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KAUAICAROLANN's Photo KAUAICAROLANN Posts: 70
5/1/17 10:20 P

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Edited by: KAUAICAROLANN at: 5/1/2017 (22:20)
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DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL Posts: 15,059
5/1/17 6:37 P

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emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon PLEASE DON'T POST HERE ANY LONGER - GO TO THE MAY FLOWERS CHAT THANK YOU !!

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
Deb
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EDWARDSC393's Photo EDWARDSC393 Posts: 2,281
5/1/17 1:26 P

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Hi!

Had a rough day yesterday, had a headache all day. I was able to buy a small bottle of wine on Sat. so I didn't have any withdrawels.

Just so hard to be without.

I do smoke weed with my husband in the evening, he gets it for the pain in his back. I relax, but I still want wine.

Glad for everyone today!

Cherie

I,m Cherie, Been with sparker for 3 yrs, I like that I'm losing it slowly! Its a lifestyle!


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KAUAICAROLANN's Photo KAUAICAROLANN Posts: 70
4/30/17 8:56 P

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Made it through the first two days of the new job. Felt pretty good about things until I woke up Saturday morning. Got into that negative thinking, self doubt mode. Spent the day in bed trying to figure out how I could get out of this job. I'm overwhelmed and know myself well enough to know that spells danger: depression, withdrawal, fear and other not so good feelings.
I just should remind myself that the company had a 4 weeks notice from the guy who left and they waited until literally the last minute to hire someone....I got a day and a half worth of training and that was at warp speed.
The other part is that I kinda like being a house wife. Planning meals, keeping the house and finances, visiting with my sister and running around with my Dad. I'm not sure I can handle or even want a full 40+ hour week job. I'd be all over a part time job, though.
Doubt, doubt, doubt.....

Better get toward the shower.

Edited by: KAUAICAROLANN at: 5/1/2017 (13:25)
My body is a fat burning machine!
#ragingketones #ketomode #ohmigosh
3 weeks = 10 pounds, 12 inches

www.carolannneill.experienceketo.com


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LARISSA238's Photo LARISSA238 SparkPoints: (85,451)
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4/29/17 3:44 P

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I'm doing wonderful today. I'm visiting one of my uncles in San Francisco, beautiful weather... I'm in heaven! I ate a ton of berries today for breakfast and I'm just so content. Slept well, and just feel great! Not hypomanic yet. I don't know what we are doing yet, but I'm just happy to be here.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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EDWARDSC393's Photo EDWARDSC393 Posts: 2,281
4/29/17 1:44 P

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Hi!

We had a beer in the fridge, so I drank that. Today we have a little bit of vanilla rum. so I'm tapering down. Won't be able to buy anything until the 1st or second. I sneak from my husband, so he doesn't know that I'm drinking.
We have been apartment hunting, want to stay close to a store that sells wine. We are both depressed right now. I need to bathe and wash my hair, but I've been online. The weather made my tv go out. quiet in here. He's not home right now. Took a gabapentin, i'll take it 3 times a day.

I hope you feel better.

Cherie

I,m Cherie, Been with sparker for 3 yrs, I like that I'm losing it slowly! Its a lifestyle!


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4/28/17 3:33 P

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If you start to get alcohol withdrawals, then try and get something cheap. You may not like it, but it's better than the alternative. I'm worried. I'm sure you will be fine, but I'm paranoid and all anxious right now. Just know that it will be okay.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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EDWARDSC393's Photo EDWARDSC393 Posts: 2,281
4/28/17 1:34 P

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Hi all!

Thanks Larissa, I have to wait to see if we get the apartment first.

I don,t have any wine stashed, so I feel depressed. Slept almost all day yesterday. Trying to perk up.

I'll take my gabapentin, so I won't have withdrawels too bad.

Thx guys, Cherie

PS. Backache, hurting....


I,m Cherie, Been with sparker for 3 yrs, I like that I'm losing it slowly! Its a lifestyle!


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4/27/17 3:37 P

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Carol, you are evil! Now I want the watermelon shoes... they are so close to my old slippers... I don't know whether to curse you or give you a HUGE hug! lol.

Cherie, you can send me a message here and I can help you sell your stuff online. It's not that hard, and you can get some good money for your old stuff. *hugs* Best of luck! I hope you have some wine stashed so you don't totally run out. Withdrawals from alcohol are worse than almost any other drug.

Edited by: LARISSA238 at: 4/27/2017 (15:39)
~Rissa, AKA Diane

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EDWARDSC393's Photo EDWARDSC393 Posts: 2,281
4/27/17 1:29 P

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Hi all!

Been thru 2 bad marriages, Sorry you have to go thru all that.
Smart to have money stashed. We have to know ourselves before we can worry about someone else.
We are so broke, looking for a cheaper apartment, I'm overwhelmed, we have a lot to purge. I don't know how to sell anything online.
Been in bed half the day.
I've been drinking a lot. Hunny doesn't know. Can't buy any now, no money$$$

My dentures hurt, and my hip and back hurt. Wanted to make some food this afternoon, hope I perk up!

Take care everyone!

Cherie

I,m Cherie, Been with sparker for 3 yrs, I like that I'm losing it slowly! Its a lifestyle!


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KAUAICAROLANN's Photo KAUAICAROLANN Posts: 70
4/27/17 12:55 A

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Yeh, well I pretty much got on here and dumped everything out on the thread.

I'm obsessed with a particular brand shoe on Amazon. Under women's shoes/apparel search
chocolaticas shoes women

They are SO fabulously cute!!

My body is a fat burning machine!
#ragingketones #ketomode #ohmigosh
3 weeks = 10 pounds, 12 inches

www.carolannneill.experienceketo.com


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4/26/17 11:29 P

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Carol, I'm so sorry! {{hugs}} If you need to talk, you know I'm here. You can call me on your way to and from work, so your husband can't hear. I miss the old you, and I'm low carb now, too. I just wish that you were happy again. If he's cheating on you (yes, sexting is cheating. Geo was talking to another woman for hours a day, but nothing physical, and that's emotionally cheating) and lying, then you need to get strong and get out. I'm glad that you have stuff set aside for an escape. If you can have a safe space to talk or journal, then try and do that as well. It helps later on when you are trying to leave. I saw a journal I wrote from 2010 about leaving Geo and I could have written it last month. It said all the same issues, wanting to move to LA and escape, all of that. Just know that whatever you decide, I'm here for you. I know you are going through a lot right now (me too!) and so if you need to make another big life change, then do it all at once instead of dragging it out. That's what I had to do- my mom died in January, then by April I was in LA. It's hard dealing, I have nightmares every night, but it's worth it. I'm happy again! I know that you can be happy, too.. and you won't have to worry about his medical bills for a thing he caused himself.

