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DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL Posts: 14,880
9/24/16 1:29 P

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It is such a relief to get out and on your own. My bipolar symptoms got better after I left my ex too. Not having to deal with the abusers baggage is such a great help, especially when it is verbal abuse. It is much more healthy for your kids to be out of a toxic situation. They don't need to have to deal with abuse in whatever form it comes in and you are so much better off getting your divorce. You are doing all the right things. It is difficult when your ex is giving you so much trouble, but it will be so worth it in the end, especially if you can get that garnishment. I hope that you stay strong and know that we are here when you're in need of support or comfort. Sending you positive energy and ((HUGS)) because you need them. Take care and God bless, Deb emoticon

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
Deb
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9/24/16 11:21 A

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Thank you both! He's abusive, an alcoholic, and very controlling so this isn't a huge surprise, but it gives me more determination to get this divorce. Our new life is so much better, and leaving him has helped the bipolar so much. I know that sounds crazy, but there's not near as much stress even with single parenting two teens and 10 yr old girl with raging hormones lol.

I can conquer or crumble. I am more than a conqueror through Messiah who strengthens me.


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URBANAUDREYE's Photo URBANAUDREYE SparkPoints: (127,353)
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9/24/16 10:11 A

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Never feel bad about griping to us. That's pretty much exactly what we're here for.

I agree. It sounds like your soon to be ex is resentful and just trying to make your life as difficult as possible. It is really a shame that he is doing it by hurting the kids. Having his wages garnished might be your best option. I doubt that he's ever going to make collecting support easy. What he's doing is emotionally abusive, and that's exactly when you need to get the "higher powers" involved.

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DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL Posts: 14,880
9/24/16 6:34 A

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Hi Spayne,

Don't feel badly about bad behavior from your spouse. It sounds like this is a "control" matter. He keeps throwing a monkey wrench in every effort you make to collect child support., just because he can. He knows it irritates you. He knows that it makes you feel petty and pathetic. He is messing with you and your family, which isn't fair at all. Of course, fair hardly plays into some divorces. Don't let him take away your power. You are in no way shape or form a money grubbing b___h. You are simply a good parent who has to fight for what her kids need from a selfish man who likes making you feel badly. My spouse ran away after our separation and divorce. He just kept traveling around the country trying to get away from child support. I had the State involved in my efforts, though so they had to do the chasing, but it didn't make me feel any less pathetic and mean. It just amazes me how many husbands have a problem taking care of their kids !! You are not alone in your situation. You are so NOT a bad person or a shrew when trying to fight for what's right for your kids. You are a concerned parent and there is nothing wrong with that. None of the stuff that you go through is for you, rather your kids. Standing up for your kids, dealing with a reticent almost ex husband, and trying to keep your own life together is hard. You are very brave to be striking out on your own and very patient really. You can write it into the divorce papers that he pay child support in a timely manner or his wages will be attached upon non compliance. Is there no low cost attorney that you can find in your area? I hope that you won't let him rob you of your self respect and self esteem. It sounds like he doesn't want a divorce or at least he wants to make it as hard as possible for you to get one. That stuff is all on him and not a reflection on you. I know that it is hard. You are doing a phenomenal job of keeping it together, so just be persistent and it will come to pass. If you need to vent anymore this is the place to do that. I wish you success in dealing with your almost ex.
Sending you positive energy and ((HUGS)) because you need them. Take care and God bless, Deb emoticon emoticon

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
Deb
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9/23/16 10:47 P

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Argh! I'm trying to get a divorce (we've been separated for over 2 years now), and it's like he's constantly throwing a wrench into it. This time I had budgeted all month, typed the papers myself so I wouldn't have to get an attorney, and was going to file after he paid child support. He's been sick the last two weeks so, of course, he couldn't pay the full amount. I hate how he makes me come and almost beg for the money to begin with, and then when he won't pay, I feel so angry, small, pathetic for needing it and like I'm some money-hungry, gold-digging b---h! I so understand why custodial parents have the money garnished from the other parent's paycheck, even if the other parent pays it. No one wants to feel like this just because they want to put food on their kids' table! I'm sorry if this isn't the place to complain. I just don't have anywhere else to go. :-(

I can conquer or crumble. I am more than a conqueror through Messiah who strengthens me.


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