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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
9/13/11 8:46 P

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SUSAN, since there's been a recent death in your family, it just dawned on me that people will most likely seize the opportunity to call you and others back to the arms of your Lord, That particular thing annoys me. I see it as "using" a loved one's death as a way to market religion.

They did it at my father's funeral. He was a honky-tonkin', booze'drinkin, woman-cheating' kind of a guy, for most of his adult life. Still, he didn't deserve to have the backwoods preacher say nothing about him or his life (or about the fact that he stopped drinking and skirt-chasing after his grandchildren were born because he felt he had a fresh start with them). All the self-serving preacher man talked about was the urgency for the heath-urns thusly assembled to repent and work for the Lord. I was insulted on my father's behalf. He was a pawn in a dog and pony religious show.

I have given strict orders to my children, to just bury me and not have some fool with an agenda open his mouth to speak. They will do what they will do, since I'll be dead, and the funeral is for them and their needs. I have tried to give them guidance, with my suggestions for music. Willie Nelson's "Amazing Grace" and Sid Vicious "My Way". I think someone's funeral is a time to reflect on the truth and joy of having known the deceased person. I hope my babies agree.

Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
9/13/11 8:14 P

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Careful what you buy on eBay!
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Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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CANDT5's Photo CANDT5 Posts: 26
9/13/11 8:06 P

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Yeah it is really annoying... people just assume that everyone in the country is a Christian. Like, I bought ton ebay and the person sent me a note that said "God bless you for buying from me!" ..

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SUNSCREENISGOOD's Photo SUNSCREENISGOOD Posts: 355
8/26/11 5:12 P

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I have a spark friend that updates her status with such things as well. I don't want to delete her as a friend because she is just saying what she thinks is right. However, it is beyond annoying.

Venting is good, right???!!! I'm all ears if you want to let it out!

Have a great day!!!

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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
8/15/11 9:26 P

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Me, too. It's just going to take some time. Taking apart our self-criticisms to see if they're true, one by one, is a handy tool. I always feel better after I think things through and come up with true facts like those in your rebuttal to yourself. You must be relieved to know that those things you mentioned are facts you can trust.

I think Coach Dean wrote an article where he said the first thing to do about a self-criticism is to ask "Is it true?" I'll see if I can find it.

Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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SALEE100's Photo SALEE100 SparkPoints: (0)
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8/15/11 7:43 P

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It is really offensive when someone says something about god and they come across as if they're better than me a lot of the times, but I can dismiss others much easier than I can dismiss myself. So I'd have to say I annoy myself more than others annoy me. I live in the deep south, the bible belt, and I've had a few people try to bring me back into "the arms of God",and my brother still says a few words to me occasionally but he quickly gives up. These instances have been so infrequent compared to my own self-criticisms that it just doesn't compare.

~ Susan

Even if our efforts of attention seem for years to be producing no results, one day a light in the exact proportion to them will flood the soul.
~Simone Weal


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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
8/15/11 5:36 P

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One more thought.

Who annoys you more, the religious zealots who think you're a fool that only prayer can save, or yourself when you think you're worthless because of a mistake?
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Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
8/15/11 5:27 P

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Hi, SUSAN, I buy your rebuttal to yourself, too. I believe all of the statements in your final paragraph to be true.

Authors Martha Beck and Judith Beck, both with PhD after their names, study this subject of negative thoughts and repressed thoughts from many angles. Their advice to question thoughts like the ones you mentioned in paragraph 2 (which most us could have written about our own self many times) and to take those thoughts apart, so that we can see the facts, seems to be the thing that opens our eyes to what's true and what isn't. Until we have done that, I guess it's not surprising that our default position starts at "unworthy", causing our positive statements to ourselves to feel patronizing untrue, and manipulative..So many times mine sound like excuses to me, even when I know they aren't. Sometimes they are, though. We find that out in the questioning process, too..Once we see it, we can fix it. It's the hidden stuff that does the damage.

If I can look at a video of myself in a dance routine where something isn't quite right, I know exactly what to do to fix it. That's the benefit to us of doing the sucky hard work of noticing what we tell ourselves and ripping it apart to find the truth.

That's the bottom line, and it took me all of that rambling on, to figure it out. Writing is one way I dissect and troubleshoot things that confuse me. Thanks for indulging me. My
DH does the same thing by talking a blue streak before he figures out what he's really saying. And you'd better listen and not doze off or he gets frustrated and talks louder and faster.
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I feel your pain. Susan started it. Punish her.

I am leaving again, taking some boxes to Goodwill. Yay!

Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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SALEE100's Photo SALEE100 SparkPoints: (0)
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8/15/11 1:10 P

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Reading your post, Boo, about the things we tell ourselves made me think again about my really repressed thoughts. I've always thought that I'm good to myself but I'm now starting to realize that my messages to myself are not so good after all.

