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KEEN2OQE's Photo KEEN2OQE Posts: 230
8/20/11 8:43 A

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Hang in there and take it in small steps. Just like in your Spark health and weight program. All these goals are interrelated to living better and being healthy. You can take your time to get there and just do a little each day.

If lyrics make people do things, how come we don't love each other? Frank Zappa
SKNYSCREAMING's Photo SKNYSCREAMING SparkPoints: (1,815)
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8/17/11 1:32 A

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Financially possible...right now no chance :( My plan is to spend Monday getting the kids settled in school. Grasshopper and Barometer Boy off to regular school and Babycakes settled with her new online school. Then Tuesday Dh will be out of town for the week, little ones away at school and older busy with school work and Im going to get as much as I possibly can done in that 7 hour block of time.

With babometer boy it Helps a ton if things are neat and put away. Its like out of sight out of mind I guess. It dosent totally prevent him from getting into things and making messes but he is less likely. Also when he does it dosent Feel like such a crisis because Im not stressed about all the other things that already need to be cleaned.

The girls are great at giving random when they feel like it help. Its something nice at least several times a week and I very much appreciate it . However I think they are going to have to have assigned chores to do after school again. Things that will rotate because I know would get tired of having to do the exact same thing every eve.

Believe me Im NOT expecting perfect by any means but I think things can be a lot more peaceful with a few changes done daily.

I'll post next week about how things are going. :)

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WATERDIAMONDS's Photo WATERDIAMONDS Posts: 14,777
8/15/11 8:46 A

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I don't know if this is financially possible for you or if you'd be comfortable with it even if it is, but would you consider having a service come in after the kids get into school just once to kick off your cleaning for you?

You might find it easier to keep the work up on the 15-minutes-a-day routine if you start with a "clean" slate, so to speak.

I mention this because you originally posted that your house is a total mess and that it feels overwhelming. Perhaps starting fresh would give you both the psychological boost you need and free up your time so that you feel you can breathe.

I am aware that $ can be an issue, but if you do have the funds, it might be a great, great gift to yourself.

I'm also aware that many of us DON'T like having someone else come into our homes to see our messes. But, that's what these folks do every day to earn a living. They've seen it all and done it all, from helping restore order to chaos after the home owner spent months in bed rest after major surgery (my case) to preparing for a wedding in a home where the family had children who painted on the walls and teens who left moldy foods in the basements (friend's case).

Best of luck to you getting your family over the illness, getting the kids in school and getting your own life back in order, however, you choose to do so.

(Edited because I have not yet had time to take those typing lessons I so obviously need!)

Edited by: WATERDIAMONDS at: 8/15/2011 (08:47)
Margaret--Spring, TX
The Beck Deck Crew!
CASSIES's Photo CASSIES Posts: 1,376
8/15/11 6:39 A

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I've been thinking of you. I wanted to tell you to be kind to yourself about the house, and of course weight loss.

You have a lot on your hands and as the saying goes, "You're doing the best you can." and I am sure you are doing above and beyond.

I have a hard time taking does words in when someone says them to me. My mind can bounce back very quickly with lots of negative thoughts and suttle put downs towards myself.

Be gentle with yourself. I hope everyone is feeling better soon. And I'll count the minutes until school starts again for you.

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�The more we witness our emotional reactions and understand how they work, the easier it is to refrain.� ― Pema Ch�dr�n



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SKNYSCREAMING's Photo SKNYSCREAMING SparkPoints: (1,815)
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8/15/11 1:34 A

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Thanks for the suggestion on respite care, unfortunatly he is on a very long waiting list. School starts in a week and that does help a LOT :)
Right now we have all come down with some funk so Im trying to get us well before school starts but as soon as it does I think I need to give flylady another try.

Last time it was to slow for me ...I wanted it all done now. Having some get it done now is a necessity here but like weight loss Im working on learning there has to be a balance :-/

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ZURDTA-'s Photo ZURDTA- Posts: 1,270
8/14/11 6:35 A

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I haven't much to add - other than to agree that FLYLADY helped me... yeah there is some god bothering stuff on there, but the principles of just 15 minutes per day works wonders and helped me keep sane whilst coping as a single mum with three, challenging children.

You do need help, some respite (if possible) and time for yourself - letting go of the guilt.

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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
8/11/11 11:39 P

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That "respite" program sounds absolutely wonderful, CASSIE. I hope something like that is available where SKNY lives.

