they are super nice. I can't date people who aren't gamers for that reason.

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FAT-TAIL's Photo FAT-TAIL Posts: 27
7/26/11 5:43 A

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I wanted to thank you all so much for your support... but I guess it doesn't matter this time. I didn't check my email for a day and Tinkerbell declared herself GM without warning, no one was around to oppose her so with just her boyfriend voting she donned the crown. Two members are just going along with it, so that just leaves myself and another guy completely confused as to how it just happened and wondering if we get to have a say - since of course I opened my big mouth and asked that, as diplomatically as possible, I've been left out of the email loop.

So I guess I change my status back to "LFG" and rent Peter Pan to get a refresher on how to convince future Tinkerbells I'm not out to destroy them. LOL Thanks to you gals, though, I've regained my humor. I mean, I'm just old enough to have a teenager myself and it feels like I asked you all how to deal with one! I guess Gamer Girls do indeed Rock! Thanks for helping me through this messy time.

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7/24/11 3:26 A

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You could also always try being super-nice to her in character. Make sure you've got her back if the group is attacked, or give her specific priority in the healing order.

Yeah, you're sort of only feeding the problem of her having special treatment from the rest of the group, but it might help to relay to her that you're not on opposing sides. You're "one of the guys" and as such, you would treat her just as the guys would.

And if it doesn't work, as the others said, try not to make too big a deal of it. I hang out at a local gaming club, where I'm treated as "one of the guys" by all the other members (who are all male), but I'm pretty sure the girlfriends that pop by dislike me because I can share that geeky bond with their boyfriend. I usually just ignore it because there's nothing I can do to change their minds about me... but I don't have to game with them, so I suppose that's a little different.
Good luck!

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7/16/11 2:52 A

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Hey hun, I, too have been on both sides, as the girl who is new to the whole gaming scene and feels like she is clueless and as the exp gamer who doesn't want to deal with drama. If I were in your situation I would just try and ignore as much of the drama as you can. Girls are more emotional than dudes so sometimes we have to watch what we say more or they will easily get offended (Whereas guys won't)

PS the tinkerbell nick name is soo perfect!


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7/12/11 1:46 P

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I've been in both places and it is definitely no fun. I agree that the best way to handle it is to talk to the girl in question and try to get on her side. If that doesn't work, then it's best to let the problem go and if everyone else who disagrees is silent - join the crowd. No need to stick your neck out for unnecessary drama.

Good luck!

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7/12/11 4:11 A

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Thank you! Right now just hearing that I'm not insane helps so much! :)

I thought I had left all the drama behind long ago in college... (like you eluded to, I can't begin to count the number of girlfriends thinking I was after their guys because I played and spoke geek. I used to shiver and think because I knew so much about those guys, I'd NEVER date them! LOL)

I'm not sure the situation will respond to your suggestions as I already tried to do something outside the game. Though, right now you've given me a picture of her as a pouting Tinkerbell telling me I'm being "childish" in my head, her response is much easier to take coming from Tink. I still don't know if this group will work out in the end, but I'll remember what you said and try to "fake" it a little better moving forward, even if it is just a few little things. Thank you again for understanding, I've been feeling so lost after this string of several Tinks, I thought I was going to have to quit gaming all together.

7/12/11 2:37 A

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OH MY GOD! I totally know what you're talking about!
I call it The Tinkerbell Effect.
Because it's like how Tinkerbell constantly tries to sabotage Wendy when she gets to Neverland.
It actually works the other way around, too. When a 'one of the guys' type is used to taking a lot of BS from the guys (as well as dishing it out) and another female comes along and calls the guys out on their shenanigans and demands a higher standard of propriety (especially regarding sexist behaviour).

I've been on both sides of this. It's difficult either way.

Sometimes reaching out specifically to Tinkerbell helps. Ask her questions, try to find some common ground, invite her out for some non-gaming, girly activity, and try to bond.
Sometimes I've found making an effort to be on her side (even if you have to fake it) can help, as it will seem less like people are ganging up on her (and less on you too).

My gaming group has lots of girls, and we organise some 'girls only' activities sometimes so we can bond without the guys around. Non-gamer girls who are girlfriends or wives often get invited too (which I think makes them more comfortable with their partners spending so much time with other women).

I dunno if that's the sort of thing that will help, but these techniques worked on me! I've got more female friends now than I've ever had in my life.

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7/11/11 5:05 P

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I'm looking for some advice and it hit me that you gals might be the best place! I'm an avid roleplayer and have been trying out some new groups since my last one dissolved via people moving out of state. I've never had a problem with other girl gamers before, now I feel like I walk into the room and get hit with an attack! How do I relate?

I understand I'm probably the problem, I'm the "one of the guys"-type player. I'm a technical person who also happens to (usually) have people skills so I get along with just about everyone. What I've been running into is more of the "Princess"-type. Someone that's used to being the only female in their groups or otherwise used to being treated differently, like being the wife of the DM. If something happens, in game or out, and there is dissension which I'm not on the side of the "Princess"-type somehow it rolls up and I get singled out as the problem when I've just been the one saying that I agree with so-and-so. Or worse they expect to run the game from the player's seat and constantly criticize my playing. (While the guys applaud it, usually quietly over email.)

I've tried talking to the DMs... I've tried talking to the other gamers and the response is oblivion - like the "Princess"-type is the norm and one DM even encouraged it. It is way too much drama and eggshells for me, but on the other hand I so desperately want to find a group that works so I can better destress. Anyone been there that could offer some more insight? Maybe if I could just understand better where they are coming from? I thought of coming here because this is the first time I've been so bothered by something I almost went to drown my frustration in food! So not like me! Thanks in advance!

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