Group photo
Author:
JULIAJEAN2's Photo JULIAJEAN2 Posts: 2,894
6/23/10 12:36 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi,

Well, I hope our dads were on the same side so neither caused the PTSD of the other. emoticon

PTSD is a difficult creature to understand and it used to be so hard to diagnose. I am glad that you are the protector of vulnerable people in your family. I imagine that you have a gentleness in the way you confront family members who do not understand or are not empathetic with an individual who has mental health issues. Maybe that is your gift to your family. So, are you a healer?

After conversations with you, I wonder if your mother moving back is an opportunity for you to put into practice what you have learned about yourself and life in general. Maybe (Okay, I'm thinking out loud here) this is an opportunity for you to establish appropriate (and loving) boundaries with your mother; showing her love and support, while still caring and supporting YOU. Just a thought.

Well, when the time comes you have the support of SP whenever you need it. Well, of course, me too.

Take care.

Edited by: JULIAJEAN2 at: 6/23/2010 (00:38)
Co-leader Spark Metaphysical

Co-leader Passionate People Creating Positive Thoughts

Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you. -Fox Mulder, X-Files


 Pounds lost: 42.0 
0
21.75
43.5
65.25
87
LUCYSUNFLOWER's Photo LUCYSUNFLOWER Posts: 9,872
6/22/10 11:53 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hmmm... my dad was a WWII bomber pilot - in Europe... Hope he didn't have anything to do with your dad's PTSD!

He had PTSD too and never had any assistance in dealing with it. My mom criticized him endlessly and finally after he died and I was able to do it without anger, I stood up for him. I was able to explain PTSD and how little support he had in such graphic ways that she backed way down. And she lost the nerve to do it again! :)

There's still a great deal of toxicity in my family and with my mom moving back to this area, I am a little concerned about being exposed to it more regularly. It won't make me turn to food for a release, but if my mom gets really needy I can see burning my energy to take care of her (I already told her I'm going to check her in to a full-service place if she gets troubling and she laughed!) and then taking shortcuts with food and exercise.

I want to build in some strong habits before she gets here and I also need to let her believe I am WAY busier with clients and school than I really am!

emoticon

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein
JULIAJEAN2's Photo JULIAJEAN2 Posts: 2,894
6/22/10 7:59 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hey LUCYSUNFLOWER,

I totally agree with you, and especially the part of "how can I know healthy, without first knowing unhealthy." My step-father has been gone for 5 years now and I am finally at peace with the lessons he tried to instill in me. Looking back I know in my heart that he meant to teach me the valuable lessons that were so hard for him to learn.

He almost died when he was 18 years old,in a tank that was shelled over near Germany (WWII). I didn't realize any of the PTSD stuff when I was young, I just learned the lesson that I was of no value; I was not of worth to be valued and prized. He continuously pushed me to anger throughout my whole childhood. Before my dad died we talked and he said he tried to make me tough by keeping me mad so I would be able to fight the world, cause "it was a hard and cruel place out there."

Today, I still feel sad for him because he never fully enjoyed life. On his deathbed he said he was ready to die because he lived 60 years beyond his time. Since I have studied PTSD I understand that he suffered horribly from survivor's guilt...why he lived during the attack and the new guy with a baby and wife at home disintegrated right in front of him.

Sorry, didn't mean to digress, but the new lessons I learned is that when people dwell on the negative, I believe they think it is protecting them from the "horrible life" out there. That if they let their guard down, then "whatever it is out there" will get and hurt them beyond repair.

It hasn't been until these last four years that this has fallen into place for me. Sometimes the lessons we learn, aren't really what was meant to be taught, and negative/toxic people are afraid that life is going to hurt them so bad that they will never be okay again.

