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EDWARDSC393's Photo EDWARDSC393 Posts: 2,275
4/1/17 1:26 P

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Hi, where is the April chat?

My weight gain comes from the meds an wine. Lots of calories in wine if you drink a lot of it. I've been sneaking it, but now no money!

Had two great grand daughters born this week!

Cherie

I,m Cherie, Been with sparker for 3 yrs, I like that I'm losing it slowly! Its a lifestyle!


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DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL Posts: 14,984
4/1/17 11:59 A

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Please do not post to this thread, April's Chat has been opened up for this next month!! Thank you, Deb emoticon

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
Deb
PST - Pacific Standard Time - West Coast
Portland, Or
Co leader of the Dealing with Depression team
ML/WL co leader of the Rowdy Rebels Summer Challenge 2018
Co leader of the Living with Bipolar Disorder


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DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL Posts: 14,984
3/30/17 6:19 P

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Hi everybody,

I have a sleep regimen that is like no other. I don't think any of you have mentioned taking the amount of drugs they have me on for sleep. I take 200 mg of Trazodone a night plus 15 mg of Mirtazapine, 25 mg of Topomax and seven nights a month 5 mg of Zolpidem, which is generic for Ambien also I take anywhere from 2.5 to 5 mg of Melatonin depending on if I am really restless or not. I am going to talk to my prescriber about getting more Ambien a month and cutting out some of the other medications, because my Ambien and Trazadone are enough to knock me out on their own. I might still need the Melatonin, but I could stop the Mirtazapine. The Topomax is really for my migraines. It is supposed to stop them before they start, but so far they haven't worked. I am just going on my second month with them, so maybe they just haven't had a chance to work yet. She did tell me that they should help me sleep too. So I count them as a sleep med, as well. I feel like a drug addict compared to the rest of you who only take like three or four meds a day. I take Wellbutrin and Abilify for my bipolarness along with Gabapentin for my anxiety, then I take a high blood pressure med for my high blood pressure, which I should be able to get off of soon. That's lots of medication for a twenty four hour period. I hate my night routine, because that includes the Wellbutrin and the Gabapentin as well as the five sleep meds. It is an awesome amount of pills to swallow every night. That's not all of them either. I take a stain for high cholesterol which I don't have any more, but she hasn't taken me off of yet and Amantadine for leg cramps that I get from some of the other meds. So at night I am taking 13 pills at night, every night. My doctor says that she is keeping me on a maintenance dosage of the statin until I maintain my weight loss for six more months. Then she will take those away, but she wants me on a maintenance dose until then to make sure it is not the pills that are keeping my cholesterol down. She wants to be sure that it is the weight loss that has brought it down to regular levels. I feel rotten taking so many meds, but that is what is working for me right now. My blood pressure meds and my cholesterol meds should both be gone within the next six months. That only eliminates two pills though. Wow huh. That I guess is what happens when you become old and bipolar. You take a lot of pills.

Diane I think it's great that you mentioned the Spring 5 % Challenge to all of our members. It is not treason to mention another team that is only 8 weeks in length and is fun and gets results to boot. I lost over 20 some odd pounds during the Fall 5 % Challenge. It was all my weight that I had to lose and I am so grateful for that challenge opportunity. I have kept up with the challenges, because I need the discipline to keep myself in maintenance. They have been good to me. I'm on the Rowdy Rebels this Challenge. I don't know if they are full yet. It is a good way to lose 5% of the total weight that you would like to lose. Give it a try if you like a good challenge. By the way, if you could give me the link to the Youtube sleep program I would appreciate it. Thanks !!

Cherie, glad to hear that you are feeling a little bit better and that you are getting rest whether it is from the pills or not. Not drinking for 3 days has not put the weight on you, the late night eating has probably done that. I hope that you feel better and better every day.

I hope that you all have a good weekend ahead. Friday is tomorrow and it will kick it off. Have a great Friday and a really fine weekend. Sending positive energy and hugs to all that need them. Take care and God bless, Deb

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
Deb
PST - Pacific Standard Time - West Coast
Portland, Or
Co leader of the Dealing with Depression team
ML/WL co leader of the Rowdy Rebels Summer Challenge 2018
Co leader of the Living with Bipolar Disorder


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KAUAICAROLANN's Photo KAUAICAROLANN Posts: 70
3/29/17 11:44 P

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Have mercy, I checked in to the March thread at the beginning of the month but have never gotten back to post.
This has been a hellish month....actually, it's been a hellish year thus far.

To chirp into the conversation about sleep aides, I can take up to 200mg of trazadone per night, but usually only have 100mg. Along with that I take 5mg of melatonin. I found some sublingual peppermint flavored melatonin and it gets me sleepy pretty darn quick then I stay asleep with the trazadone. I do have 30mg temazepam if I've had a few sleepless nights in a row. Kind of an emergency back up plan.

On the GoodRx web site, compare costs between a 30 day supply and a 90 day supply. I found that quite often there is a huge difference in price and if your doc will give you a 90 day script, it's far cheaper. Last time checked, the temazepam was $12 for 30 days but $18 for 90 days.

Well, doodles....looked at the clock and realized it is near 11pm. Need to keep some sort of sleep schedule, so it's time to head off to the land of nod.

My body is a fat burning machine!
#ragingketones #ketomode #ohmigosh
3 weeks = 10 pounds, 12 inches

www.carolannneill.experienceketo.com


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LARISSA238's Photo LARISSA238 SparkPoints: (84,008)
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3/29/17 8:47 P

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Cherie, it's good that you haven't drank, but bad that you gained! *hugs* I know that as you recover you will get stronger and lose the weight. Please don't think that the lack of drinking has caused you to gain weight.

I was in the ER on Saturday night and I was pretty much in bed from Saturday morning to yesterday morning. I was weak because I had missed my pills and drank too much water because of it. I had water intoxication and I had to get some saline in the hospital. Then I got a horrible migraine and couldn't get out of bed for almost a day. Life has been crazy. I actually went from 239 on Saturday morning to 235.6 this morning!

Because I was in bed all day, I drank high calorie coffee instead of my regular low-calorie coffee (Frappachino instead of light cream... I was too weak to start the coffeepot), I had delivery food because I couldn't cook.. I don't recommend these things to anyone, but I was really in a bind. I got out of the house for the first time in days yesterday and went to the store, and was strong enough to go to work today. I'm back to normal now.

T-Minus 20 days to the Big Move!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Summer, Winter, Spring 2018 Challenge Leader
5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Fall, Summer, Spring, Winter 2017 Challenge Leader
5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Fall 2016, Member.
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"Learning to Love Yourself is the Greatest Love of All" ~Whitney Houston


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EDWARDSC393's Photo EDWARDSC393 Posts: 2,275
3/29/17 5:13 P

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Hi all!

Doing pretty good today. Had a minor surgery on my rt. hip Mon morning, Been on pain pills and its made me sleep. But something good came out of it, I haven't drank in 3 days. Went to doc today, I have put on 10 pounds! So upset.

We are broke right now, its the end of the month, no money to buy fresh everything. I do have beans soup for dinner tonite.

If anyone gets bad thoughts, please call someone!

Take care, Cherie



I,m Cherie, Been with sparker for 3 yrs, I like that I'm losing it slowly! Its a lifestyle!


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LARISSA238's Photo LARISSA238 SparkPoints: (84,008)
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3/28/17 3:18 P

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FYI: This is a personal invite, not a request of the team.

I am part of the Spring 5% Challenge, where we try and lose 5% of our weight in 8 weeks! It's fun and challenging. This Spring we need new members badly! If you want to join, please follow this link: www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
nd
ividual.asp?gid=68315


I don't mean to be promoting other teams under my leadership here, so please don't take it that way. Both of these teams mean a lot to me and I want them to succeed. If this offends anyone, I will take it down. I don't do this normally, but the 5% Challenge team really needs members. I am a leader of the Cloverleafs there, and while that team is closed there are other teams that need members. You DO NOT have to join!!!!! This is just me, Diane, asking a couple friends if they want to join.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Summer, Winter, Spring 2018 Challenge Leader
5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Fall, Summer, Spring, Winter 2017 Challenge Leader
5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Fall 2016, Member.
Pacific Time Zone

Co-Leader of the Living With Bipolar Team!

"Learning to Love Yourself is the Greatest Love of All" ~Whitney Houston


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3/28/17 1:58 P

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Deb: Glad to know you are doing okay... Mania is not good, so try and calm down when you can. Take deep breaths and slow your thoughts. There is a sleep meditation tape that I listen to on YouTube that helps me with my racing thoughts... Let me know if you want the link!

Heather: I think you should call your doctor before it gets too bad. Have you tried a lot of different meds? Seroquel is not the only option, but if it works for you, then you have to consider it. I played what I called Medication Roulette for many, many years, and with a combination of therapy, working out my problems and noticing my issues and medication I have been pretty stable. At least compared to how I used to be. Don't be afraid to be on meds if you need them. You need the time to get strong, work on yourself, and then you can lower your dose. It sucks, I know, but you have to consider it. It's not good to be mood swinging all the time, because the higher up you go, the further down you go. I'm encouraged to know that your PTSD is doing well... trust me, I have it too so I know how much it sucks. What gets me sometimes is when people claim to have it but have gotten over it easily, which means that they didn't have it. It's NOT easy.

