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3/2/18 7:23 P

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I've felt like that before... But then again, I left the guy. You are in a better relationship than I was in.

I can't type much now, but feel free to join us in the March Chat now!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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3/1/18 12:55 A

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Have you ever wished you lived alone with just your pets? Tonight is one of those nights for me. Hubs is being a bit on the...shall I say...ugly-side. He is mocking my physical pain and sleep habits and making these ridiculous sound effects. Some days I can't stand to be around him...then he goes and does something nice...just drives me insane at times. He is getting worse as the weather warms up. I think he is taking his boredom out on me. He is totally retired now and refuses to take up a hobby or go volunteer somewhere...so there are many days where he just nags and nags at me till I wish I lived alone with just my cats.

Deborah--Texas Hill Country--Kerrville
Baby steps will get me to my goal(s).
One day at a time, heck, one meal at a time...this will be my road to success.


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2/21/18 4:49 P

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Thanks Heather! I got the clear from my doctor to do Keto long-term. Like I said, it's not for everyone. I like it, so I'm just going to stick with it for now. Although I'm kinda at a stall again.. I'm at 205.2 pounds. Well, I'm losing, so that's good at least. I was 205.6 on Saturday. I just wish I was going down faster. I asked the girl on a date, but she's busy this weekend, so maybe another time. Oh well.. I'm not in a big hurry. She's pretty, and we have a lot in common, so hopefully things work out. If not, then someone else will come along!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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RUNHAPPEE's Photo RUNHAPPEE Posts: 7,293
2/20/18 7:12 P

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Larissa, a lot of people have recommended the Keto diet to me. But I've heard from a few it's not something to stay on for an extended period of time, only to reset your body or something.

Congrats on meeting someone. I met my boyfriend on a dating site and over 3 years later we're still together and in the process of buying a house. So good luck!

Heather

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2/20/18 12:02 A

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Julie, I'm glad you had that talk with her, even though it was hard. I hope she took it well. I mean, she's older, but not that old, so we will see.

Run, I had a lot of weight issues.. I've managed to lose almost 40 pounds in a year on Keto. It's a weird diet, but talk to your doctors about it first, since when I started it I went manic. It changes your brain chemistry and gives you energy. I'm still on the rest of my meds, but I can't take antidepressants.

I'm doing good. I'm kinda in a "good day/bad day" phase, but at least I'm having good days. I spent Valentine's Day in my CoDA meeting, then with some friends at home. I had fun! I can honestly say I love myself now. I don't know how I got to this point. I can't share how I got here (because I don't know), but I do know that I love myself. My new therapist was really proud of me. I like him a lot more than my last one... He seems to give me more structure than she did. And I met a girl... I kinda like her. I'm taking it really slow, since I met her on a dating app, but she seems cool.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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2/18/18 6:26 P

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So, I went off my meds WITHOUT talking to my doctor about it because they were making me gain weight. And I've lost weight since I stopped taking them. But I can tell it's affecting me not being on them because I'm super irritable and want to slap someone half the time. Anyone else have weight gain issues while being on Vraylar and Prozac??

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2/16/18 11:38 A

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Well the step-daughter showed up last night. She called right before she was going to be there, and I was on my way home from work, so I went shopping for office supplies right away to avoid her. No such luck. She was still there when I got home, and I told her how I felt. She wouldn't even look at me. E tried to play mediator, and tried putting her and me on different "sides", as if the problem was us not getting along. I explained that she isn't even here for me to argue/not like her, and the real problem was how she treats him and how he LETS her treat him. I said my piece and walked away. At least it's done.

julie

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2/15/18 5:28 P

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Julie, I'm looking to volunteer soon, I'm just trying to get through this unstable period and feel better. I rarely get bored... I just have so many things to do, so I just dealt with the boredom and moved on. I'm not good with names... I would think of something like Mama-E's Zone (or Mom-E's) (for Pop-E's and Eagle).

