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2/1/13 2:12 P

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one more comment .. then this one is closed .. go chat away on the FEB thread

carol i love the avatar ;-)

all we need is some ice cream and a hug (bowling for soup song i'm listening to)

sounds like Jan was pretty awful for you :( sucks but it can get better

as for nurse loopy .. yea i would go ahead and out loud say what that voice inside your head has said .. out loud .. to her .. to her staff .. to anyone that will listen. you deserve proper treatment!

How are you measuring your year? Speeding tickets, cups of coffee, love


BECAUSE I CAN


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2/1/13 2:09 P

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tomorrow may be groundhog day .. but regardless of a shadow .. let's not repeat anything like the movie :-)

let's choose happiness today!

in other words let go of the past .. don't worry about the future ... focus on NOW .. focus on YOU ... ... just SMILE ... lock yourself in the bathroom if need be .. take a minute for YOU!!!

i created FEB topic.

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2/1/13 12:52 P

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Sorry I rather bailed on last month/January chat - this med change has totally kicked my okole and sent me into cycling every emotion from the top of the happy mountain to the bottom of the pits of despair (and everywhere in between) with an added bonus of massive anxiety & panic attacks. It's been hell. Nurse Loopy (she's the NP who has been in charge of meds) has now messed with my HRT and we can add massive PMS, grumpy, grouchy, short tempered, down right pissy, crying at the drop of a hat, hot flashes & night sweats to the list. Can you say - teetering at the edge of the cliff and about ready to fall into crisis mode?

I have an appointment with my best PA, Kirsten today - hopefully. She called in sick yesterday. She knows me & I've decided to ask her to oversee meds for a while - I can not handle any more ups, downs & crashes...this has been going on since the beginning of November. I'm exhausted, out of patience, as in zero left....and need a break from the massive mood swings. If stable (just for right now) is depressed, so be it - at least it would be s.t.a.b.l.e.!!!

So I've been all over the map the last few months emotionally & mentally, dealing with losing my first and only therapist of 4 years, Holiday stress, busy work/tourism season, med changes with Nurse Loopy (who after 3+1/2 months still says "you know, I just don't know you very well"). The little voice inside my head says - well, if you'd shut up & quit talking about yourself for a minute, you might indeed be able to get to know me!! LoL. So many red flags with her....she was also supposed to be my therapist, but that ain't gonna happen, so I'm looking for a new dare I say normal therapist.

Send out a few positive vibes that my Physician's Assistant doesn't call in sick, we can meet and talk and get me settled on a stable course for a while before the cheese really does slip off my cracker!

Hope you are all doing okay - haven't been reading much at all about what's going on with everyone, but am going to try to get back into the talk....since it is a new month and all!


Carol - Houston, TX (it's weird to see this and not Kaua'i, Hawaii)

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Better sleep. Better mornings. Better energy.
Better fat loss. Better strength. Better mood.

~Be careful what you water your dreams with.
Water them with worry & fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism & solutions, you will cultivate success ~Lao Tzu


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1/31/13 9:27 P

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Hi girls!!
KIMMIEKAY- Let me start by welcoming you!! It is great to have you with us! I am sorry that you are feeling as badly as you do right now...not easy! Please contact your Dr about a possible med change, or behavioral strategy before you are completely off your mark!

Kimberly-so glad that you got your dad's phone, basically figured out! Finger's are crossed-I'm pulling for ya! Oh-I'm glad you skipped shaving your head, color looks so good that new color!

Larissa-Good, as always to see you active in this thread!

Today was a little hard....just haven't been able to get out of my own way! I see my Therapist tomorrow and then we will go off for the day-gallivanting to and fro...no destination set yet!

Got in some walking today but am hopeful to get back to my old swing of 10,000 steps or better real soon! Today brought 10,100..just not good enough for me! I am so critical of myself....

I am just soo ready for bed right now...Good Night "family"!!!

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1/31/13 8:33 P

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*hugs Kim* I'm sorry you have to go through all of that... I wouldn't know what to do. I let Geo take care of the tech stuff... I just make the phone calls.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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"Learning to Love Yourself is the Greatest Love of All" ~Whitney Houston


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1/31/13 8:23 P

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it was last oct in one of these threads .. i covered all the nonsense

dad is 69 years old .. no apps to speak of except on board in IOS .. there's a stupid glitch that turns wifi off when screen goes off ... racks up data left and right especially at like 1230/1am when dad is long asleep and will up in a few hours. stupid things like weather and calendar and stocks or god only knows what bc apple doesn't let anyone track access to data usage ... and dad who never uses data .. was consistently pegging 95% usage and up and incurring data overage charges when he barely leaves his house where there is wifi. well all that nonsense with at&t store and at&t phone many tiers and even driving 2 hours one way to the apple store only to be given serious attitude and told to buy a newer phone or factory wipe the current one .. which may or may not fix this problem that supposedly doesn't exist. well i ended up just increasing dad's data plan which is like a blindfold on the real issue. well today i eventually got to someone who had me reset network settings and it's some progress. at least right away it seems like progress. before the reset i would see wifi icon .. turn off screen .. turn on screen .. see 3G icon .. unlock screen wait a few seconds then wifi reconnects and see wifi icon. well guess what .. that uses data plan/charges instead of wifi ... but after the reset the wifi icon stayed persistent .. so hopefully it'll help. .. and guess what .. i never factory wiped or restored anything ... and the whole thing i say about 3 different iPhones .. 3 different models ..3 different WiFi networks .. 3 different locations .. well finally and i mean finally after repeating it all this time ..and even SEVERAL times with dude today .. i think he finally understood .. oh it isn't just this one older device .. it happens with newer ones too. so no .. a factory wipe or restore or different network .. etc .. or paying for a new phone .. isn't going to help! ... oh and they all kept offering to explain the turn off cellular data setting ... uh yea so tell dad everytime he leaves the house to not only turn off wifi but to turn on cellular data .. yea .. let me give him your direct line so he can call you for instructions on how to do that!

but no .. like i told all them .. it isn't push messages or text messages or facebook or email or any of the other zillion distraction excuses they try to flash and gloss over the real issue .. dad doesn't have those things or apps... i'm sure in person i'd get the dumbfounded slack jaw look .. except that apple genius dude that gave me serious stinkeye attitude and said buy a new phone or factory wipe and walked away.


end rant ... i don't even remember what i was going to say .. oh well. no matter... ibuprofen is calling me .. going to lay down

How are you measuring your year? Speeding tickets, cups of coffee, love


BECAUSE I CAN


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1/31/13 8:10 P

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I'm glad you are feeling better, Kim. I hate dealing with tech support, but I feel their pain as well since I used to work in a call center. It sucked. It was hell. But it's over now, and I'm not going back. I hope that your dad's phone can get straightened out... check for apps that are online all the time.... that's normally the data hog.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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1/31/13 8:06 P

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hi girls. today was better. started out angry but eventually calmed. got my dad's computer and phone all taken care of. i think i finally got transferred to an Apple tech that knew something. for now dad's wifi is staying on even if the screen is off ... which it wasn't before and charging ton of data.