I can relate to people on sleep... I have been listening to my tape for sleep but not taking my Trazadone (bad me). I slept fitfully all night until about 8 am, when I finally took some Melatonin to help me sleep. I slept until about 1 pm, sleeping much better than I did most of last night. I'm not hypomanic or depressed right now.. just normal. Is it just me, or when you guys have mood swings do you get hot/cold? When I'm hypomanic I get hot and sweaty, and when I'm depressed I get cold and just want to be in bed under the blankets.

Anyways, I hope we all feel better! Stick it out.. just know that good times are coming!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Summer, Winter, Spring 2018 Challenge Leader
5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Fall, Summer, Spring, Winter 2017 Challenge Leader
5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Fall 2016, Member.
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Co-Leader of the Living With Bipolar Team!

"Learning to Love Yourself is the Greatest Love of All" ~Whitney Houston


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HMKITTEN's Photo HMKITTEN Posts: 458
3/28/17 1:14 P

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Hey guys,
Instead of being manically depressed like I was, now I am just going straight hypomanic. I should probably talk to my psych doc to see what is going on, but I don't want to go on more meds or (good lord no) go back on Seroquel.

Haven't been having problems with the PTSD as of late, which is a pretty good indicator that I am not really bad. I just have massive flareups of anger or depression that last for a few hours then fade. And I am not one to get angry. It is strange that those feelings would just appear and hit like a truck then trot off like nothing happened. A lot of damage can happen in a few hours.

Oh well. Last night I didn't get to sleep till 2am working on my book and woke up at 6am on my own. I don't usually function on four hours of sleep. I barely function on eight! We will see if I end up with lots of naps today or if I truly am continuing the hypomania. I have not been wanting to move but have been hyper-focused on writing. I have been using SP to make sure i get enough calories still.

Eventually this will break. If it lasts too much longer or if I start having troubles with massive depression again I will call the doc. Till then I will just tough it out and blame it on stabilizing lithium levels.
--Heather

Edited by: HMKITTEN at: 3/28/2017 (13:14)

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DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL Posts: 14,984
3/28/17 1:09 A

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Hi Ladies

Well today was a busy day for me. I haven't been badly depressed lately at all. I'm sorry to hear that so many of us have been struggling. I have Micah home from school this week for Spring Break. I am also deep, deep cleaning my house. I want it right, before the weather begins to turn nicer here. I am in the middle of a mania. I am manic as heck, as is illustrated by my wish to get a nice, deeply cleaned house. I am involved in so many things right now. I have too many irons in the fire. I am keeping my head above water with my projects, but I will have to slow down soon. I have to be sure that I completely finish one thing before moving on to the next !! That way I don't become frustrated and my sleeping is suffering because of all this.My fitbit says that my average sleep cycle for the week was 4 and 1/2 hours a night. Last night I slept for 5 hours and was awake 4 times and restless 16 times in that amount of time. I was up by 1:29 am this morning. I should be dead on my feet, but I am not. I have to take my night time pills, so that I can sleep some tonight. It is because of those numbers that I wonder about sleep apnea. I keep forgetting to ask my doctor. I have my fitbit documentation to take with me to show her my sleep patterns, I just forget to ask.

Cherie, here's an article that was just written in January 2017 about dieting and what are the most diet friendly alcoholic drinks. I thought that you might like to read it. It has recommendations on the drinks with the least calories and carbs with wine being number one, and their recommendations about quantities. It is the most up to date information that I could find. It may be what is hindering your weight loss efforts, but then again maybe not. It can also be your meds or a combination of the two. We all know that some depression medications can and do make you want to eat, My friend has a problem overeating on her Prosac. When she takes her pills she is more likely to overeat because of snacking and late night fores into the kitchen. I know that Abilify can cause high cholesterol and weight gain as side effect if someone takes those, There are just so many drugs out there where weight gain is a side effect. You are so not alone. When I was on Zyprexa that turned me into an eating machine. I hated that and got off of it as soon as I could. There are lots of us out there. I will include the article at the end of this post.

Rissa, I hope that your UTI has been successfully treated by now. You are doing so well handling the death of your Mom and your break up. I admire your strength and your spirit. I've heard of the Keto Diet. It is supposed to be very good when it comes to fat burning. It is supposed to turn your body into a fat burning machine, It is like a Low Carbohydrate, High Fat diet, but it works by eating low amounts of carbohydrates and moderate amounts of protein,then putting your body into ketosis,so the keytones are what is burned for energy and they work off of body fat. It sounds like a win-win situation if it works properly. I wish you the very best when you get to LA and change your lifestyle.

Heather, sitting, with the dog at your feet and distracting yourself with a book sounds pretty good to me. I am so sorry that you are having a such a problem with the temptation to cut and you're in very bad space. Does getting outdoors with the dog help any? If you take a walk outside or just get a change of venue for awhile does that sort of exercise help at all? I know that when I am depressed the last thing that I want to do is exercise, but it really does help your mood and frame of mind. I like getting off on a trail somewhere by myself and do some walking meditation. It helps to calm my mind. I don't have such racing thoughts. I don't know where you live or what your weather is like. So, I don't know if something like that would be either right for you, or if it would even be doable. I've never been a cutter per se. I tried cutting my wrists several times to commit suicide, but not cut to just cut. Looking at my wrists you wouldn't know that though. How long has it been since you've seen your therapist? Or do you have a therapist ? Larissa gave you great advice, if you need help get it. Of course, we are here for you if you need us. You can reach me via Sparkmail if you want to talk too. I am onsite several times a day.

Hi Julie, you aren't feeling well either. I know the guilt and anxiety associated with missing work for three days in a row. My daughter suffers from PTSD and she misses at least two or three days some weeks when her anxiety levels are through the roof. She comes home in the middle of the work day if she gets a flash back and she just feels terrible about it all. it is so hard to keep up appearances when you feel like crap. Stress is so debilitating. It can really just knock you for a loop.

Sending all of you positive energy and hugs, because you need them. Coping skills are mad skills to have when things are not going well. Take care and God bless, Deb emoticon emoticon

www.sparkpeople.com/resource/nutriti
on
_articles.asp?id=893


Edited by: DEBTEVELDAHL at: 3/28/2017 (01:21)
Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
Deb
PST - Pacific Standard Time - West Coast
Portland, Or
Co leader of the Dealing with Depression team
ML/WL co leader of the Rowdy Rebels Summer Challenge 2018
Co leader of the Living with Bipolar Disorder


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LARISSA238's Photo LARISSA238 SparkPoints: (84,008)
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3/27/17 9:55 P

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Julie: I get checked for diabetes every 3 months, and I'm good. It has to do with my past anorexia and my mind freaking out if I don't eat when I should. If I do low carb, I don't get that way and I don't know why. All of my blood work is normal.

I TOTALLY understand about stress right now. My mom just passed on January 31st and I'm in the middle of a breakup with my hubby of 12 years. I am moving to LA (home) to be with my family again. My body is breaking right now because of the stress, but I'm trying my best to recover and try and resume as much of a normal life as I can before I move. I have called the Crisis Hotline a couple of times- not because I was suicidal per se, but more of because I wanted to talk to someone and everyone was asleep. I have been mostly normal lately, have energy but not hypomanic, and feeling good... but I do have times where I feel like crap and want to go back to all my old bad habits.

Also, my invitation to add me on Facebook is open to everyone... Just tell me who you are and that you are from here so I know to add you. If you have trouble adding me, let me know... I have been trying to open my profile so people can add me.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Summer, Winter, Spring 2018 Challenge Leader
5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Fall, Summer, Spring, Winter 2017 Challenge Leader
5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Fall 2016, Member.
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"Learning to Love Yourself is the Greatest Love of All" ~Whitney Houston


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SASSYCATMAMA40's Photo SASSYCATMAMA40 Posts: 399
3/27/17 9:21 A

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It must be something in the weather. Last Sunday, I had to call the Suicide Hotline at 6 AM. Woke up at 3 AM feeling terrible and couldn't get myself out of my head. I missed THREE days of work last week, and just had a terrible week in general. I was thinking negatively, feeling overwhelmed, too tired to move, dizzy, nauseous. I got blood drawn Thursday for a general work-up. I've gone the doc for a med re-check. My kids were with me this weekend, so I'm doing a little better. But I still feel toxic. I've had many extreme stressors happen in the past two years. So doc thinks my brain is trying to shut down because of the stress.

I'm hanging in there, but sometimes going to sleep and not waking up seems welcome. I'm trying some "self soothers" that don't include eating. And taking care of myself. Sometimes I forget that.

As far as carbs go: have you been checked for diabetes?

