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LOVINGPERSON's Photo LOVINGPERSON Posts: 787
10/1/07 8:51 P

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That is hard. i do beleive in time out and the child can scream all they want. Now for someone to get hurt that is oh my. You should beable to say oh my I am sorry even a quick rub on the back or hug. I am not to that extreame. That is too bad. I am sorry to hear that. There is a fine line.

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10/1/07 1:35 A

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Had to share this!
I work in a preschool and when there is a child that is being extremely difficult we need to put them in a time out. One parent saw a child crying when they were in a time out and called DCFS and said that we were abusing the child because he was crying and told a group of parents and they pulled their kids out and ruined my friend's reputation and she quit because of the stress.
Another time a teacher put a very upset, bawling 3 year old on her lap to comfort her and another parent called DCFS again and said that we were molesting the children!!
Now, when they are hurt, etc. we are only allowed to pat them on the head and send them off. And the poor kid is staring at you and crying to be comforted! It is so hard, and every year since they passed those new rules at school, the kids are so out of hand because we can't love or discipline them!

Meli


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10/1/07 1:24 A

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Hey, Rori. No problem!
I understood what you meant. Every child is different so you go according to what is effective. I wish the law would have backed up my crazy Italian father! Whew! Anybody grow up in a European family? If you did you know what I mean! LOL
People are so crazy nowadays, and let their kids run everything! It's pathetic, really.

Meli


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LOVINGPERSON's Photo LOVINGPERSON Posts: 787
9/30/07 7:41 P

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Oh wow no I was not offended all I was trying to say is open hand is good it says not to spoil your child. I know what the bible says. I really do. All I was trying to say is just remember hitting with a open hand is better and is o.k. to do not in my eyes just the law. ANymore when you even raise your voice people respond to you like CPS is going to be called. THese days it is hard. I am not making excuses. I am all for discapline. Dont be upset with me either. I am just reminding. Sorry. You are talking to a single mother that sometimes discapline is all I have. I just try not to hit. I have my reasons why. Rori

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9/30/07 1:36 P

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Sorry, Rori. I didn't mean to upset you.
We follow the Biblical format of discipline, and if God says that is the way to train children, then so be it. We certainly do not abuse our kids in any way, and we show them what God's Word says about it, and it is done in love. The world will argue about it, because it is biblical and they don't want to intermingle in that. I know with teens its more about taking away privileges and being able to trust them more. I don't want to get preachy on anyone, just adding my thoughts to the topic.
Look, from what I have seen working in schools for years, any parent who even cares enough about their kids needs to have some form of discipline, so doing something is better than doing nothing at all! Keep on loving your kids!

Meli


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LOVINGPERSON's Photo LOVINGPERSON Posts: 787
9/30/07 1:12 A

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i take computer away and also my son feels he needs to be the boss. This is hard since I am a single mother and I have talked to his councelor and It is oh well. Than my wraparound person said it was the church that is making him act this way. Oh my lets not go there. I feel tough love is also good. Good job pam for taking Football away. I have taken special olympics for one day away and he hates this. Also Boy scouts will be next. The priv. they love gets their attention. By the way using a forin object other than an open hand is a CPS offence. The role is you can spank with an open hand but if you leave a mark for more than 5 min. it is also known as child abuse. Sorry just words to think about. Rori

Edited by: LOVINGPERSON at: 9/30/2007 (01:16)
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9/28/07 1:16 A

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I learned that in a child training course at my church, Gwynn. I'm not really sure why they said not to use your hand. But, I was raised in an Italian/German household and they used their hands to hit you anywhere and anytime! I used to flinch when my Dad would even move toward me, even when I was not in trouble! So, to me I guess that's why I go the other route.

Meli


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GWYNNEVERE.'s Photo GWYNNEVERE. Posts: 7,484
9/27/07 5:35 P

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Interesting point! I never quite looked at it that way, not to use your hand to avoid them associating it with touch. I do use my hand, or my knee under his butt if I lack strength and conviction in my hand. And yes, it is important to let them know the why and the how and how the love is there no matter what.
When I was a kid, I got spanked at times (not often) but I always knew why, even if I disagreed, and I never mistook
a regular touch for an upcoming spanking ...

Edited by: GWYNNEVERE. at: 9/27/2007 (17:36)
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COOKERLOOKER's Photo COOKERLOOKER SparkPoints: (0)
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9/27/07 2:27 A

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I agree, no need to hurt them! Just be sure to never use your hand or they will associate that with touch. I use a wooden spoon, we talk about it together and pray.
Then life goes back to normal and we have restored that fellowship. It's all about love and not about anger. If you let it get to that point, then you will do something you might regret.