MyPoints is a free online thing .. click the link in my signature area ... sign up ... i don't see any of your info .. so no security issues to worry about. they send you a few emails every day .. tailored to your interests .. you click each one and get 5 points per email you click on .. sometimes you get 10 or 20 or 50 or 200 points depending on what they're offering... for other merchants they work with .. like the office depot and many many others .. you find the merchant on MyPoints .. click thru and buy whatever you were going to buy (like from Best Buy or Walmart or whatever) ..and you'll earn anywhere from 1pt or 2pt or 10pts etc per dollar .. so Walmart is 2 points per dollar .. buy a $20 item and earn 40 points. accumulate enough points and redeem for gift cards .. i usually get $10 or $25 Red Lobster or Applebee's gift cards. sometimes Payless or Subway or Old Navy .. tons of others available as well.

i hope my new chair gets here soon. my shoulders and back are killing me sitting in this plastic lawn chair thing. life and stress got in the way and rather than shave my head and light stuff on fire like i oh so wanted to do .. i decided to not worry about some stuff .. like food tracking and new fitness stuff this week. haven't abandoned anything .. just wasn't able to add new stuff.

How are you measuring your year? Speeding tickets, cups of coffee, love


BECAUSE I CAN


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1/31/13 1:14 P

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*hugs Kimmiekay* It's going to be okay. Just call your doctor and ask for a med change. I'm going through similar things right now. I'm cycling between depression and normal for a while now, and I'm going to try seeing another psychologist to see about a med change since my current one thinks I'm okay. Just hang on!

And Welcome!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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1/30/13 10:43 P

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I so hate feeling this way. My meds are not working. All I want to do is sleep. I can't function. I can't think. I have been binge eating. I don't want to be around anyone. I don't know what I want to say. I don't know what I am even thinking. I hate feeling like this. I hate living like this. I hate being like this. I hate it that my family don't understand how it feels like to be in my head and body. I don't choose to be like this. I don't want to be like this.

You need to love yourself


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1/30/13 8:54 P

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Okay, Kim-I have commented on the "time sensitive". Had to go into the depths of my brain-I forgot it is this weekend!

I just returned from my Tops weigh-in: would you believe that I gained .2lb!! I worked really hard this week to qualfy for MY mandated NO-Gain week forTops, and gained .2 now-this isn't a catastrophy-this is my 2nd week of hoemone chaos, which usually cause like a 3lb gain! So did well...and I know what to do to qualify for a great loss next week!

Courtney-I am praying for you! Daily!! You are suffering pain that no one our age should be aware...and for this, I am sorry. I will send you bits of news or such every day or so!

Kimberly-well.. what a horrid batch of events to have happen in a few days, never mind just one! I'm glad that your glasses proved that it wasn't you making up an issue! And your father being asleep? Doesn't it figure! Ijust can't even offer great words but these: The day is over-here is your DO OVER!!

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1/30/13 7:53 P

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i posted a new topic in the health resources forum .... time sensitive

How are you measuring your year? Speeding tickets, cups of coffee, love


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1/30/13 7:26 P

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sorry courtney you're going through all that. sounds painful. remember to reach out.. we are here.

How are you measuring your year? Speeding tickets, cups of coffee, love


BECAUSE I CAN


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1/30/13 7:23 P

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been irritable and frustrated and overwhelmed since yesterday. doing what i can to get through it and work out of it. breathing. breaks. change of scenery. journaling. staying busy with projects.. etc...

i'm ready to burn my computer chair. i tried a stability ball = too low. i tried a plastic chair = too low but manageable. tried the computer chair again and feel like it's stabbing me like needles and i get itchy. ok off to the sister's house it can go. i'll figure out how to buy a new all mesh chair. they're $200 at Staples but i found a couple on eBay for $150. i refuse flat out refuse to keep anything around that i can be allergic to or itchy from.

ppl suck. they don't call/write first ... i hate being the one to always reach out. i don't mind it for awhile but sometimes i want to know i matter. i want to know that person actually is thinking about me and not just supportive when i reach out. it's more than one person.

they're sending my new glasses back to be redone. the curvature of the lens was incorrect.

dad and dog were laying down to nap when i was done with eye doc. so still will have to go there and do all that modem switch and computer updating at some point.

getting gas voucher stuff straightened out. basically they need duplicates of the slips they didn't give me vouchers for. but gee they don't have any idea why it's something that keeps happening.

in voice message loop with insurance case worker. she leaves me one. i leave her two. etc..

left yet another message for doc about prior authorization for a med that should have been able to be filled a week ago.

am not calling PARS doc back. they can shove it. i don't need someone sticking needles and foreign substances into me without tests that would actually show if i'm a good candidate for the injections or not.

finally got someone to call me back about prep for the EEG that is next Wed. i was told by several people oh there's no prep just show up. well funny how "no prep" really means 12hrs before test no meds, no sleep, no caffeine, clean dry hair no products no conditioner.

am going through cd from social security disability case. there are key docs they didn't actually collect records of... like my psychiatrist from 2009 and 2010. and i noticed psych from 2010-2012 lists me as bipolar II depressed instead of bipolar I that I always have been. gee yea great credibility going on.

btw.. all that is just today. i don't even think i mentioned a drop of the crap i went through yesterday.

stressed? what stress? FML


How are you measuring your year? Speeding tickets, cups of coffee, love


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1/30/13 1:13 P

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*hugs* I'm sorry you are in so much pain, Courtney. Know that I'm here for you anytime. I hope you can get your surgeries done and recover soon. I can't imagine how much pain you are in. Call me when you need a friend!

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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1/30/13 1:01 P

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Good afternon all~~

I just wanted to stop by to say that I will be taking a bit of a break from posting. I will still be your fearless leader so if u need me, please email me at beezygirl54@yahoo.com.

I have some family and medical issues that require my attention right now and I don't want u guys to think I've disappeared or worse yet forgotten about you guys. Right now is kind of a choaotic time in my personal life. I've touched on some issues but there's more to it that I don't feel that I'm ready to discuss.----Family wise.

Medically, I am being evaluated for back surgery and am pretty limited with what I can do physically. Yes, I can still type...Lol. But am finding I can't sit at the computer for marathon sessions like I used to be able to. Sitting is becoming difficult and am often times now using heating pads with pillows behind me. Standing too long is also becoming unbearable. I am going in for further testing. My discs are degenerating quicker than the MD had thought they may. Despite a weight loss, my arthritis may be becoming a surgical issue...the disc issues really, not the arthritis. So, needless to say, this is not good for my mental health. I am finding myself crying more often than usual..I feel defeated. Like "one more thing"...

I just don't feel like I can give my "all" to you guys right now. I will be checking in and out and look forward to emails to keep me updated. If I feel as though I can no longer lead the team, then I will let Kim know. For now, I think I can still be a leader just not be on full time. I mean, our last leader did it, right? I know Kim will keep me updated with any issues.

SO, I guess that's all I wanted to say. So, please feel free to email me. I can download them from my phone and will (like I said) check in when I can. I love u all and wish u all the best.