Thanks for reading.
Julie

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3/26/17 4:38 P

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Heather, you have to take it slow. Use your coping skills to get through what you are going through. It's hard, I know. I used to be a cutter and always suicidal too. I was really depressed for a short bit yesterday and thought that death would be nice, too. I wasn't suicidal, but my ESA (emotional support animal) cat was telling me that something was wrong. I think I'm going to post a blog about what happened yesterday, since it's a long and crazy story. The thing is, you have to take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, and if you have to, one second at a time. You have to resist the urge to cut and try and find something positive to do. It's hard as #$%*, but it's possible. I haven't cut in over 11 years now. I still do some self-destructive behavior, but I'm doing good with my bulimia. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here. If you have Facebook, I'm Larissa238 (Diane Yanez), I'm Larissa238 on Gmail Chat, and if you really need someone urgent to talk to, message me and I will give you my number. Know that people are here for you and that we care. *hugs* Please take care, and if you feel like hurting yourself please get help.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Summer, Winter, Spring 2018 Challenge Leader
5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Fall, Summer, Spring, Winter 2017 Challenge Leader
5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Fall 2016, Member.
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Co-Leader of the Living With Bipolar Team!

"Learning to Love Yourself is the Greatest Love of All" ~Whitney Houston


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HMKITTEN's Photo HMKITTEN Posts: 458
3/26/17 12:46 P

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Cherie, meds can definitely change your food needs/wants. When I was on Seroquel I could time it that forty five minutes after taking it I would be at the fridge pigging out. (Or desperately trying not to).

Rissa, Hang in there, it sounds like you are doing great! I hope that they get that UTI taken care of soon.

As for me, life has been less than stellar. April is winding up to be much like February with the change in brains. Yesterday was REALLY hard. Completely snapped at a friend, was shaky the whole time I was driving. Cussed out said friend another time (this time he was drunk and deserved every bit of it). Had a panic attack. Had massive troubles with wanting to cut again. Distracted myself as much as possible with loud music and internet. Managed to get through the night, but didn't get to sleep till about 1am.

Yesterday *&^%$#@ sucked. My language has been getting foul, my temper is horrible (usually I am very calm and collected--I am very good at repressing those little things called feelings), and I am frustrated like you would not believe. I don't want to end up cutting again. I even was at the point where suicide started to look like a good idea--not that I would do it, just that it sounded...pleasant?...at the time. It is weird, I know. I have people I can call for help, but I never do. Just don't want to be a burden on them. BAH! Brains!

So I am doing a little better today, sitting here with the dog on my feet and music playing. I think it is time I immerse myself back into my book to distract myself.
--Heather



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3/23/17 8:37 P

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If I don't follow a low carb diet for a while, my body craves carbs like nothing else. I get shaky if I don't eat them. I want to start a extremely low carb diet (called the Keto Diet) when I move, and I have to do my research again. It's just too much for my body to crave so many carbs! I had oatmeal for breakfast, and then 2 hours later I was shaking. I had some M&M's and I felt better. Then I had 3 tacos for lunch around 4, then I got home and ate 5 chicken wings around 6:30. My stomach wasn't happy since the tortillas in the tacos were small and it wasn't enough carbs, so I had to have some mashed potatoes. I feel good now, but I hate this feeling with carbs. I don't know if it's the meds or what, but it's just not fun. So I know what it's like to need to eat and eat. I did a bunch of walking today, and I hope I lose more weight tomorrow. I was 238.6 the other day, and this morning I was 237.6 emoticon Too much wine will kill your weight loss... it has a lot of calories and carbs, depending on what kind you drink. Try and replace it slowly with something close, like grape juice if that works... I don't know. emoticon I hope you can work on your eating.. if you have to pig out, then try something healthy at least... like baby carrots, cucumber, salad, fruit... whatever can satisfy you.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Summer, Winter, Spring 2018 Challenge Leader
5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Fall, Summer, Spring, Winter 2017 Challenge Leader
5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Fall 2016, Member.
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"Learning to Love Yourself is the Greatest Love of All" ~Whitney Houston


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EDWARDSC393's Photo EDWARDSC393 Posts: 2,275
3/23/17 5:07 P

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Hi!

Larrissa, I have a cochlear implant, so when I take it off at nite, I hear nothing. Did you have meds that made you eat? I pigged out at 12:30am, couldn't sleep. My husband saids I can say no, I'll never lose weight this way. Its like I don't have a mind of my own then. He thinks meds don't do this. I'm still sippin on wine tho. He doesn't know. Glad that tape is helping you.

Need to find out if anyone has this problem!

Have a good day, Good luck with the doc.

Cherie

I,m Cherie, Been with sparker for 3 yrs, I like that I'm losing it slowly! Its a lifestyle!


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3/22/17 2:22 P

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I think I'm normal... I don't know how this feels, but it's not bad. I'm happy, not hypomanic and still at peace. I'm on my way to Urgent Care because I have a UTI that I've taken 2 different antibiotics for and I still have it, so I want to get it checked out. I can't get an appointment with my Primary doctor, so I'm going to UC. That, and I feel that my PD doesn't listen to me, and I'm glad that I'm changing doctors. This UTI is nothing big, but I don't have anything to do today so I just wanted to get it checked out since I have the time. *hugs*

Cherie, I hope you sleep well! I have been listening to a sleep meditation tape and it's helping me a lot. I'm decreasing my Trazadone and still falling asleep faster than I did when I was on Klonopin with the tape. It's on YouTube and I can send you the link if you want. I'm haven't slept this good in decades!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Summer, Winter, Spring 2018 Challenge Leader
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3/22/17 2:07 P

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Hi all!

I'm getting a shot in my hip on Mon morning.

My latuda has been increased to 60mg. I still didn't fall asleep till 2 AM.

Sippin on wine during the day, hunny doesn't know. It just calms me. But i don't get drunk. I was in an abusive marriage a long time ago, had to get out to save me!

Have a good day!

Cherie

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DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL Posts: 14,984
3/20/17 6:50 A

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Hi Everybody,

How do I always manage to lose this thread? I stop by to check things out and here you all are talking up a storm. I'm sorry that I lost the train of conversation. I, too, had a marriage that broke up after exactly 13 years. I went through hell for a very long time. I was lucky, like Larissa, I had a wonderfully loving family to go home to and help me take care of my two kids. I've been married a few times. I feel like some sort of floosy saying that, but I just am a very poor judge of character. They all ended up very abusive in some way(s) and I ended up leaving with my kids and going home to Cascade Locks, Or, to live after one marriage failed. They started out to be nice, upstanding guys in appearance it was only after a year or better that their ugly traits really began to come out and control issues began. If there is one thing you cannot do to me it is try to control me. I am too independent in nature for that kind of head game garbage. I was isolated though and my disorder played into the abuse and the fear. My bipolar just made things worse. I found that I do so much better on my own, but I regret not having someone to share things with sometimes. I have given up on trying to establish a romantic relationship. My choices are always bad ones.

Larissa, I am so glad that you have all your ducks in a row and that you are legally separating yourself with a binding financial agreement. Twelve years is a long time and it can get financially fuzzy as to whom owes what. You are very wise to do that. It sounds as if travel and moving arrangements have been made and are just waiting to be finalized. You have inspired me to get back to the gym and start walking on the treadmill again. I will get myself ready, despite the weather and go this morning after I get Micah off to school. I have been mentally giving myself excuses not to go, because I have to go by bus and it takes awhile to get there. I can't walk. It is too far. Every month I buy bus pass just for that reason - that I go to the gym every day. I am not using it enough.

Heather, Your book sounds interesting. You will have to let us know when it gets published and goes into circulation, so that I can pick up a copy. I like some Sci-Fi. I loved the Dune Books and a few others that I have read. I can't remember the names or the titles off the tip of my head. Usually my taste is sort of like Larissa's and I read mostly murder mysteries and thrillers. I like James Patterson, Tami Hoag, John Grisham, Robert Ludlum, et al. Good luck with your editing and your new job interview. Editing is hard, grunt work. You are amazing, just like Larissa said !!

Cherie, So you have been up and down it sounds like. Is your hip bothering you a lot these days? It sounds like you have increased your Latuda. How's that working out for you? Is sweating a side effect of Latuda? I'm sorry that you are still having trouble with side effects.
Your Hunny sounds like a wonderful man. You are very lucky.

Well, I guess that I will just have to swing by the conversation thread daily now, because I am not getting alerts when someone posts. There is so much going on with this group. We have two new members whom I am encouraging to come and join us. I hope that they do. I hope that you all have a terrific week ahead. Go on out there and make this the best day ever !! You can do it !! Sending positive energy and (((HUGS))) to all that need them !! Take care and God bless, Deb emoticon emoticon

Edited by: DEBTEVELDAHL at: 3/20/2017 (06:54)
Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
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LARISSA238's Photo LARISSA238 SparkPoints: (84,008)
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3/19/17 7:52 P

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I worked out like crazy today! I needed it. I went to the gym and walked for 53 minutes on the treadmill (3 warm up, 45 hard, 5 cool down), then walked to the dollar store and got some Powerade, peanuts and a Snickers bar (I hadn't eaten anything all day and needed sugar), then walked back to the gym and did weights. I came home exhausted, but feeling great. I talked with my family for a bit, made and ate dinner. I made Shepard's Pie- ground beef, gravy, peas and carrots, then some garlic mashed potatoes on top. It came out good, and I enjoyed it. I'm saving some for later when I get hungry.

