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CONQUERGRAVITY's Photo CONQUERGRAVITY Posts: 1,514
8/30/10 9:41 A

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It's funny - two weeks ago I hit my 10 pound mark for weightloss, and I felt amazing.

Now, two weeks later, I'm still stuck at the exact same 10 pound mark (freakin plateaus), and while I feel better than I did two months ago, I don't feel so amazing anymore, and I'm starting to see fat again where I wasn't seeing it two weeks ago.

But the funny thing is that there is no extra fat. I weigh the same as I did when I was celebrating 10 pounds. And even though I haven't lost any weight, I feel like my clothes are a bit looser. I should feel amazing, but because I'm stuck, I'm starting to feel fat and frustrated again. Not as bad as before, but... still not great.

Funny how that works, isn't it?

Oh, and I've also always been one of those people who never feels fat... until I look in the mirror. And the worst is seeing myself in pictures. I guess I have this image of myself that is way hotter than the chubby reality, and every time I see a picture of myself, or really examine myself in the mirror, I come crashing down to earth. It sucks. That's what I'm trying to do now though - match the image in my head with the reality in the mirror or on the camera.

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LMB-ESQ's Photo LMB-ESQ Posts: 12,198
8/25/10 8:53 A

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"Phantom fat"

What a great way to put it!

I know what you're talking about, making healthy choices when you can, but allowing the indulgences too. It's like I'm too damn stubborn to admit I've got to not allow the indulgences! I give in too much to my inner spoiled child: "I want it! I don't care if it's bad for me!" And then kicking myself because I feel terrible the next day. And I can't tell you what I struggle with either.

***** Laurie in Northeast Ohio *****

Fortunate are you if you love a dog, for that dog will surely love you.

Fly Free my friend.... for only in true freedom can we find our true selves

Treat stressful situations like a dog... If you can't eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away!

Neat Link: The Rules for Being Human rules4humans.com/


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SCHWINNER!'s Photo SCHWINNER! Posts: 3,338
8/25/10 8:14 A

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I just noticed this thread and wanted to add my "me toos!" and two cents.

I definitely suffer from phantom fat - I look in the mirror and I swear, I look exactly the same as I did 35 lbs. ago. I know I've slacked and let some weight come back. I've been struggling for a while with the dichotomy of "do I keep discipline going, stay super strict, and try to get to my goal of 130ish, or do I continue as I am, making healthy choices when I can, but more allowing myself to indulge and enjoy when I want to/when the opportunity presents itself?" I've blogged about it and have trouble articulating exactly what it is that I struggle with.

I don't LOVE how I look. I know I look better than I did, but I also know I can look even better. But when I get there, will I be happy? Is it worth the self discipline and effort if I'm still just going to see myself as fat and flabby?

It doesn't matter how slowly you go, only that you don't stop.

If today were perfect, there would be no need for tomorrow.

Bliss cannot be disturbed by loss or gain.
BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
8/19/10 6:32 P

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I went to your page and saw your adorable little girl, too. I have 3 daughters and they're all older than you are. And I know they have always been part of my reasons for wanting to lose weight. Now, that they're older I don't want to be an excuse for them to gain weight, thinking they are destined to be fat because their mother (me) yo-yo dieted for so many years.
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I think your page said that this is your first week at SparkPeople. If so, it sounds like you're getting off to a good start, with the walking and the understanding of the importance of baby steps.

I was touched by this statement at the end of your post because it's how so many of us feel or have felt at one time or another: "Sometimes I feel like I may never find myself at all."

It's a real challenge to reconcile the changes that happen in our body and the image inside our heads of how we look. It's great to lose weight and make physical changes to our bodies. But, how disappointing if we still feel fat, afterwards?

I think it's just going to take time to unfatten our thoughts. Please know that you don't have to be alone in searching for yourself. People here love to share their victories and concerns. You're welcome to do the same.
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Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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ELECTRALYTE's Photo ELECTRALYTE Posts: 10,207
8/19/10 4:54 P

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Dawn, I just visited your spark page, Your baby is so CUTE!!! Keep up the good work, be patient. You want to be healthy and you can do it. emoticon

“it's been up to me to inspire me.”
~ Eric Clapton ~

"Atheism is a non-prophet
organization"
~George Carlin~

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.”
~Jimi Hendrix~

"A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality."
~John Lennon~

70 lbs. done!


