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DSALINDSAY's Photo DSALINDSAY Posts: 1,427
4/11/08 4:15 P

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MEEEE TOOOOO! You guys rock!

~Shannon

"If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results."
- Jack Dixon

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
~Thomas Edison


 current weight: 324.0 
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MESACHICK Posts: 3,728
4/11/08 2:07 P

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I totally agree, Kimmie...I AM INSPIRED BY YOU GUYS!!!

KIMMIEB831's Photo KIMMIEB831 Posts: 1,023
4/11/08 5:53 A

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I personally love hearing everybody's story and want to thank those of you whom have shared and encourage the ones that haven't.

MESACHICK Posts: 3,728
4/10/08 10:56 P

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I have thought about this post since I first saw it. I didn't want to answer until I thought it through. GREAT food for thought. (And no calories to count for that food, LOL)

Why have you waited so long to lose?

I had never thought about these questions, particularly this one. I think I waited so long because I was a coward. I didn't think I could really do it. I was the Pillar of Procrastination. I also have never thought of myself as "The Fat Girl" - even though I have been so for 20 years. I think that waiting to lose actually allowed me to NOT acknowledge that I was as big as I was.

Why did you allow yourself to get this way?

I think I allowed myself to drown in the comfort of things like ice cream because I was again...too much of a coward to face the PEOPLE in my life - work people, difficult family, etc. I have had to work my whole life to be patient and to keep my temper in check, and instead of airing my real feelings, I'd push them down with inner anger and food. It didn't start out that way, but it ended up that way.

Why now?

It started in June 2007 as a health scare - hypoglycemia, and type 2 diabetes runs in my family. I ate better, but occasionally cheated. I lost 37 pounds in 7 months. Around Christmastime, I got serious. I was doing MyPoints and ran across Spark. I watched from the sidelines for a few weeks before showing my weight ticker and joining some teams.

When I started exercising, and having ACCOUNTABILITY for what I ate and how much I worked out, I suddenly felt a special and personal purpose. I have no idea what the difference was, but something clicked inside of me, and it was palpable. I forced the exercise at first, and then it was a contest with myself. I tried the strength training exercises from Spark, and worked up a little "routine". I joined Jason's Friday Challenge, and when I COMPLETED the first one, I thought to myself, "When did I stop being a quitter?"

SO glad that I am not that girl anymore.

On this season of Biggest Loser, I am glad that the people are not just changing their bodies but also their minds. They are exploring WHY they got this way and what to do about it. I have found myself connecting with this season more than any other. I am burning them all onto DVD!! Love it!

P.S. When I started gaining weight in the last part of my senior year in high school, it was RAPID - like 70-something pounds in 6 months, and 30 more in the following year. I was extremely lethargic and didn't eat much, but what I did eat was fast food or pretty plain (not a lot of nutrients). 3 years and 110 pounds later, I was diagnosed with a thyroid problem. That problem has been corrected with medicine, but I somehow gave up on myself and ate and ate and ATE. Often, it was only 1 meal a day - a LARGE one at night after work - but when I think of what I could consume, I am horrified now. In 2002, I was horrified to hit my highest weight of 343 and started exercising with my niece. I lost about 50 pounds and, after conceiving and then having my daughter (finally!), lost an additional 20 pounds. When I went back to work, I gained and finally settled at last year's weight of 322, before I started this quest. So many years wasted of feeling uncomfortable on airplanes, seats at church, walking into a room, eating dinner in a restaurant in front of people, etc.

So grateful for how far I have come in the last 10 months. Thank goodness for physicals...that's what thunked ME up the side of the head. Life's too short to not feel GREAT about myself.

KIMMIEB831's Photo KIMMIEB831 Posts: 1,023
4/9/08 2:09 P

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I posed the question earlier and honestly I have been thinking about it but haven’t been able to put it into words. I am horrible with words but I will try…

I come from a family with very beautiful women, and attractive men – I was always the big one. When I was younger I was SOLID, I was told so many times that I had such a beautiful face. Just a few years ago when I turned 30 my aunt said to me “you are just too independent to be married…” Maybe she meant that but honestly I think it was just her way of saying nobody would want you because you are fat. Growing up I was chunky but then in junior high and high school I stayed in shape and avg. sized by playing sports. When I went to college, I didn’t have those sports. I would go running, and then walking but none of my friends did anything and I wish I had the drive to do it on my own. I so badly wanted to just fit in – fitting in got to where I am today. I couldn’t eat like everybody else and I couldn’t be sedentary. My body is just not made up like that. I got to where I am because I never saw myself getting fatter because I was always told I was fat anyways. I will never be the size 4 like my cousins. I still was always the same person though and I loved my personality. I still love my personality. I just don’t like the outside. Over the years the outside has effected my inside so much more than I was willing to accept. I am just now discovering that and I am working on changing that. I have had a few HORRIBLE relationships and I allowed those men treat me badly and somewhere along the line became co-dependent. I have felt sorry for myself and I have over spent or over ate to make myself feel better and honestly all I ever really wanted was for somebody to love me for me. For everything that I was and wasn’t. I was obsessed almost with having people accept me for who I was and the bottom line is that people just don’t do that. There is a stigmatism on being fat. This past summer Willie’s family hurt me so badly and in my mind I know I shouldn’t have allowed their ignorance to bother me but it cut me very deeply. They told CJ that I was a closet eater because there was no way I could eat healthy and still be so large. What hurt me more is that Willie would not stand up for me.

Basically, I have gotten to be where I am because I was always looking for somebody else to love me for me and all along all I had to do was love myself. I know it sounds very easy and blah blah but not so much. I am promising myself that from here forward I am going to try so hard to love myself. I want to succeed at this journey of self discovery and weight loss, I truly do. I will succeed. I am not a good fat person. Last night on Biggest Loser when Mark said he didn’t like that fat guy, I understand. I admire those that do love themselves no matter what.

WOW, this was sort of random and all over the place and I had to answer a few calls and got interrupted a few times but I hope it says just what it is supposed to! LOL


DSALINDSAY's Photo DSALINDSAY Posts: 1,427
4/9/08 10:49 A

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I was a chubby child as far as I can remember.

The only time I was thin was my sophomore and junior year in high school.
My senior year I started gaining weight.
I was in a size 9 when senior year started.
By prom 1993, I was in a size 18.
I got pregnant in 1997, I was 236 lbs.
When I gave birth in 1998, I weighed 265.
This January, I weighed 309 lbs.

How did this happen, you ask?

I have no friggin idea!

Was I so out of control with my eating and lack of exercise, that I didn't notice gaining 150 pounds in 15 years?

10 pounds a year, approximately. WOW!

Why haven't I done this sooner?

The answer to that is easy! I have tried before. I actually tried last year. I bought healthy food, I tried walking. But, I quit after 1 week.

This time was different! I had support from my family, my bff, and most importantly people like you all! I know for a fact without this website, I would have quit already!

Not, only the people, but the nutrition plan helps me tremendously!
I faithfully follow the SP nutrition plan! Every morning I log what I am going to eat for the day, I make sure I am within range, and that is what I eat!!!

So, I want to thank everyone on this website!
And, everyone in this group! This is where it all started!

~Shannon

"If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results."
- Jack Dixon

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
~Thomas Edison


 current weight: 324.0 
324
280.5
237
193.5
150
KIMMIEB831's Photo KIMMIEB831 Posts: 1,023
4/9/08 7:49 A

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While watching the Biggest Loser last night many of them said that outside of being thinner they were also changed from the inside out. It got me to thinking - why have you waited so long to lose Why did you allow yourself to get this way? And why now?

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