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KAYAHSLOANE1's Photo KAYAHSLOANE1 Posts: 10,725
4/30/15 5:48 A

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I read this and most grateful for never having to go through the baby and toddler stage, seriously! Honestly the SO and I are a little older and we had already been through not so great first marriages so we knew what we did not want this go round. We actually wrote up a contract and used a few marriage books and we both look at that contract every month just about to make sure we don't need to revise or change how we want things to go. We went through marriage counseling before we were married at his church and the Pastor said you don't really need to be here. (It was said in jest slightly but he meant we were definitely on the right track.)

We have 2 young ones, one is off to University in the fall. When we married in 2013 the 2 young ones were quite happy their father was marrying me. The older is off to University in the fall and the other is a teenager. She acts like it of course but she is fairly mature for her age. I'm lucky she has her mother as well and other females to guide her along. Sure we have some stress with the kids but the SO is pretty loving and disciplined with them so most of the drama has not gone far. I don't think I would have married the SO if I had to deal with crazy mean children who disliked me and a wacky ex. I don't put up with drama on those fronts. I know it sounds harsh but everyone should know their limits before they decide to marry a person with an ex and children, I knew I could handle it. Plus I knew I didn't want a baby of our own, not doing it so I made sure my SO understood I am not having a baby.

The SO and I have had our moments where we look at each other and know the newness and euphoria is not quite as it was when we reconnected but we love that about one another. It means we really do care and appreciate one another. He deals with my depression issues when they occur sometimes and I deal with his jealousy issues. He deals with my needing to be alone more than he does. I deal with his dominance issues when I don't want to even though I love that about him a lot. It just occurs when I don't want it to sometimes is all. We take the good, bad and ugly with one another! Marriage is like that, if you want to be independent all the time then marriage is a bad idea.





kayah in Nevada
Powerful Prism Panthers #27-38


"If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so. Think twice before reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay."



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CJBAGGINS's Photo CJBAGGINS Posts: 33,383
4/14/15 7:55 P

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Very true!


cj

What if we woke up tomorrow with only those things that we thanked God for today?


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LIKINMENOW's Photo LIKINMENOW Posts: 51,476
3/29/15 5:45 P

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What Marriage is Really Like: One Womanís Perspective

Itís rare that I come across an article where a woman is transparent with what marriage can look like day to day. I applaud Mrs. Natalie Thomas for her courage and willingness to share a glimpse into her life with the world.

ďYou will HATE him!Ē

Years ago, I attended the wedding of one of my closest friends. Another friend, now living out of state, already married with a 6-month-old, was telling us how exasperated she was with her husband. She warned the rest of us, responsibility-free, about what our future entailed.

I thought her statement was harsh. And that she needed anger management or couples counseling. I actually feared for her marriage ó and her husband.

Fast-forward five years and I completely understand. She wasnít unstable or angry; she was married with a kid.

My mom and sister tried, albeit in a nicer way, to prepare me too. But, like every person in the throes of young love, I thought he was different, we were different.

The only thing different was the stage we were in compared to others. You canít tell a high on life honeymooner that their vacation will one day end. That it isnít all Mai Tais and massages. That life, a full life, with a significant other is an intoxicating, thrilling, ever-turning ride, yes, but one that you often want to get off, stop the spinning, lie down on the cold tile floor, grab the barf bag and dump it on his head.

And just when you think youíre about to pull the emergency brake, that you canít take one more minute, suddenly youíre soaring, hands raised, heart aflutter.

Or when you think you canít love him more, be happier or luckier, the bottom drops out. After all thatís what love is, living life to the brink, eyes welled with tears, head filled with fears, heart about to burst, never feeling more scared, vulnerable or alive. Itís a cycle and if we see it through long enough, white-knuckle through the bad, itíll always come back around to the good. At least thatís what I tell myself.

My personal relationship roller coaster has gone somewhat like thisÖ

Initial spark. Want to know everything about him. Canít stop thinking about him. Planning our lives together in my head after our first meeting.

Bad first date. Over him. Pick apart everything about him. What was I even thinking?

A year passes. I think about him from time to time. Replay everything in my head. See him again. That spark. Best second, first date ever. Back to swooning. Heís everything.

Heís moving back to Texas. Over him. List of reasons in my head why it never would have worked. Break him down. Move on.

A year later. Our friendsí wedding. Mexico. That spark. Margaritas. Infinity pools overlooking the Cortez. More margaritas. Game over.

He moves back from Texas to New York. We move in together, canít get enough of each other. Obsessed. Inseparable. Until we fight about his old, ugly dresser and too many throw pillows, placing our independence on inanimate objects.

Once we get past the pillows, itís like playing house. Forbidden and fun.

We become engaged. Euphoria.

We start wedding planning. H*ll.

We contemplate calling off the wedding, breaking up.

Honeymoon. Heaven.

Other peopleís weddings. Peace.

First couple years of marriage without kids. Bliss. All the fun, none of the pressure. Riding high on a child-free zone. Selfish, insane fun.

Making the baby. So bonded. So in love. Reliving our honeymoon. Relaxed. Stress-free. Sun-tanned. Wine-filled.

Pregnant. Bonded by the WTF moment. Thrilled about the future. Each doctor appointment and ultrasound, we grow a little closer.

Hormones. I could kill him for doing this TO ME. The mere smell of him repulses me. What he eats, how he chews, the fact that heís losing weight, getting sleep, seemingly totally unaffected by whatís happening to me and what used to be my body.

Health scare. Attached at the hip.

Date night. He drinks a bottle of wine. Consumes copious amounts of sushi. A variety of off-limit meats and cheeses. And Iím ticked.

Go time. I cling to him like Saran-Wrap. Stage 5 has nothing on me.

He sleeps (the last weíll get in months, maybe years) while Iím itching. I hate him once more.

Baby! Weíre in awe and eternally grateful. The three of us are a force, a family. Itís us against the world. I wouldnít want anyone else in our trifecta in TriBeCa.

Breastfeeding class. They tell me he canít stay for a 45 minute seminar just down the hall from our room and I have a mental breakdown.

Home. We spend two blissful, horrible, beautiful, sleep-deprived and love-filled weeks together.

He goes back to work. Doomís Day. I donít know how I will function without him.

But I do. With each day, every week, I get stronger, more confident, knowledgeable and bonded to my babe. Iíve got this motherhood thing. Who needs the father? All he does is get in the way, interrupt our rhythm, make a mess.

Thursday comes, Iím losing steam. By Friday, Iím cooked. I canít wait for the weekend for him to be home, get some help, for us to be a family.

By Sunday night, Iím ready for him to go back.

And the coaster continues.

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