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ANEWDAWN30's Photo ANEWDAWN30 Posts: 792
8/19/10 2:41 P

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Interesting. I think I can answer yes to all those questions. I've always been the perpetual fat girl. I weighed 300 pounds when I was 16. At some point in my early 20's I lost a lot of weight. I weighed about 180. But I never felt any different than when I weighed 300. I attributed it to the fact that I hadn't tried to lose weight. I had moved to a new city and started walking like 5 miles a day. The pounds just sort of melted away. I knew I was buying much smaller clothes, I mean, I could even buy clothes from the normal sized sections in the store!!! That thrilled me, but when I looked in the mirror, I didn't see anything different than I did when I was 15.

Fast forward nearly a decade, and I've gained all my weight back, plus around 100 more pounds on top of it, and to be honest, I still feel like the 300 pound 16 year old. When I see a picture of myself (which isn't often, seeing as I've sworn death on any photographer that would dare take my picture) I'm shocked at how huge I am. I'm even surprised when I look in the mirror. I'm surprised when I can't sit the way I used to and I'm not as flexible as I used to be. I hate it.

When I was thinner, in my mind I was always telling myself that I'm still fat. Now, it's like in my mind I'm always reminding myself that I'm about 10 times more hideous than I think I am at any given moment. When I see pictures of myself when I was so much thinner, I barely recognize that girl. I can't believe that was ever me. And then I feel the same way when I see current pics of myself. Sometimes I feel like I may never find myself at all.

I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is the victory over self.

~Aristotle~


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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
8/15/10 2:01 P

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Thanks, NEVERMIND. I love reading about the research on body image and mapping. The phantom limb comparison to phantom fat (feeling like the fat is still here after the lbs are lost, just like the pain that is felt from a phantom limb that's been amputated) is intriguing.

Edited by: BARBARA_BOO at: 8/15/2010 (14:37)
Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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NEVERMIND2010's Photo NEVERMIND2010 Posts: 587
8/15/10 3:04 A

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I'm feeling the catch-22 here, as well. Oh well.

@Barbara_boo: I recently read a very interesting book that addresses body mapping (somewhat), although there is more focus on phantom limbs, etc. However, I do recommend it if you're interested in brain science. The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science, by Norman Doidge.

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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
8/15/10 12:33 A

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The negativity associated with both "fat" and "old" is a humorous "catch 22", isn't it? Good one, ACWYNN!
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At age 68, I have a hairdresser on "speed dial". I have long since found out that my hair is all platinum (i.e. grey).
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The hairdresser dyes my roots dark brown and brightens up the platinum. She sometimes adds hot pink or turquoise blue streaks on one side. I've been told it looks strangely natural.
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How interesting that some kind of switch was flipped when you let your hair go grey, one that enabled you to have an easier time of losing weight.

WILDFLOWER, it sounds to me that you have chosen a good option, to keep on doing what you're doing until your brain catches up with your smaller body. Nice that the BF can't keep his hands off you. Someday, one would hope that you can look as good in your own eyes as you do in his.

I am also fascinated by the body image topic, LMB. Many things appear to trigger "feeling fat". And your point about "complacency" seems pretty relevant, too. Judith Beck, author of "The Beck Diet Solution" says its common to feel helpless and hopeless when we're gaining weight. Once we're able to recommit, we gain the confidence to go on. Success begets success.

Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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LMB-ESQ's Photo LMB-ESQ Posts: 12,198
8/14/10 9:17 P

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This is a good discussion. It's interesting. I lost 49 lbs and felt great, and thought I looked great. I bought a bunch of new clothes in smaller sizes, which felt REALLY great. I was only 4 lbs away from my goal weight.

Then I went through an extremely stressful period for three months or so (won't go into it here, but if you're interested, I have some blogs up about it) and I gained about 10 lbs back. Now I feel fatter than I did before I started. Oh, the smaller clothes still fit, although a bit tighter, and I still like what I see in the mirror for the most part. Although I did see a recent pic of myself that was fatter than I thought I looked. I really hate having my picture taken.

But there's something about how you feel before you begin losing weight, I don't know what it is... just being used to it maybe? And you get to be complacent about it. You know... "this is how I've always been, it's nothing new." Then you lose the weight, and you feel much different. Then maybe you gain a few pounds back and BANG, it's a whole new fat feeling. You're not used to it anymore, and it feels just terrible!

