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WANDERINONE's Photo WANDERINONE Posts: 4,515
7/1/13 10:40 P

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I enjoyed reading through all the stories. Sorry I missed it yesterday. I'm a little slow catching on I guess.
My mom was an avid gardener. We rarely bought produce until we moved into the city. During the late 50s and early 60s we lived very rural area. Mama worked everyday in her garden, which was nearly 2 acres. Sister Patt and I played hide n seek with the two baby goats in the 1 acre fenced in alfalfa field. It was fun. I look back on it and remember how playful the little goats were with us. Mama used to lean on the fence and watch us play and laugh. I can still hear her laughing. ALso, when she would water the cornfields, we would play in the mud. She taught me all about how to make mudpies. It was grand!! Except for the bee's buzzing around after she watered.
My Mama is still alive but lives out of state. I talk to her on the phone every few months, but she is getting forgetful. Sad. She will be 87 this October.
Around 1964 she married an evil man, and he got her to drinking for many years, it is tough to live with alcoholics, the physical and mental abuse can be awful hard on a young girl. I left home when I was 15 and got a job. I've worked and supported myself ever since.

Edited by: WANDERINONE at: 7/1/2013 (22:43)
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SAMMIESMOM13's Photo SAMMIESMOM13 Posts: 6,297
7/1/13 8:49 P

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I also think some of it is in the personality. My mom was verbally abusive, altho she didn't realize it, I hate to make her sound awful because she tried very hard to be a good mother. But she didn't realize how hurtful she was and in what ways she "beat me down". She called me the "I can't kid". But she had created that because no matter how hard I tried I could never do it well enough to please her. I think she thought she was "encouraging" me to do better but it did the reverse. Ofcourse I didn't figure this all out until years later. I remember after I was first married and was cleaning a chicken. She literally took it out of my hands because she could do it better. I started to "fight back", then thought "I HATE to clean chickens. Let her do it if she wants to". So I sat down with a cup of coffee and watched. emoticon That was a moment of realization for me and that's when I started "thinking" about how I had been shaped and how I had reacted. I was sort of a "whipped puppy" as a kid. Turned inward, etc. Mom was never a compassionate type of person so she could not understand the hurt inflicted by unthinking words. As I got older I started to show my "real" personality again. But it was when I started to really "make it" in the carving world and ended up being "someone" that I really came into my own. I realized when I was at the shows where I was looked up to, respected, asked questions because "I knew how" and others didn't, and they tried to imitate me that I had begun to carry myself differently when I was at those shows. My head was up, my shoulders were back, I felt like SOMEONE, not beaten, but really respected. That gave me self worth, which changed my whole being. Once that happened I was able to begin to change in other ways at other times and places. I am now much more self-assured. Starr, we need to work on you! Your sense of self worth is so low, and you have no idea what a terrific person you really are and how you are to be admired.
This all brings me to... our question of the day for tomorrow...

Carol
My Blog: natureartbyandre.blogspot.com
My website:
www.natureartists.com/carol_andre.as
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If one is to save oneself, one must take a step, and then another... C. S. Lewis



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NELLIEC's Photo NELLIEC Posts: 44,306
7/1/13 5:59 P

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I suspect that some healing for such things has to come from God. I know that there were quite a few things that had hurt me when I was young, which I wiped out of my head, but they still affected me. Only in my 40s was I ready to start healing those and God gently let me start remembering so I could deal with them. My mother was wonderful, but my father and some other males were awful.

Maintaining.

2 Timothy 1: 7
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
Nellie
Christ, my all

Leader of DNA -Diabetes, Nutrition & ACTION team


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TEENYSMOM's Photo TEENYSMOM Posts: 5,420
7/1/13 1:04 P

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I went to a councilor for a few months several years ago. She was a very nice & Christian person. I liked her, but at a point (after about4 months of weekly council) she asked me if I felt that the counciling was helping me any. I told her that it was not really helping any for my past (such as being abused by my mom), but it was helping me a bit as far as my daily life was going. She told me that sometimes a person has to rewind the tapes in their mind and then deleat them. I never did understand how it is that a person could do that. Guess that I am not very smart in that area. I think, unless I were brain washed or got altizimers, I will never forget the awful hurtful things that my mom did and said to me.

