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KAUAICAROLANNN's Photo KAUAICAROLANNN SparkPoints: (154,988)
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6/4/17 8:23 P

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GF - Maybe since the Celexa is new, your body has to adjust. Seems like my weight gets wonky when I switch meds. Give it a little time.

I've had to start my spark account over...well, I didn't realize I started a new one, then found my old one then deleted.....oh, never mind. I now have an extra "n" after my name, but it's my original account dating back to 2008, which I think is almost the beginning of SP.

It's been an okay weekend. Need to sit down and see what's in the pantry/fridge/freezer and make a plan for meals and snax next week. I'm overloaded on chicken, so perhaps I'll seek and find a new recipe!

See ya Monday!

Carol - Houston, TX (it's weird to see this and not Kaua'i, Hawaii)

Ketones make everything better.
Better sleep. Better mornings. Better energy.
Better fat loss. Better strength. Better mood.

~Be careful what you water your dreams with.
Water them with worry & fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism & solutions, you will cultivate success ~Lao Tzu


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GOODFELINE's Photo GOODFELINE Posts: 2,278
6/3/17 5:46 P

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I looked into keto, but I have health conditions that preclude it. The doctor switched me to Celexa to see if that works better, but I can't drive so I haven't been able to fill it yet.

Right now I am on a nutritionist monitored high protein diet, with moderate carbs and low sugar. I try to eat 1200 calories per day, but my medications suppress my appetite so it can be a struggle. I try to drink 60-80oz water daily. A typical day's meals would be:
Protein shake
Decaf coffee w/equate and creamer

Cottage cheese w/diced olives
Cashews, cubed cheddar cheese, diced roasted turkey

Low Fat String Cheese

Lemon Pepper Riced Cauliflower w/crumbled Grilled Veggie Burger

I take kickboxing once a week, spend 2 hours walking shelter dogs once a week, walk about a mile on my lunch breaks, and do either cardio or strength training M-F. I take Sundays off. I've lost 90lbs doing this, even with the Seroquel and Latuda, but for some reason the Lexapro sent me skittering into reverse.

"There is no right or wrong, tomorrow only comes for those with the power to overcome the challenge." - Asteroth, Catherine


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LARISSA238's Photo LARISSA238 SparkPoints: (83,969)
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6/3/17 4:37 P

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GF, you don't have to choose between the two... It's really hard, but you can lose weight on meds. I gained a ton on Lithium- but after deciding to take care of myself, on Lithium and then on other meds (I forget), I lost over 50 pounds! I don't know what you are doing to lose weight, but it is possible. I had to cut my calories drastically and exercise. I was eating half a whole wheat bagel with peanut butter for breakfast, the second half with more PB for a snack, a Healthy Choice dinner for lunch, then one baked chicken thigh with corn for dinner. I would go to the gym on weekends and walk at least a half mile a day. I now am on the Ketogenic diet (no carbs) and I'm losing again. I'm not on a big weight gain med, but still, I just want you to know it's possible. It sucks that you had to choose between your cat's health and yours (I would have taken care of my kitty, too!)

If you want to learn more about the keto diet, you can ask me or KawaiiCarolAnn. She's taking a supplement that's been helping her a lot. I know my blood sugar level (A1c) went from pre-diabetic to very normal in less than a month on this diet and I lost 11 pounds! It's not easy, but with the Pruvit (what Carol takes and sells), it's a lot easier. I don't have the money for the Purvit, so I just limit my carbs to under 25 grams a day. It's not the easiest diet in the world, but it's good for depression, anxiety, blood sugar, fatty liver, PCOS and more!

*hugs* Just know you are not alone in this.... I've been there! I gained a ton, but it is possible to lose weight, too! I know you have been doing really well on losing, but maybe it's time for a new strategy!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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"Learning to Love Yourself is the Greatest Love of All" ~Whitney Houston


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GOODFELINE's Photo GOODFELINE Posts: 2,278
6/2/17 10:20 A

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Last month the psychologist told me to get my anxiety under control - most of my MHPs focus on my Bipolar but ignore my anxiety. I talked to my psychiatrist about it and she put me on Lexapro, which I was on before and worked marvelously with my Seroquel. It's working wonderfully again - but now that I am watching my weight (I didn't care before) I've seen an 8lb spike in my weight, with no changes to my diet or exercise. I know from others that the Lexapro could cause this so I sent her an email asking what we should do about this, but I had to reschedule my appointment next week with my nutritionist because my cat has to see a specialist at the same time since she's going blind and we don't know why. My nutritionist can't see me until July now! I'm super stressed because I was regularly losing 10lbs a month and now it seems I have to choose between getting physically healthy or staying mentally healthy.