I ask myself why I can't be consistent, why I lose control occasionally, and eat more than I planned, I must not have the fortitude to stick to my goals. And, I say to myself, maybe I really don't want to lose weight... maybe I'm lazy, maybe I should give up and get fat, unhealthy, and die young and whatever it is that I'm doing isn't working anyway.

As one of the Beck's said, now I need to look at these negative statements and take them apart to realize that they are untrue. I strive, that's what life's about, right? If I'm not striving then I'll be in a much worse place than I'm in now.

My rebuttal: I really do want to lose weight, I've been at my goal weight before and I'm very comfortable there, I'm just having real physical issues right now. I'm having hormonal and liver issues, they will go away, and then my weight will be more stable. I am continuing to strength train and get some kind of cardio to maintain my health and are essential in my mental health, too. I'm doing the best I can. And no, I don't want to give up...



~ Susan

Even if our efforts of attention seem for years to be producing no results, one day a light in the exact proportion to them will flood the soul.
~Simone Weal


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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
8/15/11 12:04 P

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"Annoyed", the subject of this thread has MANY facets. And this is one of them. Who knows why we find it so easy to believe lies that demean us! (rhetorical question).

So-called significant others who make us feel like crap are especially hard to take, as you found out, SKINNY. A familiar situation, where so many never break free. What a relief that you did.

And it's not just men who are dirty dogs. Some women mistreat their men, too. For that matter, we can do it to ourselves. Thoughts that make us feel like crap take over where abusers leave off, if we let them.

I find it an ongoing struggle to find balance, It doesn't work to tell myself sugary stuff that I don't believe about my behaviors. Denial is an uneasy place. Even "You are worthy" sounds like a lie to me, maybe because it's so general. I need details, evidence, proof.
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And yet, when I think, "You stupid bitch", it instantly sounds like the truth. No questions asked. No proof needed. What's up with that! (another rhetorical question)

As I smile to myself about the absurd, I will wish you all a joyous day. My microwave timer tells me it's time to leave for tap class.
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Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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CATHM26's Photo CATHM26 Posts: 568
8/15/11 8:38 A

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haha awesome

Catherine

Height is 5'10"

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CATSDONTPRAY's Photo CATSDONTPRAY SparkPoints: (14,225)
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8/14/11 3:10 P

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It reminds me of the recent SparkDaily blog post, where there was a video of a guy. He said something to the effect of "It's a lie that you're not worthy." That really struck me!

You can call me Cats, CDP, or Misti.

Planned rewards:
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170 1 week of spa services (Achieved 4/28/11, rewarded 5/19/11)
160 Pedicure and eyebrow threading (Achieved 7/25/11, rewarded 7/30/11)
150 Full beauty package of mani-pedi, 60 minute facial, and full facial waxing (if cleared by doctor)
140 "Staycation"


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HASELNUSSCHEN's Photo HASELNUSSCHEN Posts: 59
8/14/11 3:03 P

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I stole that quote from a facebook friend. It rang so true to me, after staying with a man who always made me feel bad about myself. I had depression, and yes, low self-esteem. It took me a looooong time to realize that I wasn't just an unworthy person- this guy was a total asshole, that took pleasure in making me feel like crap all the time! So there ya go... .I don't know what made me change, but a few weeks of therapy might have had something to do with it. ;-)

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure that you are, in fact, not just surrounded by assholes.
-William Gibson


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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
8/14/11 2:47 P

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Some of us have conditioned ourselves to think it's us when there's a problem. Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't. We can use criticism to improve ourselves, if it's accurate. If it isn't, we would do well to "consider the source".
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What kinds of questions do the rest of you ask yourselves, to determine whether the asphole is someone else or "your own sweet self"?

Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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CATSDONTPRAY's Photo CATSDONTPRAY SparkPoints: (14,225)
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8/14/11 1:35 P

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I didn't notice that, Boo. It's a good point, for sure!

You can call me Cats, CDP, or Misti.

Planned rewards:
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170 1 week of spa services (Achieved 4/28/11, rewarded 5/19/11)
160 Pedicure and eyebrow threading (Achieved 7/25/11, rewarded 7/30/11)
150 Full beauty package of mani-pedi, 60 minute facial, and full facial waxing (if cleared by doctor)
140 "Staycation"


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SKNYSCREAMING's Photo SKNYSCREAMING SparkPoints: (1,815)
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8/13/11 3:26 P

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Ha! I just noticed skinny's signature and love it! I had something happen to me yesterday that made me want to punch a momma in the mouth. A truck pulled up about 3 spaces away ...or driver side doors were in opposite directions. Out hops a sweet little girl all of about 6 who comes over to give me a religious tract! I could have had her thrown in the car and sped off before momma had a chance to realize what was going on.



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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
8/13/11 12:35 P

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Hi, CATS!