{{hugs}}

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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KAUAICAROLANN's Photo KAUAICAROLANN Posts: 70
4/26/17 11:11 P

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We've barely been married a year, though living together for two years. I don't know if one would call him a pathological liar? chronic liar? compulsive liar? ...if his lips are moving, it's most likely a lie or a lie partially based on truth. Stuff so stupid like "Yes, I let the dog out" when clearly, by the pile of poo on the living room floor, he did not. Extreme over exaggerations about normal every day happenings at work or a conversation he had with someone. Out and out lies for no real reason.
Then there's the whoppers he's been telling for so long that he actually believes them to be true. And they are indeed whoppers.
Best one yet was that he was a Navy Seal and a "sniper specialist". He has PTSD because of the things he had to do.....and he is unable go to counseling because as per the government, it's "classified information" and he's not allowed talk about it. If anyone saw the movie "American Sniper" his story is nearly exact to the one portrayed in the movie except my husband obviously doesn't die. He says this all happened during the first Iraqui war......he wasn't even IN the Navy during that war! I've got his discharge papers as well as the DD-214 that prove he wasn't enlisted, active or in the reserves. Nada. Zero. Zip.
Then there's the "sexting". Unsure how/where he trolls around to find said women, but there it is, plain as day on his phone in his texts. This last time I caught him, which was the 4th time, it didn't even hurt. I was just plain pissed. As per the usual he cried, said he didn't mean for it to go as far as it did, promises never to do it again...blah, blah, blah. In my world that's a cheater.

So I'm married to a liar and a cheat. There, I said it...or rather, I typed it.

I know some of the story telling is because he has zero self confidence and by embellishing the truth, it makes him feel more self important and it makes him look good in other people's eyes. He doesn't want anyone to be disappointed or angry with him, which stems from having an extremely overbearing/abusive father. He may indeed have PTSD and I don't want to brush that aside if it is the actual truth. He does have mood swings and I've left the house on more than one occasion when he became extremely angry...it wasn't directed at me or because of me, but I did leave.

After this last sexting/lying incident and confrontation, he promised to seek counseling (against the government's wishes). He found an AA/NA 12 step group meeting to go to and his exact words were...."I'm sure I'll be fine after a meeting or two".
SERIOUSLY? Poof! All fixed now! Or, tell the wife just enough to appease her for now, and she'll forget about it soon enough.
Oh, he never did actually make a meeting. Apparently they got cancelled....three times....AA meetings, got cancelled, sure.

Anyway, I was officially offered the job this afternoon and I accepted. Scared sh*tless, but I accepted. It's the first step in having some independence if indeed this marriage continues to go down the path of failure. I have cash stashed in a safety deposit box and an account he doesn't know about with enough money to get me into an apartment and pay bills for a few months if the need arises. Don't get me wrong, I hope this marriage survives and we grow stronger as a couple into old age....I just don't see it happening, I know him to well.

So I start the new job tomorrow/Thursday. It's a casual dress office, so I don't have to worry about buying new clothes or God forbid having to wear hosiery!! I'll be overdressed in a sundress and sandals, LoL. It's 10 miles from the house and will take me probably 20-25 minutes to drive. There's two Starbucks on the way to the office....yup! I scoped it out! But no real place to go to lunch. There is a full kitchen in the office space, so I won't be limited to nuking frozen dinners, not that I do that at home anyway. It will take planning ahead for both dinner and lunches for me and the hubs, but I think that's a good thing. To many times lately I fail to plan and we end up eating a burger and fries for dinner. Looking at it this way it will be my opportunity to get back to the low carb way of life, have a basic set schedule AND still be able to fit in the aqua aerobics classes!
YaY! emoticon
I'll almost be normal! emoticon

My body is a fat burning machine!
#ragingketones #ketomode #ohmigosh
3 weeks = 10 pounds, 12 inches

www.carolannneill.experienceketo.com


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4/26/17 4:42 P

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Carol, you have to decide what you want to do with your marriage. If you are not ready to break up, then work on trying to stay together. If you want to leave him, then get ready to leave. If you aren't ready to make a decision, then stay where you are. It's hard. It took me a really long time to leave Geo. I didn't like being with him all the time and I was constantly thinking of leaving. But I eventually got the "balls" to leave him. It's hard. It's f---ing hard. I'm going through a lot right now, but I know it's for the best. One of the things that made it easier is that my mom knew what I was doing and was happy. I miss her, too. It's been the year from Hell for me, but if I'm at rock bottom, then there's only up to go from here.

I'm unstable today. I don't know what's going on. My Borderline is acting up... I met a couple of new people at the DBSA (Depression Bipolar Support Alliance) meeting on Monday, and it was fun. I'm just trying not to be clingy (already!) to the new people I've met. I also have been fighting with Geo. He thought I was going to pay for gas for the month, when I meant that I would pay for gas for before I left. I need to confront him on it, but I'm scared. I just need some help. I want to reach out to people, call people, but I'm isolating. I think I need to do a journal or something just to get all of this out.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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SASSYCATMAMA40's Photo SASSYCATMAMA40 Posts: 399
4/26/17 1:20 P

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Hang in there!
It's easy to think the "what-if"'s and get all worked up. I do it too.

Sometimes, when I worry, I DO ask myself, "What is the worst that can happen?" But then I follow it with, "If that DOES happen, what can I do?" It makes me feel prepared, and usually the worst doesn't happen anyway!

I was unable to work full time for a while, and was stuck in a bad marriage, too. I eventually got to working full time (almost all the time...lol) and we got divorced. It was a two-way thing.....long story. But even though I went through tough times, remember

IT DOES GET BETTER.....NOTHING IS PERMANENT!!!

Good luck.

KAUAICAROLANN's Photo KAUAICAROLANN Posts: 70
4/26/17 1:12 P

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I'm feeling a little anxious today. Had a job interview yesterday and although I thought it went well, I have this cold and felt a little zoned out on top of the fact that I haven't been on a real job interview since the early 90's and even that was for a waitress position.
I'm totally unqualified for the position in that I've never held the title of "controlller" (yeah, I had to laugh at that) but I've worked all the individual positions the job entails in one scenario of another. I'm afraid if I get the job, I'll totally screw up and get fired....then afraid if I don't get it, it will be another reason I'll use to not continue looking for a job....I'm incapable.

With all of James' medical bills, we could certainly use the money. I also find myself thinking that if things continue to go wrong in our marriage, I'll have a job, will have saved money and paid off some of my own debt, which would leave me in a pretty good position to get out in a hurry if the need arises.

Can you say.....Projecting! !

Good thing I see my new therapist tomorrow, she doesn't know what she's getting herself in to, LoL.

My body is a fat burning machine!
#ragingketones #ketomode #ohmigosh
3 weeks = 10 pounds, 12 inches

www.carolannneill.experienceketo.com


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LARISSA238's Photo LARISSA238 SparkPoints: (85,451)
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4/20/17 1:13 P

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Thanks, Deb! I think "shadow girl" is a good name for it. I just don't know how to describe that other part of me. I'm doing well in LA... I have my TV set up and I'm watching it. Angela is happy... she has been hiding under the bed this morning, but other than that she's been roaming the house and getting used to the new place. I'm doing pretty stable, just in pain from moving all my stuff. I'm going to take some Ibuprofen soon so I can help my back. I haven't missed my pills, which is also good. I'm trying to set up things to do with my friends here... Everyone is so happy that I'm back home!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL Posts: 15,059
4/20/17 8:29 A

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I have what I call the shadow girl. She is this tiny reminder in the back of my head that stops me from bad behaviors when I am manic. She is my voice of reason and rationality.
She helps me to stay on track when mania hits, which for me is most of the time.

