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TINAT247's Photo TINAT247 Posts: 89
8/16/11 9:21 A

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Thanks! It means so much to have other people who get where I'm coming from.

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CRAZEE4MARIAH's Photo CRAZEE4MARIAH SparkPoints: (26,536)
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8/14/11 10:59 P

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THANX:) YEA IM STILL VERY EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT ALL:( IM HANGING IN SHE ACTUALLY CALLED ME TWICE LAST WEEK I DIDN'T CALL HER BACK ITS 2 HARD 4 ME:( emoticon emoticon

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EUPHRATES's Photo EUPHRATES Posts: 4,729
8/14/11 1:17 P

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Wow Tina, what a story! That's awesome that you and your husband have come back from the brink like that, and that he is supportive of your needs. :) And yeah, I've heard all the "greedy" comments, but it's never bothered me really. I mean, I don't expect *anybody* to "get it" really - I've always been "different" and that doesn't bother me (or my kids apparently - hearing my son thank people for calling him "weird" always makes me smile). :) For me, once I started exploring I decided I wasn't hiding anything about who I was anymore. Of course, I'd grown up as the "black sheep" anyway, so worrying about my family's sensibilities had long since gone by the wayside. Though I suspect the fact my mom had already died *before* my then husband started having babies with other women was probably a good thing - I doubt she'd have handled it well (my dad has always given me more "slack" with my weirdnesses, my mom took it as a mark against her). :)

Mariah, that's SO hard. :( It's a shame she couldn't handle your feelings, and I know how that can really screw you up. *hugs* It's not easy having those kinds of desires in a "straight world" - it's really not. Hang in there, okay?
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Call me Euphrates (I prefer it to my given name of Lisa, and use it everywhere outside of work)
Cincinnati, OH

Feel free to find me elsewhere on the web, I love making new friends! https://www.facebook.com/MsEuphrates


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8/8/11 10:54 P

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CONGRATS 4 HAVING SUCH A SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND. I NOW FEEL LIKE IM ATTRACTED 2 STRICTLY WOMAN AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE. I DON'T KNOW IF THAT WILL CHANGE BUT I DON'T THINK IT WILL. I STILL HAVE NOT ACTED ON MY FEELINGS. SHE KINDA FIGURED IT OUT AND STOPPED TALKING 2 ME SO IM NOW DEALING WITH THAT CAUSE I HAVE STRONG FEELINGS 4 HER. MY CUZ WANTS 2 TAKE ME OUT SO THAT I CAN MEET SOME GAY PEOPLE LOL:) emoticon

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TINAT247's Photo TINAT247 Posts: 89
8/8/11 10:15 P

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THANK YOU! Thank you for this thread! I was sitting here tonight, unable to talk to anyone about who I am and wishing I had friends who get it! You just don't know what it means to me to read your posts and feel like I'm not alone.

My husband knows and now his best friend, but that's it. I grew up in a very Catholic family. I denied my feelings and was made to feel that those kind of feelings were sinful. I got married very young, 19, and never really had the opportunity to explore my feelings, but I wasn't really open to allowing myself to do that either.

I'm now 37 and my marriage had been built on so many years of my repressed feelings about my sexuality, an abusive home life, etc, that it finally came to a head. When my husband and I had made the decision to divorce, I felt like I didn't have to worry any more about being his wife, that I had nothing left to lose, and that I could figure out who I was and what I want. What resulted was a lot of therapy that helped me to deal with my past and be honest and loving to myself.

I asked my husband if we could swing so I could explore that side of me and still have him there to protect me. Of course, every straight guy seems to love the idea of two girls. I found that being with other men did nothing for me. But going to swing parties, where it seems to be truly anything goes, allowed me to meet other women who wanted to explore their bisexuality. I was able to have different experiences and realize that I do enjoy women. Men are fine, but women...well...are just a different and wonderful experience.

In the process of all this self-discovery, my being able to be completely honest with my husband changed our relationship completely. We ended that old unhealthy marriage and began dating. We fell back in love harder than ever and now we're engaged again. I like both men and women, but I my commitment to him is about the whole ball of life, not sex. We don't really hit the swing circuit as much, but we enjoy going to the parties and seeing where the night takes us. Sometimes it's just us together having fantastic sex in a "racy" atmosphere. Sometimes he just lets me do my thing.

I am so lucky that things turned out the way they did. He's a very honest and accepting person and doesn't feel the need to hide our life. I see the fact that we live in a smaller, conservative town and that we have children in school and don't want that to burden them. Plus, my coming out would be for me. I don't give a crap about what anyone thinks of me, but I don't feel like coming out is worth enough to me to cause problems for my kids or upset the very Catholic apple cart that is my family. It's not going to change them or how they think, only they can do that.

My husband said we have nothing to hide. I argued that it's easier to be gay, than to be bisexual or swingers. I used to be a hairdresser. I have heard all the bitchy, backstabbing talk and it's never nice, even from the gays, when it comes to being bisexual or polyamorous. "Greedy sluts!" Where's the peace, love and understanding in that?

