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ROSIEJ1942's Photo ROSIEJ1942 Posts: 16,081
3/31/19 8:03 P

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Thank you emoticon for the goodie

Rose

November 19
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RAINBOWFALLS's Photo RAINBOWFALLS Posts: 50,056
3/31/19 6:22 P

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Val

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.
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3/30/19 9:31 P

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Thank you

Carol
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ROSIEJ1942's Photo ROSIEJ1942 Posts: 16,081
3/30/19 8:21 P

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Thanks Cathy, I need to re read, your post, I like it. Makes a person think

Rose

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GRAMMACATHY's Photo GRAMMACATHY Posts: 24,020
3/30/19 6:27 P

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Irritability is such a good descriptor for the anger and helplessness we feel.

I wrote a blog comparing grief to waves. I will see if I can find the link. Right now you are paddling your kayak over a tsunami and the waves keep changing direction.

Not finding the blog.

In a nut shell: Loss is like tossing a rock in a pond. You lose a job. It is a large rock. You lose a person you love it is a boulder. As time goes by the ripples still happen but they weaken and are easier to get over with your kayak. However, just as one grief wave is decreasing, others are added. A check bounced. Your kid snuck out at night. Then you get cross waves and that lingering feeling of stress. However, big events like war, 911, school shootings and suicide for the immediate loved ones left behind are more like tsunamis. Higher waves, lasting longer take a lot of strength, coping and support from other friends and family. What I have learned is to grieve as I need to and not feel guilt for not grieving as others think I should. Which is why this team. Sometimes it takes a whole village to help you paddle and find a new normal where you can remember your loved one with love, warmth and sometimes forgiveness for both of you.

PS: A little history: This team was started by an 18 year old girl who had recently lost her mother. She was off Spark People when I joined, but there were still a couple people posting at that time. I often wonder if she is okay. I wish she knew how much good she has done for so many of us over the years.

Cathy
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3/30/19 3:40 P

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I'm struggling with irritability. I didn't used to be this way. I keep telling myself I won't always be.

Carol
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GRAMMACATHY's Photo GRAMMACATHY Posts: 24,020
3/29/19 11:59 P

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Carol, You are in our hearts and prayers. I can't even wrap my brain around how you must feel, but over the years, I have begun to understand more about depression and how hard it is for some people to cope. I pray your son is finding his healing for his soul now.

I was married to a Viet Nam vet for 30 years. He carried a tremendous burden too. He drowned his memories in alcohol and later prescription drugs and then street drugs. I came here a lot to vent. It helps. I just wish the military was more proactive about helping their soldiers return to civilian life. AND that they would be more supportive of the family members who reach out to them for help with their loved ones.

emoticon emoticon



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RAINBOWFALLS's Photo RAINBOWFALLS Posts: 50,056
3/28/19 9:29 A

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Carol I am so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you shared with us and please feel free to share, scream and cry with us. As a mother who has also lost a son I know the pain you feel to some extent. All of us have our own story, but the bottom line is we lost a part of us and we will be forever changed.

Finding a way to honor our children is the best thing I can think to do. They will always be in our hearts. emoticon

Val

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.
Abraham Lincoln
ROSIEJ1942's Photo ROSIEJ1942 Posts: 16,081
3/27/19 5:56 P

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Thank you, Val and Nancy

and Carol, I am sorry for your loss, suicide, is terrible,and yes very devastating 2 years come this May, my son committed suicide he didn't hang himself or shoot himself and he had depression for many years and also some other health issues, he was 54 plus he had lost his wife in 2016 from cancer and was having a bad time trying to deal with it, It is hard enough losing someone from natural causes and diseases but, it is very devastating to me for someone to commit suicide, my heart goes out to you and your family

Rose

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NANCYPAT1's Photo NANCYPAT1 Posts: 65,662
3/27/19 3:49 P

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Rose, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your brother. Losing our siblings is very difficult - my sister has been gone almost 2 years and although we lived far apart, her loss has left a major hole in my heart.

Fasaid - I am especially sorry for your loss. My son has been gone for 12 and a half years and my nephew committed suicide 30 years ago. Both losses have been crippling for our family. My son Michael was 36 and my heart and soul are deeply wounded by his loss, My nephew Andrew was only 19 when he died. The loss of a child - however old he or she may be - is devastating and it is so tragic when they are so vibrantly alive and present so recently.

I will keep both of you and your families in my prayers and thoughts.

Nancy from West Virginia - EST
With love and caring from Nancy ... wishing all of you a wonderful, blessed, and precious day.