Rissa, glad to hear that you and Angela made the trip home okay, have unpacked and are doing well. It won't take Angela much time to get used to her new home and you two have each other. Cats acclimate well.

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
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4/19/17 6:44 P

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I don't have multiple personalities or voices, but there is this "other" part of my brain that helps me when I'm really down or psychotic. It reassures me and tells me I can get through what I'm going through. Is this normal? I should ask a therapist. I hadn't had it for years, but it just came back because of all the depression I've been going through with the move. I'm home now... I unpacked what I had and Angela is getting used to being here. I'm happy for now.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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4/19/17 12:37 P

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Sassy: I did the same thing when I was younger. My emotions were so dichotomous I named my "other half".

"There is no right or wrong, tomorrow only comes for those with the power to overcome the challenge." - Asteroth, Catherine


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4/18/17 8:55 P

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I'm on a plane to LA and I'm somewhere over Texas. I'm going through a lot of emotions but I know this is for the best.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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SASSYCATMAMA40's Photo SASSYCATMAMA40 Posts: 399
4/18/17 12:39 P

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I just read an article on bphope in which the writer "named" her levels of mania and depression. I think that's funny--I did that BEFORE I was diagnosed, because I acted so different in various situations. My counselor tried to diagnose me with multiple personality disorder; it wasn't until 7 years later and several psychologists later that I was properly diagnosed.

DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL Posts: 15,059
4/17/17 1:07 P

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Good Morning all,

I am so sorry to see so many of you going through situational depression. That does suck!

Goodfeline, Wow 70 pounds lost in 5 1/2 months that's terrific. I think that you are wise to leave your options open. Latuda sure is expensive. My biggest expense medication wise is my asthma inhaler and that is only 3.50. Like Rissa, I am on Medicare with Medicaid help and they cover the rest. I'm so sorry that you must pay out of pocket like that;Maybe there is another medication out there that is effective for you and is less expensive.

Carol, You sound as if you've had a really rough time lately too. I don't know what has caused your emotional stress and situational depression, but I hope that you can work through it eventually. Your Aqua classes sound fun. What a great way to get in your exercise and make it enjoyable while you are working out; you definitely won't be sweating even though you're working hard. If becoming the old you is what you want go for it. We only have one go round in this life and you should make the best of it you can. We've already gotten one strike against us as bipolars. They have replaced your Wellbutrin and Fetzima with amitriptyline ? Around here they are taking such drugs away from us; They took my amitriptyline and replaced it with Gabapentin, which doesn't work nearly as well. You are lucky to have a prescriber who will give it to you. It was highly effective for me.

Cherie, I'm glad that your medications are working and you are sleeping well now. I fall asleep by 7:30 or 8:00 pm because I get up by 2:00 am every day. I can't sleep any later than that.You are limited in what kind of exercise you can do, right? I can see why it must be hard to lose despite what you eat or drink. When you can't move about then it is that much harder to lose. I'm sorry to hear about your money problem..


Rissa,, I'm so sorry that you are in a bad place. You are going through the anxiety and fear that all change brings to anyone, when they are making big changes in their life; It is so unsetteling and uncomfortable. You are still trying to deal with your Mom's death and your permanent separation from your best friend of 12 years and leaving the place that you''ve called home. It is understandable that you would be upset and depressed before this move. But you have family and friends there to try to help you through the transition, so once you get there it may not seem so scary and foreign with their help. Journaling is fantastic way of getting all those feelings out and dealing with them in a concrete way. If you already have most of your stuff done for the move, maybe a change of scenery would help; If you go for a walk or just go outside and sit in the sun for awhile. Get away from the inside the house and try to clear your mind and focus only on the present. I hope that you can work through your issues to your satisfaction. Good Luck with the move; You leave tomorrow don't you?I wish you peace and happiness in the days to come. Sending you postive energy and
((( HUGS ))) ,


I am the same as usual hyper and manic for the most part. It is why I only can sleep for 5 hours max a night, no matter what they give me. I take too many pills at night to sleep. I don't want any more meds to help me get more sleep. I am taking Melatonin at night and it does a better job than all my other pills combined. I am sleeping a bit longer every night that I take it. If it works better than my other pills I am going to drop the other night meds; It would be considerably cheaper by far for me to do so. ;I hope that everyone had a decent
Easter. Mine was spent with just me. My daughter and her son were with friends who'd invited them over for an Easter egg hunt with a BBQ afterwards. I had Cheerios for dinner and was asleep by the time they came home. I used the time to catch up on my correspondence. Try to have a good week all.. I know it is hard when you are so deeply depressed. Take care and God bless, Deb emoticon emoticon

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
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4/15/17 3:05 P

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GoodFeline: I take Latuda, too, and it works wonders for me. I'm lucky that I have Medicare and Extra Help, so I only pay $8.25 a month. Otherwise, with just insurance it would be about $350, and without insurance about $1,200. I can't imagine paying that much for medication... it's just insane (not going to rant about US Politics or lack of Universal Health Care here). I can barely afford everything I need right now (I'm on SSDI- Social Security Disability Income and only get about $1,000 a month) so there's no way I would be able to afford $240 a month! I know it's hard having to decide between a medicine that is working for you but you can't afford and the choice of maybe a cheaper med that may or may not work. You never know, though... I was put on all these crazy antidepressants (some pretty expensive, but I didn't have to pay for them) and none worked. You know what finally worked? Prozac. One of the cheapest ones. I just hope that you can talk to your doctor and see what they think.

Cherie: *hugs* Can I ask why you are going to run out of money? If it's the alcohol, maybe you need to think about cutting down, or finding something you like that's cheaper. I don't know much about wine. I'm glad to know you are sleeping better. A good night's sleep is essential! As for the hair, I can't talk. I wash mine maybe twice a week, since it needs the oil to be good. I don't blow dry it, I don't do anything to it- just wash, air dry, and brush. I donate my hair, so I can't dye it or straighten it too much. I try and give pretty hair to people with cancer!

Carol: I saw in your Mood post about your mom, and I'm sorry! *hugs* I know it's hard for you, but I'm here for you when you want to talk. I'm wrapped up in situational depression, too. My mom dying, breaking up with Geo after 12 years, moving cross-country... I had trouble getting out of bed this morning. I'm not on the computer as much as I want to be since I'm in bed or just not feeling like doing anything. Aqua classes sound fun! I want to do some of those... I love being in water. As for being the "old" you, if that's what you want to do then do it. I miss the old you, too. I miss talking to you, having fun and tea! I just finished the tea you gave me and I think of you all the time. I don't want to pressure you into doing it, though. Just know I'm here for you either way.

