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SUNNYCALIGIRL's Photo SUNNYCALIGIRL Posts: 15,774
6/20/19 1:31 P

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That's a proposal, very nice.

Allison
Destitutus ventis, remos adhibe.--Latin Proverb
"If the wind will not serve, take to the oars."


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GWYNANNE1's Photo GWYNANNE1 Posts: 3,728
6/18/19 6:15 A

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yes Julia sweet story

PHEBESS's Photo PHEBESS Posts: 44,670
6/17/19 10:16 P

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Julia, that's a really sweet story!

"Dance as if no one is watching."


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6/17/19 7:05 P

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Oh my goodness Julie that’s so romantic!

PROVERBS31JULIA's Photo PROVERBS31JULIA Posts: 5,662
6/17/19 6:59 P

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Soooo, no news yet? I missed this earlier. Oh well. I have my own interesting to me stories... but as it turned out the 15th, June this past Sabbath, was 24th anniversary of when my husband proposed to me. We were dating over 6 years before he finally proposed to me, but a lot of it had to do with baggage from the in-laws and other external issues going on in our lives. We weren't living together because of course, that wasn't "kosher", but we might as well have been. I already knew I wasn't interested in dating anyone else - he had a place in my heart that I had never experienced in the two years I dated my ex-husband or the 4 years we were married and spending all that time trying to reconcile and do marriage counseling etc. So when he finally did propose, it was just us two, although he did set up kinda big plans, dinner, a hike through our favorite "oasis" park that we liked visiting (which is now private property as a drug and alcohol rehab counseling retreat place), then surprise, in the middle of "nowhere", there's "suddenly" a dozen long stemmed roses previously hidden behind a clump of trees near an observation deck with built in bench, and he gets on his knees (away from the poison ivy) and sings a proposal poem/song written in the form of lyrics set to the 2nd movement of Dvorak's "To A New World" symphony, and followed later that evening with long distance phone calls to both of our parents, to announce the engagement. Evidently he had asked my dad privately for the "my hand in marriage" type blessing deal, and I guess dad was happy enough since he was kinda put out with the ex-husband... and I didn't know about that business until after he asked me to marry him...

She girds herself with strength, And strengthens her arms.
Proverbs 31:17


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SUNNYCALIGIRL's Photo SUNNYCALIGIRL Posts: 15,774
6/17/19 12:07 P

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I'm actually not sure I even want to get married again--although a permanent, faithful and full-time boyfriend would be nice! I am essentially a hermit by nature. I guess I have to wait for another hermit to be provoked out of his hermitage by some crisis so I can respond in order for me to meet one! Don't tell me to do online dating searches--tried that and it was a farce. Plus, not enough dough to shell out to be a member of one of those things.

Allison
Destitutus ventis, remos adhibe.--Latin Proverb
"If the wind will not serve, take to the oars."


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6/17/19 11:31 A

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I realized u said over 50 after I typedd Ah well

SYLPHINPROGRESS's Photo SYLPHINPROGRESS SparkPoints: (107,388)
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6/17/19 10:39 A

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Phebe, you and Richard are not part of my sampling. Sleepovers aren't included, even if a few days a week. Full-time for two years is too short a time to fit the profile of my research. (Can you tell that I don't know the language of statistical research?) Hence, you didn't have enough time to trample each other's feet.

Aha! Sherri, you shot yourself in the foot.


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Choose the sturdier and you'll all be safe.

LAURIE, NYC

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PHEBESS's Photo PHEBESS Posts: 44,670
6/17/19 2:00 A

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Richard and I did a living together a few days a week for about 5 years, then lived together for two years (or something like that) prior to his proposal. So, well, who knows, statistics can be manipulated to say what you want them to say.

"Dance as if no one is watching."


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6/16/19 11:05 P

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i'm going to blow your statistic laurie. my dd and hubby lived together for over 7 years. been married almost 7 now. yay jen!


well not really - he's she's 38 and he's almost 49

Edited by: SAK05261 at: 6/16/2019 (23:05)
GWYNANNE1's Photo GWYNANNE1 Posts: 3,728
6/16/19 9:14 A

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We dated five years before getting married. He had custody of his son and wanted to wait till his son was out of high school and had some college under his belt. I asked him, after a couple of years, where this relationship was going. Little did I know he ws in the process of geting a get from his first wife and had a diamond already -- he was going to let me pick out the setting for the ring

SYLPHINPROGRESS's Photo SYLPHINPROGRESS SparkPoints: (107,388)
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6/16/19 6:52 A

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Phebe, had you been living together for several years before marrying, you'd have split up several years ago. This is based on my scientific observation: Every grownup -- 50 and up -- couple I've known who lived together for a long time prior to marriage broke up within four years. I believe it is because, all along, one wanted to marry and the other didn't. When the non-marrier finally relented, it came to pass that the feeling hadn't changed. Doom, doom.