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3/27/19 2:51 P

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Hello. Im a long time sparker, but sadly, new to this group. On November 23, 2018 we received a phone call that our 32 year old son had killed himself. Hed been in the Army almost 15 years. Hed returned from Syria 19 days before he died. Hed been to Iraq, Afghanistan and Syria. He made Sergeant First Class before he was 30. He was a loving dad, husband, had been an outstanding NCO, had friends all over the world. We had no clue he was even thinking about it. He was a combat medic. He taught the classes on suicide prevention. We hadnt made the trip to see him when he returned home because he said hed spend the month of January with us. My heart is beyond sad.

Carol
Central Time Zone

RAINBOWFALLS's Photo RAINBOWFALLS Posts: 50,056
3/27/19 8:50 A

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I am so sorry I missed the message that you did write on this thread about your brother not doing well Rosie. How sad. emoticon

Val

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.
Abraham Lincoln
GRAMMACATHY's Photo GRAMMACATHY Posts: 24,020
3/26/19 2:08 P

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emoticon emoticon

Cathy
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ROSIEJ1942's Photo ROSIEJ1942 Posts: 16,081
3/26/19 12:07 A

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Thank you, Cathy, I guess I didn't get around to posting on here yet thank you so much


Rose

November 19
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GRAMMACATHY's Photo GRAMMACATHY Posts: 24,020
3/25/19 11:49 P

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Rose, I saw your post on Face Book. I am sorry you lost your brother from here on earth. Know we are thinking about you and praying for your brother as he starts his next phase in Heaven. May the good memories sustain you.

Cathy
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GRAMMACATHY's Photo GRAMMACATHY Posts: 24,020
3/24/19 8:35 P

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This morning I climbed up on the step stool and fed Danvers individual shreds of shredded cheese. She thought she was in rat heaven. She seems quite content being here. I know she probably wants to be held and explore, but she is a bit leaky. I don't want her out of the cage either in case she escapes. Haven't quite figured out how I am going to clean her cage yet either. Son said I only needed to clean it every other day. I would prefer daily, but not if I have to wrestle both her and the dog. We had a hamster at school eat through it's plastic habitrail and escape into the school radiator. It took us two weeks to coax it out with food and water during the day. Never had a rodent at school again. LOL. Of course the baby goats were awfully cute even if they did pee on the floor in the classroom. I should have thought about that when the mom brought them in to us for show and tell. Great memories.

Cathy
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MT-MOONCHASER's Photo MT-MOONCHASER Posts: 1,775
3/24/19 12:08 A

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emoticon Enjoy Danvers...

Moderation in all things (including moderation). Mark Rotter, Alexandria, VA, Science adviser - From AARP The Magazine -

Baby steps. Leaping in wears you out. Then you quit. ~Indygirl


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GRAMMACATHY's Photo GRAMMACATHY Posts: 24,020
3/23/19 11:41 P

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I talked to Buddy quite earnestly today about the need for him to behave while Danvers The Rat came to visit. He listened and has not paid a bit of attention to her.

Son and family are off on vacation and I have the rat. She is two years old, so at the end of her life cycle. But so far she seems to be loving her perch. I am almost embarrassed to say, I put her on top of the fridge. She is out of reach of Buddy, can watch out the kitchen window and we are always walking past her. Of course I will have to sterilize the whole area when she goes back home. Luckily, the cage keeps everything contained and she is probably less germy than Buddy. Still it is the idea.

Just for that I should go and talk nice to her. She deserves a better human great gma than that.



Cathy
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ROSIEJ1942's Photo ROSIEJ1942 Posts: 16,081
3/22/19 6:43 A

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Thank you, Cathy, it's only 8 miles from me where he lives, but this time of year, the street he lives on, is generally not very good, he's still in the same county as I am, but, the town is a Village, and it's not getting the attention it needs for road maintenance Thank you for the prayers, I'll most likely need them.

Rose

November 19
Michigan



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GRAMMACATHY's Photo GRAMMACATHY Posts: 24,020
3/22/19 12:08 A

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Rosie,
Safe travel prayers too. May you and your brother be blessed with serenity and love.



Cathy
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ROSIEJ1942's Photo ROSIEJ1942 Posts: 16,081
3/21/19 9:26 P

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Thank you, Moonchaser

Rose

November 19
Michigan



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MT-MOONCHASER's Photo MT-MOONCHASER Posts: 1,775
3/21/19 9:21 P

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emoticon Rosie. I hope the visit will give you peace.