Heather, your book sounds cool... I'm more into horror than Sci-Fi, but it still sounds nice. I'm glad you found an ending. I'm not too good at writing long things.. I don't know how to elaborate on details enough to have more than a 3 page story. I always had problems in college trying to make my essays longer to fit the page count.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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HMKITTEN's Photo HMKITTEN Posts: 458
3/19/17 6:12 P

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Rissa, Counter beads, or ranger beads, are a set of beads on a knotted string, originally used for counting paces. There are nine beads, then four, then one (or more). You count whatever you are counting to a set distance, 200 yards, 10 deep breaths, then you move one of the first beads. Repeat that till the nine beads are used up and on the tenth one move one of the four. Repeat as needed. Look up ranger beads and you will get a better idea of what they are.

As for the drug...er...book it is Sci-Fi fantasy, like a cross between Dungeons & Dragons and cyberpunk. It has a lot of me tossed in it and is an emotional roller coaster (and rather violent, but not gratuitously) It just got an ending in the past two days so I am REALLY happy.

Anyway, thanks for the vote of confidence, I could use it right about now. Keep fightin'!
--Heather



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3/19/17 2:57 P

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Hi!

Stayin home today.

Larissa, I can relate, you need to get out of there. You belong to you. I never fought back, I was too scared.

This med has so many side effects, and then I was sweating so much last night, and my hip was hurting, so I had a nap! Feel better now!

Try to have a good day!

Cherie


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Heather, has anyone lately told you how awesome you are? I just want to throw that out there. What is your book about? I understand why you call it a drug... anything can be a drug if you are addicted to it- but try and do it in a healthy way. Don't do it enough to get hypomanic or manic. I know you know how to be careful. As for eating, I'm the same way right now. I haven't eaten today, and I know I need to. I'm thinking of making a protein shake because I'm about to go to the gym. There is this woman, Barb, who is so inspiring and makes me want to go out and exercise. www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
ur
nal_individual.asp?blog_id=6335089
This is her blog... She was in a wheelchair and now uses a cane and oxygen- and walks 3.5 miles! That's more than I can! So I'm going to go to the gym and work out because I have no excuse. I'm a bit hypomanic as well, so it's good to get off some energy. Heather, you can do this! What are Counter Beads? Are they just beads on a string or something? It sounds like a good idea to help someone calm down. Coping mechanisms are great!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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3/19/17 9:56 A

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Heya everyone,
Been keeping busy working on my book since I have no job (I finally have an ending! Yay!). Working on getting a job as well for the first time in almost four years (Really. That long.) I am scared out of my mind about getting the job I am applying for--four years is a long time. It wouldn't be the greatest job in the world, but it would be gainful employment. Mostly gainful.

Anyway. Haven't really been eating like I should. Getting most of my calories in one big meal in the evening and not eating the rest of the day. Not feeling hungry so I make myself eat. Far cry from a few weeks ago and bingeing every night. Now I just need to keep my calories in check, up and down, and make sure that I am getting the nutrients that I need from my sporadic diet.

Not the most stable I have been, but not too bad. Was given a set of counter beads (really ranger beads) from a friend that I now use to count my breaths to try and calm myself down. If it works, keep it. Now the knotted string of beads lives on my keys. Coping mechanisms.

I have come to realize that editing and writing my book is a drug, pure and simple. I wake up after dreaming about it. I can't stop thinking about it. I feel a rush when I am working on it. I can't put it down. When I do put it down I feel hollow. Definitely a drug. But a potentially useful one. Even a pleasant one (Usually. Sometimes I just want to pull my hair out). But still an addictive drug. If I am not careful it can tip me into hypomania (and mania if I am not on my meds) by just working on it.

Anyhoot. That is life in a nutshell. A large nutshell.

Lots to do, and hopefully a job to make it more difficult to manage!
--Heather



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3/18/17 4:07 P

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Geo is emotionally abusive... I get scared when he gets angry, and he gets angry all the time. He gets mad playing video games. He gets mad driving, He gets mad at pretty much anything. He screamed at me one day because he thought that I couldn't make cookies the way he wanted them (he loved them when they were done and apologized). He got mad at me for going to see my mom when she was dying and this was 2 days before she died. That was the last straw. He's emotionally cheating.. he talks to Heather more than he talks to me, respects her more than he respects me, and trusts her more than he trusts me. She lives in Oregon, and in October he is going to live with her. He's moving from Miami to Oregon for a woman he's only been in person with for a week. They have known each other for 8 years, but he has only been there once. We are not in love with each other... we love each other like friends, but not romantically. And, to top it all off, I like women. He knew I was a lesbian when he met me... I fell for him and went against who I am to be with him. I just want to be at peace, not around anger and happy. I will be that way in LA.

At least I think I will. My therapist asked me about what happens if I don't like it in LA... I didn't know what to say. I have lived there for almost my entire life and all my family is there, my friends and all of that. I'm going to miss Geo like crays, but I don't want to be in Miami anymore. I have some friends here, but not many. And they want to visit me in LA, so I can see them. They have money and can afford to come see me whenever they want. I will have a place for them to stay, and if not that, they can go to a hotel close by. I'm going to be in Hollywood, so it's a nice area. I went to LA last month and I haven't felt so loved in a long time. I got to see almost all of my family, got to hang out with my brothers and sister a bunch, and stayed with Richard, my stepdad. I have known him pretty much my entire life and I'm going to go live with him again when I move. I have to do a bunch of things that I don't like, like yard work and watering, but I need to take pride in the house because it's going to be mine. I get to live there for free and when Richard passes, my brother owns the house so he can pay for taxes and such, but I still get to live there rent free and I can rent a room for my own money. It's such a good deal... being able to be with my family and friends again, and have a nice place to stay. I can't wait!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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3/18/17 12:52 P

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Hi! Larrisa, I gone thru a couple divorces. The first one was hard after beeing married 25 yrs.

I was scard, he was abusive when he drank. It was hard, had therapy tho. What is the problems with you and Geo?

My hunny is so sweet, We got together after years a part. Never stopped loving him. I'm betraying him with drinking tho.

Take care, Cherie

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3/17/17 7:44 P

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I don't know how I'm feeling today. I just wrote out the letter that Geo and I are going to notarize so we can both feel secure about rent payment, bills, and getting the deposit back. If there are any damages to the apartment Geo is going to pay for them, and I get the deposit back, including any money from Geo for damages. It's a legal document, so I'm trying to be careful. I will get one copy and Geo will get the other. I'm a bit numb right now... It's hard for me to deal with. I know I was the one who made the decision and I know it's for my own happiness, but that doesn't mean that ending a relationship for almost 12 years is easy. Not to mention dealing with my mom's death. There is just so much going on.... It's not going to hit me until after I'm in LA for a while. I hung out with a friend (and her family) yesterday and had a bunch of fun. Her sister told me that I looked so much better than I normally do. I was a bit hypomanic and everyone was crazy. We went out to get some snacks (and I didn't eat too well, sadly) and hung out for a bit. I'm going to see her again next Thursday (her day off). I got the final numbers for my move, and when Richard gives me the okay, I will deposit the check and pay for everything. I think I'm in a state of shock. Just so much going on... but I know when I look back at this I know I will have made the right decision. I know it's the right decision now... Like I was saying before, this is not an emotional decision. It's planned over months now and I just can't take it anymore. Geo said I should give him a chance to be not angry, and today he started getting angry. It's just too much!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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3/17/17 4:45 P

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Hi all!

Going to try to increase the dosage of Latuda so I can sleep better. Last nite , I woke up and pigged out. I can't do this.....

Larissa, Thats cheap for Latuda, Next week I'm picking up samples from the doc.

I've been drinking too much wine. Hunny doesn't know and I feel so guilty. Hes such a sweetheart!

I like this site, I wish more people would open up! Till next time!

Cherie

I,m Cherie, Been with sparker for 3 yrs, I like that I'm losing it slowly! Its a lifestyle!


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3/15/17 9:23 P

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Cherie:

I get the cost of Latuda part... I pay $8.25 a month, but mine would cost over $800 a month without insurance. My total medication costs are over $1,250, but I only make $1,034 a month. I'm on Medicare, so can you imagine what life would be like without it? I just hope that they can keep the Affordable Care Act so I don't have to worry about losing my health insurance.

I'm hanging in there.. I'm actually doing well. I haven't felt so free and at peace in a while. I was a bit up last night.. I didn't fall asleep until 1 am, then was up from 4 - 6 am. Then I slept until 1 pm... I haven't been sleeping well lately, so it was nice to have some sleep. I'm going to work tomorrow, but I should be around if everything goes as planned. Have a wonderful night everyone!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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3/15/17 2:55 P

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Hi all!