My mom was also "perfect", and strongly felt that everyone around her should be as well. She was always skinny. Five foot and never weighed more then a pound or two over 100 pounds. She always looked at me and said: "you have a pretty face, you would be a beautiful & wonderful person if you would just loose all that ugly weight". You see, to my mom the beauty on the outside was much more important then the beauty on the inside.

She was also very verbally abusive to my dad & brother. But I was the one who was (lucky?) and got both verbal & physical abuse. She also did and/or allowed other things to be done to me, which I will not put on the internet.

There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about the way I was treated by my mom. That treatment continued until about a year before she passed away three years ago next month. Some days are so bad, that her voice echoes in my head.

And then my first marriage was also verbally & mentally abusive.



MAKE 2018 THE BEST YOU CAN.

REMEMBER, JESUS LOVES YOU!!

"RIP MY SWEET, SWEET ALAN. I WILL LOVE & MISS YOU FOREVER." ~~~~~MARCH 3rd 2014~~~~~


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SAMMIESMOM13's Photo SAMMIESMOM13 Posts: 6,297
7/1/13 12:09 A

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I must admit I did wonder if I should ask that question because I knew everyone would not have wonderful memories. Honestly, I can't say I do, altho I was not abused. But my mom was very dominant and never very compassionate. Also did say some hurtful, unthinking things. When I was an adult as well as when I was young.

But my reasons for these questions are 1) to get us to think and 2) learn to know each other better. Painful as this question may have been, you know when I think about it this is exactly what I think we may need here. We need to examine those very difficult things in our backgrounds. Perhaps it will help us to understand what will help each of us on our weight journeys, how to support each other better, etc. Starr, yes, words CAN be horridly hurtful. Believe me, I know. They last a lifetime. A black and blue mark goes away. It may still ache within our hearts but those words literally cut us forever and leave such a huge scar. There is so much right now in my heart that I want to say and not the time to say it all. JAMER123 - I think you and I have some similar things we deal with. I was never "perfect" enough (no one was) for my mom. Never could do anything good enough. Another long story. Maybe I'll delve into that somehow with my next question if I can figure out how.

Carol
My Blog: natureartbyandre.blogspot.com
My website:
www.natureartists.com/carol_andre.as
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If one is to save oneself, one must take a step, and then another... C. S. Lewis



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NELLIEC's Photo NELLIEC Posts: 44,306
7/1/13 12:08 A

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Wow, I am sorry for the sad and bad memories of some of you. My mother was and is precious to me even though she has been gone for over 40 years.

Maintaining.

2 Timothy 1: 7
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
Nellie
Christ, my all

Leader of DNA -Diabetes, Nutrition & ACTION team


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JAMER123's Photo JAMER123 Posts: 38,972
6/30/13 9:14 P

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My mom.....hum. Can't think of any good memories as a child. We lived on a farm and hard work was the life we lead. We had chores before school and after unless we were in sports. Mom & dad had frequent fights at the dinner table and invariably there were tears. The worst was the abuse I suffered in school and she didn't believe me until one day while I was on the phone to tell her to come get me, another girl came by & slammed my face. Mom wondered what the sound was and I said it was just --------- doing what she does best and all the time. When summer came it was growing an acre plus garden and eventually canning & freezing. Butchering chickens, gathering eggs and washing them for sale, etc. etc. Then the house needed to be cleaned and I had the upstairs to do weekly. If it wasn't done "perfect" I needed to redo the entire area again.
I do love my mom & I still have her with us but I only wish I had good and pleasant memories instead of what I do remember.

Eileen

Slow & steady makes a winner of us. Even if we hit pitfalls, get up. Know that a new day is right around the corner.
Try to be all that you can be. Work at it a day at a time.

"Be not afraid of going slow; be afraid if standing still" (Chinese Proverb)

With God all things are possible.

If you have the courage to begin, you have the courage to succeed.
~ David Viscott



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TEENYSMOM's Photo TEENYSMOM Posts: 5,420
6/30/13 7:43 P

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I do not have any good memories of my mom, when I was a kid, at all. And very few of them in her later years before she died. I was mentally & physically abused as a child & teenager by my mother. Once I turned 18 I, purposefully, was not around her much. Then a few years before she passed she got dementia and her attitude got a bit better, but not enough to jump for joy over. I did take care of her her last 3 years of life, and I would not change that.

There is a lot of mental stuff that I deal with, pretty much, on a daily basis~~which was caused by the way my mom did (or did not) treat me as a child. When folks say that words can't hurt you, that you need to let them go~~in my case~~those people that say that are wrong!!