"There is no right or wrong, tomorrow only comes for those with the power to overcome the challenge." - Asteroth, Catherine


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KAUAICAROLANN's Photo KAUAICAROLANN Posts: 70
5/30/17 2:48 P

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emoticon Thanks Dianne emoticon

My body is a fat burning machine!
#ragingketones #ketomode #ohmigosh
3 weeks = 10 pounds, 12 inches

www.carolannneill.experienceketo.com


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LARISSA238's Photo LARISSA238 SparkPoints: (83,969)
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5/30/17 2:34 A

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Carol, check your SparkMail.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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"Learning to Love Yourself is the Greatest Love of All" ~Whitney Houston


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KAUAICAROLANN's Photo KAUAICAROLANN Posts: 70
5/29/17 4:22 P

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Well, once again I caught my husband in a lie. Then he lied about lying. It's like an addiction and I'm seriously considering going to an Al-Anon or similar type meeting. It's not acceptable, it's undermining our marriage, I have no trust. He has no intention in getting help, admitting he has a problem or quitting. Kinda like an addict, huh?

He always acts peculiar in a certain way when he's hiding/lying about something. I've noticed it in the last week and a half, maybe two weeks. I was stripping the bed to launder sheets, etc. and I found a packet/pouch of skoal (or whatever brand). I showed it to him and asked when he started chewing again....his answer? it must have been leftover from before he went into the hospital.....in JANUARY! Then I found another packet with gum wrapped around it on the night stand. Ohhhh, that's why he started chewing gum a month or so ago! Couldn't figure it out, but now makes sense. He denied chewing gum to cover up the smell of the chewing tobacco by telling me that doing both together was gross...enter the wad of gum and chewing tobacco. He had nothing to say other than chewing gum relaxed him.

When I bust him in a lie he always starts calling me "dear" and suddenly starts doing things he knows he should be doing but hasn't been. Like putting his dirty dishes in the dishwasher, sweeping the mud clumps up off the floor he drags in and other basic household stuff. I got busy cleaning (that's what I do when I get upset) and he kept trying to help me, which he never does except when I'm angry. I swear, he's like a 13 year old kid. Then in an adolescent attempt at underhanded manipulation, he gets the dogs in his lap and won't let them go when they very clearly want to get down. I take care of the fur babies in every way. Not to sound conceited, the dogs follow me around, snuggle and sleep with me. I walk into a room, they get up and gravitate to me...they know who takes care of them and he's sitting there holding them against their will. Sh*t head.

Anyway, I've spent the majority of the weekend online promoting my Pruvit business, figuring out Twitter, how it works to my advantage and branding my name. I even started looking in to learning about taxes for net year for deductions. I did learn that when a married couple files as married but separately, each spouse is responsible for their own taxes and penalties if there are questions/audits. Good thing I filed separately 2016! and will continue to do so even though it means we get less money back.

Okay, well, I'm going to move on out of here and shut the lappy down. Some of the keys are sticking and I need to pop them off and clean. Hope you are all having a good weekend.

CA

My body is a fat burning machine!
#ragingketones #ketomode #ohmigosh
3 weeks = 10 pounds, 12 inches

www.carolannneill.experienceketo.com


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EDWARDSC393's Photo EDWARDSC393 Posts: 2,275
5/27/17 4:11 P

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Hi all!

I'm off a lot of meds now. Years ago, I took a lot of meds, then when I drank, I got really messed up. No more now. My doses of meds are low, except for Lamictal, and cymbalta in the morning. I take gabapentin thru out the day. No benzos!

I like the way wine makes me feel, relaxed. I have to taper down when I'm ready.

We are moving to a smaller place, have to get rid of stuff, This is so hard.

I hope you all have a nice weekend!

Cherie

I,m Cherie, Been with sparker for 3 yrs, I like that I'm losing it slowly! Its a lifestyle!


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KAUAICAROLANN's Photo KAUAICAROLANN Posts: 70
5/27/17 3:57 A

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Okay Diane....Your post makes me smile.

Do me one favor.....go back and re-read it.....then re-read it again!.

You address and answer a lot of your own questions, emotions and fears. You are one smart cookie. You are stronger than you think, more than you know.

I completely understand when you say you want to grieve your Mom, but are afraid. They are real, raw and gut wrenching emotions. When a daughter loses her Mom, no matter what their relationship, the emotion is raw.

I'm so glad you are having success with your keto-life. We've both been down the low carb lane and it's a long, tough road. When you get it, you get it. Don't forget - toss the scale and bust out the measure tape, yes?

I've been peeing on keto strips, stressing about what color they are (or are not) and weighing

every.single.day for the last 3 weelks.

Guess what? I'm losing inches more so than pounds....doh!...basic SP knowledge.

Anyway, I am so glad you are doing well and having fun in your new, new home. You sound happier than ever.

Be safe!

