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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
11/21/10 3:25 P

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Great news! It'll be more fun for you now.
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Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
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*SUNSHINEDAYZ*'s Photo *SUNSHINEDAYZ* Posts: 897
11/21/10 1:23 P

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Luckily we've had two more people decide to join and one more is pretty sure she's coming so I'm feeling a lot better about that now. Thanks :o)

Kathleen in Canada

Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain.

mypositivesteps.blogspot.com/


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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
11/17/10 2:45 P

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I'm so glad you wrote all of this down so that you realized what is bothering you about the online group's dinner thing. Maybe you can make some changes there. If only 2 are attending, why knock yourself out? Just be direct and talk to the others about the dinner. Ask them if they mind simplying or even cancelling, due to lack of attendance. I'm sure you know what will help.

Rigid dieting, like we've all been exposed to, has done none of us any favors. It's just what we knew to do at the time. Now, we recuperate. LIke you said, it will take us some time to unlearn some of those thought/behavior habits. We can do it though.

I was one of those misfit kids, coming "up north" to go to school, with a heavy southern accent. My parents were having marital problems and my dad was an alcoholic. Good times. We all get our share.
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Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


 current weight: 151.4 
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*SUNSHINEDAYZ*'s Photo *SUNSHINEDAYZ* Posts: 897
11/16/10 10:11 A

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This hit exactly where I've been the past few weeks. I was one of those geeky, awkward kids in elementary school. These days (with my two kids both diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder) I'd likely have been diagnosed with Aspergers. Back in the 70's though, I was diagnosed (by a Sick Kids doctor no less) as being a "square peg in a round hole" and my parents were told not to let the school system "knock my corners off". Yeah, because that's practical advice right there.

I spent most of my childhood friendless and constantly teased. In my teen years I found a niche with other teens who had also been teased and bullied throughout grade school and that made things a bit better.

I also have a Mom who was overweight as a child and was teased regarding her weight. Oddly enough, I hadn't been overweight as a child or teen but my Mom was very worried that I *might* become overweight. So she obsessed over my weight and what I was eating... encouraging me to go on diets to loose just five pounds so I'd look better. And as soon as I got out of the house and into a place of my own I went overboard with eating. No one was standing over me demanding to know how many cookies I'd eaten... no one cared if I ate an entire bag at one go. So I did. No one cared if I ate the leftover icing from the container. No one cared if I bought a can of icing and just ate it on it's own. So I did.

Now I've been overweight (and obese) for almost my whole adult life and my biggest battle is convincing myself that I deserve to be thin. And, of course, my comfort for when I'm feeling bad is to have something sweet and gooey. Hot chocolate with real cream, freshly baked brownies with chocolate chips in the mix, crisp kettle chips.

And, when I went on family visits, I used to eat ahead of time so I wouldn't overeat in front of family (so they wouldn't have anything to complain about) then eat when I got home out of stress.

It's a vicious cycle but it's one of our own making. The hard part is taking each part and replacing it with a healthier choice... and keeping that healthier choice going (even under stress) until it becomes a habit... and doing it with each part.

And, now that I've read all of this I've realized that my biggest trigger was not stress with my daughter and my ex like I automatically assumed but stress because I've been organizing a dinner through another online group and only have two other people attending (where there's normally 8 to 10 people attending). Bringing back all the not so fun memories of childhood.

Kathleen in Canada

Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain.

mypositivesteps.blogspot.com/


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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
11/14/10 7:28 P

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Yes, that feeling of being "under scrutiny", even at social gatherings, is all too familiar.

I can recall lots of overeating, just from the relief of getting home, to quiet that nagging un-ease that I had somehow effed up or that it was a narrow escape if I hadn't.
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In his book, SparkGuy talks about his own struggles with social anxiety. So, I doubt that many of us have not experienced it.

Once again, it's our thoughts that get us into trouble. We assume everything we fear about ourselves and how others see us is true. And we may be wrong about that.

Situations that provoke fear and anxiety are everywhere, so it makes sense to confront them as best we can. As we feel more comfortable, we won't be as vulnerable to the old triggers, over time.

I expose myself to fear over and over again, and it's never fun. My dancing and my piano lessons are two ongoing examples of where I risk embarrassment, over and over again. I still get that feeling of un-ease when someone in authority even hints at my errors. There's no need to feel that way, and I know it. It's just taking time and practice to "lose" the feeling. That way of thinking is a habit I can't afford to reinforce any longer, by giving myself food treats to quiet my worries.

The good news is that I'm scared of less and less, the more I get "out there".

SparkPeople advises us to examine our thoughts, find our triggers, figure out what's true and what isn't. Then, we'll know how to help ourselves.