Latuda works for sleep. and bi-polar, problem is weight gain, thats 2 meds that cause weight gain. Not happy about that.

Larrisa238, be strong as you can. It not easy, but we understand. Take care.

I hate this time change!

Take care everyone!

I noticed on the prescription , that latuda cost , 1,197$ Thank goodness I only pay 24$

Cherie

I,m Cherie, Been with sparker for 3 yrs, I like that I'm losing it slowly! Its a lifestyle!


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3/15/17 9:19 A

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My partner is from So Cal....I can't imagine not having a winter. But it would keep me from my "winter blues". My bipolar seems harder in winter. Probably because I can't get outside as often; we were snowed in several times because the highways weren't good for travel. Things are looking better now; probably because I might have found meds that work, partly because I started new therapy, and partly because the sun is coming up sooner...

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3/14/17 7:51 P

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Hi Julie! It's going to be cold here on Friday- a high of 72! I live in Miami for now, so that's jacket weather here, believe it or not. 70 degrees is beautiful to me and I can't imagine snow. I'm originally from Los Angeles, so I have only seen it snow a few times (mostly when traveling) and I get cold too easy playing in it. So I'm glad to be where I am. I'm sure in summer, when it's in the high 90's with 100% humidity, I would love to be where you are. It all works out in the end.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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3/14/17 9:32 A

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I have had bad relationships as well. Got divorced after 13 years (exactly...our wedding date and divorce date are the same....) There was just too much damage done. We are good now that we aren't together. I'm more cautious now of many things. I had a death scare about a year ago from a bad med combination. So I try anything to keep off a lot of meds. I just started buproprion. I've been on lamotrigine for years.

Things I do to keep on track are journaling, I started seeing a counselor, going to my doctor regularly, eating well, exercising, keeping a regular schedule, and not isolating. I work with only one person, and a lot of my work is done behind the scenes for our clients, so I don't see a lot of people every day. I need to make an effort to get out of the house and get out of my comfort zone.

Hugs to all!! It is snowing today, but the weatherman says 70 degrees this weekend!

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3/13/17 1:58 P

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I'm good... I made a bunch of phone calls today to try and get things ready. I'm flying to LA on April 18th, my shipping container will be here on April 13th and get to LA on the 20th, I'm packing. I'm trying to get everything set by Friday. Richard is sending me a check today and I should get it by Thursday, and in the bank by Friday. I have Angela registered as an Emotional Support Animal and I will be able to take her on the plane for free. Everything is almost set.

This is hard.. Yesterday Geo got down on his knee and asked me to stay, crying. I love him, but I know we will be better off separate. It's just too much for me to deal with anymore. He has changed lately, but it's too little too late. I'm just ready to go. *sigh* I'm not really ready for this, but it has to be done. Well, I guess I am ready, but it's not going to be easy.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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3/12/17 11:13 P

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Girl,

You do whatever you have to do and don't let anyone talk you out of your plan. The time to start thinking about yourself, your mental health and well being is now !! Stay strong !! I know that you can do it. Email me if you want to talk or if I can help you in any way. I am a very good listener. Deb emoticon emoticon

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
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3/12/17 5:53 P

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I am hanging in there. Geo is trying to talk me into staying but I'm sticking my ground

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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3/12/17 4:04 P

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Diane,

I am so sorry. Are you going to be alright? I know that you must be upset and rightfully so. You two were together a long time. I hope that you will post here if you become more than despondent, so that we can offer our encouragement and support. I know how hard this is. I've had to do it before too. We are here for you if you need us. Sending you positive energy and (((HUGS))) Take care, Deb emoticon emoticon emoticon

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
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3/12/17 3:47 P

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After almost 12 years, it's officially over. I took off my ring. Geo and I are no longer together.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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3/11/17 2:29 P

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Hi all!

Hope you are doing good today. I'm taking Latuda for sleep. Klonipin to relax me to fall asleep without my mind going every which ole way!
Larrissa it sounds like you got hyper.

I do that sometimes.

I still drink too much.

I see the therapist on Tues, don't want to tell him how often I have wine.

Trying to find a property for a modular home, our rent is going up too fast!

Moods of other people affect us!

Have a great weekend!

Cherie

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3/11/17 1:49 P

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Thanks, Deb! I know so much about disorders and medications since I have studied them. I took some psychology classes in college and I still have my Abnormal Psychology book. I took Organic Chemistry, so I understand how the medications are built and Physiology so I know how they can effect the brain. I love biology and just want to learn, learn learn!

Geo had to stop me today... I scrubbed the kitchen floor on my hands and knees, along with anything I could reach. I cleaned the front of the fridge, the oven, the stove and the dishwasher. Then I started going through the closet and packing. I cleaned for over 2 hours! I'm still full of energy and I don't know what to do. He told me I needed to stop before I hurt myself. When I'm like this I get numb to pain... I can start to feel it in my back right now. I just need to calm down. I'm thinking of going for a walk, but I know I'm going to start running and hurt myself. I just don't know what to do!! I need to relax.. maybe take some more medication or lie down... Any advice?

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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Hi all,

I can't take lithium either. I tried it when I was first diagnosed in the 80's and it was one of the reasons that I decided to not take my meds on a regular basis. The way that it made me feel was horrible. I decided that I would rather deal with my problems in a different way. I thought that all I had to do was act normally and I would be normal. What a joke. I was miserable for several more years and tried self medicating with alcohol and that was a really bad idea, since it left me more depressed than ever. I didn't start really going to a psychiatrist on a regular basis and take looking for the right medication for me seriously, until I was in my 40's. They sent me to treatment for my alcoholism. That was where I was introduced to antidepressants and their effects. I began to rely on them to help me feel better. I had to search awhile for the right ones, but I have been relatively stable for the past 15 years on the same meds with just dosage readjustments, as needed. I am definitely more comfortable now and more at peace with myself. I have never had Klonopin or Neurontin. I am just fine on my Wellbrutrin and Abilify. If anything I run hypomanic. I am very high energy and always have been bipolar or not. It is hard to keep me down and everyone agrees it is a part of my personality and not my disorder.

Heather, I am sorry that your shoulder is so sensitive. That can't be good for you to have to deal with. Physical therapy sounds like it would be good for you. I dislocated my shoulder in a car accident last year in October and it took me until January to work out the kinks. I am focusing on arm and shoulder strength training to help bolster it.

Cherie, good for you getting your walk in today. That is so good for you. I hope that you can get some decent rest on a regular basis one of these days. I am hoping the same thing for me.

Diane, You always seem to be so knowledgeable about so many of the psychotropic drugs out there. You must really do your research, That is fabulous!! You give such great advice.

I hope that you all enjoy your weekend. I am going to a barbeque at my son's house on Sunday. It will be nice to see my two grandsons Blaine and Hayden. I haven't been to Sam's house since early February. I miss the boys. It should be fun and I love being all together as a family. Sending positive energy and hugs to all that need them. Take care and God bless, Deb emoticon emoticon


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I can't take Lithium, but I know it works wonders on people with Bipolar. I was on a TON (I think it was 900 mg 3 times a day, or something huge since it wasn't working) and it started wrecking my kidneys and thyroid. So I had to stop taking it. I was drinking/peeing over 1.5 gallons of water a day! That's over 3 soda bottles! So I switched from med to med, and now I'm on Neurontin. That seems to be doing good, even though I'm still a bit hypomanic. At least I'm not depressed!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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Doing better today than before. No where near as down, but still fragile. Saw my doc on Wednesday and she is suggesting that I raise up my lithium a little. Right now I am only on 600mg--not enough to be therapeutic. She is suggesting that I up it to 900mg and see if that counteracts some of the withdrawal from the Seroquel. I am down to just 50mg of Seroquel and plan to dump the whole mess in the next few days. I have the additional Lithium if I start to have more problems, but I hesitate taking something that could mess up my thyroid for life.

I also managed to dislocate my shoulder for the second time in a month. I have had problems with it for the past twenty years, but it is only getting worse as I lose muscle tone in my shoulder. Time to look into getting physical therapy again. It is not helping my mood or my weight loss since even walking hurts right now. Blast! Oh well, it heals up fairly quickly, I just have to stick it out and not make it worse (like today when I was helping a friend and lifted too much. Hello ice pack!).

Anyhoot. I am rambling. I can't seem to make progress on my book, yet I can type for ages on here. Figures. Good luck to all you out there and stay warm/cool (it was 80 here today) as needed!

--Heather



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Cherie:

Be careful with Klonopin, too. It's also addictive. I was addicted to it and it took me a bit to sleep again after tapering off of it. It's also bad to mix it with wine, so just be careful! It's not something to be played around with. *hugs* I hope you can get a good night's sleep.. I slept like crap last night and I'm a bit hypomanic.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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Hi all!

I'm doing good today. Got a walk in at the grocery store, but I bought wine too. Its relaxing. I let psych know I take a Klonipin with advil before I go to bed. I was addicted to Ambien, so she cut me off. I needed more to work at nite, I also take muscle relaxer sometimes.
Our signifacant others usually don't have patience with us at times. My hunny is great, but I tell him patience at times. We can't help our minds!