Don't you just love the quotation in SKINNY'S signature line?!! It seems fitting that we ask ourselves who surrounds us, when annoying things are said.

Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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CATSDONTPRAY's Photo CATSDONTPRAY SparkPoints: (14,225)
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8/13/11 11:21 A

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This sort of thing annoys me to no end!

You can call me Cats, CDP, or Misti.

Planned rewards:
180 Night out at the movies (Achieved 2/23/11, rewarded 2/27/11)
170 1 week of spa services (Achieved 4/28/11, rewarded 5/19/11)
160 Pedicure and eyebrow threading (Achieved 7/25/11, rewarded 7/30/11)
150 Full beauty package of mani-pedi, 60 minute facial, and full facial waxing (if cleared by doctor)
140 "Staycation"


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HASELNUSSCHEN's Photo HASELNUSSCHEN Posts: 59
8/13/11 9:40 A

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haha! Well, let me get myself there first, and I'll get back to you!

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure that you are, in fact, not just surrounded by assholes.
-William Gibson


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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
8/12/11 10:48 P

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Do you want to adopt us and take us to Europe with you, SKINNY?

Think about it. A ready-made family. Wouldn't have to give birth and take a chance on stretch marks? And you love us.
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Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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HASELNUSSCHEN's Photo HASELNUSSCHEN Posts: 59
8/12/11 5:37 P

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I'm sure the person saw that you're an atheist and took it upon themselves to attempt to change that. I f-ing HATE that. It makes me really uncomfortable when someone says that to me. Yes, I think it's an American thing, and a small part of the reasons I'm trying to move to Europe. (another story in itself. ;-) But anyway, there's nothing you can do but delete the comment and move on. Feels good to vent thought, right?

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure that you are, in fact, not just surrounded by assholes.
-William Gibson


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CYNDERROSE's Photo CYNDERROSE SparkPoints: (18,974)
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8/12/11 12:56 P

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You could always delete the commit (I would emoticon )

Or just ignore it and move on.

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CATHM26's Photo CATHM26 Posts: 568
8/12/11 8:55 A

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hahah

Catherine

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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
8/12/11 12:36 A

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I suppose we could always say, "Well, thank you for that. So far, I'm afraid I'm not being protected from evil, but I can live and hope."
emoticon emoticon
The person won't get that we are implying their comment was evil, But we will, and that could be enough to put a smile on our face and in our mind.

Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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FARAWAY01's Photo FARAWAY01 SparkPoints: (0)
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8/11/11 9:10 P

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People like that seem to find it inconceivable that there are non-religious people in the world that don't want to be 'blessed'

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CATHM26's Photo CATHM26 Posts: 568
8/11/11 6:53 P

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Thanks Barbara - very nice thing to say. I grrred.. in my head and on this board :-)

Catherine

Height is 5'10"

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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
8/11/11 6:08 P

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That IS annoying. It's almost as if the person saw those prominently displayed teams and flashed you a quick "Bless you", just to poke at you. Rightous indignation will most likely be the person's response, if you say something. Can't you just hear it now? "Oh, my. I had no idea my good wishes would offend you." (with that familiar superior tone)

You have a classy attitude, tact, and good judgment, CATH. I wish there were more people like you. If the person was aware that it would bother you, it was truly rude and thoughtless. "I won't dignify it with a response" usually pops into my head when I am subjected to that stuff.. But I still growl about it. Grrr!

Edited by: BARBARA_BOO at: 8/12/2011 (00:23)
Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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CATHM26's Photo CATHM26 Posts: 568
8/11/11 2:16 P

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Thanks :-)

Catherine

Height is 5'10"

EST timezone - Ottawa




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WATERDIAMONDS's Photo WATERDIAMONDS Posts: 14,777
8/11/11 2:13 P

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Well, I could say, "Bless you for your patience with these folks," but I'm pretty sure that would only add to your frustration!

Of course you're doing the right thing to ignore.

And of course you're doing the right thing to vent here. We get it, and we're with you 100%. So vent away and know that (a) you are heard (b) you have our sympathy and (c) you won't get any backlash for it.

I hope your day gets better by the minute...



Margaret--Spring, TX
The Beck Deck Crew!
CATHM26's Photo CATHM26 Posts: 568
8/11/11 1:51 P

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I wrote a blog - mostly posted pictures, and it was about clothes. One response already says "God Bless."

I know I know, people just write this all the time. And yeah, I'm just ignoring it.

But, it annoys me. I would never write anything remotely political, religious, or whatever on someone's page unless I knew they had the same views.

I kind of feel like it's an American thing (I'm Canadian) to be really outgoing with your religious views.

Anyway, I will ignore it, but I feel like the common sense thing to do would be to find out something about the person before you put that out there. All one has to do is look at my Spark Page to see that two teams listed are this one and the Atheist Hippies team.

Thanks for listening to me vent.

Catherine

Catherine

Height is 5'10"

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