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PHEBESS's Photo PHEBESS Posts: 44,670
6/16/19 1:34 A

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Well, Sunny, Richard and I dated for 7 years before he suggested we go ring shopping. (LEAST romantic proposal ever.) So, there is such a thing as too long a courtship, LOL!

"Dance as if no one is watching."


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SUNNYCALIGIRL's Photo SUNNYCALIGIRL Posts: 15,774
6/15/19 12:56 P

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Eloping sounds nice to me at this stage, if I ever get married again. I never take a vacation and that would be DOUBLY nice, wedding and a vacation. After an extremely long courtship!

Allison
Destitutus ventis, remos adhibe.--Latin Proverb
"If the wind will not serve, take to the oars."


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GWYNANNE1's Photo GWYNANNE1 Posts: 3,728
6/15/19 6:39 A

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I am sitting on the sidelines. My hubby and I planned our own wedding. I announced that I was getting married to my family when we were all on vacation in the bay area visiting my brother. we were shopping and I said I was getting married and both my nieces wanted to be bridesmaids. my parents eloped.

NUMD97's Photo NUMD97 Posts: 10,056
6/15/19 1:27 A

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Wow!

Knowing is not enough. We must apply. Willing is not enough. We must do.
~ Goethe

Dare to dream.
~ Me


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PHEBESS's Photo PHEBESS Posts: 44,670
6/15/19 12:56 A

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I haven't looked at that much, but it's very similar.

The Knot also has boards so people can chat, like we do here. I'm still friends with some of the women I met there.

"Dance as if no one is watching."


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NUMD97's Photo NUMD97 Posts: 10,056
6/15/19 12:51 A

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Now there is Zola.com Which, as I understand it, is everything from soup to nuts all in one place including honeymoon and everything else.

Knowing is not enough. We must apply. Willing is not enough. We must do.
~ Goethe

Dare to dream.
~ Me


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PHEBESS's Photo PHEBESS Posts: 44,670
6/15/19 12:47 A

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Mark, tell Susan to check out theknot.com - great wedding planning website for when things begin to happen.

I was a 49 yr old bride, but still wanted my big wedding. I felt like my family wouldn't forgive me if we did a small intimate something. Of course, we ended up with about 80 guests from the US, and about 80 guests from the VI. But it was a great wedding, we had a fabulous time. (And my close college friends made our amazing flourless chocolate tortes, one on each table, because we couldn't figure out how to get a really dense dark chocolate traditional wedding cake. Yes, the cake was the centerpiece - it had flowers on it, right?)

"Dance as if no one is watching."


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ECOAGE's Photo ECOAGE Posts: 12,667
6/14/19 7:16 P

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I'm wearing a friendship ring with my aquamarine birthstone and it was a gift after we were married for many years. I don't have an engagement ring because I never wanted one. I don't wear a wedding band. You might not want to listen to me and my ideas for a wedding!!! Although I did all the planning for a traditional wedding and even made the headpiece. I hosted a lovely wedding for my sister which was held at our home with the ceremony on our backyard lawn.

Hooray! I was going to ask if The Sisterhood Plus would be invited but thought that would be going too far ... like our little group isn't already virtually sitting in your kitchen and sharing our thoughts on the details! We are landsleit sharing in the happiness!

It takes a long time to grow young. - P. Picasso

Gail
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SUNNYCALIGIRL's Photo SUNNYCALIGIRL Posts: 15,774
6/14/19 3:20 P

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I remember my mother telling me she was MISERABLE at her first wedding (which ended in divorce) because my grandmother, her mother, took over all planning of the wedding and she didn't have the least say about anything, her dress, guests etc. So if they've got it all planned on their own, at least the date, hurray for them!

My friend helped me plan my wedding, which I liked well enough (of course, I am divorced too!). I got married in the living room of a college classmate. I had a sheet cake, and a seamstress sewed my dress with some beautiful white fabric I purchased from Joann's from an empire waist formal dress pattern. Except I wanted Princess cap sleeves and I got it. We rented his cowboy tuxedo. There was no pressure to get married, but I felt we must as we were living together. However, I did not do the proposing.

Best of wishes for the wedding when it happens, I hope the couple is blessed with a long and happy marriage and of course, children. Two involved families matters a lot!