Talk to you soon

Courtney

emoticon

A women's clothes should fit tightly enough to show that she is a woman but loosely enough to show that she is a lady--Marilyn Monroe


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1/29/13 7:50 P

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I don't know what to do about my psych. I've been seeing him for a while and I like him, but he doesn't like to overmedicate or change meds if they are even working a little bit. I keep on forgetting to ask my boss about medication assistance. I don't know what meds they would put me on. I've run the gambit of meds. I'm doing much better now than in the past. When my meds aren't working, I'm suicidal and hallucinating like crazy (like seeing vampires with no eyes attacking me). I was on meds at that time, too. I guess I look at it like that- if I'm not really hallucinating badly and the depression isn't that bad, then I'm okay. I might go see my old psych that I used to see when I had insurance and ask her how much it would be to pay out of pocket. She was pretty good, and if I couldn't afford a med, then she had a bunch of samples and just filled bags of them for me to last the month. She was really awesome. I stopped seeing her when I lost insurance. My therapist, who used to work with her, said that my psych might take me back on a low income basis. I will call her when I can.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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1/29/13 7:02 P

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A migraine stayed here all day....good night everyone!!

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1/29/13 12:01 P

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thanks for the info. yes for some people that is a major problem. and cutting stuff out can really help. glad you are feeling better.

my gastroenterologist specifically tested gluten allergy with stuff he took from my colonoscopy. that's not the culprit.

How are you measuring your year? Speeding tickets, cups of coffee, love


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1/29/13 11:53 A

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Hi Kim! I just finished reading Wheat Belly by Dr.William Davis. Have you tried cutting out wheat he says that wheat can give you rashes and you should hear all the other horrible effects it has on us poor humans. I've been Pepsi free for 30 days and sugar free for 2 weeks and wheat free for a week and really do feel better. Even my braiinnnnss feel better lol emoticon Smoeii


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~ Unknown




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1/29/13 11:44 A

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hi folks... took forever it seemed before i was sleepy enough to try sleeping. fitful angst... weird dreams involving greek mythos. woke up to at least an hour of two rowdy 2 year olds running around and screaming upstairs. and mom telling dad incorrect information about calendar stuff on the phone in her room. so i got up and just as i head up to the office to fill out a maint form... the kids upstairs leave. they were screaming their heads off the whole way back to their own apt. i was telling landlady .. yea i had that up above my head for the past hour! she gave me the BEST news... upstairs couple are moving OUT on Feb 18th.. instantly my mood was way better! dollup of whipped cream and cherry news... an older lady with a quiet 10 year old grand kid are moving in. *dance of joy*


i have 2 doc appts today. thought maybe i could get to the gym in between.. but just remembered i have errands i need to run in that area while I'm there. maybe i'll do laps around the stores. i need to look at a new office chair and get cat food. it's sunny and 60 degrees... it's AWESOME.

with the hives and stuff i get .. hot water and any kind of heat make them worse. so no showers and no baths and turn the fan on. short recap: awful hives with swelling and sweating and itching and blistering and cracking skin ... almost every day .. from Aug 2008 to Oct 2012... that's when i stopped the birth control i had been on since feb 2008 and got an IUD. i have been hive free from late Oct to day before yesterday. i refuse to get it all riled up again. but i've been through every imaginable step of environmental and food and soap and allergies galore.

How are you measuring your year? Speeding tickets, cups of coffee, love


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1/29/13 11:18 A

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Well girls, today I am def. using my DBT skills...distraction, radical acceptance, mindfulness, etc. I will volunteer from 1-4:00 at the gift shop today, but am struggling with a bit of anxiety over what? I don't quite know! I have a bit of a migraine, but nothing earth shattering...think I'll take a Fioricet! As I have been aware the past fewq weeks, I am an addict: to vrackers! Every time we have them, mom likes them, if I open a sleeve I eat the entire thing! I almost do it blindly-I just realize that I am eating them one, by one, by one.. So-after 7:00 snacking or grazing is now one of my resolutions to work on!

Larissa- I just don't have any more words that could help-you just need to do what is right for you.

Kimberly-Your wild dreams just seem to spin at times, eh? And the itch? Maybe an extra bath each day instead of a shower? I wish you well!!

ISEE-I tend to walk in every sort of weather! This is what I need to do since I made the decision to not drive anymore. Ithelps when mom can drive me..but she also has some issues that make driving a chore..All part of independenceas a disabled person!

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1/28/13 10:16 P

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thank you becci... larissa.. unless you've been missing meds for a few months .. this isn't a missed meds thing. putting your life on hold for this long is bad enough .. but until MAY??? seriouslY!! awful. in ohio you can get medical treatment and be billed for costs... if you can't pay costs there are usually plans available ... and furthermore medical bills on credit report don't count against you for most credit things. each state is different though.

as for IBS .. i have it. i've dealt with it for about 20 years. even with meds it isn't regulated.. hence the I standing for IRREGULAR. but yes sometimes meds help. like align .. bentyl .. amitiza .. prevacid .. prilosec .. levsin.. fiber ... flaxseed ... exercise ... sleep ... caffeine ... etc... heck even pepto helps some... also surfak. but again.. eat crap .. feel like crap and have crap problems. have you asked pharmacist or any doc yet for ways to get meds free directly from the manufacturers?

i've been in DBT for 2 years on feb 14th. it has helped immensely. i'm sure i've raved about it on some topic around here .. it might have been awhile ago tho. i'm supposed to be going to bed right now so i won't elaborate.

i've been itchy a lot this evening :-( i sprayed chair and rug with Lysol .. and tried sitting on stability ball but it's too low to be comfortable. so now my butt is all sweaty from sitting on plastic ball and i got a plastic chair for the meantime. only one hive i can see so far. darned annoying. i have been through this routine TOO MANY TIMES since 2008. i WILL NOT do it again!

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1/28/13 9:51 P

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I've been trying to read what everyone wrote. Larissa, I do agree with the others as far as checking out all options as far as taking care of your health. I don't have insurance either, and I a very small income. While going to county mental health drives me nuts sometimes, it has a patient assistance program where I can get one of my meds for free (the others I get from Walmart for $4). I don't have a therapist, but when I did, the county paid for a certain number of visits. I have a p-doc who I see every three or so months.

Take advantage of the clinic that you work at. You don't want to end up feeling worse and having to pay more because you didn't take any preventative measures with your health. The clinic workers may know of some other services you can use.

RDG - you walked home in a snow storm? Wow! How long have you been doing DBT? I can't remember if county mental health here has it.

Kim - Congratulations on walking up and over the hill! Celebration, lol! Same question to you - how long have you been doing DBT? How has it helped you?

Hi, Lucinda - How are you doing?

Courtney - I'm sorry the visit with your daughter wasn't all the pleasant. I think when she gets older she will understand more clearer about why you were the way you were. As far as the signs you are seeing with her - can you meet with her teachers to see if they see anything out of the ordinary with her?

As for me - things are going ok. Was supposed to go out on a movie date with same guy yesterday but work came calling for him. I was upset for a bit, but I went to movie by myself. We text and talk on the phone quite a bit. Really like him, just want that third date...and a few more...lol

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I don't know when I'm going to see my psych again... I think my depression spell was just because I missed meds. I have this slight rash on my face that I've just ignored and it's getting better. I did talk to my psych about that since I know if you get a rash on Lamictal it could be fatal, but I'm on Risperdal and he said he had never heard of someone getting a Risperdal rash (and I've been on it for 2 years now). As for the IBS, well, there's nothing they can do until symptoms show, and then they just give you meds to treat the symptoms. I have plenty of pills for that now. I work at a low income clinic and sometimes see the doctors there (It's a $30 copay plus meds) for various things. I just don't think I need to see a doctor right now.