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CRAZEE4MARIAH's Photo CRAZEE4MARIAH SparkPoints: (26,536)
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5/12/11 11:40 A

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I'VE ONLY ADMITTED 2 HAVIN FEELINGS 4 A FEMALE VERY RECENT I ONLY TOLD A SELECT FEW PLUS POSTED IT ON HERE LOL OBVIOUSLY I DON'T KNOW WHERE I FALL GAY STRAIGHT BI ALL I KNOW IS IM REALLY HAVIN FEELINGS 4 SOME 1 AND ITS A FEMALE I HAVN'T ACTED ON IT THIS IS THE 2ND FEMALE I HAVE HAD THESE FEELINGS 4 SINCE I SPLIT WITH MY HUSBAND NEVER ACTED ON THE 1ST ONE EITHER. DIDN'T EVEN ADMIT IT 2 ANY 1 BUT THIS TIME WHEN I SEEN THE GIRL AND SPENT TIME WITH HER WHEN I GOT HOME I COULDN'T HOLD IT IN ANY LONGER AND HAD 2 TELL SOME 1 SO I CALLED THE ONE PERSON IN THE WORLD WHO COULD UNDERSTAND MY GAY COUSIN LOL. SHE'S VERY SUPPORTIVE OBVIOUSLY. I ALSO TOLD HER BROTHER AND HE'S VERY SUPPORTIVE AS WELL. emoticon

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XTREMEMNCOWGIRL's Photo XTREMEMNCOWGIRL Posts: 1,312
3/28/11 1:48 P

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I've been very fortunate that I've been able to be very out with 80% of the people in my circle. (Family & friends, etc...) But the one person that I can't come out to is my husband. He wouldn't understand, and he wouldn't be supportive. So when I am totally missing being with a woman...I only have a few people that I can be honest with.

But, I love coming here and being able to be here and be honest. :-) You guys are all great!!!

~Renee or XtremeMNCowgirl~

Leader of the Keith Urban Fans Spark Team

"I'm lettin' go of all my lonely yesterdays. I've forgiven myself for the mistakes I've made." --Keith Urban


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EUPHRATES's Photo EUPHRATES Posts: 4,729
3/27/11 2:13 P

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I just want to gather up and hug everybody who has to keep parts of their life closeted for whatever reason. I know I'm incredibly lucky that I can be open about who I am (once I figured out I was poly and bi, I wasn't going to hide it - my parents didn't "get it" but they were used to be being the "weirdo of the family" so they just kinda took it in stride, and my kids grew up around poly so that's no biggie...and work can kiss my arse, if being who I am causes any problems, I don't want to work there).

I just saw a new campaign on Bi Social Network called the "I Am Visible" campaign that I may just have to participate with...pondering options. :)

visible.bisocialnetwork.com/jen-join
s-
our-i-am-visible-campaign/


Call me Euphrates (I prefer it to my given name of Lisa, and use it everywhere outside of work)
Cincinnati, OH

Feel free to find me elsewhere on the web, I love making new friends! https://www.facebook.com/MsEuphrates


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JAZMYNGREY's Photo JAZMYNGREY Posts: 14
3/27/11 11:45 A

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Despite not being active in this board (or any other really) for months, I just wanted to put in my two cents and say that imo everyone who has had the ability to post here is amazing and awesome. Its been wonderful to even come back and read and be comfortable in a place that doesn't think that this is something that should be hated, something that people should "make up their mind about" or just assume that bisexuality only happens when your drunk. Of course that being said while I'll often make humorous asides about it in my own life, I find it interesting that even in the very LGBT work place I am in now (or at least LG friendly, I don't know about BT) that I have a hard time talking about my issues. I'm always afraid that I'll be seen as just wanting to be part of the cool kids.

I have an awesome relationship with a guy now who lets me talk, and who understands I have these feelings, but I know I could never be out out about who I am to my family. To my more uptight/conservative/Christian family members, or those who claim to be liberal until it comes to an actual family member I don't know that I will ever be able to be out, I am just the most LGBT friendly... or as one Aunt likes to put it, the heathen in the room.

I didn't have much to add other than to add my love and support to everyone here. Truly, you are all wonderful. (And I am overly cheesy and emotional!)



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3/22/11 2:01 A

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Wow! This is the closest thing I have ever done to "coming out" as a bisexual. I read this thread and saw so much of myself in what was said... I'll share my story in case it one day helps someone like your stories have me.

I've known I was bisexual probably since I was 14 years old (I'm 31 now) but mostly due to being scared, and not having the options, I dated only guys as a teenager. Met my husband at 17 and married at 19.

We're happy, don't get me wrong, but I'd love the opportunity to connect with a woman in a romantic and sexual way. (And he's okay with this... very supportive man LOL)

I've fooled around with a friend who is bisexual a few times and it was amazing LOL, we got along great and it was just what I needed. But due to her marriage not being so open, we ended that. :)

I think there's only about 3 people on earth that realize that I'm not 100% straight... just feels odd to come out, especially when I don't even know any lesbians or bisexuals, let alone ones that would be comfortable getting involved with a married woman (who plans to stay that way.) But if I don't ever loosen up a bit I'm never going to have the chance to experience the things I want to experience.

Thanks for listening... good luck to everyone in their quests for weight loss and love. :)

"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant, filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never ask for and don't always like." - Lemony Snicket


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BLACKRAINBOW28's Photo BLACKRAINBOW28 Posts: 148
3/18/11 4:59 A

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I m so happy that I found this Team and this discussion!

I can relate to so much of what has been said. I am openly bisexual and have been 'out' for about 8 years now. I've learned to ignore the BS that others have to say about being Bi. I am married to a wonderful Bi man, which makes ignoring hateful words a bit easier.