Moderation in all things (including moderation). Mark Rotter, Alexandria, VA, Science adviser - From AARP The Magazine -

Baby steps. Leaping in wears you out. Then you quit. ~Indygirl


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ROSIEJ1942's Photo ROSIEJ1942 Posts: 16,081
3/21/19 9:15 P

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I have received, some Not good news, I don't expect my brother to be around too much longer, He'll not be going to dialysis anymore, and will have Hospice 3 times a week, and he hasn't ate in 42 days is what my niece has said. The last I knew was that he was drinking his shakes, some milk and water, but, I don't know for sure how long he did that, and I need to get up there to see him, I'm hoping to go tomorrow morning, if possible, please pray if you will, Thank you so much

Rose

November 19
Michigan



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ROSIEJ1942's Photo ROSIEJ1942 Posts: 16,081
3/15/19 9:41 A

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emoticon Cathy

Rose

November 19
Michigan



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GRAMMACATHY's Photo GRAMMACATHY Posts: 24,020
3/15/19 1:09 A

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Val, Thank you for the daisies.

Nancy, So glad to hear the good news about the baby. Continued prayers.

Rose, Sending love and hugs to you.
emoticon emoticon

Cathy
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NANCYPAT1's Photo NANCYPAT1 Posts: 65,662
3/14/19 8:54 P

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Thank you for my Goodie and the prayers are also starting to help - small but positive improvements in my great nephew's health and prognosis. He doesn't have meningitis in addition to the encephalopathy (they were afraid he did). His UTI is healing. Although there is a hole in his heart, it is small and will probably heal without surgery. He is able to be off the heating element for brief periods of time without his temperature dropping dangerously low. These were ALL issues of concern last night and while not out of the woods, they are bright spots.

Nancy from West Virginia - EST
With love and caring from Nancy ... wishing all of you a wonderful, blessed, and precious day.



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ROSIEJ1942's Photo ROSIEJ1942 Posts: 16,081
3/14/19 8:28 P

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Thank you for the goodie, hopefully we'll have some flowers here in a couple of months an thank you also for prayers emoticon They're much appreciated

Edited by: ROSIEJ1942 at: 3/14/2019 (20:29)
Rose

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RAINBOWFALLS's Photo RAINBOWFALLS Posts: 50,056
3/14/19 8:02 P

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I am sorry to you both and prayers are coming your way. Take care emoticon

Val

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.
Abraham Lincoln
NANCYPAT1's Photo NANCYPAT1 Posts: 65,662
3/14/19 12:18 P

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I am sorry you are feeling so down, It is hard when you have a whole bunch of anniversaries and birthdays around the same time.

My month like that is October. Spring is hard with the birthdays, but October is the month my mother, father, son, and nephew all died. Very tough time! I have found that doing something that honors their memory - especially the Spring birthday season - helps lift some of the sadness. My other son and I will celebrate in small ways his brother's life and talk about the memories.

Please pray for my great nephew who is only a week old is in hospital with some type of encephalopathy (swelling or fluid on the brain) and also has a cleft lip and pallet. He is very dangerously ill and my nephew is devastated.

Nancy from West Virginia - EST
With love and caring from Nancy ... wishing all of you a wonderful, blessed, and precious day.



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ROSIEJ1942's Photo ROSIEJ1942 Posts: 16,081
3/14/19 10:39 A

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emoticon emoticon I am in a very sad mood today/this morning, thinking about my DIL and DS and how my son described how DIL died, it just breaks my heart I am sad because she's gone, and so is he, her in/on July 13. 2016 and him on May 3/4 2017, emoticon Also hubby being gone 11 yrs. on the 26th of this month,, emoticon emoticon emoticon My heart just breaks, for all of this. I miss them all so, so much. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Edited by: ROSIEJ1942 at: 3/14/2019 (10:41)
Rose

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GRAMMACATHY's Photo GRAMMACATHY Posts: 24,020
3/8/19 10:19 P

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Thank goodness you were there for her. I don't know what I would have done without my techs.

The memorial is written and given the approval. Service is tomorrow. I work five hours too. Hope I sleep well tonight. I am going to need it.

Cathy
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RAINBOWFALLS's Photo RAINBOWFALLS Posts: 50,056
3/7/19 8:24 A

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I worked a 12 hour workday yesterday - a users computer gave her a fatal error and I had to scramble to get her running again. emoticon

Val

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.
Abraham Lincoln
GRAMMACATHY's Photo GRAMMACATHY Posts: 24,020
3/4/19 12:55 P

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Sending love and hugs to you all too.

I went to an herb class last night and I think it is going to be a great addition to my health and wellness. So with that said, despite all our current grieving, please let's all remember to drink our water, eat healthy, move and sleep. Be sure to hug those you can.