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1/28/13 6:31 P

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WAIT A MINUTE!! I just realized what I said: Larissa, I really think that waiting until May to see a Dr. is a really bad idea! Most Hospitals offer Free Care to those who need it. You may need to go thru the E.R or walk-in care, but there are ways to do it. Just don't end up in dire straights because of inconvenience. I realize how tight money is-my income is not a great amount, mom only gets enough to pay the rent and her insurance..I have food stamps and DO understand! I will be thinking of you often!

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Well, unlike Kim's walk home today, I walked home from DBT in a snow storm! A friend needed to walk to the bus stop after class so I walked with her, half way, just for some extra steps. I actually walk in the complete opposite direction to get home! We did a mindfulness exercise, went over the homework which was the end of our Distress Tolerance Module and came home. Not a bad session, but we will now be off until Feb. 25 when we start the Emotional Regulation module. I know, personally, that if I don't keep using my skills, I will not do as well as when I do!

Larissa-you have some pretty big decisions to make; insurance, food help, Dr. or not, etc. I hope that when your Medicare kicks in you are able to find theright resources and medication solutions.

Kim-I will hope/pray that your glasses, soon, become more appropriately adjusted!

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I just have to wait until May 1st. That's when my Medicare kicks in. I will be able to see the doctor, get tests done, new meds, all that. I've been ignoring a bunch of things until then. My Medicare plan should be free. Right now I don't have the money to go to the doctor. With my IBS, there's nothing that they can really do but treat the symptoms when they come up. I'm pretty sure that my depression on Saturday was because I missed my pills on Thursday. I'm just dreading going on the medication roulette again. But in May I guess I have to. *sigh* At least I won't be paying $58 for each visit.

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looks like my first message today had a line or two cut off at the beginning.. oh well...



some people aren't always forthcoming with details about what they're going through .. and others will overreact and glorify everything to get attention and/or pills.

larissa you don't need minimize (or retract) what you have been feeling and dealing with and reacting. in the past few weeks you've mentioned wanting to harm yourself .. you've mentioned sleeping all the time .. you've mentioned the fast food you're eating .. and the video games playing .. and being depressed and anxious .. etc ... it hasn't been an isolated incident ... you are currently suffering. you don't need to. but you are the one that has to work at it ... trying to get better .. including getting help .. of doctors . .med suppliers .. pharmacies .. your coworkers .. whoever. if your insurancd isn't possible to live with .. drop it .. get something new ... figure out what you have to do to qualify for something more affordable. find out your options.

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Nice non-scale victory, Kim! Hills can be hard! I'm glad you got to spend time with friends between appointments and pharmacies. *hugs*

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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what a day... i think i already mentioned the morning drama. my glasses were adding to my frustration on the drive to DBT so i just took them off. thankfully i'm not that blind and can still see to drive without them. in DBT we went over homework and gratitude stuff. bits and pieces about wisemind. then personal sharing at end. everyone complimented me on the 50lbs i've lost (when i pointed it out)... then some asked me how... i gave them referral link to this site :-)

i saw my counselor as i was leaving .. then i realized why he was walking behind me.. he was going to get my nephew and his "fiance" from the lobby for their appt. i told counselor i hope it isn't a conflict and i won't make it one... but pointed out who my nephew was as nephew was giving me the iPhone case my sister finally found. so i guess i'll find out tomorrow in my counseling session if it's a problem or not. i will make nephew get a new counselor if it's a conflict .. bc he probably doesn't care who he sees whereas i do. and it matters a LOT to me.

good chat with a real friend after group... then i think i just missed an accident or something where all the vocational school traffic was waiting on the traffic light. i went ahead and went for my walk b/c it wasn't really raining. let the drama go and just walk quickly. meds weren't ready at pharmacy... and saw a friend downtown that was there sat night while he was walking his cousin's dog. while we were standing there.. Shane came over and i got to ask what happened sat night .. figured out why stupid drama happened. and then ppl try defending others when they have no clue what is going on or why anything actually happened... but emotions and alcohol play a huge part in that. anyways friend with dog lives near me so we walked on ... i got to talk about a few things.. dropping truths here and there that i know how to defend myself and ppl don't want me angry. he and i are cool and i know he won't spread it. but maybe someday if it becomes necessary that info of knowing what i'm capable of will save me or others.

and .. here's the best part ... i went ahead and walked up and over the hill between his place and mine even though it's given me trouble/fitness fits in the past .. i had NO TROUBLE today. yep that's right! sweet!

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not at all restful. dreamed i was studying for LSAT or something. then working for an airline (?) and running cases... morphed into some animated comedy horror.

i get a Sunkist and trudge into mom's room to say i'd have been better off not going to bed. and she says she thought dad didn't have access to our calendar... that he'd called her and starting asking questions about the Puerto Rico trip in May. well getting actual details from mom is like playing worst game of telephone. she hears what she wants and then makes up stuff to fill in the gaps and gets things all wrong. i still don't think she understands that i don't care about the content of what he saw or the ramifications... i worry about security. if i think that calendar is only for her and i .. i need to trust it. long story short i think he saw a note I'd put on my doc appt for tomorrow and he asked her about it. well since she infers and assumes all kinds of crap who knows what was actually said or seen. i will have to remember to set certain events on my shared calendar to private. b/c it's ok they know i have appointments... but they don't need to see the description detailed notes i put in there.

it was nice when i left for chiropractic appt and i was like ooh maybe i'll go for a walk when i get back. wouldn't you know it... as i was leaving doc office it started raining. by the time i drove off their lot it was pouring. got glasses adjusted at optometrist office. doesn't seem to be helping. she said wear them a few more days and if still having trouble call in and she'll get me in with a doctor for a refraction check.

leaving now for DBT ... stress level HIGH ... i hate family tech questions .. they don't know how to use facts or give truths ... or follow easy steps i give as answer.

i will catch up on here when i get back

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a friend of mine from work is going to see about getting me the numbers to the local food pantries. It's so weird, though.... when I was working a good job and had money (no food stamps for me, just Geo's) we never ran out of food stamps. Now with both of us on them (and he has about $160, I get $40) we run out all the time. Money is tight, especially since we have a car now.

The clinic I work at has a medication assistance office, but I don't qualify since I have some form of insurance (with a $780 PER MONTH deductible) but I never reach that so I have to pay for everything out of pocket. I can try talking to my boss about it... she's the boss of that department too. I'm not too bad, though.. I tend to make more drama out of my depression than I really feel. If I do feel like I'm a danger to myself, I know to get myself to the inpatient clinic. I don't like it there, but I know there are times when I'm better off there.