My body is a fat burning machine!
#ragingketones #ketomode #ohmigosh
3 weeks = 10 pounds, 12 inches

www.carolannneill.experienceketo.com


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LARISSA238's Photo LARISSA238 SparkPoints: (83,969)
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5/26/17 2:16 A

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*hugs Carol* I hope things get better.. It's slow going through something like a death of a family member, but just take it one day at a time. I'm still not wanting to throw stuff away from my mom either. I haven't taken a break from doing stuff to really grieve... I need to, but I'm scared to.

---------------

I'm doing okay. I'm just doing everything all at once. I'm out every day, most if not all of the day. I'm working my body to it's limits. I walked almost 6 miles on Tuesday, walked another 3 miles today- and worked with my brother for 2 hours making armor (sanding metal, cutting metal, sanding again, shaping and riveting the pieces together) It's hard work, and I'm sore. I saw my new therapist today and went over a bunch of crap. I might have nightmares again tonight. I got sick this morning from some pork that I ate- it made a return when I got up again (I ate it at 9:30 am with my pills, since I need to eat with them. I was so tired I went back to bed and dragged myself out of bed at 11 am when I saw my breakfast again). I almost cancelled on my therapist, but I've been waiting a while to go see her so I just went. I'm getting really involved with DBSA (Depression/Bipolar Support Alliance), so that's been my Monday nights, this week Wednesday afternoon, tomorrow I will be gone with them maybe from noon till midnight, and then Saturday as well. It's normally not this busy with them, but it is a lot. I got involved with CoDA- Co-Dependents Annon, and it's really been helping. I was un-diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder and labeled CoDA instead. It's a lot, but I'm just trying to take it one day at a time!

I may be hypomanic, I may be "normal". I have a lot of energy (which is part of my keto diet), I feel good and I've been doing a lot (and I spent a "bunch" of money on Tuesday- $30), but my thoughts aren't racing like they were in my other post and I can focus. I don't know. I just know I need to take some time soon to slow down and process all the crap I'm going through. I know I'm avoiding it- both the divorce and my mom's death- but I do need to deal with it. *sigh* I just don't wanna lol! I'm going to go now... I'm tired and I still need to get stuff done before I can go to sleep.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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"Learning to Love Yourself is the Greatest Love of All" ~Whitney Houston


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KAUAICAROLANN's Photo KAUAICAROLANN Posts: 70
5/25/17 12:34 P

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Afternoon!

Nothing much going on in my neck of the woods. Thought I'd check in and see what was going with everyone else.

I spent the day yesterday with my Dad and sister. We are trying to help him go through the house and clear out some of the mess that has accumulated over the last years. It's slow going because even a small scrap of paper has a memory attached to it, most including Mom. On top of that, it's overwhelming the amount of paperwork and basic stuff for anyone to deal with let alone an 83 year old man who just lost his wife of 57 years.

After, my sister and I went to lunner (late lunch/early dinner) together. She seemed so sad.

My body is a fat burning machine!
#ragingketones #ketomode #ohmigosh
3 weeks = 10 pounds, 12 inches

www.carolannneill.experienceketo.com


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JYGETSFIT's Photo JYGETSFIT SparkPoints: (15,189)
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5/20/17 3:19 P

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Hi Cherie,

It's hard to tell by your post whether you actually want to drink or not. I don't know if you realize this but combining klonopin with alcohol would be a very bad choice. That combination can be lethal. If you are on sparkpeople because you are seeking to lose weight, alcohol will only have a negative effect on that type of health goal. If you are tired of drinking and want to stop there are a lot of support groups out there for that. If you are self medicating with the alcohol and have mental health problems that need to be resolved I hope you will see a psychiatrist or therapist. I used to have a problem with alcohol and drugs but when I had a spiritual awakening I realized how valuable I was in God's eyes and I realized that God would not want me to continue to harm myself with substance abuse. Twelve step groups can be very helpful in this area. Please take care. Jenny

Jenny
Michigan, EST

"When I watch the heavens in the silence of the night, as if the stars, in the profound silence of space, were listening to the eternal music of the Divine." Sri Ananda Acharaya


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EDWARDSC393's Photo EDWARDSC393 Posts: 2,275
5/20/17 11:42 A

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Hi all!

Its been quite a week!
Mothers day weekend was so nice with my son and family and friends up in Mi. I live in Cincinnati, OH. We went on Sat, came home on Sun.

I drink wine cause its seems to calm me, I get shakes in my right hand from a tummy med I used to take, I don't take it anymore.

I'm drinking everyday, I want to quit, But I don't. Running out of money. I don't tell my hunny cause then we wouldn't have our nice weekends without drinking. With him I just have 2 glasses. But I drink during the day.
I joined Hams for drinking support. Its a good group, Closed.

I'm 65, have a cochlear implant, have known my hunny since I was 17, but life got in our ways, till 14 yrs ago. Its been so awesome. He tells me he loves me all the time. I say it back, but I'm betraying him, Its almost as if I need more meds,
I get hot and sweaty too. Hunny gets cold, but he knows its from meds.