Some examples of the kind of questions they suggest:
~What thoughts are contributinjg to my anxiety?
~Do I worry that others may regard me as incompetent, boring or unattractive?
~How am I feeling physically in social situations?
~Do I blush, sweat, shake or lose my train of thought?
~Are my anxiety-triggering beliefs true or false?
~How can I change the way I think about social situations so that I can attempt to view them in the same way as those without social anxiety do?

Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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ALTORECORDER's Photo ALTORECORDER Posts: 747
11/14/10 5:55 P

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I find that episodes of packing my stomach are triggered most often by little regressions back to the severe social anxiety of my younger years. It's that nagging un-ease that lingers after a doctor's appointment, a formal meeting, a social engagement with people I don't really relax with, or a foot-in-mouth experience with anyone at all. Sometimes, just being with other people for too long a time creates an emotional fatigue that has the same effect. If I can discharge the feeling readily, fine. But if not, by mid-evening I'm beginning to look for anything I can eat, and this will escalate into a binge. This, of course, then knocks my self-confidence into a cocked hat,,,, so it's "Poor old Michael Finnigan! Begin again!"
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It's tough growing up at any age.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Team: Books By Ear


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LISAHP's Photo LISAHP Posts: 121
11/3/10 12:10 P

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Wow Barbara, The 'learned pessimism' was spot on! Thanks for the post.

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.
Theodore Roosevelt


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BETTIED's Photo BETTIED Posts: 198
11/2/10 12:11 P

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Thank you so much Barbara!! I will read these today!



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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
10/29/10 4:39 P

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This is the one about "learned pessimism". When I first read it, it hit me right between the eyes.

www.dailyspark.com/blog.asp?post=sta
yi
ng_motivated_tip_8_beat_the_three_psR>_of_failure


Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
10/29/10 4:32 P

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Here's one on 3 ways to stop negative thinking.
www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivat
io
n_articles.asp?id=614&page=4




Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
10/29/10 4:06 P

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Sounds like one of those "aha" moments, BETTIED, moments when we figure out something specific to work on, to help ourselves. It's a happy day! We can lick this stuff, one step and one problem at a time.

There are some Coach Dean motivation articles on "all or nothing" thinking and "learned pessimism". I'll see if I can find a couple of links you might like.

Sabotaging thoughts have a way of creeping into our heads, and if we don't think something else pretty fast, they'll take us down familiar roads to overeating. Over time, I'm learning to think fewer and fewer thoughts that sabotage me. It just takes awareness and work, to weed them out. We can do it.

When a thought makes us want to eat, I'm told we have a few seconds to dismiss the thought (with something like "no way, sleeping tiger") or to get involved in something that takes our interest away from the urge. The urge will pass in 15 or 20 minutes, if we don't feed it or continue to think about it. If we feed it, that same thought will get us again. We get into the habit of thinking that way, and we can break those habits, sooner or later.

We've all participated in the victim role. It gets kind of comfy, with the pity parties and all, I think. But it would be nice to have other options, wouldn't it?
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One of the things that helps me in that moment between the sabotaging thought that triggers the urge is a little stack of business cards with a rubber band around them. I grab them and read what I've written to myself. Things like "You'll regret it if you overeat. You want (list a few of my most emotional reasons for wanting this weight gone.) Can't have it both ways. If you give in, you'll strengthen the bad habit. Resist and you weaken it. Go do something else fun, get your mind out of the trough. You'll be so happy later, if you say "no" to this urge."

I'm sure you get the idea. Just personalizing stuff that motivates us is helpful. I'll go look for those links.
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Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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BETTIED's Photo BETTIED Posts: 198
10/29/10 10:26 A

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wow where to begin! I fall into "vicious cycles" or what I like to call self sabotage cycles far too often. I think the victim role has something to do with it, also I do fall into the "all or nothing" trap.
Sometimes I think that I'm afraid to be thin. When I was religious I was often afraid that I was a horrible person and that I didn't deserve people to treat me well or any good things and I would "sabotage" myself when I thought I was thinking of myself in a positive light. I don't do that as much anymore but I do wonder if that is part of why when I am "doing well" with my eating I will sabotage myself. humm maybe I wasn't done with therapy :)



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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
10/26/10 2:18 P

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This whole "thinking errors" and "vicious cycles" phenomena interests me. I was talking to one of my Packer fan friends about it and here's what she said.
________

"I work with adults with developmental disabilities and mental health challenges. We try to teach them to make better choices by looking at their "thinking errors" when they make an unhealthy or unsafe choice. I have learned alot about my own choices while helping them learn about theirs.