I know these two beliefs help me to deal with grumpy and negative people a little easier. Okay, it gets a little hairy when the grumpy/toxic people are family...but I am working on it. emoticon

Co-leader Spark Metaphysical

Co-leader Passionate People Creating Positive Thoughts

Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you. -Fox Mulder, X-Files


 Pounds lost: 42.0 
0
21.75
43.5
65.25
87
LUCYSUNFLOWER's Photo LUCYSUNFLOWER Posts: 9,872
6/21/10 9:20 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Julia, your dad sounds like a male version of my mom! She had anxiety and so much anger and resentment over not getting what she deserved in life that it spilled over a lot when I was younger. I think my sister (13 months younger than me) left home to get away from it, but is ironically, doing the same thing with her kids. My mom cultivated me to be the one to stay close to her to alleviate her fears, but that did not work out for her long term thanks to a kind, wonderful therapist! LOL

I think we do need to give some attention to negative thoughts but in an objective, loving way. I like what you said about them being red flags - we can see them as that and as a guide that it is time to assess ourselves!

I have worked hard to identify those icky beliefs from childhood and put them behind me, but I don't want to lose them completely. I can't know healthy without first knowing unhealthy - and that includes the physical as well as the mental and emotional. If I remember where I came from I'll remember to value where I am! (Sorta like where you parked your car at Costco...! And, yes, I did try to unlock the wrong car one time last year!)

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein
JULIAJEAN2's Photo JULIAJEAN2 Posts: 2,894
6/20/10 2:22 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Whenever negative thinking pops its ugly head into my world I try to view it as a nasty little thing that is trying to prevent me from being the best person possible. I think it stems from the fears that were instilled into my way of thinking when I was younger. My father placed his fears and uncertainties into all of us as a way of controlling us. I had no idea how pervasive they had been in my life until I got really sick several years back. My anger and negative thinking escalated along with the toxins at my work place. The sicker I got the more angry and out of control I became with my negative thinking. As I became healthier I decided to cleanse myself of the negative thoughts and beliefs in my whole being. It was a difficult process, but I have done pretty well. I had to look at most of the beliefs I held about myself and the world and let go of the beliefs that were not true.

Today, whenever a negative thought about me or others pops into my head it is a red flag that I am not taking good care of my mind and body. I immediately challenge that thought and replace it with loving and accepting thoughts. It is frustrating because thoughts like prejudice, being judgmental, paranoia, and anger were all big in the family life in which I was raised. The struggle is not as difficult today, but I am always on guard against them.

I agree that we do need to observe and understand what is behind the negativity. Is it based on an untrue belief from childhood, or a sign that a person is just not taking care of his/her mind and body? Once they are examined for the powerless cowards they are, they loose their power to control our lives.

Just my thoughts on this, anyone see this different?

Julia emoticon

Edited by: JULIAJEAN2 at: 6/20/2010 (14:24)
Co-leader Spark Metaphysical

Co-leader Passionate People Creating Positive Thoughts

Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you. -Fox Mulder, X-Files


 Pounds lost: 42.0 
0
21.75
43.5
65.25
87
PENNYLOU7's Photo PENNYLOU7 Posts: 5,252
6/20/10 10:29 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I write positive quotes on index cards and post them all over the place. I usually throw them away after awhile. I love the idea of the card box to file them. I also appreciate the suggestion of letting the negative thought come up, and then replace it with positive thought(s). I find that if I resist the negative thought, it only bubbles up in unexpected ways (usually not pretty when it does). I am learning to let it be there, explore it, and then do my best to deal with it and move on to the positive. Easier said than done sometimes. It is a process, that's for sure. Great discussion forum! Thank you.

I am the creator of my wellness.


MUSICTURNSMEON's Photo MUSICTURNSMEON Posts: 2,676
6/18/10 7:59 A

Send Private Message
Reply
I really like that idea, too, Julia! It's, like you said, a really great way to start your day off on a positive foot and with a friendly reminder on a healthy step in reaching you goals!

Thank you!

Jona ;P

"Let your passions shine through in all that you do." - me

****Team Leader - Passionate People Creating Positive Thoughts****

teams.sparkpeople.com/ppcpt


 current weight: 224.2 
225
210
195
180
165
LUCYSUNFLOWER's Photo LUCYSUNFLOWER Posts: 9,872
6/16/10 11:11 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Julia, I think negativity feeds on itself. Sometimes we have to explore those negative thoughts to find out how we really feel, but then we need to dump them. I like your index cards idea! Maybe you could end up prettying them up and marketing them!!

