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9/27/13 5:40 P

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We are already in therapy. She goes once a month and she sees a psyatrist also. It's very hard work with all of this. But eventually we'll be getting through this.


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9/27/13 9:28 A

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Sounds like a lot of challenges. Check out the book Love and Logic Parenting for Teens. This is the time of their lives that you have to sometimes let them experience natural consequences. I hope you have a good support system around you. Enlist the school counselor and maybe get her into therapy where she can talk about what is going on. I don't know where you live or your insurance, but check into something called Behavioral Skills Interventions, or coaching or mentoring for her and your family. Basically it would be an in-home worker to help her with skill development. That can help a lot. Talk to your school or a therapist about what's available where you live.
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9/26/13 4:43 P

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I'm having a problem with my oldest child. I'm getting nothing but reports where she doesn't want to do anything and all she does is roll her eyes! I'm at wits end. She makes like high c's in Science, and of course in remedial math and reading is a's. She also has academic advisory, all that is is an extra credit class to help her with organization, and homework. In her math and English classes are F's . She won't turn her homework in and all she does is just writes anything. I've been fighting this crazy battle with her for over since the 3rd grade and now she's in the 7th. It gets worse and worse. I'm trying to stay afloat even being a single mom. I've got a lot of help with her new teacher but it stresses me out so bad I end up with seizures . She has seizures ptsd, adhd and depression and anxiety. I'm going crazy!

My youngest one though is making A's and B's . She helps me so much and the oldest gets so jealous thinking that she gets favored when really she does't she just helps me a lot more and keeps me calmer. My youngest complains because she helps so much. It's a battle and I'm exhausted.

Does anyone have any good advice?? I may not take it...but I need more bubble baths...lol...I'm now going to be working 40 and a half hours a week to take care of them. 8-2 5 days a week weds thru Sunday first job. The second job Winn Dixie on the weekends from 4 to when on Fri Sat and Sunday. I won't spend much time with them but I will get their homework done. I don't know what else to do! .

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BARETREES130's Photo BARETREES130 Posts: 2,807
9/4/13 8:44 A

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I haven't been by for a long time but felt compelled to at this time to share a note with everyone who might be interested, My 13yr old daughter has always had a terrible response to pharmaceuticals so we've steered clear even testing them again last year only to find the same problem. We've tried vitamins/supplements/amino acids which are great and helped her fill out but we are very inconsistent with those and they hurt her stomach a lot.

Most recently I've come across a suggested product at the health food store that I tried myself and find it very effective, doing just what it says, and my daughter finds it really, really helps her too! She missed it yesterday and said she couldn't focus in school (after having been getting used to this) and she actually WANTS to take it.

If anyone is interested in the name of the product then just send me a message and I'll send you just what it is.

Hope you all have some peace in your day!

Gail




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4/29/13 10:37 P

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Don't worry. Today I feel like its two steps forward, one step back. I have been pulling my hair out when it comes to my son. But, I'm an hour away and he has to deal with it.
Cindi

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4/29/13 12:37 P

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Thanks for the advice ladies.

I've been backing off a little only to see my son make mistakes and complain that I didn't remind him or didn't tell him what to do. He's still not owning up to his responsibilities. Hopefully, he will get it before he goes to college.

:-(

Nikki

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4/28/13 5:24 P

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Welcome to the team.
I had a great response, but lost it when my internet failed. Something along the line of we have to let our kids make their own way and figure out things on their own. I started with high school, which helped them. I have a mantra that I repeat at times. "As ________(my child) increases, I must decrease." Its hard, because we as parents want to help and protect our children.
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4/28/13 1:52 P

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Dear BLKBRBI,
I have 2 ADHD children both are adults.. It isn't that ADHD kids don't want to own up to responsiblities or make our job difficult - they sometimes just don't have control over their short comings.. We have to be the adults and look how their diagnose affects them- and not what they are doing wrong..

My oldest son can talk well for himself but his handicap is profound on paper.. My other son tells me to back off and I am usually the last person to be told anything until it has gone wrong..

I have a mentor on my youngest son- one at school whom checks in with him regularly whom is on the same wave length with my son and he has another in his private life to keep him up to date paying his bills..

My oldest boy has to now decide to ask for help- as he is a adult and he can self see he is handicapped keeping paper work up to date and in order..

We can drag a horse to water but they get to a age where they have to take a step back and self evaluate how well their own coping skills are working.. I also offer help and if they say no - I have stay back.. Pushing never leads to anything good..


Edited by: CD9136158 at: 4/28/2013 (13:56)
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2/27/13 8:59 P

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Remember one of the tasks of the teen years, especially for boys is being independent. So, can you back off a little and let him take some of the responsibility for himself? It was about 9 or 10 grade that I had to learn to pick my own battles and to trust my son's judgement. Trusting his judgement came after two different instances where I wouldn't listen to him and he ended up over dressed or not dressed the way the teacher or coach told them to dress. In those instances I was wrong and he was right. So, I made up my mind to trust he knew what was going on better than me. And if he messes up, he'll do better next time. Remember that you don't have to run everything like you did when he was younger. Back off and let him have some say in what he does. One of the things to remember about the teen years. They don't want their parents always in their face, but they want to know you are there when they need you. Its a balancing act.
Cindi

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2/25/13 12:51 P

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Hi,

Now that my son is in 9th grade, we constantly go back and forth because he doesn't want me constantly checking on him, he doesn't want me watching him, and he doesn't want to own up to his responsibilities. We increased the dosage on his meds, and his grades have improved but his attitude did not.

