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TAYSTHENAME's Photo TAYSTHENAME SparkPoints: (6,286)
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4/7/14 9:59 P

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My husband is a true gentleman. He opens not only my door, but the door for all women. He gives his seat away even if that means he has to stand for an hour. The hospital he works in all the staff actually call him the gentleman. I love that. I love that when he is gone the legacy of how he treated all women will live on.

With having two sons my husband is keenly aware of his actions. He has to set the bar. He has to show them how to be men and how to treat women. Chivalry is not dead in our home. It's alive and well, spreading in fact. Our MOGITs (men of God in training) know what it means to not only love their future wives, but how important it is to the heart of their Heavenly Father. If it matters to the heart of God it has to matter to us too.

When I spoke one on one to my mother in law about submitting she laughed at me. No joke, laughed. Now, I am a strong willed girl that can more than handle herself. I can still be strong and courageous in my life while submitting to my husband. I had to learn to allow him to be leader. Submitting isn't about losing power or being weak. Really there is so much freedom in it for both parties; if done right. Just because a woman submits doesn't means that makes the man the ruler of all things.

I was raised in a single Mom home around a bunch of women that were strong and all but said men were not a needed part of their lives. They raises their kids and did life without husbands. Sure, we can do it. Just not as well, I've tried.

About a year ago after the adult service at Church let out and we were headed to get our youngest, a friend asked what we had done that day (it was a Wednesday). My honey and I had the rare treat of spending the day together just the two of us. He smiled and said "i took her clothes shopping and bought her a new outfit". The friend asked for my husband's "man card". I simply told our friend that maybe he should get his "man card" back from whoever took it and take his wife shopping.

As much as us girls and our mixed and often rude signals send the wrong signs so do other men. Men sometimes like our friend just don't get it. The word "leader" is thrown out there and the perspective is boss. Ah no. Men don't want to look weak either. There are some that don't want to look like their wives "control" them. But at least in our home and in the homes of many of our friends the wife is respected and respectful enough to be of wise counsel. She discerning and can make good decisions; she is trusted and valued.

Really, it's all about both sides giving their marriage to God and working together lovingly to serve Him and each other the best way they know how.

Grace and Peace,
Teri

Check out my blog! floridachristianmom.wordpress.com


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DELIA38961's Photo DELIA38961 SparkPoints: (37,314)
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3/4/14 4:48 P

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As a mom of 2 young men I have always tried to teach them the importance of how to act as young respectable men and to treat the opposite sex (whether they be young or old , rich or poor , and no matter their religious preference or nationality )with diginity and respect .I raised them to hold doors open , to help carry bags , &to say yes maam and no maam please and thank you . It does not dimish thier manlyness by being conceterate of others . At the same token it doesn't mean a woman who is submissive to her husband is weak . She is recpecting him

delia* believe in yourself and you will be amazed at what you can accomplish

its only considered failure when you quit trying

central time zone Mississippi

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KAYAHSLOANE1's Photo KAYAHSLOANE1 Posts: 10,549
3/4/14 1:58 A

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I've read this before but I had to really think about it before responding! When I was young I thought I didn't need for men to do anything like opening doors or offering me his seat but I did appreciate it and thanked a man when he did anything like that for me.

I have to agree about one thing, I can see why many men do not do these things anymore. I think if women don't wish to have men treat them kindly then they should politely decline but I think some women wrongly assume men think women can't do for themselves which is completely wrong! I've heard some women bemoan why men don't approach them and they find the wrong men. Its pretty simple, you send bad vibes to the right men. Men want to be men, a MAN.

Personally, I couldn't stand to be with a man who wasn't manly and it took me a long time to figure that out. I thought I was a bit more of a feminist than I really was. I like a strong man but who is a gentleman at the same time. Its what attracted my husband to me and vice versa. He told me he was attracted to me because I was pretty, caring and kind, polite, sexy but not a pushover. (He's originally from Italy, used to being a gentleman with females.) He said I did seem a little intimidating but he decided to take a chance and he was rewarded for his many years of being alone because he couldn't take women who were nasty, bossy, mean and outright rude and a gossip at that. He was impressed I was intelligent and not a gossip. He asked me what I watched on TV and I said pretty much nothing but Jeopardy, sports or documentaries or travel shows and he liked that.

It took me some time to get used to having him open car doors for me and shutting them but everything else I was fine with and appreciated it. It meant I trusted him and let him be a man and I was a female. I still have a little trouble with letting him get me things I'm just used to getting things off the shelf for myself. However, if he's around most of the time I ask him to get me heavy things or items off the higher shelves.

I remember when Candace Cameron Bure said that about her husband and their relationship, it amused me to a point. However, when other women and some men jumped down her throat so badly wasn't necessary. I think the word submissive has such negative connotations for too many people. It rubbed me the wrong way for quite a while earlier in life, but now I quite like being the submissive one. Submissiveness requires as much strength as Dominance, its the other side of the same coin in my view. If two people are communicating in a relationship, then there wouldn't be any surprises about decisions. If you have two Dominant or two Submissive people in a marriage heads are going to really butt and its not necessary to have that kind of friction.

If two people care about one another and serve one another life should be pretty great most of the time in my view~

kayah
Powerful Prism Panthers #29-36 TNT Guru
Panthers #27-36

"If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so. Think twice before reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay."