I've just been working on my physical symptoms rather than the mental. I keep missing pills, too. I'm sure that has something to do with it. I missed my morning Celexa on Thursday, and on Saturday I'm depressed. I know there's a connection. I'm feeling a bit better mood wise today now that I'm dressed and went out. I just need to make it to work tomorrow.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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1/27/13 7:07 P

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let your docs know about the financial situation. they can work with you to get generics. heck some will get you the paperwork to apply for free meds directly from the manufacturer.

check local food pantries to see if they have anything to spare. some ppl around here also get bags of food from the welfare office b/c their food stamps don't stretch enough. and there's almost always a line at the food pantry in town. ... check facebook or other sites to see if anyone does food swaps .. like maybe they got flour they don't use .. or the wrong oatmeal .. or condiments.

of course the phrase holds true if you eat crap you're going to feel like crap


about auction sites .. i got roped into quibids or something awhile back. costs real money to buy bids and each item keeps going until time runs out.. but each bid extends the time. sucks away those bids in a heartbeat. i think i lost $30 in about 10 minutes. then got ahold of my senses and got a refund for the other $30 i had banked.

spark tends to be slow b/c of all the mouseovers and ads and scrolling crap that goes on. eats a TON of bandwidth. but i'm not capable of explaining how to shut it all to minimum on everyone's computers. .. also cable modems tend to slow in periods of heavy community use.. b/c you all are using the same lines in the ground and they get clogged so to speak.

thanks you all for the advice about "him" .. i need to save some text messages my friends sent. it's his loss. not mine. i was great before him and i will continue to be great without him. i don't need the drama. especially when it feels like *I'M* the sane one around here. and there's so many great lessons i learned and reminded myself of .. would be a shame to toss that aside now over someone who isn't interested. i will say at least the rejection was polite. LOL. must.find.bright.side

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1/27/13 4:37 P

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Just sitting down after lunch out with mom, a healthy one, and a walk immediately after. She wanted Chinese, which I wouldn't go for, but settled on Water Street Grille which is sort of like a 99 restaurant, where I was able to get a huge buffalo chicken salad. I ate about a third and will finish it for dinner. So: a great lunch and a 35 minute walk. Great day so far!

Larissa-I continue to pray that you are doing okay today. I also hope and pray that you will listen to Kim and Courtney, who know you best, and contact either your Dr. or local E.R. if you begin to feel unsafe. You are in all of our thoughts right now!

Lucinda-Gossip? Did you say that you have some gossip? I am having the same issue that Courtney is--very slow in this site, but even my Yahoo is dragging..hope there is a fix soon!

Courtney-Sounds like your auction sites are becoming an addiction! So happy about the car, the license, the child free day..how great a time period! Stick to your guns about driving: I also don't drive per my own choice. After falling asleep driving, waking from a coma 32 days later and getting back my faculties(well..most of them), I didn't get a new license because I would be the poster child for road rage! Anyway-I'm on your side! Drive only when it's safe! emoticon

Now Kim- Sounds like "Mr.Wonderful" did a great job of stomping on your hope/dream of him! As Courtney said-he saved you your time and energy that he is not worthy of!

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Thanks for the advice... I'm just worried about a med tweak because I can only afford cheap generic meds. I need a new antipsychotic because I'm hallucintating again. This is the worst time of year for me. Well, that and summer. I went home to LA this time last year and I slept the days away there too. I would go out at night with friends and family, but I was sleeping 16 hours a night plus naps. For the most part, I've been sleeping 12 hour days this year. So I'm better by 4 hours... gotta look for the small things. Last night I got 7 hours of sleep before my stomach woke me by demanding to go to the bathroom. I haven't really got any good sleep since then, and I kinda feel like crap, kinda don't. I just have to be careful to not go hypomanic.

As for work, it's just boring right now. They are letting me come in later so I can get my sleep. Waking up at 10 am was just too much for me since I'm now going to sleep around 11 or midnight. You girls are right, though.... I need to find out what triggered me to not want to go to work anymore. It's been a struggle for a while... I've only been in a handful of times since last December. Now they want me coming in as much as possible next week and I need to be able to do that.

I'm thinking of trying out a gluten free diet to see if it helps my IBS. I might have to wait until next month, though, because we are out of food stamps (and out of food). We have a ton of chicken, but I'm so sick of chicken! I dread cooking every night because there's only so much I can do to hide the taste of chicken. I've been looking at Spark Recipes, but I don't have a lot of the ingredients.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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1/27/13 2:37 P

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Tearing myself away from my online auction sites...difficult to do. Lol. Wow, how addictive are they? SO much fun. Julio's been sleeping off and on all day and Iverson has been at a friends house so it's just me and the puter so I've been playing all day. Sad but true. I popped in to say HI to everyone and get the most recent birthday list so we can get that email out.

Kim~~I hate drama too..so weird about that guy..He probably did u a big favor. I know how u said u felt about him though (it was him, right?) so, how weird but forget him. Not worth your time.

Lucinda~~What's the gossip? I wanna know...Lol. I've been having lots of trouble with the site last night and tonight. Keys keep freezing up and it's SO slow on here. Only on this site.

I haven't talked to Larissa yet. I sent her a private message and plan to call around 3 cuz she's usually up by then. I'm going to basically tell her what we think and then she can reread it when she logs on. I feel like she needs to know she has us and she's not alone in this battle. I think she feels alone. I'll know more when we talk. I'm trying to think of what to say exactly. It'll just come to me.

Ok, keep u all posted...

Courtney

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1/27/13 1:44 P

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hi all. somehow i think i've become the sane one in this sleepy backwater town. oh my! i will spare ya the details but there was WAY TOO MUCH DRAMA from TOO MANY people and places last night. good grief! part of it was that guy i wanted to see came in. but basically ignored me. he did give me his # and full name but later when i texted the response was "don't talk to me please" .. uhm ok WTF.

i don't know if it was the full moon or what.. i think i'll stop going there for awhile. save money i guess. i don't deserve to be mistreated and ignored and underestimated by anyone. not to mention friends turning on friends and all kinds of backstabbing going on... and me being told to stay out of a situation that wasn't even a situation ... but even if it were i can take care of myself.

i'm actually a bit hungover today. definitely dehydrated. my face and hands are beyond dry/cracked/raw/red/painful ... i'm using intensive moisture therapy lotion and such but it's not exactly helping. and some fingers are itching which sure isn't fun.

kept my word about going to breakfast at the VFW but now really wish i hadn't eaten... it's not settling well. and i ate it over 3 hours ago.

lucinda: thanks! sucks all these posts people are trying to make aren't getting through. i either type in Notepad and then copy/paste into here ... or i type in here then select all and copy before hitting post message. that way if the window freaks out or whatever i haven't lost the text.

anyone heard from Larissa?

courtney - i understand about the meds and driving stuff. that's a smart decision. one that not a lot of people actually make sad to say. but at least you are legal to drive the license and fines or whatever paid .. a just in case backup kind of thing. but yea, don't drive unless you feel safe.

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1/27/13 1:22 P

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I had a beautiful long post that mentioned everyone and everything but it never went through! Becca hope you feel better. Larissa pay attention to Courtney and Kim plus look in to the drug Latuda it has made a world of difference in my life. Courtney sorry about your visit being so crummy and confrontational glad you got a nice car good luck with your driving. Kim glad things are going well for you and like your hair in this picture. I'm doing well and sitting everyother week-end plus 4 days a week. boy oh boy do I have something to tell you just hang on and I will post it latter today. Lucinda

I will do my best to meet and surpass my goal. Never stop learning or trying to achieve success. Never give up keep plugging away. If it is to be it's up to me. .


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1/27/13 5:54 A

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Had a frappe late last night so I didn't sleep much. Not to mention ingesting 400 plus cals like that..oh well. I'll make up for it today. I'm going to have an orange for breakfast and get my butt o ut and do some walking. I didn't do much when the fam was here so it's time to make up for lost time.