Edited by: SUNNYCALIGIRL at: 6/14/2019 (15:27)
Allison
Destitutus ventis, remos adhibe.--Latin Proverb
"If the wind will not serve, take to the oars."


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6/14/19 1:48 P

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My daughter lived with her b/f for a few years and when he got a job on the far coast from where they lived, it was with the idea she'd come. she said not unless he intended they marry. he did. still took a few years. his parents met us in disney (with all of my kids). nope. they did a romantic vaca. nope. after i lost my dad, he proposed on the beach. took a while. on their own time, they will get to it. same with me/hubby. we talked about it for 6 months before i got a ring. (neither he nor my 2 sons-in-law talked to us first.). in good time. they are still young lol. mazel tov!


BOSS61's Photo BOSS61 Posts: 6,636
6/14/19 12:41 P

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Of course, we will invite all of the active Spark Jews. Would be no party without you.

"Some day we will look back on this, and it will all seem funny" - Bruce Springsteen (The real BOSS, as opposed to me.)





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ECOAGE's Photo ECOAGE Posts: 12,667
6/14/19 12:09 P

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Yup, life decisions have been made.

LOL Way back when, our idea of official did not match expectations of the parental units. We wanted everything as small and as simple as possible and ... let's just say there were various opinions! We decided "the wedding" was obviously more important to family than it meant to us and we let everything wedding start from that point of view. Everyone has an idea for THE perfect wedding. LOTS of options that we old folks never considered back when dinosaurs were still roaming!


It takes a long time to grow young. - P. Picasso

Gail
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BOSS61's Photo BOSS61 Posts: 6,636
6/14/19 5:04 A

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Thank you Gail. It seems a foregone conclusion, but its official only when it is. Meanwhile, the wedding planner (Susan) is doing just that, preliminarily. Venues, food, guest count/list (on our side anyway), etc.

"Some day we will look back on this, and it will all seem funny" - Bruce Springsteen (The real BOSS, as opposed to me.)





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ECOAGE's Photo ECOAGE Posts: 12,667
6/14/19 2:23 A

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The answer is: they already plan on marriage. Isn't that a sign that there has been a proposal of some sort? Sorry, I gave up on the language of relationships long ago. Dating? Seeing each other? Committed relationship? Engaged? No idea what the current terminology is these days!

Knowing your daughter from afar, I have to believe the two of them are equal partners and they are talking and planning together. He first had a definite "yes" from his lady before showing up in your presence, and he really was not asking for your permission. Ask your daughter if you have questions. But I'm guessing you are at the top of the list of who to tell as soon as they make decisions for a wedding. The gentleman has already asked for your blessing as a courtesy; so you know that you will be kept in the loop. He has accepted your family's ring ... again, I'm assuming your daughter knows he has it and is getting it redesigned. What else is needed for "a proposal"?

It seems to me that many 20-somethings have not bought into the planned-surprise proposal event with cameras and posted to YouTube. Not all of them think they have to film their own version of The Bachelor/Bachelorette series finale!

The two families have a chance to become friends. Go to more places and have fun together. So much better than figuring out wedding details with strangers, and later negotiating holiday schedules. Time is a gift. How wonderful for all of you! Mazel tov!

It takes a long time to grow young. - P. Picasso

Gail
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PHEBESS's Photo PHEBESS Posts: 44,670
6/13/19 9:16 P

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I guess that was the rationale. I don't understand it either. Especially when both people are currently employed!

"Dance as if no one is watching."


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NUMD97's Photo NUMD97 Posts: 10,056
6/13/19 9:01 P

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This is a theory I have heard for the longest time, especially in my family who are known for being late bloomers. So does this mean if you don't have enough cash in the bank, poor people don't get married?

Knowing is not enough. We must apply. Willing is not enough. We must do.
~ Goethe

Dare to dream.
~ Me


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BOSS61's Photo BOSS61 Posts: 6,636
6/13/19 8:08 P

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Anything is possible.

"Some day we will look back on this, and it will all seem funny" - Bruce Springsteen (The real BOSS, as opposed to me.)





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PHEBESS's Photo PHEBESS Posts: 44,670
6/13/19 7:57 P

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Not to disparage half of humanity, but men can be weird. I have a friend whose live-in boyfriend didn't want to propose until he finalized a real estate deal - because he wanted to feel financially stable enough to provide for a family. So even though he and she had agreed they'd marry, he held off on the actual proposal and ring till he sold the family land to a developer.

So who knows - maybe the young man is waiting to land a great job, so he can then propose knowing he can support his wife and they can start giving you grandkidlets.

"Dance as if no one is watching."