******************

I had a nightmare last night... I dreamed that my mom hadn't died, and that it was a lie that she was dead. I went with someone to go see her in a nursing home, and she looked like my grandmother. Tracy (her husband) was in the bed next to her, and he looked sick too. It was horrible! Then I had to see my mom die again. I woke up after it (around 5 am) and was so depressed. It took me a bit to fall back asleep, but when I did I slept off and on until about 12:30. I've been a bit hypomanic but mostly depressed all day. It's just hard... I don't want to do this. I'm not suicidal, but I just don't want to have to deal with moving, losing Geo, and the thought of my mom being gone. It hasn't all really hit me yet, and I know when it does I'm going to be devastated. It might hit when I move, so I'm trying to get things set up so I have stuff to do instead of being depressed. I just don't know right now. i want to type more, but I have to go. i might come back and journal... I need to get some stuff out.


~Rissa, AKA Diane

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GOODFELINE's Photo GOODFELINE Posts: 2,390
4/15/17 1:33 P

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I take Latuda, too. It's really helping, but now that I am no longer double covered by insurance I don't know if I can continue to afford it. I might have to look into switching just so I don't have to pay $240 for it every month.

"There is no right or wrong, tomorrow only comes for those with the power to overcome the challenge." - Asteroth, Catherine


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4/15/17 1:25 P

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Hi all!

Been sleeping all nite with Latuda, muscle relaxer, and a mild pain pill, also klonipin. But I fall asleep at 9:30 and miss the 10:00 programs.

I'm sippiin. Hunny and I drink 2-3 glasses of wine on Weekends. I always drink with food.

Been online, need to have lunch and wash my hair and blow dry it. I hate doing that. I wash at the sink instead of showering

I'm okay to do stuff in the evening even tho I was sippin during the day. I'm gonna run out of money without hunny knowing it.

Well, I can only do the best I can.

Happy Easter!

Cherie

I,m Cherie, Been with sparker for 3 yrs, I like that I'm losing it slowly! Its a lifestyle!


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KAUAICAROLANN's Photo KAUAICAROLANN Posts: 70
4/14/17 11:40 P

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Hi everybody

I've been lurking around here...not posting. It's not that I don't have anything to say, quite the opposite. I have plenty to contribute, just need to wrap my brain around everything that's been going on personally....and there's plenty of that!

I've been lucky once again to finally have found a family nurse practitioner who has studied a lot of the psych meds. We are of the same mindset that more is not always better. I've been taken off a few meds and trying one of the "old" medications.
Still taking lamictal as a mood stabilizer but now taking amitriptyline instead of fetzima and wellbutrin. The monthly cost of the fetzima and wellbutrin was $200 WITH insurance. The amitriptyline is $1.24 for a month! Even better, it seems to be working.

In the last 3 months, life has thrown me a lot of very difficult situations and emotional curve balls. Yes, it's been hard to get my butt up out of bed more often than I'd like....but I also realize it's more of a situational depression than an in my head chemical imbalance type depression. Still doesn't make it any easier on really bad days though.

I've pulled out many of my old low carb cookbooks and dug around in old online recipe files in the last couple weeks. In the past I've been greatly successful with LC....I just love my potatoes and pasta! Like anything else, it's time to simply jump in and do it....not overthink and over plan which equals putting it off in my world.

I did try something new this last week! The neighborhood rec center offers a number of "Aqua Classes", their term for water aerobics/fitness class. I got to try two different ones for free this last week and they were a ton of fun! One was more of an aerobic/get your heart pumping workout with a lively bunch of folks and the other was very definitely more strength training focused with a more subdued group of people. Have mercy! I have muscles that I've forgotten about which are sore, LoL! Then I started remembering some of the more basic ST moves from SP I learned 3+ years ago and had one of those doh! moments. Funny how something can be such a basic part of your life and then you get away from your routine and patterns and forget it all together. I knew this stuff and had completely forgotten. Wall pushups....really, I know this...how did I get so far gone that I forgot wall pushups for goodness sake?!?
Good thing is this is totally affordable! Each class meets 2x a week and is scheduled for a month at a time. $26 a month per class. Once upon a time I looked at the association fees for a year and they were ridiculous expensive with added fees for things like lap swimming in the indoor pool, use of the dressing rooms along with "locker fees". They probably charged a fee for using the commode, LoL! I can commit to paying for a monthly class. Otherwise I'd end up throwing down a bunch of $ for a one year membership then feel depressed about loosing interest a couple months into the 12 month commitment.
My husband went with me, but I have a feeling he'd rather veg in front of the TV and eat dinner rather than flailing around in a pool after getting off work.....or do it and grumble the whole time and ruin the fun. He's such a party pooper sometimes....I've realized he's lost the ability to cut loose, be silly, act like a kid, splash and stomp in a puddle of water or just have a big whopping belly laugh that makes your gut ache you've laughed so hard (and maybe pee yourself a little)....I wonder where his fun went, how he lost it....or if he ever had it to begin with....that's kind of sad when I stop and think about it.

I need to get back some of the "old" me. The me before I became an "us". I used to have a lot of fun, do things spontaneously and laugh a lot more. Time to ponder and let my brain percolate on these thoughts for a while.

Edited by: KAUAICAROLANN at: 4/15/2017 (00:45)
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4/14/17 1:43 P

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Thanks for the goodie! I kind of disappeared for awhile, but last time I was here I had started the process for gastric sleeve surgery. Next month is my last meeting with the nutritionist and psychologist at the bariatric center to see if I get the green light for the surgery, but I am thinking that I probably won't go through with it. I joined the gastric sleeve team here, and from what I am seeing the average first year loss is about 50lbs? In the last 5.5 months I've been following the diet plan set up by the nutritionist, which includes eating in a manner comparable to how I'd eat post-surgery, and I've lost 70lbs. If I can do it without the surgery why would I put myself through all the pain (and cost?!)? So I will do the meetings, see if I get approved, and then just put it on pause to see what the future holds.

Other than that not much has been going on. I've been keeping on with seeing my therapist, I have been volunteering with the dogs at the humane society to try to force myself out of my house at least once a week, and I got a new job.

"There is no right or wrong, tomorrow only comes for those with the power to overcome the challenge." - Asteroth, Catherine


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4/14/17 1:13 P

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My blood sugar is naturally low, last time I tried low carb it did NOT go well. I did lose weight, but I also had fainting spells because my blood sugar kept bottoming out! It's good to hear that I probably won't deal with too much weight gain, but I will definitely bring up the medication change with my nutritionist when I see her next. I might even call her to give her a heads up - right now I am doing high protein and minimal sugar, and it has worked wonderfully, but she might have some tweaks to make with the medication change. I think I might try to boost up my exercise a bit, too, just in case.

