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Apathy In Marriage Ė The Pain Of Losing My Husbandís Affection
Writen by: Jennifer J Roos

Apathy in marriage is a silent killer of relationship. It tears couples apart and damages the affection once held in high esteem. Jennifer Roos is a guest today sharing how apathy affected her marriage and the pain she experienced of losing her husbandís affection. If you can relate in any way or find encouragement through this article please share.

I rolled over toward the wall and pulled my knees up to my chest. I shut my eyes tightly, forcing the tears back in. The room was dark and I felt defeated by an invisible enemy called apathy. It had crept into our marriage, unanticipated and unnoticed, secretly hypnotizing us and eroding our love for each other. Entranced by our obscure opponent, we had become emotional strangers.
Why hadnít we been on guard?

We believed our love was different. We said we were above the world and no temptation could lure us away from one another. We thought our foundation of vulnerability and trust would support us for the years to come but my belovedís words to me that night hung heavy in the air, challenging my naÔve ideals and giving me reason to believe my marriage was dying after just six years of living.

I love youÖ but sometimes I question how much. My heart has hardened toward you and Iíve stopped being transparent and vulnerable. Iíve allowed so many things to come in and invade my spirit and I canít see you for who God intended you to be to me. Jennifer, forgive me. Things will change. I promise.

You donít know how much you love me?

I peered into the blackness of our bedroom hoping this feeling of rejection and hopelessness would simply disappear. Sadly, my raw heart and heavy spirit were proof that I could not wish this foe away. I wanted to pout like a child and plead with him to give me back what I had unknowingly lost: his affections.

But something told me that this chasm between us was not to be jumped over but rather climbed through.

I faced my husband and, like a good Christian wife, I prayed for him.

Lord, immunize my beloved against the venom this world constantly spits at him. Bring life back to this relationship. Unite our hearts again and deliver our marriage from the adversary.

We said goodnight and I turned away. As quickly as I spoke out forgiveness my flesh and my spirit waged war.

Caught in a complicated maze of emotions, my flesh marveled at the audacity of my husbandís confession.

You donít know how much you love me? I do everything for you! Iíve given all of myself to you, withheld nothing from you. I should be the one questioning my love for you! Iím finished trying. If this marriage fails I am not to blame.

Contrary to my flesh, the Spirit reminded me that love is not easily angered; it keeps no account of wrongs suffered. Love always protects, trusts and perseveres. It never fails.
My flesh told me I deserve better

Faithfully, the spirit showed me that the man I wholly loved was wounded from the fiery darts of the enemy. My husband, who was brave in his confession to me and desired restoration, needed me to be his advocate before the Lord rather than his accuser before the enemy.

My battle was not against flesh and blood but the powers of this dark world. It wasnít personal, it was spiritual and yet somehow I could not take my eyes off of my own wounds and my unmet needs.

I woke the next morning and questioned the Lord.

How do I love my husband and honor you in the midst of all my hurt? Why should I love him when I get nothing in return? How can I move forward when my heart wants to retract? Lord, the one whom my soul loves has broken me.

And with truth like thunder, the Lord spoke gently to my heart. What He said to me, although very simple, required a denial of self that was foreign to me. It was humbling, costly and followed the example of our master. He whisperedÖ

Love without measure.

Serve without entitlement.

Give without gain.

Jennifer, sometimes loving is a sacrifice that requires dying.

ďThe Lord God will help me; therefore, I shall not be confounded. Therefore, I have set my face like a flint and I know I shall not be ashamed.Ē Ė Isaiah 50:7

*I believe that God sees marriage as a clay pot shaped over time by the masterís hands and refined by fire. Its worth is in its durability, usefulness and longevity; not its outward appearance. My husband is my fellow sojourner through this sinful land and sometimes, as Iíve recently learned, his struggles are neither because of me nor meant to be fixed by me. I am simply his companion used by God to walk alongside through all types of terrain, never wandering off course and never losing sight of our destination.

Edited by: LIKINMENOW at: 12/28/2014 (16:23)
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