Rissa~~You know I care about you and I know I'm not the best "phone person" but I get busy or just don't have alot to talk about with people outside my little family, but I do care about you and want the best for you and I totally agree with Kim. You're slipping and she is right about everything she said. I've been thinking it for awhile but since I am rather meek when it comes to confrontation (at times) I didn't want to come right out and say it, I just chose to rather encourage u the best I could. I'm glad she came out and said it. I'm wondering if living with such a depressed person is rubbing off on you. I'm not trying to down your relationship but I know living with a depressed person is SO hard. It can be very trying. Have u just succumb to it and now you're becoming like him? Please don't take offense to my remarks. I just want to help. You have so much potential but (like I've said to you before) you're sleeping your days and nights away. You're not getting out and living life and that worries me because you are so young. You should not be having so much physical things at 29. I just want what's best for u and most of all I want to see u happy and Kim is right to point out that you're not even going into the one place u would say made u happy. It's time to get your med checked, I agree. Maybe it's a simple tweek. I just don't want u to sleep deeper into this depression you've been in for awhile now. We'll talk today, I promise. I have nothing going on, so I'll call u in the afternoon cuz, again, I know u won't be up til after 12.

So, that's why I'm up. We were childless last night and kinda low on funds and I don't drink anymore..too scared to while being on this pain med. So, we were going to get ice cream but we decided on the much higher calorie frappes at McDs. I had a small one around midnight. Hard time sleeping..DUH.. emoticon ....He can sleep through anything! So, I got up around 5 and checked my emails and my auction website to see if I've won anything. Yes, I've discovered LISTERIA...anyone else ever use it? I keep getting credits from them so I keep bidding on stuff. Haven't won anything but some makeup so far but have yet to receive it. Just won it yesterday but have lots of bids out there. I actually broke down and bought 5 dollars worth of credits. Hope this doesn't become my new addiction. I doubt it cuz it's SO nothing compared to Ebay. But, they have some cool stuff so as long as it's free, it's fun. I've been taking some fun surveys on line too for points and to gain MyPoints and enter to win prizes and such. Yes, I've had some time on my hands lately. IDK why,but it just seems so.

Ok, I think I'm going to get going for the day. Wouldn't ya know we let the cat out last night around 9 to go to the bathroom (still refuses litterbox) and she never came home last night and it got cold again. I hope she's ok. That kind of kept me up too but I just keep in mind that she was an outside cat and she'll be fine.

Talk to u all soon!

Courtney

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larissa - you need to call your med provider ... current concoction is NOT working for you.... for over a month you have slept every day and every night occasionally going out to get fast food... or sit in all day and play video games.

you have said it's health problems ... shin splints ... stomach flu .. etc ... but it's got to start in your head with a med change

i think the one recent upbeat post from you stemmed from you actually going to volunteer/work and getting compliments

is there some underlying issue going on? weight gain? body image? fighting with Geo? acne? hair loss? i have no idea .. i'm grasping at straws.

but when you say you are scared to go to the one place that has made you feel better ... it's time for the gloves to come off and things to not be sugar coated

How are you measuring your year? Speeding tickets, cups of coffee, love


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I'm depressed today. I don't know why. I know my work wants me to come in more next week, and it could be the stress from that. I slept all day today (from 10 pm to 5 pm just getting up every now and then to use the bathroom and eat something. I just want to curl up in a corner and cry myself to sleep.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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1/26/13 5:13 P

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Sorry you're feeling so down today, Becci. Hope u feel better as the day wears on. emoticon emoticon
Kim~~I think you're right. I will look up some info. for my daughter. According to her, school is "fine". Hasn't let me in much on her life. Mom says everything is ok and she comes home in okay moods. Typical moods for a girl her age. She has friends but not "a best friend". She still harbors alot of anger and resentment toward me for the way I was when she was a small child (age 3-5). I was off meds and then overmedicated where all I did was sleep. I didn't take good care of her. She kind of "let me have it" on this visit. We talked a bit about my being bipolar and she knew what it was and knew already that I was bipolar but didn't quite understand that I had to take meds for it. After we talked about it, she understood more but I know she doesn't forgive me. I could still feel the coldness. IDK if she ever will forgive me for the way I was. There's nothing I can do. I will take whatever she gives me as far as having a relationship with her goes. I love her so much and just want her in my life in a positive way. I just want to see her get into a good psychiatrist and get her closer with her counselor who she says she likes and enjoys talking with. Hopefully she can get some help earlier than I did. I see some symptoms. maybe not bipolar, but somethings going on.
That's obvious, I think. There's other things. She's angry. Very angry.

But, where was I going with this? Oh, yes, thank u for the advice Kim. I will take u on that.

As for the car, I am glad that we have it and i am glad that I am legal to drive but with the meds I am on both for psych and pain, I don't feel that I am safe to drive. Maybe early morning before I've had my morphine, but not during the day when my morphine is peak becaue I get very dizzy and drowsy sometimes. Not safe to drive. At night I'm ok, but I have awful night vision. So, if I know I have to do something, I will plan my meds around that. My psych meds, I think I would be ok but it's just the morphine, I guess that worries me.
Oh,and Kim, love the hair and u look great! I'll have to check out your FB page!

A women's clothes should fit tightly enough to show that she is a woman but loosely enough to show that she is a lady--Marilyn Monroe


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1/26/13 2:32 P

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Today I physicaly feel gross..my back hurts, head isa mud puddle..tired but NOT getting sick! Teddie, my mental-health dog is with us today, again, which is helpful, tho..Linda is gone from 6am-after 6 tonight, so she asked for me to care for him. Nothaving an easy time of sticking to my program right now, trying for a loss this week regardless of TOM and will just keep trying!!

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hi all. i'm kind of tired/sleepy. not much chatter in my head today. i'm doing ok though. i was looking for posts of mine from thurs b/c i forgot to update my DBT homework... did we really have only 3 posts that day? and what about Fri? were we all just forgetful or SP eating posts?

i got great compliments on pics i posted last night on FB. i ended up not staying out though b/c it was boring. will try tonight i think.

courtney - well glad about the car and safety and being able to drive. so sorry about the tense situation and your mom and daughter. are you able to ask your daughter why she thinks and feels she is fat? is someone picking on her at school? is she being told wrong things? maybe look up some eating disorder and body image info and send it her way... and figure out warning signs for anorexia/bulemia. it's not a pleasant path to go down.

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1/26/13 2:04 P

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Hello everyone!

Nice to be back on!

Oh, Lucinda, so nice to see u posting again! emoticon in this chilly weather. How are things going? I got your last letter. Hope things are going well.

Larissa~Been outta commission. Will explain.

RDG~~Things can get kinda screwy with so many MDs involved. I'm glad things are working out better.