Hope you all have a nice weekend!

Cherie

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I'm glad you found the link useful, Deb! Anything I can do to help :)

My psych changed my meds... I'm supposed to take my Neurontin 3 times a day now, decrease my Trazadone to 100 mg, 2 hours before bedtime. I sleep a lot, so she is trying to decrease it so I don't sleep as much. I got 8 hours of broken sleep last night and I felt like crap and drugged today. I don't know why. I don't know what's going on... I need to get myself together. I didn't weigh myself today, which is a good thing. I am obsessed with the scale because of my past (anorexia and bulimia) and I think I'm going to try and make it to Saturday without getting on the scale. I did good with my eating today, so I want to see a good number, but I don't want to get too obsessed with it. I hope that the new round of meds works... I need to get stable and figure out what I'm doing. Too much is going on and I'm just confused.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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Hi everybody,

Diane, thank you for looking that information on Ambien up for me and including it in your post. I do appreciate that. I am going to tell my prescriber to order me a full prescription from now on and I will just pay for the extra pills myself and see if they do any better helping me get into a new sleeping pattern. That is the desired goal. I don't want to stay on them forever. I just want to form a new sleeping habit. I am hoping that will work.

Cherie, glad to hear that the Latuda is working for you sleep wise. I hate it when something leaves me with a medicinal hangover in the morning. That morning fog I can't abide, which is why I like the Ambien with my Trazodone. The combination hasn't affected me that way, at least not yet. Who knows once I increase my frequency of Ambien. Nice to hear that you are doing well.

I think that choosing badly when it comes to significant others is a trait common to bipolars. We may have a problem with judgement.Almost everyone I know who is bipolar either has a stormy relationship or a very dysfunctional one in other areas like abuse - mental, physical and verbal. It is sad that so many of us have trouble with our relationships. We are often hard to live with, but there are people out there who will love us and cherish us. We just have to look hard for them. My friend, Lisa who used to be on the Sparkpeople site, she actually started Bipolar Mania, has a wonderful marriage. Her Lenny wouldn't trade her for the world, so it is possible to find real love. She and I keep in touch on Facebook now. She left the site a couple of years ago. She gives me hope.

I am waterlogged here. I wish that I lived in Southern California and not Central Oregon. Our weather is very wet and has been for several weeks. I can't remember a dry day or the sun. I miss California during the monsoon season here. Can you all believe that it is already time to push the clocks up an hour on Sunday? Daylight Savings time is upon us. I don't mind it, because with my crazy schedule it doesn't interfere with my sleep, but it does my daughter's. It takes her days to get used to the time change. I'm not doing too much here except housework, exercise and watching Micah, my grand son. There is no where to go in the rain and little to do except play on the computer during the day. I have a counseling appointment coming up on Monday. I changed the time from noon to 9:00 am, because I do so much better in the earlier morning. Besides I don't want it to take me almost until the time that Micah gets out of school to get home on the bus. I have my appointment with the marijuana doctor tomorrow to renew my card. I'm sure that Trump is going to outlaw legal weed in our states and declare war on us. I think that he will allow medical marijuana to exist though. I absolutely need it for my migraines and my back. This is a tight month for me money wise because of it.

Well, I hope that you all have a nice evening and a great Friday to kick off your weekends well. Have a nice day tomorrow !! Sending positive energy and hugs to all that need them. Take care and God bless, Deb emoticon emoticon



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3/9/17 4:42 P

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Hi all!

Its sunny, I should go for a walk, but don't feel like it. My meds have kept me stable, Have had a few changes here and there.
Why do so many meds make you gain weight? The side effects!!! The Latuda is helping me sleep but you have to take it in the middle of supper. Haven't had any Ambien all week.

But I'm still sippin on wine. I get cold, then I sweat! Still takes me a while to get rid of the morning fog from meds.

Hope you all are doing good!

Cherie

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I had been decently stable until this year. I'm still okay, not nearly as bad as I was 5 years ago. I just keep going up and down. I was reading about Neurontin and that you are supposed to take it 3-4 times a day. I take it twice a day, so I'm going to ask my doctor about taking it more often. I think that will help, since it has a short half-life (basically how long it is effective) so I would need more to be stable. I take what I think is a lot (800 mg twice a day) but that's not too much compared to what other people take. So I think I'm going to try more.

I am good at getting with people who are bad for me. In my family people have anger issues or get into a relationship with someone who does. I think that's why I tolerated Geo for so long. I am going to try and take a long break from relationships to heal from all of this and get a clearer mind. I'm having a good day so far, but last night was hard. I was crying and calling people to talk to. I talked to my aunt, who is one of my best friends, and she had me call Richard (my stepdad) so I could work things out to get to LA as soon as I can. I'm just so tired of dealing with Geo's crap. I just want him to be happy, and it seems like he would be much happier without me. So if therapy with him doesn't go well today (it's our first meeting, so it's probably going to be more intake than anything else) then I am going to set up to leave by the end of the month.

Deb- I Googled Ambien prices and for a 30 day supply of generic it's about $7. Here's a link: www.goodrx.com/ambien?gclid=
Cj0KEQiA9P
7FBRCtoO33_LGUtPQBEiQAU_tBgK
oOOuO9
sez1L5HUOUFin8rxdlvkkzCg7t9WnDIs
X9
0aAjVG8P8HAQ
It has a bunch of prices at different places and links to coupons. I encourage everyone who needs more than their insurance covers to look up the price and see. I'm lucky to be on Medicare, so I get almost all of my meds for free.

Okay, it's time to get in the shower and get ready to go to therapy.. I will try and respond when I get back to let y'all know how it went! Have a wonderful day! :)

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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3/8/17 7:49 A

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Hi everybody,

I am stable on my meds for years too. I've been lucky, since I found my basic bipolar meds I haven't had any major changes. I do really well with the cocktail I am on right now. Of course, dosages have to be tweaked at times and we are still trying to get me to sleep longer at night - Bipolar 1 with mostly mania - but for the most part I have been stable. I thank God for that, because I went through a time in my life when I thought that I didn't need meds either and it was a disaster. I really let down my family and friends during that time frame. I am so lucky that while I was getting my act together, my parents were supportive and helped me with my two kids. As a single parent, I had to have a job and to function in the real world, but my parents took good care of us when I couldn't do so. Bipolarness destroyed my marriage and all of my relationship picks were less than stellar. I kept picking broken people thinking that I could fix them, but I couldn't. Do be choosey about your relationships Dianne. They can make or break you.

Right now they have me on Ambien to try to help with my sleep, which it does. However, the insurance company only pays for 7 pills a month, so I am thinking of funding more pills myself. I don't see how I am supposed to change a sleeping habit with only 7 pills a month. They are not that expensive, so I don't know why they are not covered. I am thinking seriously of doing that. If it will help me sleep longer than 5 hours a night, then perhaps it's worth it.

I hope that you all have a great Wednesday!! Make it a productive day. Dianne I hope your counselor visit is productive. Heather, I'm glad to hear that you are sleeping on the Latuda and Glindagoodwitch it is great to read your post. You bring a lot of knowledge to the group. We can always use expertise. Sending you all positive energy and hugs !! Take care and God bless, Deb emoticon emoticon

Edited by: DEBTEVELDAHL at: 3/8/2017 (07:49)
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*hugs* I'm going to be in Hollywood, so I can take the subway to Union Station and the Metrolink to Irvine! It would be great to meet you!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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3/7/17 8:23 P

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((((((((Diane)))))))))

If you come to LA look me up! I live in Irvine. A stone's throw from there.

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For he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.

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I am mood swinging a lot. It's not big ups and downs, but it's still annoying. I am going to ask my doctor about maybe switching off of Neurontin and maybe try something else. I am on a lot of Neurontin and I don't know if my dose can be increased. I'm just laughing one second and feel like crying the next. I know it's my mood stabilizer. I am out of control. Geo and I are having MAJOR issues today and I have been ranting about it to a friend. We see a therapist tomorrow and I hope we can work things out. If not, I'm looking into a ticket to LA. I just can't live with the anger and what I feel like is betrayal anymore. I deserve better than this. I don't want to be in a relationship for a long time... I'm really hurt, scarred and just need to heal. I need to be stable when I get into my next relationship and not get with someone with anger problems. My main issue is that I fall in love with someone who is in love with me. I don't fall in love first and choose who I want.. I let them choose me and this has lead to many disasterous relationships. *sigh* I just want to be even a little more stable and have someone who is good to me.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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3/7/17 3:59 P

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Hi all!

Well the Latuda worked for me last night to help me sleep, no ambien! So many of these meds have side effects. Latuda had to be taken with a meal, so now I put it on the table so I don't forget it.
I'm a retired hairdresser, so I got enuff energy to color my roots.

Its raining, and crappy out, Glad I don't have to leave the house today.

Hunny knows my moods can be different with meds and moods.