Your personal experiences and tips certainly ring true. I gained a lot of weight the same way you did, "letting things go, feeling exhausted, trapped and like attempting to clean was pointless". And giving up took its toll, made me feel worse. And my kids were just undisciplined (like me). Special Needs clearly adds another element to the challenge,

Those short cut quickie "lick and a promise" routines that you shared are life savers.

Someone on the team helped me with my guilt about the house not being "white glove" clean. She said houses that are a little bit "lived in" are more comfortable to visit. Easier to relax. Furthermore, if she came to my house and it was spotless, she would probably not be inviting me to hers, since she would conclude that I was too uptight to be any fun.

"Cleanliness is next to godliness" could have been our first clue.
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Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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CASSIES's Photo CASSIES Posts: 1,376
8/11/11 9:17 P

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"I feel silly being overwhelmed about a little thing like housecleaning"

Housecleaning is not a LITTLE thing. Especially when you have a child with special needs. When I went back to work when my child was 2.5 I just let things go thinking it was what I needed to do. I was just too exhausted and it seemed pointless. At the same time I let my house go I let my body go. I figured eating out and doing take out was another way to be good to myself. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Being in a dirty house just made me more depressed.

And then FLY Lady was suggested to me. And it is similar to spark. You just start where you are. 15 minutes here and there. A exhausted as I was, pushing myself so pick up for 15 minutes, shine my sink and bless my house had such an overall healing effect.

And I think Boo is right. Don't worry about the messes the kids make.....I start little routines for what you can do..like the kitchen sink or swishing the toilet. Have windex and papertowels in bathroom. Clean the mirror, then do the sink and a few other services....even get down and do a quick swipe of the floor. Take 5 minutes to do this once a week after u shower.

FLY lady stands for "Finally Loving Yourself" I think that's what we're all about here. And she really has such a great way of breaking down the home.

I know how exhausting overwhelming having an SN child is.

I have heard of respite. I am not sure if you are eligible for anything like this. I know people who are and its wonderful to have someone come in and have their only job be to look after the child. You can go out to do errands or get things done around the house.

check out flylady's website and see if its for you.

And believe, housework is not a little thing and soooooooooooooo many of us struggle with it.

Edited by: CASSIES at: 8/11/2011 (21:20)

�The more we witness our emotional reactions and understand how they work, the easier it is to refrain.� ― Pema Ch�dr�n



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SKNYSCREAMING's Photo SKNYSCREAMING SparkPoints: (1,815)
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8/11/11 7:13 P

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I'll have to get back to this later tonight when things settle down and I'm at a computer instead of my phone. I wanted to thank you guys for the kind words. They mean a lot to me.:)

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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
8/10/11 10:52 P

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Thanks, DIAMOND! You and SKNY are pretty cool yourselves.
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What you said about her deserving at least one moment of peace every single day was really nice. I think so, too.

I think we can all relate to the pain and frustration. Situations may differ, but it hurts the same.

One of our team mates loves the story of SISYPHUS. He would push a big boulder up the mountain, stop to catch his breath, and it would roll back down again. Little by little, he somehow got 'er done.

We all have situations where the cards are stacked against us, and life is often unfair. This one just happens to be "feeling solely responsible" for the condition of the house, which can be an awful feeling if you don't know how you're going to do it. That feeling is what a person cam come to resent, no matter how much they love their family.

Congrats on having the courage to ask for specific help while you figure out the best way to cope with the house and get it to where it no longer makes you feel bad, SKNY. You're in a tough spot, and I am certain that it's one that many others face.

We can't be the only ones who have ever let out houses get out of control. Otherwise, people wouldn't buy all those books like "Does My Dirty House Make My Butt Look Fat?" (paraphrasing) or "Get That Junk Out the Trunk" (again, my title). In fact, you might pick up one of those books (by other but similar names) at the library. I read a couple by this guy Don Aslett a couple of years ago, and he really turned my head around. Very helpful!

What ideas do the rest of you have?

More than one way to skin a cat. (just a phrase, so calm the kitties)
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EDIT: Spellcheck did it to me again. The following sentence should read OUR houses, not OUT houses. "We can't be the only ones who have ever let out houses get out of control."
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Edited by: BARBARA_BOO at: 8/10/2011 (22:59)
Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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WATERDIAMONDS's Photo WATERDIAMONDS Posts: 14,777
8/10/11 9:47 P

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BARBARA BOO, you are a wonder and a dear and a lovely human being.