I'm hypomanic, but happy! I'm wearing a pair of size 18 carpi pants!!! They fit!! I used to wear a size 30, so I'm really happy about that!! I went and bought these online (hypomania), not thinking they would fit yet, but they do and I'm happy! I was playing my bass and I'm getting it down... Hanging out with Sandra, Mike and maybe Joshua today... I'm having fun. A bit out there.. I'm going to take a "chill pill" right not (that's what I nicknamed my extra Neurontin) and I see my new psych tomorrow. Okay, pill taken. I hopefully will calm down soon. *sigh* Being bipolar sucks sometimes!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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SASSYCATMAMA40's Photo SASSYCATMAMA40 Posts: 399
2/15/18 2:18 P

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Rissa--do you volunteer somewhere? Sometimes that cures "boredom". Sometimes there are even things you can do at home on your own. The church I went to at my old home sent bandages you could wrap at home to war zones and third world countries. Or an animal shelter. I'm glad your kitty is better--it is stressful when they can't talk to you and there is something wrong!

I have to clean the old house, but otherwise I'm moved. The first room E got ready--before all the furniture was even moved in--was his "man cave". The last room we will probably get to (partly because I don't have shelves for the books) is my studio/library/study. Still thinking of a good name for it. I will write, read, craft, draw in it. Any ideas? My nickname is Mama J, and my pen name is Soaring Eagle. We are calling E's cave "Pop-E's Zone". ha. nice to have some fun with things.

julie

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2/11/18 12:27 A

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Happy to report that both Angela and I are doing better. Her cone is off and she's eating again, she's healed and is back to normal. I'm doing a lot better. I found out that the narcissist that was bugged me actually triggered some unknown PTSD. I'm more stable now, and dealing with the issues. I was bored today, which almost never happens. This was after I went shopping with my aunt. I had fun, got home and lay down for a bit. I slept like crap last night, so I wanted to nap but couldn't. I wasn't feeling up to going on the computer yet (but I am now), so I just lay in bed, bored. I called people but nobody wanted to talk. I cleaned my bathroom and vacuumed finally, two things that I've needed to do for weeks now. Not mania cleaning, just cleaning. I might watch some TV in a bit, then play some bass and go to bed.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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HMKITTEN's Photo HMKITTEN Posts: 465
2/11/18 12:05 A

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Hi guys,
As for the hysterectomy, the need to get rid of the ovaries is two-fold. One I have always had a big problem with PCOS--whether or not on hormones. Second, every time I get my period I go through hypomania and then depression, like clockwork, or at least as clockwork as my darn periods ever are. Birth control pills send me into crazy land (Tried to tough that out for many years. That went poorly.). So my psych doc thinks that a steady dose of hormones would probably kill that cycling. I will still have the out-of-the-blue mania and depression, but those are mostly controlled by my meds. Between the cysts and the hormone problems I am in for the oophorectomy in addition to the basic hysterectomy. I am hoping that it cuts down on both the physical pain (and pain in the arse that goes with that!) and the mental issues.

Both excited and nervous for the surgery, but I know that I will feel better after it, even if it doesn't fix the mental cycling.
--Heather



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2/8/18 3:31 P

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Julie, good luck with the move! The medication issues will get better in time, you are right! Great job on trying to let go of the "step"daughter! It's just better that way.

--

I'm in a mixed episode, bad. I was raging yesterday (mania), then went into a depression. Spent some brief time this morning in a bad depression, then back into a mania. I'm taking all my pills like I should, and I'm carrying my emergency mood stabilizers (and taking them), too. I'm going out with some friends tonight, and that normally helps. Sleep has been erratic. I'm letting someone get to me that I shouldn't. I need a good therapist and I haven't been looking for one. I need a psych, too, and I don't have one right now. I've been lazy and putting it off. If things get bad, I'm not scared to go back to the hospital. I have a lot of good support, and my friend tonight is bipolar as well so she knows what to look for. I had half-caff coffee this morning (can't have full decaf because it will trigger a migraine) just to prevent a mania. I'm just glad Angela is mostly healed so I don't have to worry about her if I have to go back to the hospital. As long as she has her cone, she will be okay. She ate last night, so it's okay.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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SASSYCATMAMA40's Photo SASSYCATMAMA40 Posts: 399
2/8/18 9:21 A

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Heather, do you have to have the oophrectomy as well as the hysterectomy? Oophrectomy is the ovaries being removed, hysterectomy is cervix and uterus. You can even have a supracervical hysterectomy to keep your cervix, but I DON"T recommend it....long story there. I, too, had problems and a hysterectomy early (33ish), but kept my ovaries. Doc thought the risk of problems with artificial hormones was worse than ovarian cancer/PCOS. I do have a mild version of PCOS, but oddly enough, the hysterectomy helped with enough I can go on. I'll still go through "menopause", but no periods because no uterus/cervix. The recovery isn't too bad, as long as you don't overdo it too soon. I avoided cleaning and stairs and lifting--get help!