I struggled through March for quite a few years, till I realized I was still physically grieving though my heart and mind were in the right place. It really helped when people on this team started posting the things they did to honor their lost loved ones. Mom's birthday was/is the 17th and Dad died on the 31st. That first year that I turned the corner I went the the Grange they had belonged to and had corned beef and cabbage at the Grange fundraiser in their honor. It was something they would have loved to do and would have made sure I came along. So I try to remember when I am feeling down now to do something to honor that person. On Tom's birthday on Valentine's Day, I bought and sent a new off the ground dog bed to the humane society. That helped too

Tonight at TOPS we are going to research some ideas as a group for a little memorial for Dixie. Because she shares a name with my sister I lost 30 years ago, I kind of think I need to do something nice for my sis too. She was a city dweller, worked hard, raised kids and liked to go out to the movies. She liked the horses too. Maybe, I just need to consider going to visit her kids again. That might be the best. Will have to wait till October though to get savings built back up after paying my taxes.

Good things today:
Sun is shining. House is warm. Really enjoyed the herb class last night. I get to research Rosemary for the next class. I get to work today. I am blessed to still be strong enough to work at least half a day without issue. I work with good friends. I visited grandkids yesterday and helped them dye Easter eggs. Buddy turned 12 this month and he is in good health. GD is doing well at college and finding an ability to tackle new challenges without anxiety. She started driving again and is working on trying new dishes for a healthy vegetarian lifestyle.




Cathy
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MIMAWELIZABETH's Photo MIMAWELIZABETH SparkPoints: (464,750)
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3/4/19 6:39 A

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Thank you @MT-MOONCHASER emoticon

Here is the top of a bookshelf in my living room, My Scott Space.



5% Awesome A Team (EL) - Elizabeth - Pacific Time
BLC Invincible Indigos - Elizabeth - Pacific Time

My son Scott's memorial:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=AopgOKaOUwY

"I'm not telling you it's going to be easy.
I'm telling you it's going to be worth it."

"Losing weight is hard. Being fat is hard.
CHOOSE. YOUR. HARD!"


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MT-MOONCHASER's Photo MT-MOONCHASER Posts: 1,775
3/3/19 8:29 P

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emoticon to you Mimaw.



Moderation in all things (including moderation). Mark Rotter, Alexandria, VA, Science adviser - From AARP The Magazine -

Baby steps. Leaping in wears you out. Then you quit. ~Indygirl


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RAINBOWFALLS's Photo RAINBOWFALLS Posts: 50,056
3/3/19 6:52 A

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Some years are harder than others. I was quite down for a long night time last year and the beginning of this. Mostly from my own medical issues. Thankfully, I am in a better place after talking to my regular doctor and an increase in one of my meds. emoticon

Val

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.
Abraham Lincoln
MIMAWELIZABETH's Photo MIMAWELIZABETH SparkPoints: (464,750)
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3/3/19 6:37 A

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From the end of January through the beginning of March is my hardest time of the year. Coming right after the holidays makes it even harder!

My parents deaths, my dear friends son Zacks death (5 years old), and then all of my lasts with DS Scott through February; culminating with his death on the 27th, and the blur of planning and having his funeral on his birthday on March 6.

I feel like a punching bag, and realized I should probably speak up before it knocks me out! So I am saying Hi, I am having a rough time.





Edited by: MIMAWELIZABETH at: 3/4/2019 (06:35)
5% Awesome A Team (EL) - Elizabeth - Pacific Time
BLC Invincible Indigos - Elizabeth - Pacific Time

My son Scott's memorial:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=AopgOKaOUwY

"I'm not telling you it's going to be easy.
I'm telling you it's going to be worth it."

"Losing weight is hard. Being fat is hard.
CHOOSE. YOUR. HARD!"


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GRAMMACATHY's Photo GRAMMACATHY Posts: 24,020
3/2/19 12:35 A

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Sunshine today and sweater weather walking Buddy.

Got a call tonight. Our founding member of our TOPS group passed away on Wednesday. I actually had met her in my teens. She was mother to one of the members of my 4-H horse club. Very nice woman. Feeling sad, but glad she is out of pain.

Cathy
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NANCYPAT1's Photo NANCYPAT1 Posts: 65,662
3/1/19 3:26 P

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For me, spring is the time of my mother's, my sister's, and my son's birthdays and also anniversary of my sister's death. I still like the flowers, milder temperatures, and the feeling of rebirth and renewal that comes with Spring.

Nancy from West Virginia - EST
With love and caring from Nancy ... wishing all of you a wonderful, blessed, and precious day.



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RAINBOWFALLS's Photo RAINBOWFALLS Posts: 50,056
3/1/19 11:33 A

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Welcome to March and for most of us a step closer to spring. Even though my son passed in the Spring I love being able to garden and some and walk outside more. emoticon

Val

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.
Abraham Lincoln
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