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EUPHRATES's Photo EUPHRATES Posts: 4,729
2/27/11 8:54 A

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My heart goes out to you KEMURPHY00 - being in so much transition can be really tough. Thank you for being so open and sharing with us - I'm glad you feel comfortable to do so!

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Call me Euphrates (I prefer it to my given name of Lisa, and use it everywhere outside of work)
Cincinnati, OH

Feel free to find me elsewhere on the web, I love making new friends! https://www.facebook.com/MsEuphrates


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KEMURPHY00's Photo KEMURPHY00 SparkPoints: (0)
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2/27/11 2:22 A

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I am so so so glad I joined this spark team. Just this thread alone has given me a lot of insight.

I agree with so much that you all have written. The questions of how does one be open about being bisexual in an authentic way, the lack of respect from other groups and the poly/monogamus discussion really hit hard for me. I am at a turning point in my life and it seems that all I see are more questions, more "what if"s than answers - its liberating and terrifying at the same time.

For me attraction is almost like a flavor or charisma - the person just has that extra "something" that turns my head. Straight males, straight females, gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, FtM, i've been attracted to all - I don't want to just call it pheromones (sp?) but its almost an undefineable draw about the individual.

That being said, "sexy" does not make a relationship. I am not sure what to consider myself in relationship terms. I have had some three and foursomes and poly encounters but I think it would be very draining (at least right now) to have multiple full blown relationships. That is not to say that it won't happen at some point in the future, though. I also wonder if perhaps my longing for multiple is really a sign of dissatisfaction with my current partner.

It saddens me when I see L&G oppress B&T people - unfortunately, its a common occurance in cultures oppressed as a whole. Instead of solidarity, they cut and divide just as mainstream society has already done to them. It happens in disability & ethnic groups too.

As for the girls playing at being bi while out in the bar or drunken bi/lesbian behavior - I find it maddening! It has happened to me many times and I end up feeling like I am taking advantage of them or being used myself. [wrinkles nose in distaste] Not exactly a positive encounter, ya know?

The men who assume that bi women are automatically up for threesomes or willing to engage in risky behaviors just pisses me off. I am currently married to a man and he says I can have outside experiences with women but he's also made many comments about "just watching" or "get video" or "being part of the fun." Ugh.

And yet this same man, when I told him I wanted to attend Michfest, flipped his lid. It makes no sense to me. He doesn't understand that my interest in women doesn't have anything to do with him nor will it be fodder for his own fantasies.

So, that all being said, I feel I should disclose that we are on the edge of divorcing (for various reasons, most of which have nothing to do with sexuality). So while I wouldn't say I am in crisis (this has been a very slow process - lots of time for introspection and therapy) I am definitely trying to redefine who I am and what I want.

And I am so grateful to find a group that has been/is facing many of the same issues. Your wisdom and experiences will be/are invaluable to me finding my place on this planet.

Thanks.

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EUPHRATES's Photo EUPHRATES Posts: 4,729
2/21/11 10:02 A

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Well said DTERMINED2011!




Call me Euphrates (I prefer it to my given name of Lisa, and use it everywhere outside of work)
Cincinnati, OH

Feel free to find me elsewhere on the web, I love making new friends! https://www.facebook.com/MsEuphrates


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EVLOBOS310's Photo EVLOBOS310 Posts: 1,695
2/20/11 10:00 P

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I'm new to this group but I just had to respond to this thread. I hate labels too - immensely. I've always tried to fit into one group or another, but nothing really describes me. I have been married, I have been in relationships with women, my most recent ex is transgender (FtM). I don't care about the person's genitalia, I care about what they have between their ears. I am attracted to all kinds of people, and there is no label necessary. It is what it is.

To keep the body in good health is a duty...otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear. ~Buddha


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EUPHRATES's Photo EUPHRATES Posts: 4,729
1/30/11 10:09 A

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I agree PHYMISTY - I think sometimes people get so caught up in their own perspective, they have a hard time realizing there are other equally valid experiences out there. *sighs*

And I wanna smack that psychologist. Of course, I've also heard the argument that *everyone* is inherently bisexual - that generally annoys me just as much. LOL Everyone is UNIQUE. Period.

*sighs*


Call me Euphrates (I prefer it to my given name of Lisa, and use it everywhere outside of work)
Cincinnati, OH

Feel free to find me elsewhere on the web, I love making new friends! https://www.facebook.com/MsEuphrates


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PHYMISTY SparkPoints: (0)
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1/30/11 3:59 A

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I've actually had an argument with my school's psychologist back when I was still in high school over bisexuality. He claimed no one could truly be bisexual.. which was extremely frustrating to hear from a mental health professional.

I have also run into soo many people who argue that I have to be a lesbian since I've only ever been with one person whose a girl. I hate trying to explain that sexuality isn't formed off of experiences you've had. I think it's pretty simple. I am sexually attracted to both genders. Thus, if you had to put a lable on me, I'm bi. I just happen to be monogamous and have found my life partner really young.

I honestly think it's hard for straight and gay people to accept bisexuality because they only feel attraction to one gender. They can't comprehend being attracted to both and thus it doesn't feel real to them. One can only judge things through their own experiences after all.

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XTREMEMNCOWGIRL's Photo XTREMEMNCOWGIRL Posts: 1,312
1/25/11 11:02 P

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That's great!!! Making healthy choices is a GREAT thing!!