I'm moving this weekend. Had some problems with it, and problems with the Seroquel working some on some days, too much on others, so I'm getting off that. Probs with the "Step"daughter--letting go of her permanently. I have anxiety so bad my stomach and head have been aching since Monday am. Just trying to get through the week and move. Then things will get better. This isn't forever. It too shall pass.

Julie

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2/7/18 4:04 P

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A quick check in just to say I hate snow days.

Audrey
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2/6/18 5:20 P

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Hi all!

I've started a new group called "dual Diagnosis. I have problems with depressive bi-polar and alcohol. It can be any substance.

I'm 66, I need to become healthy, live better. I've hurt my husband. I'm ashamed of me, my behavior, sneakin. I betrayed him. My weight is up.

Join me if you think it will be good for you!


See you! Cherie

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2/6/18 3:53 P

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((hugs Heather)) I'm trying to get my Depo shot so I don't get my period. I get periods from hell, so I try and limit them lol. Good luck with your hysterectomy! Try not to worry too much about it. It's going to be okay in the long run, like you know! Your hormones will balance out and you will be better. Why do you have to lose your ovaries? PCOS? Try not to stress about your weight after the surgery, either. You will be able to lose it again. I went though "menopause" for a month at 34 when I was withdrawing from my shot and it wasn't too bad. It's going to be permanent for you, though. ((hugs)) You can do this!

----

Still no money in my bank. Angela's not eating much. Stressed and worried, but getting through it one day at a time. We will be okay.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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HMKITTEN's Photo HMKITTEN Posts: 465
2/6/18 2:04 P

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Been a long time since I last checked in and a wrench has been thrown into the works: I need a hysterectomy. It means that the job search is on hold for three months (Two-ish months till I get it done, the rest recovering. Hard to go into a job interview and say, "Hi, I want to work for a bit then take a long while off to recover and not know when I will be back up to snuff.") So that is one thing off my table at this point. I am sort of glad that I didn't get the position I applied for earlier this month.

Unfortunately there are a few other problems:
1. It is going to throw the bipolar for a loop since I am losing my ovaries along with everything else. HRT will start as soon as the surgery, but it really will throw everything out of whack for a while according to both my psych doc and my surgeon.
2. It is going to be very difficult to maintain my weight (much less losing, though that hasn't happened in the last year or so anyway). Granted, I am pretty sedentary as it is, so it is not like I will be missing out on major exercise while I am down for the count. But it means that I can't do my chair exercises for quite a while since the exercises I do rely heavily on core muscles. We'll see how long it takes to get back up to snuff on muscle recovery. No real way to be sure at this point.

My mom had a hysterectomy when she was 40, around that same age my grandmother and great aunt did too. Fibroids and cysts and nasty periods run rampant on that side of the family. So she has been through a similar situation, though she didn't have to do HRT. I am scared of trying to find the right dosage for my body. That is my main fear is going through menopause symptoms at the ripe old age of 33!

The psych doc is pretty sure that the surgery will help with the bipolar as well, since I go haywire with every monthly cycle I have, no matter what meds she has me on. Here is hoping that it works as planned!

So I go in at the end of March, just before my grandparents get in for their visit for Easter. Looks like I won't be going to church this year. I will be down for the count at that point. I am fully expecting my grandmother to be hovering over me instructing me on what to/not to do while making sure I have everything I could possibly ever need. And the men in the house will be sitting there with pitiful looks on their faces as they try to figure out how to help. (Hint: stay out of the way and give me chocolate.) I might have experience with my dad fretting over situations he can't help with, and I assume my grandfather will be the same way.

Now that I have typed your eyes off I should probably wrap this up and go water everything outside. It is 65 degrees outside and hasn't rained in over three months so the trees are screaming at me for sustenance. I might even get a walk in today!
--Heather



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2/5/18 6:40 P

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Julie, feel free to vent. A 12 year old can know respect if she's taught. She obviously was not. Don't try and get mad over it. As a friend says, "Not your circus, not your monkeys." She is out of your control. It sucks that it hurts, but there's nothing you can do about it. Just try your best to let it go.