He is making parenting very difficult. I need to find a support system somewhere before the rest of my hair falls out!

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1/30/13 9:22 P

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Welcome to the team.
Yes, you might want to evaluate his outside activities. Also, it might be good to have a conversation with him and the doctor about the meds. Also, you might want to have him evaluated for depression.
Cindi

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1/24/13 9:30 A

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Hi BLKBRBI! I am very new to the disorder myself, but I wanted to be the first to welcome you. :) Sorry it's been so rough. It does sound like he has a lot on his plate. Did you discuss with him why he wasn't taking his medicine?

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1/24/13 8:22 A

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Hi,

My 9th grade son is really trying me this school year. On several occasions while cleaning, I found capsules of his medicine lying around which means he hasn't been taking it. The first quarter of school was horrible. Mostly all his assignments were marked missing, and he continued to leave his school lap top unattended.

Since I discovered that he's been hiding his meds, I watch him take it everyday. Things have improved, but he ruined his GPA. I sometimes wonder if basketball, karate, and boy scouts are too much for him to juggle.

~Nikki

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10/14/12 3:24 P

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Its exciting to see my son growing up. In the last week, he has shown us over and over how he can manage his own needs and schedule. Eventually, all that work and worry does pay off. Loving seeing how my son has grown up!
Cindi

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9/16/12 3:38 P

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Its fun seeing my son growing up. He is taking charge of his schedule and planning his time and getting assignments done and checked by the tutors. We've encouraged him to use everything available to him at the college. As I've told him, we've paid our money. The college has its money and doesn't have to make sure he passes or anything. So, its up to him to get his money's worth and more. To use everything available.
Cindi

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9/9/12 12:14 A

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So, far he is doing okay. He seems to be doing things for himself.
Cindi

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8/19/12 11:14 P

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Just dropped my college aged son off at college today. Hard, especially since with his ADHD I'm so used to guiding him through everything. Now, we see how he does on his own without his mother to guide him.
Cindi

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7/28/12 12:53 P

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Child centered might work very well for her. Talk to her teachers. They must have some sort of evaluation tool that they use to see if a child is making progress. Ask how she is doing and what progress they are seeing. A child centered approach such as Montessori can work very well with kids with ADHD.
Cindi

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7/26/12 1:12 P

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College for my daughter is still a decade away but I still worry. She is going to a private school now that prefers her not to take medication. They are very child centered so they try to accommodate each child rather than make the child accommodation the school. My fear is that she isn't learning what she should. When we homeschooled she needed medication in order to get anything done. I really like their approach on an emotional level but I fear she is falling behind.
We aren't religious but one of her friends invited her to go to Vacation Bible School with him. One day I asked her what she learned at camp. She mumbled something about God parting the sea so asked her if Moses was leading the Israelites from captivity and she explained no, they had something that couldn't get wet. I asked her if it was the Arc of the Covenant and she said that didn't ring a bell but she didn't really remember. I fear she is getting about as much from her school lessons!

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6/6/12 8:21 P

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He'll be going to college out of town. About an hour away. Its where we go for shopping and I have meetings there. I'm really happy about him going there. Nervous, but that is pretty common for parents of new college students. The stress continues.
Cindi

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6/6/12 7:22 P

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Congratulations! I know you must be so proud. Enjoy this new adventure! Will he be attending college locally or out of town? emoticon

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You, too? Thought I was the only one.’” (C.S. Lewis)
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"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...


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6/3/12 3:33 P

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I haven't been around much lately. My son graduated a few weeks ago and now we have to finalize everything for college this fall. Its been a wild ride, but I know it will be slowing down soon.
Cindi

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4/4/12 9:09 P

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I find I'm constantly trying to get organized myself. Even the smallest things, like the music on my computer, drives me crazy if it's not organized a certain way. I have ADHD and so does my daughter so that really explains why when our house is crazy we have such a hard time.

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4/2/12 8:34 P

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One of the things about ADHD is that the person with ADHD can do well if they can just get organized. My son prefers organized and structured activities. That is part of the reason he wants to go into the military. One of the keys for kids with ADHD, no matter what the age, is to keep things structured.
Cindi

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4/1/12 11:41 P

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I was having a problem in college passing classes and someone from the college noticed something. So, they had me tested at Department of Rehabilitation Services and they diagnosed me with ADHD. I panic on tests and I don't do well with places that are not organized. If I am organized I can get things done.

Leslie Speakman

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3/31/12 10:40 P

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Got back from a continuing education workshop on ADHD. It was called The Immature Brain: Non Medication Treatments for ADHD. There was lots of information. I hardly know where to begin with describing it. But, I came back with a book for ADHD kids going to college. I'll read it and then give it to my son. Eventually, it will be in my professional library. One of the things that was mentioned over and over was that the ADHD brain is different. The presenter is a therapist who works with persons with ADHD and has ADHD herself. She has a PhD and has published several books about ADHD. There were professionals and others there. Many there talked about their own kids or themselves with ADHD.
Cindi

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3/29/12 5:33 P

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Sorry I haven't been on in a while. I have been feeling rather crappy with the meds I was on. Now they have changed my medication and I feel a whole lot better. I plan on getting back to working out again. Have you had a chance to work out any?

My kids are still working on their meds and getting everything taken care of. It's all a balancing act lately. I've been looking for work also.

So, how is everyone else?

Leslie Speakman

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3/25/12 2:12 P

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Many of you have younger children with ADHD. For us, its getting our ADHD child launched into college (hopefully) and work that's stressful. Tell us about how that's going.
Cindi

Cindi
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