As for me, mom and Alexis left yesterday. I could go on and on about the visit. But, I'll just say it was a tough one. It was real tough. I don't know what I said before, but all in all not a great time. Got my excise tax squared away so I'm all legal on the road now..Watch out!
She bought us a car. It's a 2000 Camry. Loaded...really a beautiful car. Got a great deal on it. Runs great. But what a price to pay all we all knew there would be. Julio and I just picked at each other. Things were so tense around the house the week before and during the visit. My daughter weighs 97lbs. and thinks she's fat. I'm so worried about her. She looks SO skinny. She wore skinny jeans and a tight top and looked SO thin. She's below average. She's got to be nervous or something at home. While visiting she barely ate. I'm so scared for her. Something haS to be done. SHe's in counseling but I begged my mom to get her into see a shrink. She's 5'1 and weighs less than a hundred pounds. Mom says she barely eats. She's WAY too interested in boys too. My mom spent alot of time hollering and yelling not at her but mostly at me and then would buy me something or take me somewhere. It was such a horrendous visit now that I think about it. Didn't start off TOO bad but boy did it spiral pretty quick. I thank her for the money but it's all out of the bond money anyway so...

So, that was my visit in a nutshell. Yes, I used my Klonopin everyday and my Restoril and my Risperdal..any and everything I had to calm my nerves and prevent a trip to the ER.

Hope all is well with everyone else. I'm finally starting to feel better today and me and Julio have finally stopped bickering and things around the house are settling down. The cat is safe and home. IDK if I told u, she made us put the cat out although we snuck her into our bedroom all but one night where she had to sleep outside?

I'll be posting again soon!

Love and hugs to u all!

Courtney

emoticon

A women's clothes should fit tightly enough to show that she is a woman but loosely enough to show that she is a lady--Marilyn Monroe


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1/24/13 8:24 P

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Hello again! I just returned from, yet again, an 8hr trip. Went with a neighbor to Springfield, to see her surgeon. Denise is on a waiting list for WLS and today got the results of her Barium Swallow. He was either going to say "no surgery" or "lose more weight". It was "lose 15 lbs more". So-she chose Uno's for lunch-her "last out"..yup.."last". I was able to get a wonderful chicken salad with sesame dressing, thank the food gods!

Spoke to my Neuro Psych today! Phoned her this a.m. leaving a message that I needed to speak with her..About 4:30 she phoned and said that she has already spoken to my Psych and that she has no problem being in charge of my meds! Thank goodness! Some common sense! I mentioned the overwhelmed feelings being an issue- she says to watch it and that if I think that she should see me, to call and she will. Not a bad day for one of which I had not much control, huh?

Lucinda- I hope that you are a little warmer-it is 4* here with -1* wind-chill right now....Hope to goodness that it is warmer there!

Larissa-Can't imagine your shin splints are easy to deal with right now-stretching first, last-ice heat..can't be easy! I wish I had some words of advice!

Kim- I am hopeful that your day was productive, peace filled and positive. Just like you!

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1/24/13 8:01 P

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Lucinda: I'm sorry that it's so cold over there... It's nice here. I do warm up before walking, but I don't normally do a lot of stretching beforehand since I've heard you have to be warmed up to do them. Then, as you do your stretches, you cool off so you have to warm up again. Never ending cycle. But it is something that I should take into consideration. I know doing calf raises and icing are good. My right shin started acting up today, too... I've worn 2 different pairs of shoes so I know it's not that. The ones I wore today had those gel insoles for cushioning. We will see how I do tomorrow.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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1/24/13 2:09 P

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Hi Ladies!
Larissa if you do the stretches before you walk it helps alot. If I don't stretch I get shin spints but they only last for the first 15 minutes of the walk then go away. Try it and see if it works.

Courtney glad to hear your Daughter is visiting and the time is enjoyable. How is your Daughter I bet she has grown and interest have changed. It's really something when they can sit down and have a grown up discution with you! Is the car for you and are you starting to drive? I hope things with your Mother settle down this time and you are ok.

Kim nice to see everything has settled down for you right now. You have a more positive outlook it seems. Glad things are going well for you!

To the rest of the girls I apologise about not mentioning you by name I have a short memory and didn't write it down as I read through the post. We are still having cold temps and the wind chill factor is below 0*. Some days when the sun is out around 2:00pm it seems alittle warmer and Toruk and I have gotten our walks in for the day. Still not losing any weight kind of given up on that Idea for right now. Hopefully come spring when I get out more and can eat differently some weight will come off then maintain over the winter again. I'm just glad to be back on SP right now and talk with my friends and teams! I've missed you girls and found myself lost without you. This connection may not last long so I'll be here when I can. Everyone take care and have a good day. Lucinda

I will do my best to meet and surpass my goal. Never stop learning or trying to achieve success. Never give up keep plugging away. If it is to be it's up to me. .


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1/23/13 9:45 P

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Wel girls...can't fix what's not broken! As recommended by some of you, I weighed in this morning at home. I was just curious to see what my a.m. weight is vs. my p.m. and was sadly reading that I am up 3.4 from last week. However, when I weighed tonight at Tops? I am up 1.8 go figure!! Must calibrate my scale at home...
Made a terrible decision after the meeting~our Secretary, and my good friend, asked if I wanted to go eat something...ended up at a Chinese Buffet! Bad choice-very bad!! Gee-I wonder why I'm gaining weight?! emoticon
Symptoms have got to be on a manic swing right now, of sorts...I am fine one minute-panicked the next and so on.....Just hope that I fall to sleep early tonight...

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1/23/13 8:32 P

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Kim, I didn't know about the salt thing... I don't normally use a lot of salt in my cooking so it's only a problem when I go out. I just have their chili plain, no crackers or hot packets. I mostly pour the chili on the potato.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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1/23/13 6:23 P

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i didn't get any sleep until starting about 8am today. being up all night kind of sucks when it isn't by choice and nothing is going on and no one is awake to talk with. rheumatologist says to increase gabapentin to 3 pills per night. we'll see how that goes.

other phone calls today: PARS group got permission from my insurance to do the 2 injections but not yet for the MRI and x-ray. uhm, those two tests (I thought) were to be done first to make sure I'm a good candidate for the injections. i think i'll call back tomorrow and call off the whole thing bc that isn't sound medical practice. and my rheumatologist and chiropractor have been making progress.

AT&T transferred me over 8 times over the course of 30 minutes. i was just trying to get to DSL sales to see what, if any, new promotions and pricing were available. none. and apparently Frontier doesn't actually service my city. oh well. was worth looking into though.

i finally counted it .. weight today down to 217. i guess the goal of 214 i'd picked was b/c that's the pivot between Obese and Over BMI.

i miss going out and walking. i couldn't even stand the windchill just getting the mail. no way am i going to try to walk a mile or more. it's snowing now too. soon i will have to force myself to do laundry; either here at apt or take it to laundry mat in town.

careful with those Wendy's chili portions ... the small is 880mg sodium but the large is 1330mg. and if you add the hot chili seasoning packet it's an additional 270mg. and if you eat the crackers: additional 80mg and shredded cheddar cheese: 110mg.

for my own interest i glanced over the rest of the nutrition. 10pc chicken nuggets only 930mg and with BBQ or Sweet & Sour sauce additional 120mg. WOAH when did they get vanilla frosty ... strawberry frosty .. omg caramel frosty .. oreo frosty...

How are you measuring your year? Speeding tickets, cups of coffee, love


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1/23/13 4:30 P

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I did go out to eat today but I got a chili and baked potato from Wendy's. About as healthy as you can get for fast food.

I was going to go for a walk, but my shins were hurting so I decided to rest them today.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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1/23/13 10:10 A

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Glad to see that you all are able to address other things than symptoms lately..I am not...I am struggling with being overwhelmed, distracted, anxious and so on..maybe my body is finally adjusting to the most recent med changes and not liking them?.. NOt sure..