Back to me, I have 3 kids, girl, b- g. 4 grand children. My husband has 2 boys, 4 grandchildren and6 greats.

I asked the psych if I could have more klonipin at night to relax to sleep.

We are moving next month to a smaller and cheaper place, we have to much stuff to get rid of.Brain on overload!

Wanted to give you all some info about me!

Cherie

I,m Cherie, Been with sparker for 3 yrs, I like that I'm losing it slowly! Its a lifestyle!


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KAUAICAROLANN's Photo KAUAICAROLANN Posts: 70
5/17/17 11:48 P

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I feel great today.
Not hypo-manic-spend-every-dime-I-have-and-sol
ve-the-world's-problems great.
Simply put.....happy, good mood....heaven forbid I say "normal".

I am doing the new ketone thing and I can say I've noticed some real differences. Sleep... sound, restful sleep. I've never been a morning person, ever, at all, never. So when I say I wake up easier in the morning, it's kinda relative to my history but it is easier in the morning. The arthritis is still there, but I'm not as stiff or dependent on advil and celebrex. It's weird, I always run hot, meaning sweaty hot and keep the thermostat at 70*. Hubs complains about being cold, I tell him to put more clothes on. I can tell when he jacks up the temp even by a degree or two. Now, I'm good with it being 73-74, even then, still feeling a little on the cool side. One of the other things I've noticed is that I have energy. Not spastic, 5 cups of coffee energy...good, sustained energy and not coffee/sugar/carb type crashes in the middle of the afternoon. Time will tell how the super ketones will continue their magic!

Other than that, not much going on. Learning my way through twitter and instagram to do more social networking. Dealing with health insurance and re-submittal of bills trying to get them to pay more $$. After nearly 2 months and a rather stern, lawyer like letter (I'm damn proud of that letter) to the company payroll people in Dubai....I finally got the 40 hours of vacation time credited back to my hubs personnel file. Big win! Then today I got a bill from said company threatening to cancel our insurance due to a delinquent and past due amount. Bold, underlined, italic letters screaming we own them money.....and the statement was for
$0.01 ....one cent....seriously?
There's a part of me that wants to send a check for a penny or even do it through Wells Fargo online bill pay, but I doubt the bank would process such a payment. The ladies in benefits practically know me by voice when I call, so I'm sure they could find a way to excuse one cent. Hopefully. Maybe.

Looks like my fur baby boy, Max has a bit of an ear infection. He's a Tzu, so there's a lot of hair involved. Hopefully I can find something homeopathic and have the groomer do some shaving because I don't want a vet bill. Have mercy, the house would fall apart if I got sick.

TTYL!

My body is a fat burning machine!
#ragingketones #ketomode #ohmigosh
3 weeks = 10 pounds, 12 inches

www.carolannneill.experienceketo.com


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HMKITTEN's Photo HMKITTEN Posts: 458
5/17/17 1:38 P

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Rissa, glad to hear that you have managed to calm your brains down.

On the other hand, I'm tired of not being able to think. I can't understand speech with the slightest accent. I have no recall for facts. I can't do any mental math. I can't understand puzzles. I want off of my damn meds. I want my brain back!

Arg.
--Heather



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LARISSA238's Photo LARISSA238 SparkPoints: (83,969)
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5/14/17 5:38 P

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Okay, don't worry about me. My Neurontin kicked in, I lay down for a bit and I feel a lot calmer. If I get like this again before I see my psych on Tuesday, I can just take some more PRN Neurontin.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Summer, Winter, Spring 2018 Challenge Leader
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Co-Leader of the Living With Bipolar Team!

"Learning to Love Yourself is the Greatest Love of All" ~Whitney Houston


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5/14/17 4:29 P

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WARNING: Hypomanic rant ahead:

Okay, so I'm hypomanic or a bit manic right now. I hope as one of the leaders of the group this is okay to post. I don't know what to do. I have so much energy and I want to do everything. I can't focus. I need to do work but I can't focus enough to do it. I cleaned a lot already and I don't want to do any more since I'm hurting. I took some more Neurontin a bit ago and I'm hoping it kicks in soon. I researched it and it's almost impossible to OD on it, so I know I'm good if I take just 400 mg more. People have taken over like 56,000 mg and not died, so I know I'm totally okay with taking 400 mg. I tried calling my new psych yesterday at 6 am because I was awake after 5 hours of sleep (I normally get between 8-9 hours) and I just don't know what to do. I see my new psych on Tuesday and I think I need to talk about a medication tweak. I'm not a danger to myself... I'm not leaving this house except to go to the grocery store with Richard later, and plant some plants. I just need to calm down and I don't know what else to do. I can't go for a walk or run, which is what I normally do when I'm like this, but I have tendinitis so it hurts to walk and I'm supposed to stay off it until Tuesday, I know I'm rambling.. I'm thinking of reaching out to someone online to ask what to do... Well, I can feel the Neurontin kicking in... I drank coffee this morning because I woke up depressed. It's my first Mother's Day without my Mom. I miss her, and I was depressed about an hour ago (I woke up around noon and it's 1 PM) so I thought I could have my normal coffee. Richard's friend Gary is over... I'm in my PJ's and I went to go say hi for a bit. My hair is not combed, either. I didn't take a shower yesterday (but I took one Friday night, so that's not too bad) because I was out all day. I woke up at 6 am, then went to a DBSA (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance) Facilitator training at 11, then went straight there to a DBSA board meeting (I'm the new secretary), then went home for like 2 seconds, washed dishes, got my pot roast and left. I went over to a friends house, heated up my pot roast and ate outside with my new DBSA friends. The song that used to be my mom's ringtone is on and I don't feel sad. I just miss her a bit, but I don't feel sad at all. Anyway, back to yesterday. From Tabetha's house we went to a comedy club at 8 pm and I had a great time! It was so funny! Okay, the Neurontin isn't working again.. I don't know if I should take some more. I normally take 800 mg 3 times a day, and so far today I have taken my normal 800 mg this morning at 9:30 am then 400 mg at 1 pm. I don't know how long it takes to kick in. It was hard to sleep last night.. I went to sleep after midnight. I woke up at 6 am since that's just when I wake up in the middle of the night, went back to sleep. I took my pills at 9:30 am like I always do, went back to sleep until about 11:45 am. I was sad and lethargic, so I thought coffee would be good. I don't think I should have drank it.. it was just 2 cups and not that strong, but it could have triggered this. I'm not sure. I've been hypomanic for a couple of days. I don't think I'm manic, or else I would go to the hospital. I'm not a danger to myself or others, so I don't think I need to go. I just need to calm down somehow.. I'm just typing here so I can try and relax. I think the Neurontin is coming in and out of my system... there are times right now when I feel a bit calmer and slower, but then my energy picks up again and I just type like crazy. I'm sorry for unloading this all on y'all, but I just need to get this out. Like I said, I don't know if this is appropriate for a leader to be posting this, but I just also want y'all to know I'm just like you with my bipolar. Okay, I'm starting to calm down a lot now... I'm typing slower, making less mistakes (right now the backspace key is my friend) and I just want to lie down.

If you read this all, thanks. I just needed to get my hypomania out. I'm going to lie down and try to relax.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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5/14/17 2:18 A

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Cherie:

Sounds like you should try and either come clean with your drinking, drink less or both. I know it's hard to hide an addiction like that (I just found out I'm a Co-Dependent Addict and joined CoDA) so just try your best. I don't know your boyfriend, but I know that he will appreciate you being honest with him. If you want help, I can show you some websites that deal with AA and other addictions. If you are not ready, don't feel pressure. We change when we want to change, and not before. Don't let anyone force you into recovery because it won't work. *hugs* and know I'm here for you as a fellow addict!

Carol:

I want to try the Keto//OS stuff, but I don't have any money! I'm doing the Keto Diet (dropped a flat 3 pounds this week, body fat down by 0.3% in about a week and a half) and I love it! I do crave carbs sometimes, but as time goes on I don't as much. I have energy (maybe too much... a bit hypomanic) and just feel good! I just want something for those days when I go too high on carbs and get kicked out of ketosis so I don't get the Keto Flu again (not fun!). Just send me a message here or on Facebook with the price info and when I get some money I will send some your way! I'm fully supportive of you on this! And a kid who loves veggies? You are lucky!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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KAUAICAROLANN's Photo KAUAICAROLANN Posts: 70
5/13/17 4:15 P

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We have our grandson with us for the weekend. He's almost 8 years old and a really, really good kiddo. He had baseball this morning and they are on the way to ride go carts and arcades. I opted out mostly because my big butt probably won't fit in the cart and I didn't want to be embarrassed by having to struggle to get in/out of the dang thing.

I've spent the morning working on my Pruvit! Keto//OS business. Lots of social networking via instagram and twitter....lots of learning how to do it to begin with. Waiting on my promoter box and need to spend time downloading information from the website. I want things to start rolling NOW but need to be patient....it's a virtue, right? I may not be to virtuous, LoL!

Guess I'd better get on out the door to the store. I've had a request for asparagus and mushrooms....the boy loves asparagus, mushrooms and all sorts of veggies!

My body is a fat burning machine!
#ragingketones #ketomode #ohmigosh
3 weeks = 10 pounds, 12 inches

www.carolannneill.experienceketo.com


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EDWARDSC393's Photo EDWARDSC393 Posts: 2,275
5/12/17 1:40 P

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Hi all!