Speaking of letting go, I'm trying to let my sister go. I'm realizing that she is just emotionally unavailable. She never wants to talk on the phone, only text. Even on my birthday, just a text. She didn't ask to hang out with me, or say she got me anything. She just sent me a text (and she knows I hate texting). So I'm going to try and not give her as much attention as I would normally. I still love her, she's my sister, but I'm not going to worry about her and all that. When I got my Mom's ashes from her, it really hurt. She didn't take care of my Mom. She left the ashes in a box instead of putting it on her altar (Mexican Day of the Dead altar). She could have met me close to her house to give me Mom's ashes, but instead she sends my brother in law. I haven't seen my sister since Christmas, so it would have been nice to see her. I'm not even going to ask her to hang out tomorrow for my birthday. I'm going to just go to my meeting and go home. I think that it's better if I don't get as emotionally involved with her anymore. She's just not worth it.

If anyone's interested (and not put off by the F-word) there's this great Ted Talk about how to live a better, less stressful life. It's called "The Magic of Not Giving A F"

www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwRz
jFQa_Og


My friend says "Not my circus, not my monkeys" I say "Zero F---'s given" (from my F- bank, from the video)

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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SASSYCATMAMA40's Photo SASSYCATMAMA40 Posts: 399
2/5/18 11:23 A

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Hang in there, Rissa!

I am out of sorts as well. Yesterday, we were shopping in WalMart--which I don't like going to, but E wanted to go there--and we saw his daughter. She lives 30 miles away, but didn't even call that she was going to be in town. And when she saw E, she tried to run away and ignore him. She's 12, so not a little girl anymore. After 2 years of putting up with her, I'm done. Just done. I'm passively tolerant of people almost to a fault, but when someone hurts my family/someone I love, or when I reach my limit, I don't handle it well. I did look at her and say, "You could be human and talk to your father", but was so mad I walked away rather than ranting in public something I might regret later. She might be his daughter (and that is even questionable, based on what her mom has done/said), and "only" 12, but she is old enough to know better, and I have to close doors sometimes to be healthy. I'm distracted, achy, and tired today because of it. Just drained.

Sorry for venting. I just can't do this with her anymore.

Julie

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2/4/18 8:49 P

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I kinda had a sucky birthday until last night. I had some anxiety in the morning... I had trouble sleeping and didn't feel well. My stomach was hurting and I didn't really enjoy my banana bread breakfast or buffet lunch. I couldn't tell my family. I was lonely and depressed for most of the day, and almost nobody called me. I was calling people instead, on my birthday.

But last night was really fun. My friend Sandra, as she says, is magic lol. She just has this "I don't give a ****" personality. My friend James ditched me at the last moment because he read something about the area we were going to and didn't feel safe. But then Sandra, Mike and I got to the arcade/bar and had a bunch of fun. She created this bubble for me that I gave her on her birthday. I got home late, slept in today and I'm doing okay.

I have to take Angela back to the vet tomorrow, I think, if I can get her back in her carrier. Her arm looks kinda bad and I want them to check it out. I think her stitches came out too early. She's not eating as much, and is quiet, so I know she's in pain. It's just not good. I saw it yesterday so it didn't help make my birthday better.

Also, I got a letter from Social Security saying they are docking my pay for my Medicare Part B by over $100 a month- and this month I have to pay for December, January and February- so I only get $600. On top of that, I didn't even get that $600 in my bank, since it went to the wrong bank. So I couldn't really celebrate that much on my birthday since I was broke. I got a virgin mojito and $10 in quarters for the arcade. I was worried about getting a Lyft ride home for $3 on my credit card, since it's almost maxed out from Angela's surgery.

I'm sorry for complaining. I'm just not feeling well right now.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL Posts: 15,269
2/4/18 5:50 P

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emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Happy belated birthday Diane !! I hope it was special !!

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
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2/3/18 9:06 P

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Happy Birthday Diane. Hope u had a great day!

Edited by: ANGIEN9 at: 2/3/2018 (21:06)
~~Angie ~~
Just taking it one day at a time!!!



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2/3/18 5:21 P

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Happy birthday, Diane! I hope it's a really good one!

And thank you. I was meaning to start it, but my computer is being a jerk and not working.

Audrey
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2/3/18 3:01 P

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Sorry this is a bit late.. forgot.

Today is my birthday!! I'm 35. Happy Birthday to me!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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