Kim-you're right..being with my family and friends over my mini-vacation was the most enjoyable part. I tried to not dwell onthe food situation, but was subconciously aware of it. I am really feeling the difference in my body/feelings after missing meals , freggies and water over those days!

Lucinda-I am thinking of you today, as it is 3 degrees here today. Many people's cars weren't starting this morning, so our maintenance man did some jump starting..I am praying that Ted E. Bear won't need extra walks today! He is staying with us because it was so cold when Linda(neighbor) took him out this morning, that he wouldn'tstayt out!

Edited by: RDGISME at: 1/23/2013 (10:17)
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1/23/13 2:11 A

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We are temporarily a 1 laptop home and My Love is on it for work on Wed, Thurs, Fri and Sat...so I'm doing great and I hope you all are too and I'll be back Sunday!!
HUGS TO YOU ALL!!!

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1/22/13 9:31 P

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Kim- Thanks for the advice! I know it's supposed to be ice on the shin, but I also took a nice hot shower after icing. it just made my muscles feel good. I will try and remember to walk properly like you said. I also need new walking shoes, so I'm sure it's part of that.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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1/22/13 8:51 P

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courtney .. glad time with daughter is enjoyable .. how's she doing? hope time with mom is ok... did you get a good car?

oh and a bit ago i renewed/upgraded dad's DSL and they're sending a new modem and he's going from 1Mb speed to 6Mb ... and i get a $100 Apple gift card within 6 weeks. SWEET. all for $7 more than paying monthly now. ... tomorrow I'm calling AT&T DSL and seeing what they can offer me otherwise I'll switch companies and get an additional $200 Apple card.

becci ...i think i'm sensing that the trip (no matter the length) was enjoyable? .. yay! ... fun, friendship, family .. that's what matters! not amount of calories or forbidden food this allowable food that. in those situations it's worry less about food offerings and availability and appreciate who is there and how you're feeling. .. i know all too well the panic that sets in when feeling lost .. or actually being lost .. or feeling alone .. or unable to find people .. been there done that ... it sucks no matter what. i'm hoping it wasn't long before you found your mom or Aunt Jan... some ppl don't understand our need for security and stability.

Lucinda _ HEY GIRL ... was wondering how you were doing. it's been teen digit temps here and with windchill put a negative sign there. my FB status was i Don't EVER want to see NEGATIVE anything unless it's the amount of pounds i've gained =) I'm starting to ask warm-weather-location friends if they have a couch i can crash on... ya know.. 1-2 days.. er weeks .. well months really *grin*

larissa -- i often have trouble with shin splints when i walk faster than normal. i always forget whether it's ice or heat supposed to apply... but everyone mentions stretching ahead of time ... and flexing vs. stretching. you might look into it. also, try to push off the ball of your foot and toes as you walk.. instead of a flat strike with foot.. actually focus on the heel toe heel toe .. push off of toes

How are you measuring your year? Speeding tickets, cups of coffee, love


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1/22/13 8:36 P

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a day in the life of ...

woke up after long night of bad hallucinations and crazy dreams... had airborne and juice for breakfast ... then half a most awesome huge brownie but i knew it could be galactic awesome with choc syrup and whipped cream like the restaurant serves ... got some stuff ready to mail. .. drove (b/c it's single digit temps) to post office and fruth's .. to try out new glasses and find clip on sunglasses and syrup ... i forgot to get quarters for laundry and they didn't have the other stuff I wanted either. off to kroger for a few things. $3.29 clearance wine . uhm OK. but kid didn't know how to bag it. i tried to correctly explain. i'm sure he was calling me a few choice words in his head. went to other store and almost immediately got high walking in. finally figured out they were using some kind of cleaner on part of the floor. they had no idea what i was talking about when i said they'd be lightheaded when standing up b/c they were getting a contact/huffing buzz. they weren't using proper gloves or ventilation. oi!

anyways .. ate the rest of my awesome brownie with hershey's LITE chocolate syrup :-) and extra creamy whipped cream can (b/c it's healthier ingredients and same nutrition info as original can). drinking my seriously cheap wine and it isn't bad. i might go back and get the rest of it since it's so cheap. and finally eating some food... aka avocado and cottage cheese.

great day.

one friend is super sad b/c she's now single. another friend not exactly thrilled that she's now in a relationship. i'll just be a friend to both.

How are you measuring your year? Speeding tickets, cups of coffee, love


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1/22/13 8:25 P

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*hugs Lucinda* I hope the weather clears up soon! I know how much you love to walk with Toruk.

I walked another 2 miles today and possibly hurt my shin. I iced it when I got home. Good news is that I walked my first mile in 25 minutes, a whole minute faster than yesterday. I guess my walking faster meant my feet hitting the ground harder and hurt my shin. It's just my left one. I will see how it goes tomorrow.

~Rissa, AKA Diane

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1/22/13 1:31 P

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Hi everyone! It's been along time. I don't know how long this connection will last so here goes. I've read over the last 3 days of post and I'm sorry that some of you are having problems. Courtney I mailed off a letter a few days ago and didn't know your Mom and Daughter were visiting soon or arguing over money. I hope all of it becomes resolved. I wish you all peace at this time. The weather here is so cold and full of snow and ice that I fell a few weeks ago and luckly nothing was hurt bad. It has kept Toruk and I from walking in the foul weather and from freezing to death. Still sitting with the Grandkids everyday and sometimes the weekend. Not much else to do ecept go to the home wrestiling meets of my Grandson. For the first year he isn't to bad. I nursed my Granddaughter and Daughter through strep throat, ear infection and sinus infection and didn't get sick knock on wood! I've been taking extra vitamin C and it seems to help plus I got a new fleu shot. Without the support of the team and the food tracker I haven't lost any weight have remained stable within a few lbs. I wish you all well and hope to be back tomorrow. Take care and have a good day! Lucinda

I will do my best to meet and surpass my goal. Never stop learning or trying to achieve success. Never give up keep plugging away. If it is to be it's up to me. .


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1/22/13 10:34 A

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Good morning!! I slept great last night- being home in my own bed was wonderful! So-let me tell you about my trip: we drove 6hrs to my Aunt Jan's house in Winslow, Maine to help celebrate her 60th birthday. My Uncle, from Temple, Maine, near Farmington visited Sat evening when we had cake, crackers, cheese and no actual dinner. So: Sat morning I had breakfast, we drove HOURS and had a quick hot dog for lunch, followed by no dinner as we continued on...Sunday we went to a breakfast buffet, had no lunch, the snack foods at dinner..and boy am I feeling it! Amazing how my body reacts to not eating well-just feel sluggish and not quite as perky as usual! Our ride home? 6hrs and enjoyable!
As far as emotions/mood this weekend~did really well! Yes, I was overwhelmed quite a bit, panicked when we were shopping on Saturday and couldn't find either Mom or Aunt Jan..just an entirely strange weekend. So glad that I did NOT forget pills! So: today I am here and ready and willing to get back on the wagon! A great breakfast was had, walking will get done, regardless of the overnight snow and hey-I will be at the Gift Shop which counts as exercise as I stand the 3 hours! So much to touch on and no drive right now-I will chat with you all a little later!

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