Its been a couple days since I posted. Trying to get rid of stuff we don't need or use. The apartment we are moving to is smaller. I like it cause the kitchen is more open and we have a bath and a half. But no storage here.
I take Latuda, but so far my doc is giving me samples. Maybe you can do that Larrissa?

I don't feel bad about going on SSDI. I put my 40 yrs of work in as a hairdresser, But with both of us on SS, money is tight. Garbage bags, toilet paper$$.

Didn't feel good last night, was cold and I'm never cold. Was up off and on , then I had to run to the bathroom at 4:00am in the morning, again 2 more times by 6 am.Was so hot then, I had to put the fan on me, then I slept.

I live in Cincy, OH. my son invited us up to MI, for Mothers day, so it will be a fast trip, leave Sat, come home Sun. I like a day to rest in-between, not gonna happen.

I will probably have to break this wine habit cause the new apartment won't make it easy to hide my drinking.

We are just moving a mile away.

Diet is not doing so good.

Have anice weekend, Cherie

I,m Cherie, Been with sparker for 3 yrs, I like that I'm losing it slowly! Its a lifestyle!


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LARISSA238's Photo LARISSA238 SparkPoints: (83,969)
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5/11/17 11:11 P

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Carol:

It may be hard, but you have to do what you can. Maybe in a bit you can ask for a raise so you can earn the money you deserve. I totally get you about being bored at a job.. when I worked for the airline I was able to do my work normally in about 10-20 minutes. I was there for 10 hours a day, 4 days in a row. I would sit online and just mess around all day since I had nothing else to do. They didn't like me not being at my desk and talking to others, so I just sat there and used Firefox (this was before Chrome) which they didn't track like they did IE. I don't think you can do that at your job, but if you can, all the better! I hope you can get some more money and be more stable, so if you have to leave your husband then you can.... You know I'm just rooting for you to be happy!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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"Learning to Love Yourself is the Greatest Love of All" ~Whitney Houston


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KAUAICAROLANN's Photo KAUAICAROLANN Posts: 70
5/11/17 3:41 A

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Confession...

I haven't been to work....this glorious new job, work.....all week.
While I haven't all out lied to my husband when he asks about my day, I certainly haven't been honest, which means I've lied by omission.

Good place to work as far as atmosphere. Nice people, reasonably good pay, not many questions from the owners. It's pretty much a show up, do something, do anything to look busy kind of job. Get paid, have a good weekend, press the repeat button over and over and over again repetitive number crunching, mind numbing kind of job.

I need more challenge....more anything other than staring at the QuickBooks home page and doing nothing as I've pretty much exhausted all the basic company receivables and payables reports. Shoots, it wasn't even all that hard to get vendors to pay past due invoices dating back to February and several volunteered to pay March invoices. Doh! Ask and you shall receive.

I'm kinda hacked off because, as the person who does the payroll, I have access to all kinds of information. I knew they low balled me as far as salary goes when they hired me....I just didn't know how really, really low they low balled me. Really low. As in the guy before me was clearing + $1700 a week after taxes and health insurance....my check was $650 a week and I'm not taking advantage of the company health insurance. Seriously?

I need to sleep.
It's late and I don't do anything but get myself into trouble this late at night rambling on and on.

OXOXO

My body is a fat burning machine!
#ragingketones #ketomode #ohmigosh
3 weeks = 10 pounds, 12 inches

www.carolannneill.experienceketo.com


 current weight: 265.0 
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LARISSA238's Photo LARISSA238 SparkPoints: (83,969)
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5/9/17 11:27 P

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Heather:

I totally understand being stressed out. I'm just trying to keep myself together these days... I can also relate to being on government assistance and feeling like a mooch. I felt like such a failure when I had to go on SSDI... I also have a degree that's going to waste. I don't know what I'm going to do with it.. I do want to get a job, but I just need to find out what I can do. I was able to work until I was about 28, but I've been disabled since 2011. I have help from my stepdad, but I'm really trying to make it on my own. I'm glad you get food.. I just wish you didn't have to spend your savings just to get help. I swear, this country sucks sometimes. I can't get off of SSDI right now because my Latuda alone costs over $1,000 a month! It's crazy sometimes. Just know I'm here for you, and if you need someone to talk to, let me know!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Summer, Winter, Spring 2018 Challenge Leader
5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Fall, Summer, Spring, Winter 2017 Challenge Leader
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"Learning to Love Yourself is the Greatest Love of All" ~Whitney Houston


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HMKITTEN's Photo HMKITTEN Posts: 458
5/9/17 5:42 P

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Been out for a while. Also been off of charting what I eat and actually getting off my rear end. At least I didn't gain weight!

Life has been stressful despite there being no changes. I am still depressed, but have been channeling all my energy into writing and editing--to the tune of not getting anything else done. The dog is frustrated with me because I don't even want to pay attention to him.