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GWYNNEVERE.'s Photo GWYNNEVERE. Posts: 7,484
9/26/07 8:01 P

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I so totally agree. There is no need to actually "hurt" the tykes, but to let them "feel" what they better pay attention
to for their own sakes ...

And I don't think they ever outgrow discipline either; as far as I'm concerned teens are still liable to be disciplined if they really misbehave, even though with them talking often has better results. But if all talks fail, heck, a good butt/leg warming still remains available ...

I do NOT condone real beatings, like with a belt or a fist,
or beatings above the belt (more like punchings).
Just letting them know who's the boss when it comes to it.
And the shock value also counts. A lot of kids will dare you because they don't think you actually will do it.


Edited by: GWYNNEVERE. at: 9/26/2007 (20:03)
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COOKERLOOKER's Photo COOKERLOOKER SparkPoints: (0)
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9/25/07 2:41 A

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I always thought that line was funny Gwyn!
So many people disagree with it, but my kids are not terrors and mouthey like a lot of kids I see.

Meli


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GWYNNEVERE.'s Photo GWYNNEVERE. Posts: 7,484
9/24/07 7:41 P

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Hi CookerLooker, I so totally agree.
And I love the idea of the "Seat of Knowledge"

.•*´¨ ) ¸.•*¨) -:¦:-
(¸.•´(¸ ;.•Gwynn.♥

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9/24/07 4:15 P

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It depends on the situation for us.
If it is outward rebellion we apply discipline to the "seat of knowledge".
As far as laziness, not trying their best in school, etc. we make sure they understand what should be a priority before anything else.
Kids need structure, love and discipline so they feel secure.

Meli


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PAMMYWAMMY2's Photo PAMMYWAMMY2 SparkPoints: (0)
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9/24/07 12:17 P

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I feel that if you discipline with love in your heart that you will make the right desicions.

Be the best you can be at this very moment and you'll have no regrets.

Don't tell yourself that it will be easier to like yourself when you lose weight. It will be easier to lose weight when you like yourself. Gary Foster

Remember every journey starts with a single step. Keep taking them. Madelyn Fernstrom


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9/24/07 12:05 A

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This year my son is making better grades and acting better all around, so he plays this yr. It was last yr. that we pulled him off.

Be the best you can be at this very moment and you'll have no regrets.

Don't tell yourself that it will be easier to like yourself when you lose weight. It will be easier to lose weight when you like yourself. Gary Foster

Remember every journey starts with a single step. Keep taking them. Madelyn Fernstrom


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GWYNNEVERE.'s Photo GWYNNEVERE. Posts: 7,484
9/23/07 11:38 P

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I did not want to take him off football (even though it would be a punishment for him; he loves playing tackle football) because it's his only form of exercise. He walks slower than a snail, and only if I don't leave him a choice. He does need the daily exercise challenge football offers him.

.•*´¨ ) ¸.•*¨) -:¦:-
(¸.•´(¸ ;.•Gwynn.♥

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PAMMYWAMMY2's Photo PAMMYWAMMY2 SparkPoints: (0)
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9/22/07 6:45 P

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We took my son off of football for that very same reason last year. This year his hormones are raging and he thinks he's my boss. Nope! He is restricted right now.

Be the best you can be at this very moment and you'll have no regrets.

Don't tell yourself that it will be easier to like yourself when you lose weight. It will be easier to lose weight when you like yourself. Gary Foster

Remember every journey starts with a single step. Keep taking them. Madelyn Fernstrom


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GWYNNEVERE.'s Photo GWYNNEVERE. Posts: 7,484
9/22/07 6:24 P

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I don't know if I got a lot of right to talk here.

I believe kids really need discipline in their lives.
For me, the 3 primary reasons for discipline are:
school, nutrition and exercise
If and when they do good in those departments, we
can give them a lot more room to do what they like.

We never got past the 3 primaries with my grandson.
He faught about EVERYTHING, didn't do his homework, claimed it was not his fault if he did not understand,
refused to ask the teacher for help, criticized everything
we fixed to eat ...
The only thing he did like was FOOTBALL. And going
back home he won't be able o play football anymore.

.•*´¨ ) ¸.•*¨) -:¦:-
(¸.•´(¸ ;.•Gwynn.♥

Edited by: GWYNNEVERE. at: 9/22/2007 (18:29)
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9/22/07 6:04 P

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What are your tips on this

Be the best you can be at this very moment and you'll have no regrets.

Don't tell yourself that it will be easier to like yourself when you lose weight. It will be easier to lose weight when you like yourself. Gary Foster

Remember every journey starts with a single step. Keep taking them. Madelyn Fernstrom


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