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TRILLIUM22's Photo TRILLIUM22 Posts: 7,713
6/1/12 8:42 A

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Where I live there are enough half marathon length races that I have been able to do both "races' where my goal is to do MY best and then "social races" where I have run to support another runner. The trick is first to be honest with yourself about what your goals are and then communicate with those you run with.

After his first ( my 10th or so) half marathon my husband has never raced with me. I am sneaking up on him though.

Edited by: TRILLIUM22 at: 6/1/2012 (09:01)
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6/1/12 8:18 A

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I agree that race day you need to run your race. I had a similar situation with training, and I have done a few things that have worked for me. I found a new running partner for one day a week. She pushes me just a bit on pace, so that is my fast run for the week. And also started doing more solo work which I have learned to really love, but I often start with my my usual running buddy so that we can support each other and sometimes I run with her but then continue on, when she stops before I want to. And I commit to running once a week with my slower running buddy. I don't need to push myself all the time and I enjoy a nice easy run and the companionship. Good luck!

5/31/12 1:32 P

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My friend and I train solo during the week. Then we do our long runs together on the weekend. We are very close to the same pace so that helps. But come race day, unless we specifically decide to stay together the whole time (for Disney Princess we were there for fun), we know that we'll be "racing" solo. We have a predetermined place to meet up. I'm the slower of the two of us, so she will wait for me. :)

I think the big thing is communication. If you can work that out, I think it is fine to continue doing some training with her. But if your goals are just VERY different, you may need to train solo...and there is nothing wrong with that either. Good luck!

LOGOULD's Photo LOGOULD SparkPoints: (111,648)
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5/30/12 10:58 P

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I LOVE having training buddies for both strength and cardio (running). However, when it comes to events, I prefer for my buddies and I to run our own races. I do not want to hold anyone back, nor would I want to hold myself back from achieving whatever goal I may have set for myself. That may change in time, but for now, that is how I feel.

"Success is the result of what you do when the Woo Hoo is all through....."-ON2VICTORY (Robert)

"The miracle isn't that I finished...the miracle is I had the courage to start." - John 'The Penguin

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EMMANYC's Photo EMMANYC Posts: 1,702
5/30/12 5:31 P

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Do you know how your sister feels about training together and racing together? Even if you think you know the answer, I would start the conversation with asking her about what her goals are, and how she thinks the two of you can pursue your goals at the same time in a way that you support each other. It may be that she already is aware that your plans aren't quite in sync, and she might not want to hold you back.

FWIW, I'm the "slow" sister. My older (50 year-old) sister is a super athlete and an experienced marathoner, HM'er and triathlete. She has been incredibly supportive of my efforts to run and race, and we have done a couple of races together and had a great time. But there's no way I would expect her to run at my pace. In our first race together (and my first HM), she started in a corral ahead of me, finished her race in 1:48, and then, after taking a bit of a break, ran back to meet me and run the last 2 miles together.

For our last race, we picked an event that offered an HM as well as a 10K, in part because we thought there was a chance that one or the other of us might not be up for the full HM. As it turned out, I was recovering from an injury, so I ran the 10K and she ran the HM. The timing was almost perfect because she's very fast, and my race started 15 minutes after hers did. So I finished first, and then cheered her on at the finish line.

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KAREN42BOYS's Photo KAREN42BOYS SparkPoints: (104,948)
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5/30/12 1:06 P

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When I read that your sister had significant blisters at mile 5, it makes me wonder if she was training as much as you. Unless her shoes were dead, that shouldn't have happened if she was prepared for the race.

It doesn't sound like you two are currently good training partners. I can see how it would be lovely to have your sister as the perfect exercise buddy, but I imagine that's pretty rare. If you two want to see each other and exercise together, maybe some crosstraining like a bikeride would work better. I certainly wouldn't want to do all my runs with her.

As to racing together, it's about how you two want it to be. You can choose to commit to run it all together, to commmit to drive together and whoever finishes first will either be right at the finish line to cheer the other on or will walk back to finish it with that sister. It's all about what you to AGREE it should be.

Does she really want to run another half this year? If her life is maxed out and she was blistering before the 10K mark, maybe this should just be a 10K year for her while she builds conditioning.

Edited by: KAREN42BOYS at: 5/30/2012 (19:06)
It's hard to beat a person that never gives up. ~Babe Ruth

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CHRISTINA791's Photo CHRISTINA791 SparkPoints: (72,222)
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5/29/12 3:40 P

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I love training with others, but I prefer to run races solo. Not just so I don't feel held back by others, but so that I'm not holding my partner back myself if they're able to do a faster pace. Wish each other luck before the race, celebrate after, and run your own race in between.

I'm actually facing the same thing right now with my sister. She's active (she snowboards and climbs), but she's not a runner. She wants to run my next half with me, but I'm setting some pretty aggressive goals for myself, and even with four months of training we won't be at the same spot. I think I'm going to have the same conversation and tell her that it would be awesome to run the same race, but at our own paces (and who knows... maybe she'll kick my butt anyway).

Edited by: CHRISTINA791 at: 5/29/2012 (15:41)
SWAN47's Photo SWAN47 Posts: 5,864
5/29/12 1:34 P

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I think it's all been said and I agree a conversation between the 2 of you needs to happen before the race. You need to do your pace and be comfortable doing it. I'm slow and would never expect a friend to wait. I would hope they would be at the finish line to cheer me on.