I have four degrees, but they're all in the humanities. I bow down to you two emoticon emoticon

Edited by: GOODFELINE at: 4/14/2017 (13:15)
"There is no right or wrong, tomorrow only comes for those with the power to overcome the challenge." - Asteroth, Catherine


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4/14/17 11:53 A

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I have been on many medications that can cause weight gain. If you haven't gained much on Seroquel, then you probably won't with a bit more. You need to think of your mental health first before your weight. If you are depressed, you don't want to exercise and will gain weight. If you are more "stable" then you might be able to get out there and walk. I know that it's hard. I was on Lithium for years, and went up to 280 pounds. Then, still on Lithium, I lost a bunch of weight. I forget what medication I was on when I got down to 211 pounds, but it was still a "weight gain" medication. You can do it! I'm also going to start a low carb diet (Ketogenic) when I move on Tuesday (new state, new start!) and I also heard that it can help my bipolar, so I'm excited to start it! It's been cleared by my doctor, so it's a medically recommended diet. So I also agree with Julie about the low-carb diet (and I have a Biology degree as well, lol). Just do what you can... if you need any more help, let us know! We are here for you! *hugs*

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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SASSYCATMAMA40's Photo SASSYCATMAMA40 Posts: 399
4/14/17 10:15 A

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About the Seroquel:
I've found ANY medication that "makes" you gain weight may relate to how it reacts to carbs and sugar that you intake. Carbs and sugar (carbs are just long chains of sugar) affect your serotonin, and other "feeling" chemicals in your brain/stomach (these two REALLY relate to each other....that's for another conversation), which many of these medications do, too. So I think the medications affect how you metabolize, crave, and absorb the common chemicals. I'd recommend eating as few carbs as possible (check out my blog about my doctor-approved diet).

BTW, I DO have two science degrees, so I just may know what I'm talking about! LOL

As for sleep:
I try to keep a schedule, regardless of the weekend or when I got to bed the evening before. Try being the operative word. If I lay down around 10, read for half an hour, then lights off around 10:30 or 11, I can usually wake at 6:30 or 7:00 when my alarm goes off. It's hard when I'm sick or having a "bad brain" day. Or when my thoughts are racing. I try to repeat mantras in my head to calm me down then. Then I allow myself to sleep longer. But having something scheduled (a job in my case) motivates me to get up. And exercise every day! If my body is tired, usually my mind follows. If my mind is tired and my body isn't that is when I have troubles!

My parents may be meeting my boyfriend's parents this weekend!!!! Wish me luck!!!

Julie

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4/14/17 10:01 A

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My GP finally became unwilling to deal with my meds so I had to find a psychiatrist, who wants to up my Seroquel and has warned me it will probably cause me to gain weight. Anybody have experience with Seroquel? I've been on it for awhile without much issue, so I am wondering if increasing the dosage will actually make me gain.

"There is no right or wrong, tomorrow only comes for those with the power to overcome the challenge." - Asteroth, Catherine


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4/13/17 9:31 P

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The movers came today! My stuff is gone... just the necessary stuff is here. I leave on Tuesday. I'm overwhelmed and in pain, but I'm trying to hang in there. My body is freaking out with anxiety- I'm weak again, tired all the time and my mood went from depressed to suddenly hypomanic briefly. I'm just trying to take it one minute at a time at this point.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL Posts: 15,059
4/13/17 7:34 P

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Hi everyone,

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE emoticon emoticon emoticon

Heather, relationships are hard even if they seem simple. Generally it takes a lot more to fix something than to maintain it; I think that your forays outside sound fun. I would love to have fruit trees again. How great is that to have pomegranates ! I miss having my yard to putter around in. I'm glad that you didn't toss your book too. I am looking forward to reading it,as well.

Cherie, /sorry to hear that you are having medical problems as well as being depressed. I don't suppose the wine really helps out with that at all. I suspect you are a sipper Does your husband drink at night with you when he gets home?Or do you just sneak it during the day? I don't know anything about Latuda, but I take Gabapentin too. I take quite a lot of it for anxiety and they have me take it three times a day. I didn't know it is supposed to help with sleep. Hmm I take Ambien too. That does help me sleep, but I am still only getting 4 to 5 hours a night, even with all the other stuff they have me on for sleep. I must be resistant or something.

Rissa, aren't you leaving soon? You should be on your way in less than a week or so right? I hope that you feel less stressed and are happier when you get there around all your friends and family. You have things pretty well set up for yourself, so no worries there. You;ll have Angela and a nice place to live with people who know and accept you with no expectations. That must be relieving alone.

I hope that you all have a terrific Easter Sunday. Take care and God bless, Deb emoticon emoticon .



Edited by: DEBTEVELDAHL at: 4/13/2017 (19:56)
Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
Deb
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SASSYCATMAMA40's Photo SASSYCATMAMA40 Posts: 399
4/13/17 5:59 P

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Happy Easter to you all!

Remember your goals!!!

Focus on the people, not the food!

emoticon
emoticon

Julie

EDWARDSC393's Photo EDWARDSC393 Posts: 2,281
4/13/17 4:49 P

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Hi!

Happy Easter!

Cherie

I,m Cherie, Been with sparker for 3 yrs, I like that I'm losing it slowly! Its a lifestyle!


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4/11/17 5:57 P

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Heather: Just take it one day at a time (and if you need to, one minute at a time). I'm glad you didn't delete your book.. I want to read it! Just let us know more so we can get it when it gets published! Perfectionism sucks, but at the same time, it makes things, well, perfect! LOL

Cherie: I'm on Latuda, too, and it made my sleep worse! I take it in the morning now. I know for most people it helps their sleep, but I'm not most people! Be careful with the drinking... When I first started Latuda a SIP of a drink would send my emotions crazy. I'm used to the Latuda now and I function better when I drink, so just be careful! I know drinking is calming because of it's effect on your body, but you still have to watch it. It can mess with your moods. I'm not trying to be your mom, I'm just trying to look out for you. If I'm annoying you, please ask me to stop. I won't be insulted. I hope you can find a way to exercise... Geo can't really walk, but he got a pedal bike at a store and he uses it on his arms as well. I use it sometimes, but I don't like it that much.


I wish I could say that I've never been suicidal. I've been through a lot in my life (I'm trying to learn how to not trigger people). After I had my breakdown in college I was never the same. I'm better than I was back then, but I don't think I will ever fully be "normal". Not that I want to be- being mentally ill has helped me understand a lot and I don't want to lose that. I've been stressed out lately and just trying to cope with everything going on. I'm going to get through, I just have to take it one day at a time. That's about all I can do!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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4/11/17 4:52 P

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Hi all!

I hate a med change, I am off Ambien but she put me on Latuda, I don't like the side effects but I am sleeping better. I'm also on 120 mg of cymbalta, and 350 mg of cymbalta. I also take gabapentin, and a klonipin at night. I've been taking muscle relaxers at nite too.

I've been sneaking drinking, it just seems to calm me down, but boy do I sweat. Need AC on.
I've never been suicidal, so L'm glad for that. I'm bi-polar depressed right now.

Have medical, physical problems, the orthopedic doc doesn't want me to take walks or go up stairs. Always something....

Take care everyone

Cherie

I,m Cherie, Been with sparker for 3 yrs, I like that I'm losing it slowly! Its a lifestyle!


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HMKITTEN's Photo HMKITTEN Posts: 458
4/11/17 2:16 P

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Welcome, Vicky! I hope you find it safe here in our little group.

I am finally starting to get over my depression stemming from a simple friendship ending (simple cause, not so simple fix). Should be just in time to be tossed under the bus again thanks to hormones! Aah, the joys of being female.

Been keeping busy with the yard. Have fruit trees that are full of baby fruit--peaches, nectarines, plums, apricots. Hoping to get some fruit off of my pomegranates this year too so I have been watering absolutely everything. It's the conundrum of living in the desert: I want juicy fruit so I have to water, but I have to conserve water at the same time. Oh well. At least it at least gets me out of the house, even if I don't leave the property.