I am really depressed because I feel like a failure and a mooch. I have no job and am scared to try to get one after being out of the workforce for so long. I am only in my early thirties and I have pretty much been out of real work (more than 20 hours a week) since I was 23. I have a perfectly good degree that has been languishing since 2011 and I have lost a lot of my skills. So I have convinced myself that the only jobs available are basic McDonalds and Walmart positions--which aren't even hiring here thanks to a large store closure. I feel like a mooch because I have to be on government assistance (I know this is not a true thing, but it has been ingrained in my brain for so long that my surface brain knows it is fine yet my unconscious brain is screaming, "MOOCH!") My money is running out, what little I have left and I sorta kinda need it for basic things like electricity and heat. I still have too much in savings to qualify for assistance, but that is probably going to be changing soon.

On a good note, money wise, I work at the food panty up by my parents' house and they have a deal: you work a week, you take home a box of food. Given that I qualify for assistance there anyway it makes my mind think that I "earned it" rather than that I am relying on it. Good for the brain and good for my stomach.

So yeah. I feel like a failure. I still haven't done a project on the house that has been sitting in front of me (below me--I have flooring that I need to get fixed) for months. All it will take is a decision and a phone call to get it done (and some cash that I, thankfully, have set aside since I can't use the room till it gets fixed. I haven't since fixing it means that another connection to my husband is lost. Four years two weeks ago. And it is weighing on me.

On a good note, I finally got my phoenix tattoo to cover up my old self-inflicted burn/cut scars. I love the results and can't even see the old scars--I even healed up quickly. So some things do go right. I can get some things done. Not productive things, but things nonetheless.

But I am rambling. A lot. If you made it this far into the post, thanks for reading.
--Heather



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KAUAICAROLANN's Photo KAUAICAROLANN Posts: 70
5/8/17 11:29 P

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I think that's where I'm at...... full of plans and doing things but afraid I'll crash.

My body is a fat burning machine!
#ragingketones #ketomode #ohmigosh
3 weeks = 10 pounds, 12 inches

www.carolannneill.experienceketo.com


 current weight: 265.0 
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LARISSA238's Photo LARISSA238 SparkPoints: (83,969)
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5/5/17 9:09 P

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I've been busy the past couple of days, sorry for not posting! I got my stuff on Wednesday, and so I spent hours unpacking. I finally have about 90% of my stuff unpacked, so I'm glad about that. Yesterday was EXHAUSTING! I walked over 6 miles- going to my doctor, going to an interview, and then going home. I was impatient and didn't want to wait for the bus, so I walked. I ended up with a blister on my foot from walking so much in my loafers (I was trying to look nice for my interview) and it is HUGE! I slept for almost 12 hours today, but I needed it. I went to sleep early and woke up, took my pills, and went back to sleep. I got most of my grocery shopping done today, so I'm good. I just need to figure out what I'm going to do when my food stamps are gone. I only get $55, and that't not nearly enough for me to get the food I need. Rent went up, I bounced a check for the cable, so that's an extra $30, and things are just not going my way right now. I'm not really depressed, though... Just stressed and tired. I have training tomorrow for another volunteer position which I'm looking forward to (both are tutoring students) and my Uncle Don is having a birthday party on Sunday. I'm full of plans and doing stuff, but I'm worried I'm going to crash and not be able to do anything. I just don't know. I'm still having weird dreams and nightmares... Last night I dreamed of my dad and he was telling me why he killed himself. It was really sad, and I woke up a bit depressed. I went back to sleep, had more crazy dreams, and when I woke up I was feeling okay. I'm looking forward to not doing anything tonight... Just relax and watch some TV. I have some shows I want to catch up on.

Sorry for the rambling... I'm just full of energy and exhausted at the same time. Go bipolar, lol!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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"Learning to Love Yourself is the Greatest Love of All" ~Whitney Houston


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RUNHAPPEE's Photo RUNHAPPEE Posts: 7,293
5/5/17 3:04 P

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It's been awhile since I've posted an update. I've been okay. Not too bad. I just started a new medication for Fibromyalgia (I was diagnosed back in November). My insurance still hasn't approved the Vraylar that my psychiatrist put me on a couple months ago, but thankfully she gave me a bunch of samples and it does seem to be helping for the most part. I'm trying to increase my activity and watch what I eat. It's just hard when I get in that "screw everything" mode and just eat whatever I want because of my mood.

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EDWARDSC393's Photo EDWARDSC393 Posts: 2,275
5/5/17 2:12 P

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Hi all!

its been a couple days since I posted.
I can relate to the depression, I sleep and procrastinate too. We are moving to a smaller and cheaper apartment. We have so much stuff to get rid of. I'm nervous, where to begin.?

I'm drinking wine right now, 2:oo in the afternoon. I did eat and take my meds tho.