I hate the way I feel right now. And yet, I can't seem to stay on the food plan that I know will take that extra weight off. And I know what I need to do to get back on track, I just can't seem to make myself do it. School starts for me in another week. I'm hoping that the routine of it will help me establish a more consistent eating/exercise routine too. Gotta do something, that's for sure. I hope that's it.

***** Laurie in Northeast Ohio *****

Fortunate are you if you love a dog, for that dog will surely love you.

Fly Free my friend.... for only in true freedom can we find our true selves

Treat stressful situations like a dog... If you can't eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away!

Neat Link: The Rules for Being Human rules4humans.com/


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WILDFLOWER-'s Photo WILDFLOWER- Posts: 1,389
8/13/10 10:38 P

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Really great topic & discussion.

I have to say that after losing 115 pounds I'm still not use to the reflection in the mirror. I've had a double chin for as long as I can I remember. And the new lady in the mirror doesn't have one. I have cheekbones, who knew?

I'm in an odd place right now. My doctor wanted me below 180. I'm currently at 177. I've been trying to get to 170. I seem to be stuck.

The thing is - my boyfriend can't keep his hands off me. My father thinks I might be just a little too skinny. And I still feel that have flabby arms and belly. It's all confusing - do I continue to diet? do I just increase the strength training? do I just keep on trying to make healthy food choices and not worry about it? So many choices in life sometimes.

I feel proud of my accomplishments. And because of my weight loss I've inspired several co-workers, friends and family members to exercise more & lose weight. That in itself feels pretty good.

I think really - I'm trying to let my brain catch up with my new body. I can totally see how that will take longer than simply the time it took to lose the weight.

Thanks for sparking my brain Ms Boo. emoticon

Be Peaceful. Shine On.
~ Debra

“Do or do not... there is no try.” - Yoda, Star Wars

“Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.” - Lucius Annaeus Seneca (c. 4 BC – AD 65)


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GRYPHON55's Photo GRYPHON55 Posts: 640
8/13/10 12:27 P

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I can identify so much (and laughed so hard) at the point that now people don't say look at the fat girl, they say look at the old lady. I know I was hiding behind my weight (it's a long story why, but then isn't it always?).

Last fall, I decided, what the hell, I was going to stop coloring my hair and see what color it really was after all these years and how much gray there was. It took about 4 months to see that I was pretty much gray- and white-haired now. So I gained a new identity, "the old lady", and not coincidentally, I finally started losing weight. I didn't realize that timing until just now reading that post.

Maybe I'm hiding under my gray hair. Maybe I'm just learning at the ripe old age of 54 to accept myself as I am.

I never felt as fat in my head as I was in real life, though. In my head, I was always normal weight, even when I wasn't. So I avoided mirrors and photo ops, and even now, I cringe when I see myself in a photo and think "I'm not that fat in real life". Talk about denial! I figure when I get to my normal weight (which I have been before for a long time) then the image in my head will pretty much match what I see in the mirror.

I'm located in Pacific Daylight Time.


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DERTREFFER's Photo DERTREFFER SparkPoints: (13,607)
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8/10/10 9:51 P

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I feel fatter now than I ever have. I don't know if I have a terrible problem that I need counseling for or if it is normal, but I feel like a giant puff-ball. Not happy at all with the way I look.

I think I need to start meditating again and see if that will help! I know that when I have anger issues that that helps me a lot, so perhaps it will carry over. Thanks Boo for starting this thread and making me think of that!

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ROYALETBONE's Photo ROYALETBONE SparkPoints: (46,524)
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8/10/10 8:54 P

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I FEEL thinner, more energetic, vibrant, happy, active.
I AM fat still.
That dance, of having lost 140+, with lots to go, gets to me sometimes.
I FEEL great, most of the time.
Got pictures of me at the wedding, and went, WTF? I'm still fat.
Oh, yeah. Still have over 50 pounds to lose.
A-hem.
Still fat.
But happy!
Losing weight does NOT change our personalities, or our lives.
Having people look at us and see us as active happy people- does.
That's a weird dance.
People tend to think of the morbidly obese as lazy, and a bit stupid.
Facing those reactions in the public constantly is a drain.
Getting rid of that drain is good.
I don't get those 'she is fat' looks so much now.
Now I get the 'she is old' looks from much younger people.
Oh, well.
It's my journey, and I take the joy in it that I can.

Edited by: ROYALETBONE at: 8/10/2010 (20:54)
Mare-

Direction, not perfection!

