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FISHINGLADY66's Photo FISHINGLADY66 Posts: 200,228
7/17/08 8:01 P

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Great advice. Thank you for the wisdom to say no in a nice way.

Irene from Missouri

Any type of action always drives motivation.

"Arriving at one goal is the starting point to another." - John Dewey

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BFITTS's Photo BFITTS Posts: 195
7/17/08 4:18 P

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Those are some really good suggestion of how to saying no and so odd that you posted those today...
I know for a long time I had problems saying no to one friend. Yesterday I finally did it, she wanted me to come pick her up and take her someplace right away and it was not a life or deaths situation she just wanted to go pick up something that she could have taken the bus for but didn't want to. She lives about 20 min away and I know she doesn't have a whole lot of money but neither do I and well I don't have to tell any of you what gas prices are. So I told her I would, but would need some gas money if I was going to do it. Knowing she didn't have the money for gas and taking the bus would be cheaper she all of a sudden decided that taking the bus would be a better idea. Conclusion I said no without actually saying no and she didn't get angry because I couldn't pick her up.

I was just so proud of myself for standing up to her. It almost made me feel giddy.

Edited by: BFITTS at: 7/17/2008 (16:21)
Definition of life: It is a sexually transmitted disease that afflix some people more then others. (Unknown)

The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself. ~Benjamin Franklin

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CHANETC's Photo CHANETC Posts: 3,528
7/17/08 4:10 P

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On a more personal level, some of us equate food with love. I grew up in a household where this felt true. Later in life, when my son was staying with my parents, I'd stop by and pick him up and my mom would always have dinner for me. When I got home, I would eat the dinner that my wife had prepared for me. Needless to say, two dinners a night added the pounds on quickly. I didn't have the tools to say "no". This may not me unique with me. Any thoughts?

"If you are not busy being born, you are busy dying." --Bob Dylan
"Obstacles are those things we see when we take our eyes off our goals."
"If we don't like where we are, change it! We are not trees."
"Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal. My strength lies solely in my tenacity."
-- Louis Pasteur, Chemist and Microbiologist

"Exercise vigorously & stop eating crap."

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7/17/08 3:51 P

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Here are some helpful tips on how to say 'NO', first of all so that you don't have to feel bad with yourself once you say yes, and wonder why you did that, especially in those situations when you didn't want to or couldn't and at the same time not feel like we are letting people down. I hope it helps.

Hugs xoxo

How to say 'no' and still be liked?
by Arina Nikitina

We've all been in this situation. Somebody asks us
to do him or her a favor and, though there are a
gazillion other things we should do first, we
find it difficult to turn the other person down
because he or she has done us a favor in the
past, or is a close friend or a family member.

The concept of gratitude prevails and we find
ourselves trapped in something we really didn't
know why we committed to. We can sometimes be so
worried at causing disappointment in other
people, often at the expense of our own
activities and interests.

Frankly, knowing how to say 'no' requires SKILL.

Others might say that it shouldn't be hard to do.

But, let's face it. We live as social beings and
acceptance often occupies the number one spot in
the list of virtues we want to achieve. Despite
this, there are actually ways we can circumvent
this difficulty. Subliminal persuasion is one
way. Here are five more friendly, pain-free and
reasonable ways to say 'no'.

1. Say 'no'; then show what the other person has
to do to get a 'yes'

For example: An employee is asking you for a
raise but you hesitate to do so because lately
he's been skipping work and picking arguments
with co-workers. Yet, he looks like he really
needs it and has been working for your company
for three years now. You want to give him a
raise, but his recent behavior is a little
disappointing. How do you say 'no'?

Tell him that you can't approve a raise right
now, but will do so once you see an improvement
in his work ethic. You can say, "I understand
your need for a salary increase, but in order for
me to implement that, we'll have to work on
strengthening your work habits. Now, let's see
how we can make that happen..."

2. Make it impersonal.

Make it sound like saying 'no' was a matter of
circumstance, not of choice. An example of this
is: "We've just paid our mortgage and my daughter
is going off to college in two weeks. I won't be
able to lend you money."

3. Say 'no' in a way that will make the other
person say 'no' to himself or herself

Instead of saying 'no', teach the other person to
say 'yes' to what you want. Do this subtly, of
course. For instance, your fashion conscious
sister wants to get a pink iPod while you want a
blue one. You can tell her that while pink is a
cute color, it's more difficult to match with her
clothes. Once you level with her and link what
you want with what interests her, she'll give in
and agree with you.

4. Say you want to say 'yes', but...

Like tip number two, make it sound like you had
no choice but to turn the other person down. This
way, the relationship remains intact and no one
gets hurt. Just don't involve other people, like
blame your saying 'no' to somebody else, as this
could result in conflict and ill feelings.

5. Say it nicely.

You're giving negative news, so you might as well
do it nicely. Let the other person down easy to
avoid misunderstandings. It's the least you can
for the disappointed. People tend to be more
accepting of bad news if it's brought in a polite
and sympathetic manner.

You cannot get what you’ve never had unless you’re willing to do what you’ve never done.

Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.
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