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein
JULIAJEAN2's Photo JULIAJEAN2 Posts: 2,894
6/16/10 6:08 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hello all,

It certainly has been a long time since I have visited this site. I had saved the message in my emails so I could get back and it just took too long.

Today I spent the day reading articles at SP which also included the "Three Ways to Stop Negative Thinking" article. I even made notes on an index card. My idea is to make notes of important hints to get my life on track, then to write a positive affirmation at the bottom of the note card and place in a file card box. As I collect these cards I will read a new one each day for my positive challenge for that day. I also have positive quotes and positive affirmations on index cards which I do the same way. It's fun, gives me positive ideas, and reinforces learning new (and old) lessons.

Thanks INNERBEWTY for posting the links. I really do not think it was a coincidence that I found the article and an email like to this forum all about the same time. I believe the Universe is asking me to pay attention for negativity.

Hope all of you have a fantastic Wednesday. Take care. Julia emoticon

Co-leader Spark Metaphysical

Co-leader Passionate People Creating Positive Thoughts

Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you. -Fox Mulder, X-Files


 Pounds lost: 42.0 
0
21.75
43.5
65.25
87
MUSICTURNSMEON's Photo MUSICTURNSMEON Posts: 2,676
6/6/10 12:23 P

Send Private Message
Reply
Those are really great links! thanks for sharing them!

Jona ;P

"Let your passions shine through in all that you do." - me

****Team Leader - Passionate People Creating Positive Thoughts****

teams.sparkpeople.com/ppcpt


 current weight: 224.2 
225
210
195
180
165
LUCYSUNFLOWER's Photo LUCYSUNFLOWER Posts: 9,872
6/4/10 4:17 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I like Coach Dean's articles too - he writes like he's lived it and we know he has. I also like the second article link, and also the posted comments. I don't think the rubber band would work for me - it would feel like I was reinforcing the negative. Instead when I notice negativity creeping in I let myself feel the negative and the follow with a positive.

For example, I got on the scale this morning before I worked out and there was still no change. A flood of frustration and negativity hit me. Why am I doing this? I am gonna be the fattest, fittest person in the world!! I am going to Phoenix later this month to attend my graduation (the diploma's already framed and on the wall) without LOSING A SINGLE POUND!! ARRGGGHH!

Right after that all passed through I focused on how much I have changed my body already. I can do Jillian Michaels' brutal 30 Day Shred DVD and do more of the workout than when I started. I got in my car yesterday and immediately felt my abs tighten up! WHAT? I hadn't even known I had abs at all a few weeks ago. My blood pressure is down. My energy level is up. I worked for a friend in her pizza restaurant yesterday and was not exhausted! Last month after 2 hours I wanted to pass out. Yesterday I worked for just over 4 and could have kept going.

I guess I basically have both sides of a conversation in my head (don't want to scare people) in order to address the negativity. But for me I need to admit and feel the negativity - like letting a frustrated kid get the words out before fixing the problem!

Huh. I guess I'm my own 10 year old! LOL

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein
INNERBEWTY's Photo INNERBEWTY SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (6,359)
Posts: 573
6/4/10 1:33 P

Send Private Message
Reply
I'm a huge fan of Coach Dean's articles. He wrote this one about counteracting negative thoughts.

www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivat
io
n_articles.asp?id=614


came across some things online about negative thoughts.. not sure how valid, but i hear that it takes 3 positive moments to counteract 1 negative moment.
www.bripblap.com/2007/stopping-negat
iv
e-thoughts/



emoticon emoticon

 current weight: 155.0 
185
168.75
152.5
136.25
120
Page: 1 of (1)  

Report Innappropriate Post

Other Passionate People Creating Positive Thoughts General Team Discussion Forum Posts

Topics:
Last Post:
8/22/2017 3:38:08 PM



Thread URL: https://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_messageboard_thread.asp?board=0x16881x34587683

Review our Community Guidelines