~Renee or XtremeMNCowgirl~

Leader of the Keith Urban Fans Spark Team

"I'm lettin' go of all my lonely yesterdays. I've forgiven myself for the mistakes I've made." --Keith Urban


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1/24/11 10:24 A

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god tell me about it lol last couple of days ive been a bit annoyed over a ferw things and instead of reaching for the biscuit tin ive gone in the bedroom and burned off half an hour on the air walker lmao its doing wonders for my exercise regime :P
xx

XTREMEMNCOWGIRL's Photo XTREMEMNCOWGIRL Posts: 1,312
1/24/11 10:13 A

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Thanks guys!!! emoticon

This is a crazy week, so it'll be nice to use a workout as a stress reliever instead of eating! LOL!!

~Renee or XtremeMNCowgirl~

Leader of the Keith Urban Fans Spark Team

"I'm lettin' go of all my lonely yesterdays. I've forgiven myself for the mistakes I've made." --Keith Urban


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1/24/11 9:01 A

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i was always wondering what label i was and now thanks to you i know yey im a poly :)
i did joiin the other day but its all overwhelming atm lol my brain feels scrambled so will have to sit down and have a propper look thru it tonight :D

ohh congrats on the new job and new start :D xx

EUPHRATES's Photo EUPHRATES Posts: 4,729
1/24/11 6:22 A

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That IS a lot of changes! Congrats on the new job!

Call me Euphrates (I prefer it to my given name of Lisa, and use it everywhere outside of work)
Cincinnati, OH

Feel free to find me elsewhere on the web, I love making new friends! https://www.facebook.com/MsEuphrates


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XTREMEMNCOWGIRL's Photo XTREMEMNCOWGIRL Posts: 1,312
1/23/11 11:50 A

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Thanks for the link!! I'm moving to Winona,MN. I am starting a, new job Feb 7th also. That will be in LaCrosse, WI. Lots of changes!!

~Renee or XtremeMNCowgirl~

Leader of the Keith Urban Fans Spark Team

"I'm lettin' go of all my lonely yesterdays. I've forgiven myself for the mistakes I've made." --Keith Urban


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EUPHRATES's Photo EUPHRATES Posts: 4,729
1/23/11 1:19 A

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"Poly" is short for "polyamory"
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

For more info, check the links I posted before, especially Franklin Veaux's site - he has some AWESOME articles.

So what part of the world are you moving to?

Call me Euphrates (I prefer it to my given name of Lisa, and use it everywhere outside of work)
Cincinnati, OH

Feel free to find me elsewhere on the web, I love making new friends! https://www.facebook.com/MsEuphrates


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XTREMEMNCOWGIRL's Photo XTREMEMNCOWGIRL Posts: 1,312
1/22/11 10:05 P

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I'm bi. I have been open and honest about it since 10th grade. I've been with dated more girls then guys, but married a guy and have been with him for 11 years now.

If I wanted a woman experience, I'm free to have it...HOWEVER...like you guys have stated, you can't find one!! I'm not a slut, but MAN what I wouldn't give...LOL!!

I too have had the dirty looks from lesbians and no bi-women anywhere that aren't "only bi when the drinks flow"...UGH!!

Plus, now we're moving. I'm moving to a town that I've only been to twice in my life...now I'm REALLY going to have no luck. LOL!!

Have a great night!!!

PS: Go ahead and laugh...what is Poly? Thanks!

~Renee or XtremeMNCowgirl~

Leader of the Keith Urban Fans Spark Team

"I'm lettin' go of all my lonely yesterdays. I've forgiven myself for the mistakes I've made." --Keith Urban


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EUPHRATES's Photo EUPHRATES Posts: 4,729
1/19/11 5:35 A

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Well, there's a Poly Folks team on SP (and shocker, I'm an admin there too). :)

But my favorite message board on the subject is Poly Percolations:
www.polyamoryonline.org/smf

Great people to talk to. Here's another really good website with some great articles:
www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html

Call me Euphrates (I prefer it to my given name of Lisa, and use it everywhere outside of work)
Cincinnati, OH

Feel free to find me elsewhere on the web, I love making new friends! https://www.facebook.com/MsEuphrates


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1/18/11 6:38 P

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ach tell me about it lol altho it is kind of funny when women try and get to my husband not realising im the only woman hes found sexually attractive so far... saying that i suppose he must be something of a challenge hmmm, polyamory? im a little confused i only just about found this convo lol im a newbie still how do i get to that and ill have a nose about :D i honestly find women scary (mabey just the ones i know)haha.


EUPHRATES's Photo EUPHRATES Posts: 4,729
1/17/11 6:32 A

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No, EWLVSPW - you make perfect sense. There's a whole thread over on the polyamory message board I'm on (separate from Spark) on "why are women so scary?" and discussing the frustration of folks who either feign bisexuality for some reason or other (to look cool? it's the in thing? In my case, 'cause they figured it was the only way to get close to my husband - had THAT not-much-fun experience more than once with my ex-husband) or are just curious, but not really serious about it. *sighs* Which isn't to say there aren't PLENTY of people who are legitimately curious, or are new to expressing their bisexuality and don't have a lot of experience...it just gets frustrating when that seems to be the only people out there.