I would suggest that no one should stop taking meds.

I also have a cochlear implant, being deaf all my life has made things harder, I feel isolated.

Lets just take it 1 by 1day at a time!

Cherie

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3/7/17 12:10 P

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Hi Everyone,
Today is going to be a good day. I'm going to check out a new church then I'll be taking my grandson to the park for a nice walk. The weather is beautiful here in Southern California (As usual). I have been feeling pretty good day for quite some time now. I have been blessed with a regimen of medication that has worked well for a few years now. Don't get me wrong! I have literally come from the depths oh hell! The path of destruction that I have created is enormous! I have hurt numerous people, been fired from countless jobs and just plain made a fool out of myself so many times I can't count. I have tried to go without meds before with the mindset of thinking that I was stable at the time and I didn't need them anymore. This only ended in disaster. It's important to remember why I take them I the first place. It's important to realize that the meds are there to help create some sort of stability in my life. Without them will put me back to square one. Of course it took a long time to find the correct regimen. I was diagnosed back in 1996. At first I was diagnosed with Cyclothymia (A mild form of Bipolar Disorder). Then I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder II. In 2005 I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I. Education has played a big part in my stability as well. I became a Peer Counsellor for NAMI which played a major role. I have also been very active with DBSA. Physical interaction with like minded folks has played a pivotal role in my stability. Even chatting helps immensely. I was active at a website called Bipolarworld for about 10 years. If you go there tell them Glindathegoodwitch sent you emoticon Oh! And of course being here on Sparkpeople helps immensely.

What I'm trying to get at here is there is hope. It's there for the taking. Just hang on and be diligent. Educate yourselves and try your hardest to connect with like minded folks. Also, learn about the medications as much as you can. Learn about the different classes of meds. Antipsychotics, Anticonvulsants, Antidepressants. Learn about your brain chemistry. Learn about neurotransmitters. Learn about other physical aspects of the disease. Your treatment and recovery goes way beyond simply taking medication. Pull yourselves out of the mindset that if you do just that one or two things whatever they may be will pull you out of it. It involves a holistic approach.

Thanks for reading my ramblings!

My thoughts and prayers are with you!

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I think I will look into genetic testing... I don't know if it's covered on my insurance. I try and keep a set schedule for sleep so I can fall asleep by 1 am. I normally fall asleep now between midnight and 1, so that's not too bad.

I know how it feels to be worthless- I struggle with that a lot. I'm on disability, so I feel like I'm a drain on society. I try and volunteer at a local low income clinic so I feel better. I can't do much, but I have an understanding boss and she knows I can't always come in. It also helps me stick to a routine. I don't know much about your situation, so I hope this helps a bit. I also used to cut... I'm lucky that I don't have many scars from it. I was addicted to it.. I had to do it daily. I have been over a decade now, cut-free. It's hard... very hard. I still struggle with it every now and then. It's like any addiction, so it's something I am going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. *hugs* You can get through this!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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3/6/17 12:04 P

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Hello all.
I can relate to much of what everyone says. First, about the drinking alcohol. I haven't had a drink in over 3 years; I know it can seriously affect some medications. Also, some medications react with grapefruit and grapefruit juice, so I stay away from that.
A year ago, I was on so much medication it almost killed me. So I have the opinion that if I can control some of my manic depression via other ways, I do. Talking, writing, phototherapy, B & D vitamins, fish oil.
I was having trouble with anti-depressants; none seemed to work. I've tried many medications. So I took a genetic test. It told me A LOT. I evidently have some extra gene and another gene that makes many psychotropic drugs ineffective. I would recommend this test to anyone.
I have tried trazadone for sleep; I take melatonin now, and make sure I keep a regular schedule. It also helps to exercise or be active each day so I'm tired enough to sleep.
About work: I was so sick a couple years ago that I could barely work. I did part time work. Now I have an understanding boss. I remember that I NEED to work to pay bills, and that I don't want to be dependent on others for my bills. That keeps me going. And my partner helps motivate me each morning to get going.

Good luck to all! You can spark email me if you want to talk more...
Julie

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3/6/17 6:12 A

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Hi Heather,

What do you normally do for a living? Are you waiting on a Disability Claim to come through? Do you live at home with your parents? I'm sorry that you are having a really rough time of it right now. There is nothing worse than losing your identity while you are waiting to "recover" from depression. Trying to fill those long hours every day, with meaningful activity is hard to do. There is just so much "down" time and doom and gloom to conquer. Or you have racing thoughts and can't slow down to save your soul and it drives you crazy that you can't control your emotions and your mind. Mania can physically hurt. Then there is the combination of the two cycles and that will drive you up a tree. I can commiserate. It sounds as if you may be taking Seroquel as a new medication. I have never had Seroquel, so I don't know how it affects your body. I hope that you get used to it soon, so that the side effects do not bother you for very long. You sound as if you are in a spiral of epic proportions and I would urge you to get to an emergency room if you should turn seriously suicidal. It does sound as though you had a good day today with your Dad. It is great to get something gainful, no matter what it is - a shower, a chore, a walk, a job with your parent, some play with a child - done. You are in that Catch 22 mode where you are damned if you do and damned if you don't and it is a pretty uncomfortable space. Congratulations on growing past cutting, burning and scaring yourself. That is a huge victory for you. I would consider that to be great progress, so you are getting better on some level. I sure hope that things improve for you soon. I am sending you some positive energy and some hugs. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, take care and God bless, Deb emoticon emoticon

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
Deb
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3/5/17 8:16 P

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Downed a med dosage (Seroquel) last week and I am really feeling the backlash--doc said it was going to be rough going for a while. It is.

I was useful today and helped my dad do a road survey about two hours away from home. Felt good to get out and spend some time with him.

Unfortunately, I am feeling worthless and seriously down. It is time to get the weapons out of the house again, just in case brainz decide to get worse quickly. I am stuck in a hamster wheel of emotions. I have no job, therefore my self-worth is tanked, but I can't keep a steady job, so my self-worth is tanked. Repeat ad nauseum.

I just want to be normal--whatever that is. I would settle for somewhere close to normal, I am not picky!

Aw hell, the only things I can do right now are to stay calm, stay busy, and wait it out. So I will wait. This time without any burn scars or cut marks like last time this year.

--Heather



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Hi Cherie,

I don't know what to tell you about drinking with your psychotropic meds. It may affect them in some way. I would think that it would be fine with permission from your prescribing mental health professional. They may give you a limit, but I don't think they would forbid you to drink wine at all. In some instances a glass of wine or two is perfectly fine. You should check with your psychiatrist. I agree with Larissa about medications affecting everyone differently. I take Trazodone, just like Larissa, but I haven't had any problems with that since they took me off of the hydroxizine that they had me on with it. The two together dehydrated me so badly I almost had to go to the hospital. We figured it out and now I only take the Trazodone and I have had no problems since.

Hi Larissa,

I'm so sorry to hear that you have been having trouble on your Trazodone. They ask me every time that they prescribe mine if I am getting dizzy or slightly lightheaded in the mornings and I'm not, so I tell them no. It can cause those side effects. I don't drink either. I just take my meds and go on my merry way. I have not had to have a readjustment in my meds since last winter and they readjusted my Wellbutrin. Oh wait, I had them readjust my Gabapetin up a 100 mg's about six months ago for my anxiety and things are going fine for me now. Normal is when you feel good being you and for most of us that takes a lot of work to get to, sometimes. I feel normal right now. A little under the weather emotionally, because I am on Prednisone and it makes me very emotional and weepy. I get all weepy when I see posts about service men and women or stories about kids or I become proud of one of my grand kids for doing something terrific. I only have three more days to be on this stuff, so I can power through these feelings. I cry at the drop of a hat over anything big or small. So, yeah these medications affect all of us in different ways !!

I hope that you both have a Sensational Sunday and that you have a Wonderful Week ahead !! Sending positive energy and hugs to all that need them !! Take care and God bless, Deb emoticon emoticon

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
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3/5/17 12:21 P

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Cherie:

Every person reacts differently to the different meds. I don't remember if I've taken Cymbalta, but I know Prozac works for me right now. I was feeling like crap for a while- dizzy, sick, feeling like the world is spinning and I almost fell over yesterday. I found out it was too much Trazadone. I have been feeling like this ever since my dose was increased. I don't drink for the most part and I just take my legal meds. We all have our bad habits... I eat a lot to try and deal with my depression. I am trying to work on it, but some days I just eat and eat and eat. My weight fluctuates like crazy- I can gain over a pound a day and then lose a pound the next. This year I have been as high as 239 and as low as 232.8. My goal is to get off meds and go back to work. I just want to live like a normal person. I know that "Normal is just a setting on the dryer" (thanks, Harley Quinn!) but I want to contribute back to society. I'm rambling, so I'm just going to cut it off here. *hugs* to all!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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3/4/17 1:00 P

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Hi all!