For example, I used the thinking error "poor me" after my father died and used food for comfort. "All or nothing" is another one that has gotten me into trouble - since I blew my calorie count for the day I might as well blow it somemore.

I believe that each moment is a new beginning and that I am worth making healthy choices instead of those that made me feel bad. I guess that makes life more of a "straight line" with a few bumps in the middle than a "vicious circle."
_______

Edited by: BARBARA_BOO at: 10/26/2010 (14:20)
Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
10/26/10 1:11 P

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Have you ever done a search for "diet vicious cycle"? It appears to be a pretty pervasive thing. Lots of hits on the search. It looks to me like our society contributes and teaches us to believe in vicious cycles, so that we're left waiting for the other shoe to drop, during those times when things are good.

Why else would so many of us have been thinking vicious cycles were real?

I don't feel bad about any years spent "making myself a victim". We're in good company, CASSIE. It sounds like we came by it honestly.

I think it's like another friend of mine said, "Maybe the very concept of 'diet vicious cycle' is so pervasive in our society's thought patterns that it's hard to avoid until we stare it in the face..."

I do actually feel stronger when I think, "There are no vicious cycles. I have the power to make choices. What can I do right now to improve my situation?"




Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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CASSIES's Photo CASSIES Posts: 1,376
10/24/10 8:40 P

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My vicious cycle really has to do with my thinking! And its quite victimy thinking at that. When ever I recognize that achieved something my mind followed by words takes it away.

The classic example is I've lost such and such weight, but I still have more to go.

It was really difficult after my breast reduction. After the euphoria of it all I began to aggressivly attack my body, especially my stomache for being so big.

The only other thing that is a vicious cycle is eating sugar...I do really feel that when I do it sets up the craving for me....I just want to throw that in here. I do feel I have to mentally pull myself away from eating more and more once I start. recognizing that cycle helps me work with it.


�The more we witness our emotional reactions and understand how they work, the easier it is to refrain.� ― Pema Ch�dr�n



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BARCLE's Photo BARCLE SparkPoints: (216,320)
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10/24/10 7:53 P

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Actually I TOTALLY agree with Coach Dean and thank you for posting this. It's made me think and it totally makes sense. It's my choice - I'm not the victim of a vicious cycle if I overeat and don't exercise. I am choosing to run and exercise and eat healthier - that could be called a vicious cycle if I was to use the same mentality as I do for the negatives. I agree, we are active, not passive in this emoticon

Smile .... it makes people wonder what you're up to ;-)

It is far easier to MAKE time to exercise than it is to FIND time to exercise. You want results???? MAKE it happen.

Keep trying - you CAN do it - believe in yourself!


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ELECTRALYTE's Photo ELECTRALYTE Posts: 10,207
10/24/10 4:45 P

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If it had not been for educating myself on nutrition, if I had not learned about clean eating my struggle would continue.
I have formed new habits that have broken that circle.
I have quit smoking, many years ago, drinking,over a year ago, and now have quit eating crap.
I will never go back. We have control over ourselves when we figure out why we were trying to kill ourselves in the first place.

it's been up to me to inspire me.
~ Eric Clapton ~

"Atheism is a non-prophet
organization"
~George Carlin~

When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.
~Jimi Hendrix~

"A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality."
~John Lennon~

70 lbs. done!


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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
10/24/10 4:08 P

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Here's a direct quote from SP COACH DEAN ANDERSON, our resident expert on all things "MOTIVATION".

"There's no such thing, for example, as a 'vicious cycle' of losing and regaining weight. There ARE plenty of people who do lose and regain weight, and they do it one meal and one choice at a time--the same way they lost the weight to begin with."

I guess he told US! But that's what we're here for, right? TRUTH. COACH DEAN won't lie to us, no matter how much he wants to be nice.

He explained that you (the YOU that includes all of us) could be "setting youself up for failure by the way you think of yourself as the helpless victim of all these external forces that don't really exist".

Personally, I'm trying to think back to who first told me there was a "vicious cycle" or "vicious circle". I'm not sure when it happened, but I bought into it. I don't ANY MORE. I don't intend to tell myself I'm caught in a "vicious circle" ever again. And to think I wanted to get a barbed wire tattoo around my upper arm to symbolize a "vicious circle". Happily, DH convinced me to wait until after he's dead.



How about others on the team?

What has your experience with "vicious cycles" been? It's OK to disagree with COACH DEAN, I guess? Warning, though. His percentage of accuracy on these matters is "way up there".


Edited by: BARBARA_BOO at: 10/24/2010 (16:48)
Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


 current weight: 151.4 
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