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CJBAGGINS's Photo CJBAGGINS Posts: 33,383
8/26/14 12:49 A

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I hope that for you as well.

cj

What if we woke up tomorrow with only those things that we thanked God for today?


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MOMMA48's Photo MOMMA48 Posts: 627,043
8/25/14 10:28 P

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Thank you for your advice and support. It definitely is a tricky one, but one that I'm hoping we can somehow turn around for the better and mainly to get my more positive hubby back.

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CJBAGGINS's Photo CJBAGGINS Posts: 33,383
8/25/14 6:34 P

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That does sound like a very tricky situation!

I'm glad you have thought of a possible solution - or beginning of a solution. Speaking to your pastor is a great idea. My next suggestion to you would have been based on the answer to the question of whether you were a believer, and if you pray, or if you had a spiritual advisor like a pastor or priest or rabbi.

It seems you got there without me, lol!

Take care.
cj

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MOMMA48's Photo MOMMA48 Posts: 627,043
8/25/14 11:21 A

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Actually, I am somewhat the one that does the talking for my hubby with his siblings, as he doesn't want to. I don't know if he is afraid to let his feelings out to them for some reason, so he just tells me to handle it. I'm the peacekeeper of sorts among all of them, but when we get home, he lets his frustrations out on me. As a bit of background and something that really is the core of the problem--my father-in-law changed his Will during his final days and, one daughter said she would take on the responsibility of selling the real estate and dividing the proceeds with all of the children. So, the Deed was changed into the name of my hubby's sister and her husband. The sister has made the statement to her siblings that if she would now pass, the family home would be in the name of her husband and then onto their children, who were never really close with the family. She really hasn't been trying to sell the property and this has hurt all of the family as it's a matter of trusting their sister -- and NOT the fact of receiving any sort of inheritance, etc. I think it's more of the feeling that he lost his Dad, and then some sort of anger ? that his Dad didn't care enough about the rest of the family to sign everything over to one daughter. So, loss, hurt and distrust are the main issues and he refuses to talk to anyone about his feelings and definitely not a counselor. All I can do is tell him his Dad wasn't thinking of those sort of things when he signed the paperwork - he trusted his daughter who wanted him to take care of the paperwork while she was there with her hubby and without asking any of the other children (and, yes, sorry to say, he did pick the wrong child-I feel bad about saying it, but the truth has been shown over and over again) -- but it's time to let go and he just can't. Maybe in time--I'm not sure. I've seen so many of these cases while working at the law firm and most of the time it's driven by who is getting what and how much is it worth -- which is really sad -- but this one is almost worse -- emotions and hurt take a long time to heal and, yes, I just wish he'd talk to someone about it as I really do feel -- he needs to talk it out and to someone other than me or his other siblings. He needs to hear the words from someone else -- and maybe my next step is to call our Pastor and let him know what's going on. He may have some ideas as he and my hubby are great friends and there may be a way to step around the word "counseling". Hmmmm...gotta think about that one!

Thank you for your advice and sorry that my fingers rambled away here, but this is on my mind constantly and I just wish something would help the situation.

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CJBAGGINS's Photo CJBAGGINS Posts: 33,383
8/25/14 10:25 A

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Are you in contact with his family and/or friends? Have they tried different things as well?

Can you go for some professional help and get ideas from a professional as to how to deal with his intense grief which is affecting him so badly?

cj

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MOMMA48's Photo MOMMA48 Posts: 627,043
8/24/14 5:28 P

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emoticon Ever since my hubby's Dad's passing in January, he has been so negative about everything and I'm trying to be understanding and have gone over and above what I can do for his family and definitely him, but I'm running out of ways. I know he is taking out his grief and related family issues that are still going on, toward me as I'm the one who is the closest to him, but I'm getting so worn out by his negative words and actions on me, that I'm feeling like running off to the hills (LOL)! He will NOT go to counseling or deal with his own family members face to face, I just wish I knew what I could do. Any ideas, my friends?

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CJBAGGINS's Photo CJBAGGINS Posts: 33,383
8/18/14 11:56 A

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I will have to try these when my dh is having a rough week and is therefore more negative than usual.

cj

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LUCYVT's Photo LUCYVT SparkPoints: (69,191)
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8/17/14 10:40 A

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Thankz!

Be patient! Things will change 4 the better.


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LIKINMENOW's Photo LIKINMENOW Posts: 51,476
8/17/14 10:32 A

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Help Your Negative Spouse

If you are married to a negative personality, you are not responsible for making him/her feel better. However, here are some things you can do to help your spouse be more positive:

Do not take the negativity personally.
Remember that the negativity is your spouse's problem, not yours.
If your spouse rejects your offers of help, don't over react.
Spend time with positive folks. You will need some time off from your spouse's negativity.
Invite your spouse to take a walk with you at least once a week.
Acknowledge your mate's positive accomplishments.
Encourage your partner to try new things.
Don't be afraid to say "Enough!" and change the subject to something more positive.
Be open to seeking professional help.

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