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NUMD97's Photo NUMD97 Posts: 10,056
6/12/19 5:14 A

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Good for Susan. I should not have said anything. Just found it quite curious. Interestingly, so did you folks.

Knowing is not enough. We must apply. Willing is not enough. We must do.
~ Goethe

Dare to dream.
~ Me


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BOSS61's Photo BOSS61 Posts: 6,636
6/12/19 4:47 A

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Susan talked to his Mom extensively, in front of the Siberian Tiger. Everyone who seems in the know, still expects it before long.

"Some day we will look back on this, and it will all seem funny" - Bruce Springsteen (The real BOSS, as opposed to me.)





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NUMD97's Photo NUMD97 Posts: 10,056
6/11/19 10:27 P

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Not to rain on your parade, but I hope that that is not a red flag.

Knowing is not enough. We must apply. Willing is not enough. We must do.
~ Goethe

Dare to dream.
~ Me


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BOSS61's Photo BOSS61 Posts: 6,636
6/11/19 6:38 P

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Us too, kinda.

"Some day we will look back on this, and it will all seem funny" - Bruce Springsteen (The real BOSS, as opposed to me.)





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NUMD97's Photo NUMD97 Posts: 10,056
6/11/19 3:23 P

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I am still trying to figure out why he needed literally months on end to get the ring a new setting if he was not in a rush to use it.

Totally confused here.

Knowing is not enough. We must apply. Willing is not enough. We must do.
~ Goethe

Dare to dream.
~ Me


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PHEBESS's Photo PHEBESS Posts: 44,670
6/9/19 2:56 A

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Coming into this late - but this was pretty funny!

Maybe his mother just likes animals?

"Dance as if no one is watching."


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ECOAGE's Photo ECOAGE Posts: 12,667
6/8/19 11:51 P

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What do I win?

I think IF he is planning on the "big surprise" with family and cameras to record the event then the whole thing will be carefully planned by the potential groom. The boyfriend will invite you and he will insist on a specific place and time.

Although, the boyfriend might continue to show his fondness for the traditional ways of doing things. Not all will ask for a parental blessing these days. Or perhaps, he considers it settled since he already asked. And you gave him the diamond to reset.

I would be VERY surprised if my kiddo decided to invite both families to an elaborate surprise proposal (ignoring the geographic difficulties of pulling off a surprise when we are in Massachusetts, the girlfriend's family is in New Jersey, and they are in the general vicinity of DC). Honestly, my kiddo is most likely to invite us to join him and the girlfriend if he simply wants us to pay the restaurant tab!!!

It takes a long time to grow young. - P. Picasso

Gail
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BOSS61's Photo BOSS61 Posts: 6,636
6/8/19 7:15 P

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Not today. We are home. Thanks for playing. (Susan can be wrong).

"Some day we will look back on this, and it will all seem funny" - Bruce Springsteen (The real BOSS, as opposed to me.)





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NUMD97's Photo NUMD97 Posts: 10,056
6/8/19 6:19 P

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Not only what Eco said, but I have seen that this is a whole commercial enterprise with hiring videographers to capture the moment, with families actively participating. As Mark had mentioned earlier, it is highly suspicious that the mother of the potential groom was also invited to attend out of the blue.

I still say there is an engagement in the offing.

Knowing is not enough. We must apply. Willing is not enough. We must do.
~ Goethe

Dare to dream.
~ Me


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ECOAGE's Photo ECOAGE Posts: 12,667
6/8/19 3:54 P

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It seems like a proposal has become a giant orchestrated event these days. An audience is a plus! Wouldn't today's trip to the zoo work against current trends because you planned the outing? Not much time for the potential groom to get the "stage set" for the surprise when he's joining a spontaneous get-together. I would be on high alert status if I was invited by the potential groom to join in a fun day with the potential bride and her family.

But I'll cover the other side too! During dinner. Because champagne is available!

Thinking back to ancient history, we skipped the whole thing. Definitely no particularly memorable surprise question.

It takes a long time to grow young. - P. Picasso

Gail
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NUMD97's Photo NUMD97 Posts: 10,056
6/8/19 3:49 P

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Give it time. Be patient. And pick the celebratory restaurant. Discuss with the real boss.

Knowing is not enough. We must apply. Willing is not enough. We must do.
~ Goethe

Dare to dream.
~ Me


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BOSS61's Photo BOSS61 Posts: 6,636
6/8/19 3:17 P

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3:20 and nothing yet. 530 nothing yet.

Edited by: BOSS61 at: 6/8/2019 (17:31)
"Some day we will look back on this, and it will all seem funny" - Bruce Springsteen (The real BOSS, as opposed to me.)