Call me Euphrates (I prefer it to my given name of Lisa, and use it everywhere outside of work)
Cincinnati, OH

Feel free to find me elsewhere on the web, I love making new friends! https://www.facebook.com/MsEuphrates


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1/16/11 7:03 P

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i get the same feeling from both sides like im a traitor because im bi and my husband was out as gay not bi when we met then he fell for me and now everyone in straightvill assumes we got married to look "normal" and people on the gay scene think were trying to look "normal" too we cant win lol, before i got married i never had any female experiences (and only one since) as women are so harsh in teens to twenties its so frustrating arrgghhhh (dont get me wrong im not a slut)

just one genuine woman to chat to in a world full of fake bisexual women would be fantastic lol its a nightmare out there and yes men are so much easier to date im just lucky enough to have found love full stop who cares if its with a woman or a man :)
sorry about my babbles had a loooong day and probs not making much sense haha xxx

KARSTASAURUS's Photo KARSTASAURUS SparkPoints: (10,244)
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1/16/11 11:00 A

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Oh my gosh I agree with so much of this thread!

Many nights if I go into a GLBT club I'll start chatting to a bunch of girls and then they'll ask me if i'm gay or just with gay friends and if I say I'm bisexual then my GOD you should SEE the looks they give me. As if I'm trash and obviously just trying to get attention.

I've noticed over the years that bisexuality has become really "trendy" aka a lot of people talk the talk but no one really walks the walk! I don't get it, why should I be ostracized by the lesbian community, empathized with by the gay community and then treated like a slut that's up for orgies by straight men. It's really not fair!

At the moment I'm not looking for a relationship or anything but if I were then I wouldn't even know where to begin!

I'm more attracted to androgynous/butch women but I find them to be the most condescending, it's really frustrating and has put me off trying to find a lady for the past year and a half. I just fall back on finding a guy in a bar 'cause I know it won't be emotionally draining even if it isn't what I really want at the time.

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Kirsty - Aberdeen, Scotland

I WILL make every day better than the last!

I WON'T get discouraged by scales or tape measures!

I CAN make the right choices every day to stick to my goal plan!

I CAN'T change the past but I can try to mould the future!

I AM worth all this effort!

I AM NOT a quitter!


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EUPHRATES's Photo EUPHRATES Posts: 4,729
1/12/11 5:30 A

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I've always seen being bi as something of an "invisable orientation" - if you're involved with someone of the opposite sex it's not obvious, but it doesn't mean you're not bi. Same with polyamory - just because I'm currently only with one partner doesn't mean I'm not polyamorous any more than the fact that partner is male and I don't have any girlfriends at the moment doesn't mean I'm not bisexual. :)

That said, I've known some people who assume that if your bisexual you're also polyamorous by default, but you (Salubrious1979) aren't the only monogamous bi person I've met. :) Everyone finds what works for them.


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INSPIRED31's Photo INSPIRED31 Posts: 61
1/11/11 7:48 P

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My thought on this is that I just love who I love....I'm attracted to T can't help that. I'm with the greatest love of my life right now, it is a man, and he is it for me. Had it been a woman it would've been a woman. I am a one person type not into 3 somes anymore kinda over those days LOL! Not that all bisexuals all have had 3 somes but....I have :)

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LIZ_JOHNSON's Photo LIZ_JOHNSON Posts: 868
1/2/11 11:20 P

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My take: I've never fit in anywhere and people are very critical of me. Hence, I've been terrified to come out of the proverbial closet and cause people to be more critical, or to be liked less (is there a 'less than 0?'). I'm older and my hubby has refused since our daughter was born - I'm now a grandmother by her. He's ok with my going elsewhere, but there's no elsewhere. Lesbians are more critical of me than the men, but I have no desire in getting near them whatsoever.

Part of being bisexual, IMHO, is that as much as lesbians are not attracted to me, I'm honestly not very attracted to lesbians. Lipstick lesbians, maybe. I'm attracted to feminine women. But I don't think any of them are gay or bi around here.... kidding...

It's very frustrating to me. I haven't been touched in 8 years now and I miss the closeness. My doctor threw a possible diagnosis at me that could be terminal (jerk should have run the tests before saying anything and now he's making me wait 3 weeks for results).

Being bi just makes life more solitary, IMHO.

Dare to be what others fear you might become!

But life is a battle: may we all be enabled to fight it well! ~ Charlotte Bronte



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LESSLAZYLAURA's Photo LESSLAZYLAURA Posts: 26
7/23/10 11:53 A

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Hi. Just putting my hand up as another bisexual female who gets accused of being a straight girl trying to be edgy in clubs (I haven't been to a club in about 10 years, and in my very homophobic home town knew better than to make out with girls in front of people)

It doesn't help that I'm in a monogamous relationship with a male at the moment. I certainly don't spend all my time saying 'This is (hisname). But, but, I'm actually bisexual!' but I do want to be able to campaign for same-sex marriage, go to Pride, etc., even perhaps a gay bar or two, without for example obnoxious co-workers saying 'Oh, so you have gay friends then?'

(My answer to that was 'Well, yes, doesn't everyone?!' although I wish I had had the nerve to say more - this person was determined to argue about everything though and I was just exhausted)

I also get tired of people immediately asking me to qualify it, checking when I've done what and how many times and whether it was at college, etc., to which I tend to respond with no information. I would never dream of wondering that about a gay or straight person, and I certainly wouldn't ask.

