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LARISSA238's Photo LARISSA238 SparkPoints: (82,824)
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7/17/16 8:06 P

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I'm sorry I've been gone. I haven't felt like being on the computer and I just want to sleep all day. Plus the car is broken (hopefully fixed tomorrow) and Geo and I have to take the bus everywhere and it just drains me.I haven't been volunteering, I just sleep all day and night. Last week I started falling asleep easier and didn't take any sleeping pills (I normally take 150 mg Trazadone and 2 mg Klonopin) and ended up in Klonopin withdrawal. That wore me out even more. I started taking it again and I feel much better. I don't know if I had given up hope... Maybe I did. I didn't want to do anything, I didn't want to go anywhere... just sleep. I can't say I'm better now. I can't even say I'm ready to fight. I just need to get myself together and reach out for help.

~Rissa, AKA Diane


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JUSTPEACHYGA's Photo JUSTPEACHYGA SparkPoints: (11,968)
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7/14/16 3:30 P

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Hugs Audrey. Totally understand where you are at. Take care of yourself and remember that your kids and hubby need for you to do that so that you can come back to them in full body and spirit. Try to not feel guilty that you are not interacting with them. You are doing what is best for you and when they are older, they will understand. Can your hubby be the one to wake up with them or get them going in the morning letting them know to let you sleep in? It's temporary so it's not like you are signing him up to do this all the time hence you not feeling guilty about asking this request. Have you tried music to lift your spirit, a comedy show/movie, or just going outside in the sunshine and watching your kids play while you just "be" outside?

I used to feel guilty about how my daughter's life was doomed and that she would forever have not the greatest memories of me being playful, etc. with her because I was depressed a lot. She is 12.5 years old now. I asked her 6-months ago how she felt about me living with Bipolar and if she was embarrassed. Her answer surprised me. She said, "No, I'm not embarrassed and don't care what other people think. I think it's cool you have bipolar because it makes you unique. We all have challenges." This... this... floored and surprised me. I've been holding onto guilty for 5+ years and this whole time she has only loved me. I write this to give you hope that your kids are loving you as well despite your mood.

Hugs!

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URBANAUDREYE's Photo URBANAUDREYE SparkPoints: (127,365)
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7/12/16 11:06 A

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I feel a little like I'm losing help right now. In all actuality, it's more just losing sleep, but it makes the future seem bleak. It's hard to feel good when you just want to curl up in bed and sleep the day away. I feel like I can't enjoy the kids because they are the "root of the problem" and so I'm keeping myself as distanced from them as I can. I KNOW it will pass... it has in the past, but sometimes, when you're running on empty, it's hard to have a positive outlook on the future. I just need a couple days when it's the alarm clock that wakes me up and not the kids hours beforehand.

Audrey
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NANCYRUBIO2 Posts: 1,483
7/11/16 3:21 P

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You! I also have to remember~~~~This too will pass.

JUSTPEACHYGA's Photo JUSTPEACHYGA SparkPoints: (11,968)
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7/11/16 1:11 P

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Very true NANCYRUBIO2. It's nice to know there are others out there who have similar frustrations and defeated times that pull through... that in itself gives hope.



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NANCYRUBIO2 Posts: 1,483
7/11/16 12:29 P

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WE all go thru this and come out the other side. I don't have high mania but strong lows. We must all pray we get thru this period. Hopefully we make it through.

JUSTPEACHYGA's Photo JUSTPEACHYGA SparkPoints: (11,968)
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7/10/16 9:25 P

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I've been having a rough time these past 6-months, mainly dealing with hypo-mania. I had a time period before that for about 9-months where I was relatively stable so I saw promise. So, with my recent relapses I started losing hope. I started feeling discouraged. Just yesterday my husband had to remind me of the promise of a better future. Basically... don't lose hope. As you read this little blog post on BP Hope's website think about your own journey, about a time when you lost all hope, and when you gained it back. Share this story with us. Share what you've learned. Most of all, share what helps you remember to keep the hope.

http://www.bphope.com/blog/finding-hope-
along-the-bipolar-journey/

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