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6/8/19 1:11 P

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its the timing that gets me - he gets the ring, asks permission (or just talks to parents), and gets everyone together.... i still think it'll happen.
tho i have been surprised. we brought my whole family including my daughters long time b/f to florida/disney. suddenly his parents were coming. we all figured this was it. nope. he didnt know his parents were coming till they made reservations. they just like us and wanted to vaca with us lol. (thats a miserable story for another time) It was after i lost my father the b/f woke up to all wont be here forever and now they are married with a BEAUTIFUL boy. and i can say that, he's 4 years old and has 4 roth iras! hollywood loves him. but thats taking away from mark, so no more. waiting to hear mark!

NUMD97's Photo NUMD97 Posts: 10,056
6/8/19 12:59 P

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Susan is the smart one. Listen to her.

Knowing is not enough. We must apply. Willing is not enough. We must do.
~ Goethe

Dare to dream.
~ Me


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SUNNYCALIGIRL's Photo SUNNYCALIGIRL Posts: 15,774
6/8/19 12:58 P

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Maybe everyone just wanted to go to the zoo? I hope it is going to be a proposal but these things are delicate. When I was divorced, an elderly couple (both deceased now, RIP) from my congregation took me on an excursion to see a waterfall that was a part of a park. I appreciated it very much. Anyways, I am waiting to see what happens at the zoo too!

Edited by: SUNNYCALIGIRL at: 6/8/2019 (12:59)
Allison
Destitutus ventis, remos adhibe.--Latin Proverb
"If the wind will not serve, take to the oars."


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BOSS61's Photo BOSS61 Posts: 6,636
6/8/19 12:33 P

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1230 PM. Nothing yet.

"Some day we will look back on this, and it will all seem funny" - Bruce Springsteen (The real BOSS, as opposed to me.)





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6/8/19 11:50 A

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I didnt say if it should or should not happen I'm just saying I think it will. Or has. But I can't wait to hear!

Edited by: SAK05261 at: 6/8/2019 (12:47)
SYLPHINPROGRESS's Photo SYLPHINPROGRESS SparkPoints: (107,388)
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6/8/19 11:04 A

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Not today, please. A proposal is between the parties proposing and being proposed, no one else -- despite all the internet idiocy -- especially not parental units.

More important, "Patrick?" Whoa, what's that?

LAURIE, NYC

Tra-la-la.


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6/8/19 10:36 A

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Yes today. Its not like he doesnt know the answer. and it will be a memerable experience (as opposed to mine - we just started talking about getting married - he brought it up a few times - and on the holiday (hanukah/xmas) he gave me the ring. dont remember how we brought it up lol. but she will remember this one! camera charged (even if on phone).

{intentions - getting gett? i'm confused. usually intentions are "are we getting married/serious?"}


Edited by: SAK05261 at: 6/8/2019 (10:37)
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6/8/19 7:31 A

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lions, tigers and bears, oh my! since I was the one who said to my husband "so what are your intentions?" while all the while he was planning a get with the Rabbi and getting taht "jewish divorce" I have no clue what the answer is

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6/8/19 6:35 A

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As several of you know, more than a half year ago Thing One's longtime BF asked us for our blessing. He was given my deceased M-I-L's ring to get the diamond reset more modernly. That was something like last October. Since then, Thing One has completed her Master's, the BF lost his Dad to cancer, and perhaps they have been talking and planning.

With Thing Two now out of the house and back at college for the summer (with his rambunctious Pit Bull puppy --- the correct number of Bit Bull puppies to have is zero), Thing One is feeling a little sad and lonely. So we said, "Let's do something this weekend. How about the National Zoo in DC on Saturday (today)?" Easily reachable for a day trip from here. She liked that idea; she's always loved the zoo.

About a week ago we had this: "Patrick may come in from NOVA (Northern Virginia for those unfamiliar with our local venacular) and meet us there." We said OK, and a plan was hatched to meet in front of the giraffe house at 11AM. Then a few days ago came this: "Patrick's Mom is coming too." Hmmm...

Susan to me, privately: "Ding. Ding. Ding! This is it. He's going to propose at the zoo." Me: "In front of hundreds of strangers? This is a thing best done privately, as we did back in the olden days." We are in stark disagreement. Susan is confident of her correctness.

So, whaddya think? Today or no? And if yes, specifically where? Lions, tigers, bears, great apes, naked mole rats, zabras? For extra credit, in front of what cage or display? BTW I am on the left in the shot below.



"Some day we will look back on this, and it will all seem funny" - Bruce Springsteen (The real BOSS, as opposed to me.)





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