I also got asked recently 'So.... you also have a girlfriend?' which was cute - as if that is what bi has to mean. I replied 'hahahaha... oh, I wish, but no, he wouldn't go for that.'

Sometimes I also get asked how I can possibly stay monogamous long-term, and if I think that one day I will just have to blah blah blah. (I've done it with no problem for 8 years... but yep, still VERY much bisexual, thanks! emoticon Or pansexual, omnisexual, or whatever. I have no experiences to draw on but have certainly been attracted and see no reason why I wouldn't have a relationship with someone outside the male-female binary)

No-one asks this question of, for example, straight males about to get married, for whom the 'mid-life crisis' is fairly well understood...

Edited by: LESSLAZYLAURA at: 7/23/2010 (11:55)
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LOVELY_ENIGMA's Photo LOVELY_ENIGMA Posts: 269
6/27/10 1:03 A

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I, too, find that most of the flack I get is from the gay/lesbian community. Most think that being omnisexual (because, truly genitalia means nothing to me. I've dated men, women, bisexuals, transgenders, cross dressers, pre-ops, post-ops, you get the picture) I'm just being greedy and trying to get spotlight attention. It couldn't be further from the truth.

Most of us just want to love who we love without prejudice or being forced to justify it to the outside world. I find it slightly ironic that a lot of the people denying me that right are my friends fighting the same battle.

I guess in all, I've felt like an outsider too. But the older I get, the more I realize I don't have to prove anything to anyone. I don't have to "give a good reason" for being the way I am & I certainly do not ever have to change to fit some mold constructed to fit into an archaic set of societal values. And neither does anyone else. Ever.

Can you tell it kind of gets me heated when good people are made to feel badly about themselves? emoticon

“The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it.” --Moliere

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6/9/10 11:33 A

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One of the most hurtful things I ever encountered was a lesbian ex-friend accusing me of being a "bored housewife", and that my sexuality was nothing more than curiosity to spice things up. Sure I'm married and all picket white fence with kids and house and dog but my bedroom has red velvet curtains (figuratively speaking). And while I work 40+ hours a week with commute and all, I couldn't believe that she would undervalue the work of women who stay at home and turn it into some sort of insult. Just like she knew who she was when she was when she was a kid, I too knew from a very early age that for me it was always going to go both ways.

I'm in a open relationship. My husband works overseas. I always thought it was better to be realistic. I don't however shout who I am from the rooftops, either my sexuality or our marital openness. I live in probably one of the most open and accepting cities in the world and yet I still encounter a lot of hostility from all sides of the spectrum.

Edited by: NEREID71 at: 6/9/2010 (12:50)
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EUPHRATES's Photo EUPHRATES Posts: 4,729
6/6/10 9:00 A

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I get so frustrated with the either/or mentality - particularly around GLBT folks. I tend to expect people in *one* alternative camp to be more open and accepting of folks in *other* alternative camps, but I often find myself disappointed. Being firmly (and openly) bisexual and polyamorous tends to push people's boundaries a bit. *sigh* Of course, being in a lot of alternative communties (poly folks, pagans, kinksters, gamers), I don't deal with a *whole* lot of negativity, but I know it's out there.

Hang in there. *hugs*

Edited by: EUPHRATES at: 6/6/2010 (09:01)
Call me Euphrates (I prefer it to my given name of Lisa, and use it everywhere outside of work)
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SKINNYLOVELYME's Photo SKINNYLOVELYME Posts: 72
5/20/10 8:01 P

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great thread!! i firmly disagree with monogamy... my fiance and i have a fairly open relationship; in our minds, why limit yourself to just one lover?

i think it's funny when straight girls pretend to be bi ;) not that i mind when my cute friends cling to me, but it's such an obvious ploy to show-off for whichever guys are around.

phases of attraction - it's weird, i can recognize when a guy is sexually attractive, yet i mostly fantasize about other women.

DANGERMONKEY - i felt like i could have been the one writing your posts! agreement on so many levels.



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DANGERMONKEY's Photo DANGERMONKEY Posts: 140
4/28/10 9:47 P

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Always good to hear that you arent the only one that feels a certain way about something. Especially something as important as your sexuality!

I have a gay guy friend of mine that calls me a "trisexual"... meaning I'll try anything once, twice if I have a good time. lol Which is pretty true of my life, not just sex. ...I think its an aquarius thing...

I totally know what you mean about "why should I limit my love to one person". Its bigger than that. Though I can see that it would be a good idea to remain committed if thats the type of relationship that you've found yourself lucky enough to be in.

You can only give as much love to others as you give to yourself.


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SHELLYISSHINY's Photo SHELLYISSHINY Posts: 9
4/28/10 5:58 P

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I am so glad I found you guys! I have totally felt like I'm strange for being bi. I'm still annoyingly closeted, being married to a man and all, but the best way I've found to express how I feel is "why should I limit myself to loving just one person or one gender, just because it is the current societal standard?" Reading this post was such a relief for me. Thanks!