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ROBYNLN's Photo ROBYNLN Posts: 661
5/29/12 1:31 P

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You have already had some good advice. I have 2 good friends that I train with. That being said, we rarely actually run side by side. We started out walking together but, over time, one friend has gotten much faster than the other 2 and all of us go at different paces. We still do alot of the same races and travel together. We start together, but each understands that we need to run our own race, then we meet up at the finish. It is nice to have and easy run with someone who is slower, but if your want to improve for the challenging workouts, you need to work to your own ability. Another good thing about "training" with someone is all the race talk you can have off the road that your non-running friends would get bored with. :-)


"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

"Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If i quit, however, it lasts forever..That surrender, even the smallest act of giving up, stays with me" Lance Armstrong

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5/29/12 1:05 P

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I totally understand your desire to support each other, but you're right, a conversation needs to happen between the two of you. Training together is one thing, race day is another thing altogether. My running friends and I, all run an different paces, but frequently run together in training - however, on race day, we start together, and then break apart as we feel we can - we are always there to support each other at the finish line, to cheer each other on - and that includes my husband!


"I just felt like running." - Forrest Gump

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5/29/12 11:21 A

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I just went through the same thing I ran a Half on Sunday I kept telling everyone (my sister and 2 other friends) that I wanted to finish in under 3 hours but I also told my sister that I would not leave her. We finished in 3:00:18. I cried. So I decided that I will run some marathons with people and run at their pace especially when they are new to racing. But I will also do some on my own and if people want to join thats fine with me but I will run ahead if they start to slow down.

Here's to the girls on their boards with bruises and scars
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Here's to anyone who never quit when things got hard
You'll never let them say "You'll never get that far."

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GLADGAD's Photo GLADGAD Posts: 5,690
5/29/12 10:15 A

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Good suggestions from everyone. Most runners understand that their friends, significant others, and other running friends don't go at the same pace. So while we may run the same route, we're not shoulder to shoulder. You may want to let your sister know that you feel ready to pick up the pace on your runs, and would she mind if you ran on ahead. She may not mind, and she may be happy to continue at her own pace. On the other hand, she may feel left behind and try to keep up with you. Or she may feel you've abandonded her and lose interest. It sounds like you need to talk to her to find out how she feels about it.

There are also other ways to compromise. For instance, let her pick the pace for one run a week, and you stay with her. Or let her know you want to do one run solo, and make that solo run your long run since you get the most bang for your buck on those.

Good luck. I understand what you're going through, as my BF is a much slower runner than I am. He wants to train to run a half marathon this fall, and I am afraid that if I stayed with him on all runs that I would in essence wind up detraining myself and running much slower than I already do. I'm lucky in that he understands. Besides, the solo training is also mental training, which you definitely need for distance running.


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5/29/12 9:51 A

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This is tough. I am a 6 plus year runner and I do 99% of my training runs solo. The reason, I find it very hard to find someone who can train at my pace and be committed to doing so. Don't get me wrong, I have run in groups before and even then I find many are not committed as much as I am. In fact I actually trained with a group last fall. My half-marathon time was no better than when I did it alone. However, when I found a virtual running coach (who emailed me weekly), my desire to do better exceeded even my own expectations and I took off well over 6 minutes off my half time...and this was all solo training.

While I can't tell you what to do in your situation (telling a running partner that you can't run with them is hard enough, even more so when your running partner is family), but it you can sit down with her and talk with her, not in a judgmental or competitive way, maybe you can come to a nice compromise.

As for finishing the race...I would wish them well and yes, I would finish...this is just as much my accomplishment as it is hers/his. I would tell them you are sorry but you will see them at the finish line.

I wish you well!

Coach Nancy

STELA731's Photo STELA731 Posts: 1,300
5/29/12 9:45 A

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Wow! That's a really tough one. My first half marathon was with Team in Training of the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and I met two wonderful girls and we did our long runs together. It worked out beautifully as we were all at the same level/pace, but when it came to race day, they stuck together and I told them I had to be on my own come race day, and they totally understood. Hopefully you can have a conversation with your sister and just lay it all out and let her know that while you love your runs together, you need to do this on your own. Hopefully she loves you and will understand that you're not leaving her behind, just that you need to do this on your own.

On a side note, the blister on your feet, did you get fitted at a running store for shoes? Sounds like your shoes were a little too tight.


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PEACOCK15's Photo PEACOCK15 SparkPoints: (18,088)
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5/29/12 9:22 A

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Hi All, I still consider myself a beginner runner, but have done around 6 5k's since beginning in June 2011. I have registered for a 1/2 marathon at the end of September with my sister who is my running buddy. We have done a few 5k's and have 2 more between now and then as well as going out on our own. I am struggling with a couple things that I can't quite define. It's important that I lay it all out that we did shoot for the stars and particiapted in our first 1/2 in Disney this past February. By mile 5, her feet were covered in blisters and she was just ready to give up and couldn't continue. Around mile 8, I came over a hill and severely pulled my hamstring - so we did not complete our first attempt. This was devastating to me as I had not even considered that I wouldn't finish. I don't regret doing it as I learned things one can only learn from experience such as breathing in a different humid climate. Since I do still consider myself a beginner runner, I am hoping that you all may be able to help me. Whenever we go out, I am at a faster pace than her, I seem more motivated and although I completely understand her life is hectic (she has a 3 yr old son & I have a 16 year old daughter) I feel like I make going out more of a priority, since we did the 1/2 together before and I had slowed my pace down to stay with her. Don't get me wrong, I am not fast by any means and do the run/walk method. Someone had once told me you never leave your running buddy behind, but to what extent? Do you not finish the race if your partner cannot? I'm thinking a conversation needs to take place on our different levels, but not quite sure how to approach. My husbad has expressed to me that he sees this and that I would be better off on my own. Has anyone had expereince with this or had a conversation like this with your running partner? Or do you have any advice for me in continuing with this? I'd love to hear any thoughts, advice or feedback and greatly appreciate it! Thank you...

"Forget regret,or life is yours to miss. No other path,
no other way, no day but today. ~ Johnathan Larson, Rent

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