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GROOVYKARMA1 Posts: 321
11/13/08 2:21 P

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That was very cute. Thanks for sharing :)

ONLYTEMPORARY's Photo ONLYTEMPORARY Posts: 42,795
10/17/08 4:19 A

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Very funny!

It's Only Temporary

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'It's only Temporary'

Water is very important for us. We may, and I do, require more than the 8 glasses a day. The link goes to a water calculator I use to see what I need for my current weight. Mt requirement has dropped 9 ounces due to weight loss. Yipee!
fitnessgear101.com/fitness-calculato
rs/water-requirement-caculators.aspx


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LIZZYANNIE Posts: 417
10/15/08 3:28 P

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Hi everybody! I hope everyone is having a good day !

HUGS TO EVERYONE!!!!!! Team Leader of;Late Night Movie's And Chocolate Bars" Lizzyannie
SUNGLORRY's Photo SUNGLORRY SparkPoints: (0)
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10/14/08 1:32 P

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I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'

'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.

'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.

'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'

'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.

'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'

'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'

The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'

I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'

Kelly

5% Goal is 16
10% Goal is 34
15% Goal is 50
20% Goal is 67
25% Goal is 84
30% Goal is 100
35% Goal is 117
40.3% Target goal is 135


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ONLYTEMPORARY's Photo ONLYTEMPORARY Posts: 42,795
10/13/08 4:50 P

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We all can post funny things. We just need to keep them clean so everyone can enjoy them. I'm doing better today.

It's Only Temporary

Member of:

JW's On the Narrow Path Teams

'It's only Temporary'

Water is very important for us. We may, and I do, require more than the 8 glasses a day. The link goes to a water calculator I use to see what I need for my current weight. Mt requirement has dropped 9 ounces due to weight loss. Yipee!
fitnessgear101.com/fitness-calculato
rs/water-requirement-caculators.aspx


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LIZZYANNIE Posts: 417
10/13/08 8:36 A

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That poem is so "FUNNY"...You've made my morning, that's great... Are you always posting funny things?? How are you?? I'll let you know if I see her !! ha ha

HUGS TO EVERYONE!!!!!! Team Leader of;Late Night Movie's And Chocolate Bars" Lizzyannie
ONLYTEMPORARY's Photo ONLYTEMPORARY Posts: 42,795
10/7/08 3:46 A

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The computer swallowed grandma.
Yes, honestly its true!
She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.

It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.

I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.

In desperation, I asked Jeeves -
My searches to refine;
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found 'online.'

So, if inside your 'Inbox'
My Grandma you should see,
Please 'Copy', 'Scan' and 'Paste' her
And send her back to me.


It's Only Temporary

Member of:

JW's On the Narrow Path Teams

'It's only Temporary'

Water is very important for us. We may, and I do, require more than the 8 glasses a day. The link goes to a water calculator I use to see what I need for my current weight. Mt requirement has dropped 9 ounces due to weight loss. Yipee!
fitnessgear101.com/fitness-calculato
rs/water-requirement-caculators.aspx


 current weight: 230.0 
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ONLYTEMPORARY's Photo ONLYTEMPORARY Posts: 42,795
8/24/08 1:31 A

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The Moped
An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.
The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, 'What kind of car ya got there, sonny?'
The doctor replies, 'A Ferrari GTO.. It cost half a million dollars!'
'That's a lot of money,' says the old man. 'Why does it cost so much?'
'Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' states the doctor proudly.
The Moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside?'
'No problem,' replies the doctor.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says,
'That's a pretty nice car, all right... But I'll stick with my Moped!'
Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do.
He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot
in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be
and suddenly... WHOOOOSSSHHH! Something whips by him going much faster!
'What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?' the doctor asks himself.
He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph.
Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped! Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas. He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!
Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.
Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again ! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do ! Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.
The doctor stops and jumps out and, unbelievably, the old man is still alive.
He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you?'
The old man whispers, 'Unhook my suspenders from your side mirror !!!





It's Only Temporary

Member of:

JW's On the Narrow Path Teams

'It's only Temporary'

Water is very important for us. We may, and I do, require more than the 8 glasses a day. The link goes to a water calculator I use to see what I need for my current weight. Mt requirement has dropped 9 ounces due to weight loss. Yipee!
fitnessgear101.com/fitness-calculato
rs/water-requirement-caculators.aspx


 current weight: 230.0 
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ONLYTEMPORARY's Photo ONLYTEMPORARY Posts: 42,795
8/17/08 10:10 P

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How smart is Your Right Foot ?
Just try this. It is from an orthopedic surgeon............ This will boggle
your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can
outsmart your foot, but, you can't. It's preprogrammed in your brain!