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JAZMYNGREY's Photo JAZMYNGREY Posts: 14
4/25/10 10:54 A

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I've finally read ... well a good portion of this thread and decided to throw in my two cents. I won't say its the whole way I got where I am, but I have always had that feeling of I don't belong ANYWHERE. The bias from both the straight and gay/lesbian communities that I've seen against bisexuals just reinforces that. Most if not all of my family doesn't know just because I don't know how to explain it to them. However with the people I'm comfortable with I have a running gauge whether its a 50/50, 60/40... etc type day. I've never had anyone assume that I couldn't be in a long term relationship, but that's because most of my relationships that were long term were with guys, who were all about the "coolness" of the bi thing, cause I wouldn't get on them for ogling a pretty girl. Sleeping with one behind my back however... still a problem. Only had on threesome and my ex set it up with a mutual "friend". Disaster. (I think I was going to say more, but I "squirreled" emoticon )

Edited by: JAZMYNGREY at: 4/25/2010 (10:55)

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CRYS01's Photo CRYS01 Posts: 254
4/16/10 10:11 P

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I am still currently in a 8 year fight with one of my friends who does not believe Bi-Sexuality is real. You're either gay or your not. Him being gay you would think he would be sympathetic to 'bi-ness' But No. Constantly he asks me "If soandso male and soandso female knocked on your door......" Really annoying.


P.S. YAY for people joining and responding a month later emoticon

Edited by: CRYS01 at: 4/16/2010 (22:12)
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DANGERMONKEY's Photo DANGERMONKEY Posts: 140
3/21/10 10:13 P

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:) Thats funny. Maybe we were supposed to have relationships this way...? Like, maybe there is no set standard "One male to one female" that fits for everyone. Esp. since we are all so different! With our different prefrences, experiences, etc...

You can only give as much love to others as you give to yourself.


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JYCAEGIMA Posts: 243
3/16/10 5:35 A

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I was the girl with two bisexual guys. Oddly, that might have been my happiest relationship.

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DANGERMONKEY's Photo DANGERMONKEY Posts: 140
3/15/10 9:13 P

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I heart boobies :)

I think the ideal situation, for me would be to have a bf and a gf. Is this unreasonable? I know it is unlikely. I know someone else had mentioned that they were married and shared a mutual gf with their male spouse. Any one else in that type of situation???

You can only give as much love to others as you give to yourself.


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JYCAEGIMA Posts: 243
3/15/10 5:28 P

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I'm not sure phases is the right word, but I know I have had periods of time when I was more comfortable acting on my attraction to women versus men. I'm kind of sure that was due to external circumstances and stressors though.

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DRAGONSPITTLE's Photo DRAGONSPITTLE Posts: 158
3/11/10 1:13 P

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Hmmm...I never minded the girls hanging on me at the club. That was more about keeping the unwanted advances away. I have rescued my "girlfriend" from creepy guys alot. LOL

I have phases of attraction. Right now I am all about the girlies. But it doesn't affect my attraction to my SO, which is good. I blame hormones/pheromones. =) Also, it's a totally different type of relation. For me, men are easy. I can figure out the way they think and I can read what they want. Girls, on the other hand, are a challenge. It is ridiculously hard to read them...especially when "straight" girls like to make out and/or play with the boobies.

Apparently I was saving that up LOL.



Adults are just obsolete children. ~ Dr. Suess

Do what you can with what you have as you are able. These are the words I live by. ~Me (also Teddy Roosevelt said something like this, too LOLOL)

It's about balance, not symmetry. Imperfections are what make us interesting. ~Myself

DANGERMONKEY's Photo DANGERMONKEY Posts: 140
3/2/10 10:37 P

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Yeah... it is an interesting thing. Behaviour, sexuality, personality... I have noticed that the "clinging" usually takes places at the club and have refrained from going with those friends as often.

Does anyone have an opinion on whether or not they think sexual attraction can happen in phases? Like at certain times in your life you would rather be with men than women or vice versa? Like right now I've been dating men but dont find myself wanting to sleep with them even though they are attractive men. On the other hand, I would sleep with just about every other woman I see.... Any thoughts, experiences???

You can only give as much love to others as you give to yourself.


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SFERENTI's Photo SFERENTI Posts: 1,543
2/25/10 8:39 P

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Dangermonkey, I've experienced this too!(More in my younger days, when I hung out in clubs) And it bugged me as well. I always understood it as a means of increasing their cache with guys--like, "I'm sexually adventurous and sophisticated, look at me." I resented it, because it sort of turned my sexuality into an accessory, you know?

I'm Sue, and I won't let fear hold me back.


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DANGERMONKEY's Photo DANGERMONKEY Posts: 140
2/23/10 1:50 A

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Hmmm... are you inplying that they may not be straight? Because if not, that would be alot of bicurious friends I seem to have...! Which could be not such a bad thing! haha :)

You can only give as much love to others as you give to yourself.


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JYCAEGIMA Posts: 243
2/22/10 4:27 P

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I don't know Dangermonkey, but I have the same thing happen to me. It doesn't really bother me that much, but it is somewhat unsettling when someone argues that they are straight, but clings.

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DANGERMONKEY's Photo DANGERMONKEY Posts: 140
2/21/10 9:15 P

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DragonSpittle -

I find I get the whole threesome thing presented to me alot too. I guess its probably difficult for those who are only attracted to either male or female to imagine the mindset of bisexuals. Especially for men, who tend to want to sleep with the whole population of which ever gender they are attracted to.

The one thing that I think I find most offensive is when girls that have always been just friends cling to me in public places as if we were together (for attention, I think) and would never take it any further in private. Does any one else have this happen? And maybe Im misunderstanding their motives??? Anyone have any insight into why straight girls "pretend" in public???

You can only give as much love to others as you give to yourself.