Larissa, you seem to have a lot of symptoms similar to me. Psych wants me to take 2 Latuda.
I'm afraid, then I get my nites and days mixed up. I'm trying to get energy to exercise a bit. Woke up with bad back pain yesterday.
By late afternoon , I feel better, I've been on trazadone, but I don't remember what it did to me. I used to have a psych who over medicated me. The one I have now, is cutting me down to low dosage.
I will tell anyone who is trying cymbalta, it takes a while, it was awful for the first 3 wks. Now okay.

I drink too much wine, I sneak it, is it because we are bi-polar?

I hope everyone has a good weekend!

Cherie

I,m Cherie, Been with sparker for 3 yrs, I like that I'm losing it slowly! Its a lifestyle!


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3/2/17 8:17 P

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Thanks, Deb! I think you should get tested for sleep apnea. I sleep a lot, so I was tested. I don't have it, and I'm glad. My brother has it and my sister probably does but she doesn't want to get tested. I think it does run in families, but I'm not sure. I have been under so much stress lately and not been sleeping that I get headaches now if I sleep more than 11 hours. Last year I was sleeping between 12-15 hours a night, depressed, and feeling like crap. I hope you can find something to help you sleep better. Not sleeping sucks, but it's a trait of bipolar people. *hugs*

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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3/2/17 5:32 P

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Larissa, congratulations on becoming CL for the Cloverleafs !! I will be doing the in
between challenge too after the Winter Challenge is over for the Rookies - soon to be renamed - as the ML !! I stayed with the Rookies Team again for the Winter Challenge, but this time we are all moving on with the team instead of working with a new Rookie Team. I would have been a Weight Warrior if I had moved on with my original group. Now we are going to rename the current Rookie Team and advance in the Spring Challenge !! I am looking forward to it because now that I am in maintenance it is easy to stay in shape if I continue to do the regular Challenges and the in betweens. I hope that I see you and the Cloverleafs out there this break. I have all sorts of friends on a few of the teams. I have some on the Awesome A's and lots on the Weight Warriors. Now I know some Cloverleafs as well. I love the Challenges and they keep me busy, so that I don't get bored and fall off the wagon or develop any bad habits.

I take Trazodone at night for sleep too. It does help me become drowsy, but I don't stay asleep. I wake up 15 times a night. They have added Ambien occasionally to my regimen at night. My insurance company only pays for 7 pills a month, but I think that I will pay for some myself out of pocket, because they do help. I take Gabapentin for anxiety too. I have been taking my third pill of Welllbutrin lately in the afternoon instead of at night, since it can amp me up too per my pharmacist. It seems to have helped a bit. If I can't get any better relief than I am now, I may request a sleep study to see if I might possibly suffer from sleep apnea. I move around an awful lot at night according to my Fitbit and I am beginning to become concerned by that and my waking up every two hours. It is an avenue that I feel that I should check. My sister has sleep apnea and I think that it runs in family's.

I hope that you both have a terrific evening and that everyone gets decent rest. I didn't sleep at all last night either. I am still going strong this afternoon, but I hope to get to bed fairly early tonight. It will feel good to sleep at least for a few hours before I have to wake my daughter up to go to work at 5:00 am. I will probably be up by 3:20 am or so though. If I go to bed by 8:00 pm, I will be up shortly after midnight. Take care and God bless, Deb

Edited by: DEBTEVELDAHL at: 3/2/2017 (17:35)
Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
Deb
PST - Pacific Standard Time - West Coast
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Co leader of the Dealing with Depression team
ML/WL co leader of the Rowdy Rebels Summer Challenge 2018
Co leader of the Living with Bipolar Disorder


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LARISSA238's Photo LARISSA238 SparkPoints: (84,008)
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3/2/17 5:01 P

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I am easy to find on the internet. My name pretty much everywhere is Larissa238- Facebook, gmail, yahoo, hotmail, AOL, here, many other fourms as well. Feel free to add me on any of these :) This invite is open to everyone here! Just when you add me, let me know who you are and that you are here on SP so I know to add you. If you need to look for me on Facebook, my name is Diane Rivera. I look forward to getting to know y'all!

I don't fall asleep on the Latuda in the day. Many sleep medications don't make me sleepy.. I take 800 mg of Neurontin at 11 am and 11 pm and I don't feel sleepy on that either. Nor Seroquel, Haldol, and many others. I have to constantly change my sleep meds since I get used to them quickly.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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3/2/17 4:49 P

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Hi!

Me again, I'm on SSDI too, for bi-polar and other stuff too. Do you have a FB page?
I've had a problem with drinking. $ yrs ago, I worked out a lot, but I was on Focalin then. Class2. Since I've been off it, I've gained. Sorry to hear about your mother.

I,m gonna take the latuda with supper, see what happens, I have pt tomorrow at 12 noon, have to be ready. So glad we can help each other


Cherie

I,m Cherie, Been with sparker for 3 yrs, I like that I'm losing it slowly! Its a lifestyle!


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3/2/17 4:38 P

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Hi!

Thanks for the info I forcing myself to stay awake till bedtime. I had a regular routine till she tried to get me off Ambien.Doesn't Latuda make you sleepy during the day?


I,m Cherie, Been with sparker for 3 yrs, I like that I'm losing it slowly! Its a lifestyle!


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3/2/17 4:27 P

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Cherie:

I would only use Klonopin for sleep as a last resort. It doesn't let you get into REM sleep so you feel like you need to sleep more. I take Trazadone and Melatonin at night to help me sleep. If I'm still up after a couple of hours, I drink Chamomile tea and take 5 Valerian Root pills (the max). I stopped Klonopin a while ago because I didn't like that it was addictive and I needed more and more sleep. I have trouble sleeping on the Latuda so I take it in the morning. When I took it at night I slept funny, kept waking up all the time and felt like crap the next day. Wine seems like a good idea for sleep, but it's not that great. I find that drinking some hot tea works better for me than alcohol. I'm glad you got some sleep, though. Also something that helps me is having a set sleep schedule. I take my night pills at 11 pm and I normally fall asleep a bit after midnight. *hugs* I hope you can get things worked out!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Summer, Winter, Spring 2018 Challenge Leader
5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Fall, Summer, Spring, Winter 2017 Challenge Leader
5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Fall 2016, Member.
Pacific Time Zone

Co-Leader of the Living With Bipolar Team!

"Learning to Love Yourself is the Greatest Love of All" ~Whitney Houston


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3/2/17 3:59 P

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Hi all!

Oh man, I'm so screwed today. I was up the whole nite. I took my 1st Latuda last nite, you have to eat with it. I didn't know if I should have taken Ambien or not. Couldn't sleep, took Ambien at Midnite, still couldn't sleep, took gabapentin, and a klonipin, they are all low doses, was still up. At 6 this morning had to take thyroid, before any meds or food, was up till 8 am. Took advils, gabapentin and a klonipin, finally slept. till 2. I did have some wine last nite, was fustrated. I deas and help anyone!

I,m Cherie, Been with sparker for 3 yrs, I like that I'm losing it slowly! Its a lifestyle!


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3/2/17 12:09 P

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Thanks for starting this, Deb. I forgot! I've been busy setting up for the In-Between Challenge for the Winter 5% group, the Cloverleafs :) I'm the new Challenge Leader.

I am on Latuda and I like it. I was on Haldol, Seroquel, and many others before that. I don't need to take as much and I haven't gained weight. I have actually been losing weight. I do have to work more, but it is possible. Best of luck to you, Cherie! *hugs*

~Rissa, AKA Diane

5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Summer, Winter, Spring 2018 Challenge Leader
5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Fall, Summer, Spring, Winter 2017 Challenge Leader
5% Challenge, Cloverleafs Fall 2016, Member.
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Co-Leader of the Living With Bipolar Team!

"Learning to Love Yourself is the Greatest Love of All" ~Whitney Houston


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DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL Posts: 14,984
3/2/17 5:28 A

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Hi everyone !! I hope that you are all looking forward to Spring and better weather. Hopefully all the snow and ice will recede and more fair weather will reign. Has March come in like a lion for you and your area of the country? We have rain, rain and more rain here in the lower elevations of the Pacific Northwest. Some of the rose bushes in our flower beds are beginning to bud, but most of the trees are still stark and leafless. The fruit trees will be beginning to blossom soon. I love the area in the spring time. Right now the tulip trees will soon be blooming and they will blossom out in pretty pinks,whites and a sort of a pale lilac. They are beautiful and always remind me of the South for some reason. Maybe because like magnolias their beauty is simple and fragile. I know that some are still experiencing snow and ice storms and that Spring looks a long way off We've just had severe weather warnings this past week for the higher elevations.to be aware of new snow and ice conditions. The days are beginning to get longer. It is lighter earlier and getting darker later already. Do you notice any signs of Spring yet where you live? Let's make March a month to remember !! Share your thoughts and feelings about the coming Spring and what your plans are for this month. It is a time of Leprechauns and shamrocks - emeralds and pots of gold - a magical month indeed !!

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
Deb
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Co leader of the Dealing with Depression team
ML/WL co leader of the Rowdy Rebels Summer Challenge 2018
Co leader of the Living with Bipolar Disorder


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