Finally, writing and editing while depressed is nothing like doing it on a high. I very nearly deleted my whole darn book because I couldn't make one section right. I am glad that I have it stashed away in other media to keep me from doing anything stupid like that. *sigh* fun with brains.
--Heather




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DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL Posts: 15,059
4/11/17 10:41 A

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Hi Vickey,

WELCOME to the Living with Bipolar Disorder Team !! We are really excited to have you join us! I'm sure sorry about your medication go round problems. When they are making medication changes like that it is terrible for us. I'm sorry that you are so depressed and thinking of suicide. For whatever reason you stopped yourself, that was a very good thing. When you get that depressed do you call your doctor or try to go to the ER? If you are really suicidal you should at least call a hot line and talk to them or come here and talk to us, just as you have. We do understand the nuances and the deep lows and the highs that can come with bipolar disorder, let alone with ADHD to boot !! I also, have ADHD in addition to being bipolar and no it doesn't get any better as you age. You do get better at managing it though. I have been on Wellbutrin for several years and have been stable with it as an anti depressant. I like it, But not all medications are for everybody. I had no side effects, but I;; don't with Abilify either. I take them both. I was prediabetic for two years and I thought that it was the Abilify too, but in my case, as soon as I lost 25 - 30 pounds my blood sugar became normal again. I hope that you are no longer suicidal and that is why you are reaching out to us. We are good to be in contact with even if you are suicidal. We will give you our best advice. Some of us have tried suicide, some of us were/are/recovering cutters and some of us are just plain manic or depressed. We have a wide range of experience here. I hope that you feel as if you have come to the right place. Join in the discussion. Some days we are more active than others, but don't let that stop you from posting, because there will always be a response. Either myself, or my co leader, Larisssa will be around to talk to,if no one else is. But I think you'll find that we check in fairly often. I can so relate to your frustration with not being able to go get the ironing board. Some days it is a chore just to get out of bed it is that overwhelming. I wish you luck with your new psychiatrist and let me know how it goes with the wellbutrin. My dosage is 450 mg a day right now. It has been
higher and it has been lower. I don't know what they are starting you off on, but it should kick the third or fourth week. You should begin to feel better. You're lucky that you are seeing someone through a teaching hospital. They always know about new options before anyone else does when new things are developed for consumer use. Keep in touch with the team. We care about you and your depression management. Take care and God bless, Deb emoticon emoticon

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
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4/11/17 10:37 A

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Vickey:

This is a safe space to talk. Don't worry about that.. we all are in the same boat and have similar problems. I can relate to the smallest thing setting you off and not being able to do anything... this morning I felt so overwhelmed that I couldn't even play with my cat, Angela. They did an apartment inspection and my apartment was a MESS! We passed, but I felt so bad that it looked like it did and just got bad mood swings. I've been on many antidepressants and it's really hard to find a good one. I was on almost every one in the book before I found one that worked for me- Prozac! I should have been put on that first, but I was on so many crazy ones that they didn't even think about it. Why did they want you off the Cymbalta? I don't know much about it anymore (I was on it, too, but I just was still depressed and don't remember much). I research medications, and someone here a while back suggested genetic testing to see what antidepressant might work for you (if your insurance covers it). I'm glad you found out you had ADHD and you are working on getting it managed. You are doing the right thing! As for being suicidal, I can relate to that, too. I have been getting bouts where I don't want to live (but I don't want to die) and then short bursts when I do want to die. I am not ashamed to get help, and I have been talking with my therapist (I go see her later today, actually) and she says it's normal with what's going on (my mom just died, I'm getting divorced from a 12 year relationship, packing up and moving back home to LA next week) and so I'm just dealing with it. I hope you are not scared to get help... If I thought that I was going to do something bad, I know to call the hospital and go in for a week or so. It's better than the alternative. My dad killed himself, and it was SO hard on me. I was Daddy's Little Girl and when he died it turned my whole world upside down. I know you know how hard it is to deal with it. But you have to do this for yourself- you have to learn to live because YOU want to live. You can't live for anyone else, and that's something I'm learning. I was chronically suicidal when I met Geo (my ex) and I started to want to live for him. Eventually, I got to the point where I wanted to live for me, and he helped me to the point where I wanted to be happy. Sadly, I realized that I will be happier without him. He has many issues himself, and I'm sick of the anger and verbal abuse. I now am living for myself and doing (usually) much better. This is just been the year from Hell and I'm just trying to stick things out. I'm rambling now, but I hope this helps! Feel free to reach out to me in a message or add me on Facebook if you want to chat (Larissa238, aka Diane Yanez)! I don't judge since I've been there. *hugs*

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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PINTSNPURLS's Photo PINTSNPURLS SparkPoints: (2,418)
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4/10/17 12:20 P

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Hi everyone!

I'm still really new here, but I feel like this would be a good space to talk about what's going on with me.

I was on Cymbalta, Lamictal, and Abilify for years. Long story short, ADHD was finally added to my diagnosis a little over a year ago, and after about six months, I realized that the Abilify was making the ADHD unmanageable. I had pushed aside the side effects that I had noticed but could not explain for years, but with the additional diagnosis, things made sense. Coupled with the fact that my blood sugar was in the pre-diabetes range in October, I decided it was time to stop the Abilify.

It took me forever to find a new psychiatrist who took my insurance. I finally did at a teaching hospital near me. I told them I wanted to stop the Abilify, and they wanted me to stop the Cymbalta as well. I told them that I've tried that before, and as soon as I drop below 60 mg, I become depressed. I agreed to try again with the thought that maybe a different antidepressant would help me more.

I saw them last Tuesday for my follow up, and they were absolutely shocked that I was depressed out of my mind. Ya know, exactly what I told them was going to happen. *rolls eyes* So they're giving me Welbutrin instead, since that's supposed to help with ADHD as well, but it doesn't change the fact that I am so absolutely depressed right now.

I was deeply suicidal last Friday. It was bad. The only thing that stops me when those moods come is what my aunt went through when my cousin committed suicide. It destroyed her, and I love my family too much to do that to them. But it doesn't make the thoughts go away.

The past few days I've been better, but I'm super frustrated right now. I was going to work on a sewing project--got my sewing machine and the half finished project--then realized I needed the ironing board...and suddenly, it was too much. I sat back down on the couch. I hate this so much, when something as silly as "go get the ironing board" is so overwhelming that I abandon a project I want to work on.

Vickey

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DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL Posts: 15,059
4/7/17 6:31 A

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Hi everyone,

I've heard that the Keto diet is a really good diet too. I've also heard that the Paleo diet is a good one, so Julie if yous is similar then it should work well. Your doctor knows what him/her
is doing. I wish you both well with your diets. I'm sure that both of you will be successful. Cherie, not all anti depressants make you gain weight. My Wellbutrin does exactly the opposite. It helps me lose weight. But the Abilify that I take along with it can cause weight gain. I haven't even bothered to look up to see if any of the anti depressants that I take for seep at night do or not. It doesn't matter really anyway. I am losing this weight no matter how it came on. I have been successful and am very close to goal weight. I've dumped 25 pounds just since last December and another 20 before that. So it can be done, like Rissa says. I do exercise though. It is what keeps me sane. Plus, I lost my habit of drinking most anything but water and lost my late night snacking habit.If you are still having a glass of the grape every now and again those calories can add up fast.

