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MELLOSE2WIN's Photo MELLOSE2WIN Posts: 186
7/12/11 11:53 P

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Hi, I think it works out really nicely when the job can be shared. I can sorta see his point if he didnt want to get up ALL the time or EVERY time but, I can see your point that you shouldnt be stuck losing your sleep all the time either. You guys both work in reality and no matter what your jobs are, even if you both left the house to work, then it would only be fair to share the wake up calls for sure! Hopefully you can sit him down and have a nice chat about how you think it would be nice if you guys came up with a schedule.. one week on, one week off or whatever it is that works for you. I know in my head I have certainly been in a mood to pass the responsibility at night over to my husband because I think "well I looked after them all day" but then on the other hand, he left the family and worked all day to bring home the bacon! :) so its only fair that we share responsibilities when we are both home. Parenting is definetly team work! I hope you can resolve it quickly so you guys can lay down at night without first of all the stress of thinking whose going to get up.. second stress over whose going to be mad at who third stress about losing sleep etc! Just get a schedule going on and soon the kids will be sleeping through the night anyways! yay! :)

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1/9/11 5:47 P

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this may not work for everyone, but i actually told my (now ex) husband that if he thought he had so much more special rights and shouldnt be as active in the parenting process, then he can do it for the next 24 hours and see exactly what it is that i do all day. I stayed the night with a friend, and no, this is not what caused our marital demise. but it became more clear to him that it takes more than one person to be parents, and he actually stepped up.

Edited by: MLVIRGILLO at: 1/9/2011 (17:48)
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10/2/10 7:28 A

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I can relate -- I am the primary caregiver to our 2 boys (5 and 6), have a part-time job (drive school bus), and am the only one who cooks meals and cleans up. My husband recently was laid off and has had to spend a lot more time with the kids, which has definitely been a bonding experience for them. When he was working, I kinda "clocked off" when he got home, but I have always been the one to get up in the middle of the night if they needed us. I think I managed to get him up a couple of times, but he definitely believes he requires more rest than I do. My mom thinks it's a "guy" thing, and if it means he isn't as grumpy the next day, the boys and I will put up with it. I guess you just have to remember these are moments you will never get back, and the kids will always remember who did what.

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2/3/10 11:23 A

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One thing that really bothers me after having my children is that dh doesn't get up with them at night. When he does get up, he makes so much noise that it keeps me up anyway or he acts like it is horrible he has to get up. much like his sleep is more important than mine. He stays home with the kids, has for 2 1/2 years now. So when I get home he "clocks out" and then they are mine according to him the rest of the night. I end up not waking him up because I don't really get to go back to sleep so what is the point of both of us being up? Then I get resentful when he still complains he is tired. Am I being petty or do I have a legitmate stressor going on here? Sometimes I feel like just because I work doesn't mean i shouldnt' get up at night, but then I think back to the time our first daughter was born and he worked and I didn't that he never got up then because he was working. To me it should be shared, one person takes the first time then the next time the other one does but then I don't know.

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