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KOHLRABIGIRL's Photo KOHLRABIGIRL Posts: 9,978
4/11/18 12:40 A

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Hello!

First of all try to find the reasoning behind why your husband refuses to buy the fresh produce. If for nothing else it will help you understand why he does what he does. Is it he does not want to eat or cook with them? Or is it more that buying them will take away money from all the things he wants to eat and cook?

We live on one income as my husband does freelance work and I homeschool. Itís feast or famine here, usually the later. My husband is a bit of both of the above. My husband doesnít chose to eat very many vegetables and I could never see him cooking them for us. If it simply is that he doesnít want to eat or prepare them make sure he knows you arenít going to push them on him or make him prepare them for you.

My husband likes to eat what he wants to eat when he wants to eat it. When he goes to the store he choses coffee, eggs, milk, cereal, bread, bagels, yogurts, cheese, deli meat, and ingredients for chocolate chip cookies. These are his necessities and he doesnít think to buy mine. I try not to let him do the shopping very often. We donít eat very many processed foods so I canít really relate to that and we almost never eat out. He bakes a lot so I deal with it. When I go to the grocery store I buy stuff for meals and fresh vegetables and fruits for snacks. The kids eat decent meals and have a good balance of fresh produce and cookies/brownies for snacks. When we are really low on money he feels angst that I want the fresh stuff and he wants the coffee. Sometimes we switch off. Does your husband buy you any fruits and vegetables beside the stuff for salad or are you just wishing for a better variety? Maybe you should take a small step and insist on him picking up an extra fruit and vegetable that you desire like a bag of clementines or apples and a bag of carrots or radishes. Tell him that would be very helpful. Then take another small step when that is a habit for him.

If you had time to exercise what would be your exercise of choice? Can you walk inside or around your house daily? A little over a year ago when I took up exercising my husband was amused and thought it would be a short-lived pursuit. Now when we are on a day trip he tries to find a park or a mall for me to get in my walk. When we are home he asks if I took my walk. He knows it is important to me because Iíve shown him it is important to me.

Take one day at a time and do what you can. My husband has softened to my food and fitness needs over time. He even bakes whole wheat pizza crust now. A year ago I would never have imagined that possible. Iím still trying to convince him that having a FitBit or a smartphone would motivate me to move more.

Thanks for sharing!




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RETIREDAT60's Photo RETIREDAT60 Posts: 2,495
4/10/18 5:12 P

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I am sorry that I don't have any great ideas for you, but I do have some observations.

First, you and your husband have a relationship problem, and I think that is a major stumbling block to improving your life. So, I would suggest that you consider couples counseling. If your husband refuses, I would try individual counseling. I benefitted from counseling when my ex and I were having issues. Not that I am advocating that you consider divorce or anything, but it is obvious that things are not going well with the two of you.

I do not have fibromyalgia, but I understand it is extremely painful. I wonder if a "pain clinic" in your area might be able to help you in some way. I know people who have been in chronic pain, and have found pain clinics and other doctors (including alternative therapies) can help.

While your husband probably will not listen, I think he is wrong in thinking that exercise is the answer to your weight and pain issues. I never had much weight to lose, but I found that watching my food intake (tracking food on Sparkpeople) worked very well when I did. Of course, I did exercise, but the food part was the most important aspect. And, exercising that causes pain or increases pain, is never a good idea.

I know you are having a very difficult time of it, and I hope and pray that you find a way to get out of this stress.

Linda

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NOVEMBERMUM's Photo NOVEMBERMUM SparkPoints: (15,138)
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4/10/18 1:05 P

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Hello!
I joined the group today and I wanted to say hello. I've been on Spark for a long time, but I sometimes stop for a while then come back. The trials of being a dieter! ;)

I am looking for input if anyone would care to give any.

Ideally, I need to lose 80 lbs., but realistically, it'd be great to lose 50 lbs.
I have fibromyalgia, which makes the pain/fatigue almost unbearable some days. I'm married, work full-time, have two young children and take classes online so I can make a career change in the next year to earn a better salary. I am our family's only source of income. Unfortunately, my health usually comes last on that list. emoticon

OF COURSE I want to be more fit and healthy, but in all honesty I turn to food for comfort and time as well as chronic pain are serious barriers for me.

I need advice. My husband means well, but he isn't supportive like he thinks he is. I've talked to him, but he's an extremely stubborn/prideful person and I usually don't get very far before I give up and he gets his way.

He wants me to lose weight by using the exercise bike, but my pain is in my hips, knees and spine. He thinks the exercise bike will "help" my pain. It's his "cure" for everything! He wants me to lose weight, but he controls the shopping & cooking and won't honor my requests for lots more fresh fruits and vegetables and less junk. Most of what we have at home is processed foods, frozen, snack cakes, chips, etc.

I'm literally out of ideas for improving my lifestyle. When I feel physically okay, I try to use that time to be active with our children. (With fibromyalgia that's usually about 10 days a month) I have no free time for myself to exercise so I incorporate it in housework, playing with kids, etc.

He won't honor my request for better food, though he makes me a salad for (work) lunch daily and oatmeal for breakfast. It's the hours at home I eat terribly. He insists on fast food on weekends. He makes "snacks" like frozen burritos at night.

Help! Sorry this is such a "downer" post, but that's my current situation.

TIA

Just Blogin' It thankfulheart35.blogspot.com/

Wife, Mother, Bookworm, Survivor.


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