Well, ladies I have to get busy. I have another full day ahead of me. Hopefully, it will be a productive day. Wishing you all a fabulous Friday and a wonderful Weekend !! Take care and God bless, Deb emoticon emoticon














Edited by: DEBTEVELDAHL at: 4/7/2017 (06:32)
Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
Deb
PST - Pacific Standard Time - West Coast
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LARISSA238's Photo LARISSA238 SparkPoints: (85,451)
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4/6/17 10:30 P

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Thanks for the support! Cherie, I know how you feel about not wanting to take care of yourself when you are depressed... It sucks! Luckily I see my psych, therapist and work so I have to take a shower. I love showers, I don't know why I don't want to take them, but that's just the way it is. Self care is important when you are depressed, and that also includes eating right and exercising. I *know* this, but I don't *do* this. I did my best to try and see my friend, and that's just what happens I guess. As for weight gain, yes it does happen. But you can lose weight, too! I lost 50 pounds on Lithium which is unheard of.

I'm going to be starting a new diet, called the Keto diet, which is very low carb and high fat. It seems weird, but it really does work. I'm in a Facebook group about it, and one of the women was saying that she has bipolar and the diet is helping her bipolar. I'm not doing it for that reason, but it sure seems that if it's true for me, then it's going to be even more awesome!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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4/6/17 5:03 P

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Hi all!

Its hard when you get depressed. My psych put me on more celexa' The only problem is weight gain. I feel awful. looking at me. I don't want to exercise, I haven't wanted to take a bath, and blow my hair, it takes so long. But I wash up tho.

Take care everyone!

Cherie

I,m Cherie, Been with sparker for 3 yrs, I like that I'm losing it slowly! Its a lifestyle!


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4/6/17 10:26 A

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Rissa, I have gone through MANY major changes in the last couple of years. Too many to count. And your depression is normal!! It is hard to let go of the things I can't change, and accept the changes that did happen. One recommendation I have is to exercise. I know, when I'm depressed, the last thing I want to do is exercise, but if I force myself out of the house and on a walk, I usually feel better. Sometimes writing helps, too. You don't have to keep it; just seeing it on paper sometimes helps. As far as your friend goes, I've been in that boat, too. Some people just don't have the same understanding as us when it comes to setting a "date". It isn't you. If she just had surgery, she might have felt yucky, and didn't know how to tell you she was worn out. I know I act funny when I'm medically "out of it".

My "diet" is going okay so far. My mom is diabetic as well, so she is going on a similar diet...I'm going to write down what I CAN eat, then make my own recipes from there. Haven't found many places for recipes for my unusual diet (low fat, low carb; similar to a Paleo Diet). I have Easter lunch at my house this year; the menu will be interesting!!!

Hope everyone takes a breath of fresh air today!!!

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4/5/17 6:07 P

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I'm in a better state mentally today for the most part. I'm still suffering from brief bouts of depression, but that's about all that is bad for my mind. I'm dealing with the physical effects of depression, though. I slept until 4:30 pm and I haven't eaten anything today. I don't feel like cooking, so I'm going to go out to dinner with Geo so I can eat. I think we are going to a buffet, even though I can't eat too much, I still need lots of calories. I just hope this goes away soon... that and my stomach was cramping today (It's not because of lack of food, I have IBS) so I had to take my pills around 1 pm and then went back to sleep. Until I got out of bed this afternoon, I had only gotten out of bed twice- once for a bathroom run, and once to let Angela out since she was meowing at the door. I don't feel depressed, but I know my body is depressed nonetheless.

I leave on April 18th. On Friday, I will find out the exact time that I will be receiving my shipping container for my stuff. That comes next weekend. I'm excited about the move, and I know that it is the best thing for me. My therapist agrees, as well. She sees both Geo and I, and we have allowed her to talk to us about each other. Julieta, the therapist, says that I'm making the right decision, taking care of myself, and that it's perfectly normal to be feeling this way.

As for last night, it was good. When I talk about it, it's hard to see that it could be good, but I will get to that. I went to go see an old friend from LA yesterday. I have known her since high school. I texted her yesterday morning, asking her if she wanted to hang out. She said yes, and that she was going to be done at 9. Later on, I ask her what hotel she is staying at, and she says "The Hampton". I get ready, get on the bus and text her saying "I'm on the way". I get to her hotel, and she's not there. I text her saying I was in the lobby, and she is surprised, like I wasn't supposed to be there. It was frustrating. Her phone was dying, so I just texted her back and forth every now and then. I waited over 2 hours for her, and finally she texts me saying that she was outside. I was at the wrong Hampton! She just had surgery and was in a lot of pain, so we didn't hang out. I'm hoping to see her tomorrow or Friday.

Why was that good? What good could come of being stood up? Well, I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and I have an intense fear of abandonment. I didn't freak out! I was calm and didn't feel stupid despite all of that. I'm very proud of myself for that. I didn't know I had it in me... normally I start crying after 30 minutes, and obsessively call/text until I give up and go home. I'm happy about that. I hope I can be like that the next time I am in that situation.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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4/5/17 1:37 P

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Good Morning,

Rissa,I am so glad that you are feeling better. With everything that's going on it is no wonder you are depressed. I think that once you get to LA, you will feel much better. You have family,a place to live, your service cat and you can reconnect with old friends. You have everything ready to go I'll bet and you are moving soon, so that should help relieve your underlying stresses. What day are you going to leave? I think it's coming up very soon. I'm glad that you had a friend to go out with and have some fun. Relaxation is good for you. Getting out of the house is good for you. Geo doesn't seem to be helpful right now, so I would ignore him the best that I could. I hope that your mood continues to improve. You have a whole new life to look forward to. You should be getting excited about that too. I wish you the very best and I know that you will be a great leader on your 5% team, not a quitter.
Sending you more positive energy and hugs !! Deb

Julie, You are sounding so much better than you have been. I love CBT it was a life saver for me, especially since I live with my daughter and she is less than supportive most of the time. She has little patience with me and is very hyper critical, so my CBT and meditation have been my life line. I am so happy that you are following doctor's orders with your diet. It sounds like a good one. Anything that is nutritious,helps to keep your blood sugar level and is good for your heart is terrific, not to mention the other benefits as well. I'm glad that you like your therapist. It is so much better when you get along with your counselor.