MAKE 2018 THE BEST YOU CAN.

REMEMBER, JESUS LOVES YOU!!

"RIP MY SWEET, SWEET ALAN. I WILL LOVE & MISS YOU FOREVER." ~~~~~MARCH 3rd 2014~~~~~


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NELLIEC's Photo NELLIEC Posts: 44,306
6/30/13 6:31 P

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One of my favorite memories is her reading to me. Even as a teenager, she had subscribed to a comic book in Spanish, and read it to me and translated it so I could learn Spanish better.

I don't really have cooking memories of her since the main time she cooked was when I was about 7 and we briefly lived in Wilmington, Delaware during a time when my father was stationed there with the Air Force. Most of the time he wasn't around for two reasons, either he was stationed far away, or by his choice when he couldn't blame the military and he didn't want to be with us since he was carrying on with other women.

Some memories that are painful are of my having to help her go down the stairs of the school where she worked when her arthritis was very severe. I was old enough to drive at the time and would go get her and my grandmother and my grandmother and I helped her get to the car, and I would drive them home. I also took her to her physical therapy sessions. She never got better after that, but just got worse and died at the age of 47.

Maintaining.

2 Timothy 1: 7
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
Nellie
Christ, my all

Leader of DNA -Diabetes, Nutrition & ACTION team


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PAULA3420's Photo PAULA3420 Posts: 11,087
6/30/13 5:24 P

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Mom always created the best celebrations. She was very creative and her Christmas decorations were out of this world. She also make Easter decorations that people wanted to purchase from her. She was an amazing cook too. I love her Cheese Cake OH my better and creamier than anything I have ever had since. Thanks Carol for reminding me of such good memories. emoticon

Quit smoking 09/09/05

Lost 50 in 2009.

Under 300 in 2017.

Paula
Longmont, Colorado

"Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid ONLY of standing still."~Chinese Prov




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SAMMIESMOM13's Photo SAMMIESMOM13 Posts: 6,297
6/30/13 1:01 P

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Our Sun. were special too Cookie.

Carol
My Blog: natureartbyandre.blogspot.com
My website:
www.natureartists.com/carol_andre.as
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If one is to save oneself, one must take a step, and then another... C. S. Lewis



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0309COOKIE's Photo 0309COOKIE Posts: 8,436
6/30/13 12:07 P

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My mother used to cook a special meal on Sundays: spaghetti, sausage and meatballs, Italian bread, a big salad and dessert. I always looked forward to that. It was so delicious and good to be with the family. We had a home cooked meal every day, but somehow Sundays were special.

Edited by: 0309COOKIE at: 6/30/2013 (12:08)
SAMMIESMOM13's Photo SAMMIESMOM13 Posts: 6,297
6/30/13 10:27 A

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This is a really tough question for me to answer, as my memory is soooo bad and alot of what I remember is not fun. Not my mom's fault, it's things like moving so much, the bad feelings brought on by my grandmother, etc. Even tho I didn't have a bad childhood, I didn't have a happy one really either. Just sort of sad, got sadder over time, then became somewhat of a blessing when I was older. It taught me how to get along and be happy by myself. Alone. It gave me a real love of books (my friends) and animals (my companions).

Mom was just an ordinary-for-the-times mom. Did what mom's did at that time, cooked, cleaned, disciplined me, etc. Being an only, I had to learn to play by myself alot, then moving so much I kept loosing friends, having to re-make new ones, only to loose them a year or 2 later. But mom was a good mom, very impatient tho. What I think of when I think of her as a child I remember her wonderful cooking. She was a GREAT cook. Also, "Mrs. Clean"! I am a pretty good cleaner, but can't hold a candle to her! LOL

Carol
My Blog: natureartbyandre.blogspot.com
My website:
www.natureartists.com/carol_andre.as
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If one is to save oneself, one must take a step, and then another... C. S. Lewis



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SAMMIESMOM13's Photo SAMMIESMOM13 Posts: 6,297
6/30/13 10:21 A

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What is your favorite memory of your mother from when you were a child? (Something she used to do, said, etc.)





Carol
My Blog: natureartbyandre.blogspot.com
My website:
www.natureartists.com/carol_andre.as
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If one is to save oneself, one must take a step, and then another... C. S. Lewis



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