It's not a DIE-et- it's a LIVE-it!

I am a kind of pranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. - JD Salinger



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ELECTRALYTE's Photo ELECTRALYTE Posts: 10,207
8/10/10 5:23 P

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I was always watching my weight as far back as I can remember. I loved working out and jogged everywhere I went. I began to pack on pounds while mired in grief over the loss of my son, then my parents, my 2 brothers.
I drank LOTS of beer to self medicate. Then I severely shattered an ankle and was in a walker for a year. One day I just looked at a picture of myself and could not believe that fat woman was me. What happened!!! My husband had heart and lung trouble and almost died. Taking care of him I started taking a look at my own health. And having no health insurance I knew I'd just have to die if I got sick.
Anyhoooooo... I feel great now. I like to lie on my side in bed and feel the bones I forgot I had, WOW!! HIP bones! I don't still feel fat. I look down at my thinner shadow while I'm taking my walk and I feel fantastic! I'm sorry, what was the question? emoticon

Edited by: ELECTRALYTE at: 8/13/2010 (15:18)
“it's been up to me to inspire me.”
~ Eric Clapton ~

"Atheism is a non-prophet
organization"
~George Carlin~

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.”
~Jimi Hendrix~

"A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality."
~John Lennon~

70 lbs. done!


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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
8/10/10 4:28 P

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Hi, EMMA,

I'm one of those people who gets surprised by pictures that look fatter than I think I am. It's my form of denial, I guess.

I know what you mean about people not appearing to notice large chunks of weight loss. People sometimes walk on eggshells around us, wondering what we'll think if they comment on our weight, one way or another.

My husband used to never say anything, like the people at your work. He says he was afraid to look too eager for me to lose it, in case I would think he didn't care for me, regardless of my size. Also, he could have been afraid to get his hopes up, in case I would gain it back, which I usually did. We can talk about it now, and that helps.



Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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EMMA579's Photo EMMA579 Posts: 116
8/10/10 3:19 P

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This post really struck home with me. I'm on the fence. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I can see all the work I've done, I know I feel and am better and healthier. Other times I look and think I still have so far to go and how did it get so far out of control.

I've lost 100+ pounds so far this year and no one at work says anything about it. My immediate family is pretty supportive now, but they had to kind of work around to it and realize how much this means to me.

Part of me is afraid that I won't be happy after I lose the weight because it's not the problem...that my personality is. For now, I just shut those voices away and concentrate on losing.

emma

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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,794
8/10/10 2:28 P

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If you have questions such as these, you're not alone.

It's fairly common to have BODY IMAGE problems before, during and after weight loss.

Are you ever surprised when you see a picture of yourself and it looks fatter than the picture in your mind? Do you still feel fat after losing weight? Did you not notice extra weight until you had packed on a large amount of it? Does anything else disappoint you about how you look after losing a significant amount of weight? Did you expect to look like a fashion model or chiseled athlete?
Are you afraid to be happy about your weight loss because of fear that you'll regain it all and are therefore afraid to enjoy looking thinner?

Please share your experiences with us, including whether it gets better, over time.

These are all things to resolve in our minds, to help us lose the weight and maintain it. If we talk about them, our feelings can't so easily sneak up on us and sabotage our efforts.

I'm reading the following book about body mapping that tells us about the emerging scientific answers to questions like these. It's called, "The Body Has A Mind of its Own", by Sandra Blakeslee.

The book points out that changes in the brain take longer than physical changes to the body do. Therefore, it often takes a longer time for the brain to catch up, after surgery or a weight loss. It comforts me to know that the brain CAN catch up.

Here's a statement from the introduction to the book that I find very interesting.

"Your ability to sense, move, and act in the physical world arises from a rich network of flexible body maps distributed throughout your brain--maps that grow, shrink, and morph to suit your needs. The science of body maps has far-reaching applications. It can help people lose weight and make peace with their bodies, improve their ability to play a sport or influence people, and to recover from a stroke. It points the way to new treatments for anorexia, phantom limbs, musician's cramp, and a condition among golfers called the yips."

The author points out that the science of body maps isn't the "Grand Unifying Theory" of neuroscience. But it's a a piece of the puzzle, another lens for examining ourselves as individuals.

To me, this all underlines the importance of being consistent with our behaviors while we wait for our brain to believe that we're a person who likes to eat and move the way our healthy habits guide us to do. That's when our brain will believe that we also look the part. Your thoughts?




Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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