SKNYSCREAMING--Although I have no experiences that allow me to relate to your exact situation with your children, I can feel your frustration and exhaustion. Boo's advice will get you there, one piece of junk at a time.

The only thing I can add is that you maybe take 2 minutes, eyes closed, to breathe deeply each morning. Or 1 minute. Just some time that shuts the world out of your mind and heart and allows you a few seconds of peace.

You are entitled to a few seconds of peace, every single day.


Margaret--Spring, TX
The Beck Deck Crew!
BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
8/10/11 8:39 P

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It's not a simple thing. So, it's not necessary to feel silly. You are no less valuable as a person over some dirty underwear hanging from a light fixture or stacks of magazines on the couch.

I am having flashbacks of when I was 25, with an infant, a 2-yr old, a 4-yr-old, an 85-lb basset hound, no car, and a dj husband who was always out working, doing enjoyable things, while I went nuts at home in ye olde stye, listening to Janis Joplin sing and wishing I was anywhere but there.

Housekeeping and child care is no joke.

At least fraking time-stealing, guilt-tripping, drama piece of slop is out of the picture!

Where to start? I am a good one to respond, because I have been dejunking my house for so long that people wonder "how filthy was it?"

First, just try to stay alive until boy child and grasshopper depart for school. Wandering through the house with a garbage bag, throwing the most disgusting stuff in it (except pets, family and dirty dishes or clothing) is a great perker-upper.You will see progress and feel better.

Don't try to get it perfect. With kids living there, it won't happen.

Get rid of as many things you no longer need as possible. As it goes out the door (donated, sold or tossed), wave goodbye, knowing it's burdensome stuff that you will never have to clean or move or clean around, ever again. I am convinced that many of us can find a correlation between too much stuff and our weight issues. That overwhelmed feeling, tinged with shame, can make a person emotionally hungry.

The first room to clean is the kitchen. Get those dishes washed and out of sight. Make it a point to keep the sink sparkling, even if the rest of the house falls down. I learned that from the Fly Lady. It is for YOU. Every time you look at it, you will feel that all is not hopeless. And it's work that the kids will have trouble un-doing.

Another fairly easy way to get a big bang for your buck is to make the beds daily. It makes the whole room look better.

Eventually, the hope is that we will develop some daily routines that don't take a lot of time or energy to maintain, like we are doing with food and exercise.

But, right now, just grab that garbage bag and rid yourself of the low-hanging fruit (the things that can be tossed) or turn on the radio and start washing those dishes. One thing at a time.
Come back for further instructions as needed.

You don't have to live in a mess and you don't have to feel embarrassed. Break the job down into manageable pieces. Attack the things that bother you most FIRST.

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Smooch on those kids. They will be grown and out of your hair as they get older and more responsible.

Please forgive the length of this little explosion, but this has been one of the albatrosses that I have been working to get from around my neck. I'm with you!

EDIT: Don't worry about messes the 10-yr old makes while you are doing the dishes. You can clean it all up at one time, after the dishes are put away. Otherwise, you'll be running back and forth and it will take longer to clean whatever mess has been created. You deserve to be able to finish one thing, for your own emotional health, I think.

Edited by: BARBARA_BOO at: 8/10/2011 (20:45)
Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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SKNYSCREAMING's Photo SKNYSCREAMING SparkPoints: (1,815)
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8/10/11 6:58 P

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overwhelmingly huge mess! My son requires 1 on 1 care 24/7 and can seriously mess things up faster than I can clean up. I go do dishes and he runs off and dumps a bunch of stuff on the floor etc. Picture a toddler in a 10 year old's body.

Ive recently gotten rid of someone who using up a frak ton of my time, guilt tripping emotional drama, etc . Im embarassed that it has gotten so bad yet I refuse to dwell on the past as it won't fix anything,.

One more week then boy child and grasshopper go back to school. Babycakes homeschools but at 12 is pretty self sufficient. So this week its just the reg trying to get the basics...dishes, laundry bathrooms done . Aug 23rd is officially Battle day for me.

Thing is Im not sure Where to start . I feel silly being overwhelmed about a little thing like housecleaning after everything else Ive been through in life but truthfully I am.

So anyone have suggestions on a battle plan??

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