I don't know how to sell anything online. We have a tv cabinet and a computer cabinet to sell, nice, cherrywood.

I hope everyone does okay!

Cherie

I,m Cherie, Been with sparker for 3 yrs, I like that I'm losing it slowly! Its a lifestyle!


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LARISSA238's Photo LARISSA238 SparkPoints: (83,969)
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5/2/17 9:52 P

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I'm doing okay. I've been sleeping a lot these past few days and yesterday I was really depressed. I went to my DBSA meeting (Depression Bipolar Support Alliance) and I was SO glad I went. There was this guy there and he was new. He just reached out for help for the first time and we were all sharing about what we go through. I gave him a hug during break because he was crying. I hugged him and he started sobbing. In the meeting after break, he was saying that he had been asking for a hug for 4 months and that he was so grateful that I gave him a hug. Not only that, I found out that he and I used to live on the same street in Miami at the same time! We both just moved to LA and so I thought that was so cool!

I pretty much slept all of today. I've been a bit stressed since Friday since I haven't been on the computer keeping up with my work for my team. I just got done with last week's results (which I normally do on Sunday... deadline is today) and I've just not wanted to do it for some reason. I like doing it, it's fun, but I just didn't want to do anything. I don't feel depressed right now, but I know I am. I'm sleeping, procrastinating, and just don't want to do anything. It's not who *I* am. I'm trying to see who I really am without my disorders. I don't want them to define me. I'm sick and tired of trying to live up to my labels and don't want to be sick anymore. I just want to be me... who the real Diane is. I'm still trying to figure it all out perfectly, since I've been bipolar almost all my life (diagnosed at age 7), but I know that the real me is not depressed all the time.

*sigh*

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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"Learning to Love Yourself is the Greatest Love of All" ~Whitney Houston


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GOODFELINE's Photo GOODFELINE Posts: 2,278
5/2/17 10:27 A

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I miss staying home. I liked being a housewife, too. We've got too much debt for me to keep doing that, though, and my meds are helping me leave the house so full-time it is. I would have preferred to start with part-time, and that's almost all that is available in my field anyway so I could have easily found something doing what I wanted, but my husband insisted only full-time would do. I found a nice job with the school system that was super low stress, and then got an offer at nearly double the pay with a law firm. I couldn't turn it down. I enjoy the work, but it is definitely more stress than archiving student records.

My increased dose of Seroquel doesn't seem to be causing weight gain so far, though we'll see how much I've gained after I am done being sick. I have damaged lungs from chemo and asthma, so with a respiratory illness I just can't breathe well enough to exercise. From Saturday to yesterday I gained 1lb, without the exercise I kept going over my calorie deficit. It's making me freak out about failing, but at least with the proper medication dosage my other symptoms are finally getting back under control.

"There is no right or wrong, tomorrow only comes for those with the power to overcome the challenge." - Asteroth, Catherine


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KAUAICAROLANN's Photo KAUAICAROLANN Posts: 70
5/1/17 10:21 P

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Well, if things don't get more interesting as the days progress.

Spoke to my new employer and expressed that I really couldn't take on a full time position due to family commitments and basically told them I couldn't take the job. In truth, moving back to Houston was to be closer to family. The other truth is that I don't think I can handle a full 40+ hour work week mentally, physically or emotionally. Along with the fact that I really like being a wifey homebody type person.
Low and behold, these people are TOTALLY cool! In Brent's words "we don't like to say no around here, so let's figure out a schedule, part time, that will work for us both".
Really? Seriously? Now how cool is that?!?

We still have to agree on what days will total 5 hours...then we will have to negotiate pay rate, but this couldn't have turned out any better. I found QuickBooks tutorials on YouTube to help learn their accounting software which is a load off my mind.
Doh! YouTube has everything and once again, things have turned out well.


My body is a fat burning machine!
#ragingketones #ketomode #ohmigosh
3 weeks = 10 pounds, 12 inches

www.carolannneill.experienceketo.com


 current weight: 265.0 
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DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL Posts: 14,982
5/1/17 8:10 P

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Testing - this is weird. I just made a long post and it has just disappeared. Oh well. I will have to come back later. I don't have time now to retype that post. So I will try to log back on in awhile. See ya, Deb emoticon emoticon

Edited by: DEBTEVELDAHL at: 5/1/2017 (20:12)
Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
Deb
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DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL Posts: 14,982
5/1/17 6:40 P

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Welcome to the May Flowers Chat. This will be the new Chat thread for the month of May !! I hope to see you all around the ;new thread soon. Take care and God bless Deb emoticon emoticon

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
Deb
PST - Pacific Standard Time - West Coast
Portland, Or
Co leader of the Dealing with Depression team
ML/WL co leader of the Rowdy Rebels Summer Challenge 2018
Co leader of the Living with Bipolar Disorder


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