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DRAGONSPITTLE's Photo DRAGONSPITTLE Posts: 158
2/21/10 12:30 P

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I find I get some weird assumptions from new people. Like if I find girls attractive, I am into ALL female people all the time. Or that "hey threesome! WOO!" thing. *shakes head* I mean seriously? Because I consider both genders qualified does not mean YOU get to pick who I want and how. emoticon
Fortunately, since I left beauty school and started working for myself I have ceased to have that problem. None of my friends are like that, which is awesome.

Adults are just obsolete children. ~ Dr. Suess

Do what you can with what you have as you are able. These are the words I live by. ~Me (also Teddy Roosevelt said something like this, too LOLOL)

It's about balance, not symmetry. Imperfections are what make us interesting. ~Myself

CHARITY_DAWN's Photo CHARITY_DAWN Posts: 249
2/16/10 1:38 P

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I must admit the first lover I had was a woman but now that I'm married it seems like I can't find a female lover and I really miss that. I miss the intimacy from a woman.

We have to know that sometimes people will let us down. Caring about others and loving others takes risk and probably more than we have in us most of the time. But I think the more we put out there, we'll have something returned greater than we could have imagined.


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DAGDA68's Photo DAGDA68 Posts: 840
2/16/10 1:23 A

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Yea I know what you mean I had a friend of mine so Dan sometimes you can be so hetero when I was out with him a few weeks ago. I think a lot of people that I have come out to think I am gay and just in denial.

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JYCAEGIMA Posts: 243
2/15/10 6:39 P

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For most of my adult life I have just rejected the label completely because the assumptions that seem to always be attached piss me off like nothing else. I have had knock down, drag out arguments in the middle of LGBT classes and meetings where I will be told that no one is really bi.

There is nothing quite as unsettling as having someone who knows exactly how awful bigotry is argue that their hatred doesn't count.

I'm slightly bitter, can't you tell? emoticon

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SAPPHIRETYGER's Photo SAPPHIRETYGER SparkPoints: (0)
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11/11/09 11:23 A

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Well I am no longer good for a long-term thing, I have decided. Not so much because of bisexuality but simply not having the time or energy to give to a relationship any longer!

The universe tells you:
"YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND"


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FLY0NTHEWAL1's Photo FLY0NTHEWAL1 Posts: 1,224
10/6/09 3:23 P

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Yea I can't seem to get away from that stigma either, that I'm not good for a long-term thing. At the same time though, I don't want to be with someone who would judge me so anyway.

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VANILLABEAR's Photo VANILLABEAR Posts: 3,426
9/26/09 10:05 A

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I have found that a lot of men think it's cool that I'm bi and want to get "involved" in that activity. Or they won't take me seriously, because either I will leave them, because I am a closeted lesbian (no) or I am incapable of having a lasting relationship.

"Nothing worth having comes easy." --Scrubs

"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."--Augusten Burroughs



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FLY0NTHEWAL1's Photo FLY0NTHEWAL1 Posts: 1,224
9/12/09 11:49 A

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I find it hard to date also, and I generally don't do it. I find it harder with women, though, most men that I meet don't seem to really care that I'm bi.
Lately I've been really going out of my way to meet more women because most of my dating experience is with men, but it feels like something is missing. I find it harder to meet ladies because most everyone in my life is straight (family, many friends) with minor exceptions. Just wish I knew more places to go other than queer parties which seems more hook-up friendly (not that I mind terribly! haha) than a place to meet like-minded people.

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SAPPHIRETYGER's Photo SAPPHIRETYGER SparkPoints: (0)
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9/10/09 11:21 A

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Absolutely, because you do not "fit" exactly into a gay or straight mold. I have had men tell me they can't be with me because I might leave them for a woman, and women tell me they are afraid to get involved because I might decide I like men better. Argh!
Staying single, that's my decision!

The universe tells you:
"YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND"


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SFERENTI's Photo SFERENTI Posts: 1,543
9/9/09 7:37 A

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Good for you, for coming to this realization!

In my experience, younger people--who are working heard on establishing their own identity--are more likely to be uncomfortable with an identity that's different than theirs. I ran into some snide comments about my bisexuality in my twenties, particularly by gays and lesbians. But now that I'm on the cusp of forty, most people I know have more of a live and let live attitude.

I'm Sue, and I won't let fear hold me back.


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FLY0NTHEWAL1's Photo FLY0NTHEWAL1 Posts: 1,224
9/9/09 3:02 A

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Ok guys, I'm sorry if my topic sounds misleading but I gotta say...

So, for pretty much my whole life I can say I've been in the closet. Even when I came out of the closet 12 years ago (which was very anticlimactic, fyi). I feel like I've had some embarrassment being bi. In my experience, people like you to play for one team or the other. I've kind of played by those rules, by acting the role I think people expect from me when I'm with a particular crowd. Lately it's been much better because I finally figured out that I felt shame about it, and then I felt angry (at myself? I dunno, I like to get all indignant and rebel against oppression haha). Once I realized I felt that way I also realized that I don't care about that anymore. If people want to judge me for living my own life, or not get to know me to be a part of my life because of their preconceived notions about a label then good riddance. Really.

I'd like to know, what's your opinion on this? Have you experienced any prejudice against your sexuality?

(For the record I hate labels, but if I had to pick one I'd call myself Equal Opportunity. lol)

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