Not much going on in my life. I am trying to prepare for the 5% Challenge - which is another team I am a part of. I have been busy, but it is all grunt work. At home, Micah,my grandson, went back to school this week from Spring Break last week, so I am pretty much on my own during the day. I have plenty of time to exercise and to do housework. That's a big plus. I missed an important date with my therapist and I feel terrible, because it is like the second or third time that I have missed an appointment with Todd. I have to make some new appointments now and I will have to apologize greatly. I'm just really glad to hear that both you and Rissa are in good space. I am on the fence. I have been manic,but I think I'm leveling out now. My meds are kicking in with the addition of Topomax, an antidepressant, that my PCP put me on for migraines, seems to be working on me now. It is supposed to arrest migraines before they start. So. far they haven't been effective, but I haven't been taking them long. I think that they are beginning to work on my system and are bringing me out of my mania. I am sleeping better and for a longer amount of time at night. So, that is good. My meditation and my CBT are helping me manage with Jeni's largely untreated PTSD. She has an appointment with her therapist soon and it can't be soon enough for me. She is suffering with flashbacks and horrible anxiety. She needs to go see her therapist. Well, that is about it for me. Sending you all positive energy and (((HUGS))). Take care and God bless emoticon emoticon

Edited by: DEBTEVELDAHL at: 4/5/2017 (13:40)
Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
Deb
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SASSYCATMAMA40's Photo SASSYCATMAMA40 Posts: 399
4/5/17 11:07 A

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New month, new attitude!!! I've been having troubles with "Bad Brain" days....can't explain it other than I can't make things connect "upstairs". I had one Monday, and even the concept of eating a salad was too complicated.

So Doc is putting me on a VERY strict diet. Low fat, low starches, heart healthy. It's supposed to jump start my digestion and regulate blood sugar, cholesterol, and thyroid. We'll see. I might put the diet in a blog on my page if anyone is interested. It's a legit doctor's recommendation, so no fad diet.

Going to a therapist has been good for me. She follows acceptance therapy, and cognitive behavioral therapy. "It is what it is". Learning to de-stress and let go of what I can't change.

Hope all is going well with all of you!
Julie

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4/4/17 9:08 P

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Thanks for the support! I'm doing better now. I went to therapy today and she was telling me that it's normal to be depressed with all the deal in my life right now. I'm still a bit down but on my way to see an old friend and have fun!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL Posts: 15,059
4/4/17 7:14 P

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Hi Rissa,
I'm sorry that I have't gotten here in a few days. We lost our CL suddenly, so my former EL is taking on the position and I've been helping set up our page and Forums,as well as the spread sheets. I hope that you are feeling better today. If not, please Sparkmail me and we can talk. I know the space where you are and it's not pleasant. Don't give in to the temptation of cutting. You have been doing so well. If you feel yourself slipping any further into the abyss, go to your therapist or get into the ER if you need to; I am here for you if you need me. i'm just a Sparkmail away. Feel free to Sparkmail me anytime.I am usually online from 3:00 am PST. You are still on East Coast time? So that would be about 6:00 am for you and I usually am online until about 8:00 pm PST. I will answer you immediately as soon as a Sparkmail comes in if I am here. Try to get out for a walk or a change of scenery. It will do you good to get some fresh air and sunshine. I know it probably is the last thing you want to do, but some sun and vitamin D might help. I will be writing a letter to one of my friends shortly, so I will check every few minutes or so for Sparkmail; You are not alone. Sparkmail me !! Deb

PS.I am working on my spread sheet now that I've helped them get the CL,and WL's sheets set up.

Edited by: DEBTEVELDAHL at: 4/4/2017 (19:19)
Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
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EDWARDSC3931 Posts: 283
4/4/17 5:25 P

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Hi!

Larrisa, try to keep busy with something or I usually take something to sleep. Take your meds!

I'm hear, Cherie

I was on a medication, with a side affect of weight gain. Doc said I can stop taking it. I,ve cleaned up my eating, am walking, I did this before, I can do this again!
Spark will help!


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4/3/17 3:43 P

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Hey. I'm struggling right now. I don't know for how many days I missed my Prozac (I took it yesterday and today) but I'm really down. Don't worry, I'm not suicidal, just really depressed. I have been crying off and on for most of the day. I also slept until after 1 pm... wanted to sleep more but I pulled myself out of bed. I'm so tired. I didn't want to live last night (I didn't want to kill myself, just wanted to cut and very depressed), and I called a friend. Well, she was in the same boat and had just took her sleep meds. We talked for a bit and helped each other out. I just feel it's not fair for me to call someone when I need help and have to help them. Is that selfish? I didn't know she was struggling, since she hadn't said anything, and I just wanted a friend to talk to. I still want a friend to talk to. I feel like I have nobody. Geo is sitting right next to me and he knows how down I am, but at the same time he's not helping AT ALL. A few minutes ago, I was struggling to find words to post and he said "Hi, my name is Diane, I suck and I'm resigning" (this was to another forum that I'm a leader of, not here) and I started crying. I just want to go to my room, curl up in bed and forget about the world. Once again, I'm NOT suicidal, just depressed. If anyone wants to call me and talk, I will be checking my SparkMail so you can send your number. I just don't feel right posting my number on a group forum.

I'm going to finish my work and go lie down.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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"Learning to Love Yourself is the Greatest Love of All" ~Whitney Houston


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4/1/17 3:41 P

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Heather, just know I'm here for you. Feel free to add me on Facebook so we can chat, or send me an email to Larissa238 at gmail.com. I posted it like that to avoid spam instead of just posing the actual @ sign. I'm online a lot, so if you need help I'm here for you. I have been suicidal and had weapons in the house and I had to get rid of them. *hugs*

Deb, don't worry about it... I don't mind setting up the thread. I have never really been hacked... I try and be careful with what I use. *hugs*

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL Posts: 15,059
4/1/17 3:26 P

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I'm sorry Rissa. I was right in the middle of changing the threads and my computer was hacked by a hacker and I had to call Microsoft to get rid of the penetration. I just got off the phone with them. I hate people who try to lock up your computer and then scam you to get you to spend money for them to clear your screens and unlock your computer. Nothing makes me madder than to have someone do that to me. This is the second time that it has happened and the first time I actually called them thinking that it was legit until they asked for money. It's obnoxious. Thanks for setting this chat thread up again. Deb emoticon emoticon

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
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4/1/17 3:11 P

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Heya guys,
For April Fools day the weather decided to snow on us--after having two weeks of nearly 80 degree weather. Crazy.

As for me I have been better, but I have been worse too. Went to a concert last night that was really really freaking good. I knew there was one song that was going to break me and, sure enough, they played it. I went from singing (okay screaming) along with them to being in a tearful mess all in thirty seconds. I ended up fine halfway through the song because I focused all my anger and sadness into singing--it worked. It was cathartic and painful at the same time. (Concert: Shinedown. Song: .45--about suicidal thoughts) I still had a great, awesome, voicelosing-ly, ear splitting time.

On that note, I made sure that all weapons are out of my house officially just in case my mental state takes a dive. I see my doc soon to go over if we need to up some of my meds to keep me more stable than I have been. It is going to suck since it will mean more meds. Already graduated from therapy--I have the tools, I have done the talking, and my therapist and I agreed that I am as good to go as she can help with. So meds.

Having to figure out how to explain to a current friend that I can't be around him because he is back to drinking and won't take no for an answer to anything--including physical contact. I have had enough, but need to figure out how to say it. Without breaking myself in the process. I know that I will have to do it over the phone so that there is NO chance for physical altercation or threats. It is time. It is long past time.

So yeah. Good. Bad. And everything in between.
--Heather



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4/1/17 1:48 P

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It's April Fool's Day! Happy April! Here's the new chat thread for Spring!

Have a wonderful month!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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