1. While sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift
your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right Hand.
Your foot will change direction.

I told you so!!! And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know
how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.

It's Only Temporary

Member of:

JW's On the Narrow Path Teams

'It's only Temporary'

Water is very important for us. We may, and I do, require more than the 8 glasses a day. The link goes to a water calculator I use to see what I need for my current weight. Mt requirement has dropped 9 ounces due to weight loss. Yipee!
fitnessgear101.com/fitness-calculato
rs/water-requirement-caculators.aspx


 current weight: 230.0 
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ONLYTEMPORARY's Photo ONLYTEMPORARY Posts: 42,795
8/5/08 11:41 P

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We'll keep it going.

It's Only Temporary

Member of:

JW's On the Narrow Path Teams

'It's only Temporary'

Water is very important for us. We may, and I do, require more than the 8 glasses a day. The link goes to a water calculator I use to see what I need for my current weight. Mt requirement has dropped 9 ounces due to weight loss. Yipee!
fitnessgear101.com/fitness-calculato
rs/water-requirement-caculators.aspx


 current weight: 230.0 
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CRAFTYC's Photo CRAFTYC Posts: 3,501
8/5/08 11:11 P

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I hope this thread stays active - it's fun! I'll try to come up with a good one to post soon!

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DEBORAH63601's Photo DEBORAH63601 SparkPoints: (32,458)
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8/5/08 6:41 A

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that was funny

2/26-146.2


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ONLYTEMPORARY's Photo ONLYTEMPORARY Posts: 42,795
8/5/08 3:38 A

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Subject: Good business??
Young Chuck, moved to Texas and bought a
Donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the
Donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son,
but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'
Chuck replied,
'Well, then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'
Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?
Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said, 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'
Chuck said, 'Sure I can Watch me... I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with
Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'
Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece
and made a profit of $898.00.'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'
Chuck now works for the government.






It's Only Temporary

Member of:

JW's On the Narrow Path Teams

'It's only Temporary'

Water is very important for us. We may, and I do, require more than the 8 glasses a day. The link goes to a water calculator I use to see what I need for my current weight. Mt requirement has dropped 9 ounces due to weight loss. Yipee!
fitnessgear101.com/fitness-calculato
rs/water-requirement-caculators.aspx


 current weight: 230.0 
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ONLYTEMPORARY's Photo ONLYTEMPORARY Posts: 42,795
8/4/08 9:04 P

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A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, "Why don't you eat the peanuts yourselves?".

"We can't chew them because we have no teeth", she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"

The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."

It pays to be careful around old people.


It's Only Temporary

Member of:

JW's On the Narrow Path Teams

'It's only Temporary'

Water is very important for us. We may, and I do, require more than the 8 glasses a day. The link goes to a water calculator I use to see what I need for my current weight. Mt requirement has dropped 9 ounces due to weight loss. Yipee!
fitnessgear101.com/fitness-calculato
rs/water-requirement-caculators.aspx


 current weight: 230.0 
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CRAFTYLADYINWI's Photo CRAFTYLADYINWI SparkPoints: (0)
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7/30/08 11:55 P

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Too Funny!!! LOL

**** LORI ****

Team Leader: "Scrappers with Spark"


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DEBORAH63601's Photo DEBORAH63601 SparkPoints: (32,458)
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7/30/08 6:40 A

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That was funny!!!

2/26-146.2


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ONLYTEMPORARY's Photo ONLYTEMPORARY Posts: 42,795
7/29/08 7:39 P

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Reverend Boudreaux was the part-time pastor of the local Cajun Lutheran Church , and Pastor Thibodaux was the minister of the Covenant Church across the road.
They were both standing by the road, pounding a sign into the
ground, that read:

'Da End iss Near! Turn Yourself Around Now!
Before It's Too Late!'

As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window and yelled, 'You religious nuts!'

From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash ...
Bordeaux turns to Thibodaux and asks, 'Do ya tink maybe da sign should yust say

'Bridge Out'?'




It's Only Temporary

Member of:

JW's On the Narrow Path Teams

'It's only Temporary'

Water is very important for us. We may, and I do, require more than the 8 glasses a day. The link goes to a water calculator I use to see what I need for my current weight. Mt requirement has dropped 9 ounces due to weight loss. Yipee!
fitnessgear101.com/fitness-calculato
rs/water-requirement-caculators.aspx


 current weight: 230.0 
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