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KAYAHSLOANE1's Photo KAYAHSLOANE1 Posts: 10,612
11/9/14 10:59 P

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I hope the author wants me to take this article with a grain of salt. emoticon

If I did any of this with my husband he would totally flip out and feel like I didn't care for him as he cared for me. I try and keep perspective within our marriage and relationship so he has time to do what he likes. For example, he goes to church services Sunday with the 2 young ones and takes them to lunch and runs errands! He goes to work during the week and I try and have him go play with his friends either some nights or on Saturdays. He does so sometimes but after a long work week he says he wants to spend time with me more than anything. He gets a little cranky when I am occupied with cooking dinner, doing housework, taking care with the young one or just relaxing myself after working and taking care with the home and its responsibilities.

I wouldn't be happy totally always spending time with the SO because it would feel much too demanding on my part. We have struck a balance though and it seems to work for us. I'm more introverted and the SO much more extroverted so we have to communicate with this area to make sure we are getting in enough quality time to satisfy both of us.

If I didn't say verbally I loved my husband a lot, he would get annoyed with me and he has in the past. He's a pretty verbal guy. I keep the SO in mind when I do most anything round the house (like prepare his favourite meal, wear perfume, hang the towels the way he likes etc but if I changed my husband would think I became a Stepford wife :)~

I think with certain men this would work but not my husband, no way, no how!

kayah
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LIKINMENOW's Photo LIKINMENOW Posts: 51,476
11/4/14 11:04 A

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Dealing With A Cold And Distanced Man: What To Do If HE Is Shutting Down?
By Cucan Pemo

A couple, as man and woman, will share feelings and each other constantly during a relationship. Often times a man can become self centered, distant and uninterested in what you do or how you are. The man who is distant can make a woman feel uneasy about herself, un-needed, unwanted and often times self conscience as you second guess what you are doing all the time.

So why is your man shutting down emotionally and pushing you further from the relationship than you are comfortable with? You will notice the difference right away, as he doesn’t hold your hand, as he isn’t calling you often, and even moments where he is not looking at you but past you while you are out on the town. The man needs to feel as if he is the center of attention. This doesn’t mean you have to become his love slave, or be at his beck and call, but you have to learn to make the man feel as if he is the center of your universe using your actions and reactions to the relationship.

The main reason men shut women out and become distant is because they are afraid.

Yes, the reason may surprise you but it is a well known fact that men who are afraid of becoming too dependent, too needy will push a woman back and put some distance between the two of you. A man can feel as if he loves you, but at the same time, is afraid of the commitment, afraid of becoming needed and wanted, where you will expect more of the relationship. The man who is afraid of a relationship is going to put some amount of emotional distance in the relationship, and this will be the distance you feel.

Another reason men put distance in the relationship is because they feel overwhelmed by need.

What many women are surprised about, and no man is going to admit, is they will become distant in a relationship because they feel too needed, and you or the family is too demanding. A man must feel a little freedom in his life, where he feels important and able to be himself with out always doing something for you or because of you. While it is hard to change, you can cut the distance in your relationship by helping your man feel a little more freedom and at ease in his life.

The cure is easy for the distance in a relationship such as this; allow his to enjoy his life. As a man enjoys his life, he will find he also needs you there to share in his joys, and accomplishments. The added freedom could be that he loves watching football, or loves being at the baseball field, or that he loves coaching youth teams. Giving him the time to enjoy his own past times and hobbies is going to give him the freedom in his life that every man needs. He will ultimately feel good about himself, and where he is in life, and in turn will want to share more with you, and be closer to you because of it.

Think about the many things you do, say and how you ‘are’ that may lead to your man being distant emotionally. Are you putting too much pressure on the relationship as you say you ‘love him’ all the time, or that you ‘need him’ all the time. You, as the woman, need to back off on the telling him all the emotions in your life, and focus only on showing him how much you love him. Showing a person, a man, how much you love him is going to be much more valuable in the relationship than actually saying it aloud all the time.

For example, if he is leaving a business trip for a few days, show him you love him by putting something in his suitcase that will remind him of you while he is away. Just a little note, with a heart, and no words, no written message, just the hidden message of your love he will find at a later date. Calling your man and telling him you love him every five hours while he is away is going to put pressure on the relationship he may not need, want, or have the time to tend to while he is away on business.

So, what can you do to keep the relationship alive?

Keeping the relationship alive is going to be much easier than you might have thought before. As a woman, you are constantly working and tending to the needs of your relationship. To keep the relationship alive you want to show the man how you feel instead of saying it aloud all the time. Make him coffee in the morning, or make his lunch before he leaves every day, your actions speak louder than words in many cases.

Keep the relationship alive by taking the time to make his favorite meal, or do your hair in the way he loves most. Keep the relationship alive by putting on sexy perfume even when you are sitting around the house. A man needs to feel you love him, but without having to hear it all the time.

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