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LIKINMENOW's Photo LIKINMENOW Posts: 51,476
1/16/14 10:08 A

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And We Wonder Why Chivalry is Dead
By Heidi St. John

chiv·al·ry (shvl-r)
n. pl. chiv·al·ries
1. The medieval system, principles, and customs of knighthood.
2.The qualities idealized by knighthood, such as bravery, courtesy, honor, and gallantry toward women.
a. A manifestation of any of these qualities.

I read a blog post from the ever-interesting Matt Walsh today. Good thing too, because I was up against a writing deadline and inspiration was no where to be found. This did it.

Men, on behalf of women everywhere, I apologize that it appears we don’t want to be treated with respect and kindness where matters of everyday life are concerned. I can see how you would think we don’t appreciate having the door held open. Maybe we’ve allowed the culture to speak for us instead of speaking for ourselves. Maybe all this forward thinking has actually put us back a few decades. Or more.

Last week, Candace Cameron Bure made a remark about submission in marriage. She said she allows her husband to be *gasp* the leader in their home. Keep in mind that we’re talking about a happily married, successful woman, not some beat down, cowering wife. That didn’t matter. Before you could sneeze a tweet out, thousands of mocking remarks flooded the Internet. “Thanks for setting us back a hundred years, Candace!” one woman screamed through her screen.

And we wonder why chivalry is dead. We’ve worked hard for some time to kill it.

If I were a man, I would hesitate to hold the door open for a woman in the culture we live in. I’ve seen men barked at more times than I can count. It makes me sad when I get on the Max train in Portland and see pregnant ladies standing while young, strong men sit and text and tweet and talk. But then again, part of me doesn’t blame them. A gentleman can rarely act like a gentleman in the culture we live in without being seen as a chauvinist, domineering, dare-I-say-it … man.

Since when is it “backwards” for a man to hold the door open for a lady, or carry her groceries or offer her a seat? Since women decided it was. That’s when.

Thanks, feminism. We’ve come a long way, baby.

And that’s too bad—because by denying men the opportunity to act like honorable men, we women miss out on one of the glorious things about being female. (Come on, there has to be an upside to some of the obvious struggles of being female, right?) When we’d rather get the door ourselves or turn a man who offers his seat to us down just because we’re women, we miss out the opportunity to see love and service, respect and honor in action.

And we wonder why chivalry is dead.

Or is it? Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think so.

My husband is a gentleman. It’s one of the things I admire most about him. He holds the door open for women all the time, and he is teaching our sons to do the same. I saw a young man rush to give an older woman his seat on a ferry I was on last summer. I thanked him. He smiled. His smile said it had been a long time since anyone appreciated his kind gesture.

Sorry, but I don’t blame the men for this. For the most part, it seems to rest solely on the women.

A woman at a conference I spoke at last summer told me in essence that women don’t act like ladies anymore. To a certain degree, I agree with her. Heaven forbid if we were to admit we could use some help with that heavy box or that we appreciated the offer of that seat on the subway.

Listen, ladies: if you appreciate a chivalrous man, tell him! If a man holds the door for you, say “thank you!” If he offers you his seat, say “thank you!” and then, accept it. Not allowing men to practice these simple acts of kindness and respect has taken us back in time, not propelled us forward.

Men, it’s a good time to step up. Don’t sit around and wait for women to lead in this area. Hold the door. Offer the seat. Carry the boxes. Allow me to quote Mr. Walsh:


“…chivalry is still essential. Men should carry bags, and hold doors, and pull out chairs, and offer seats to women, not because women are incapable of standing or opening their own doors, but because of what these acts represent — what they say. And what they say is simple: “I am bigger and stronger than you, but I will use my strength to honor you and protect you. I will not hurt you. I will not take advantage of you. I will humble myself before you and serve you.”

And that’s too bad—because by denying men the opportunity to act like honorable men, we women miss out on one of the glorious things about being female. (Come on, there has to be an upside to some of the obvious struggles of being female, right?) When we’d rather get the door ourselves or turn a man who offers his seat to us down just because we’re women, we miss out the opportunity to see love and service, respect and honor in action.

And we wonder why chivalry is dead.

Or is it? Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think so.

My husband is a gentleman. It’s one of the things I admire most about him. He holds the door open for women all the time, and he is teaching our sons to do the same. I saw a young man rush to give an older woman his seat on a ferry I was on last summer. I thanked him. He smiled. His smile said it had been a long time since anyone appreciated his kind gesture.

Sorry, but I don’t blame the men for this. For the most part, it seems to rest solely on the women.

A woman at a conference I spoke at last summer told me in essence that women don’t act like ladies anymore. To a certain degree, I agree with her. Heaven forbid if we were to admit we could use some help with that heavy box or that we appreciated the offer of that seat on the subway.

Listen, ladies: if you appreciate a chivalrous man, tell him! If a man holds the door for you, say “thank you!” If he offers you his seat, say “thank you!” and then, accept it. Not allowing men to practice these simple acts of kindness and respect has taken us back in time, not propelled us forward.

Men, it’s a good time to step up. Don’t sit around and wait for women to lead in this area. Hold the door. Offer the seat. Carry the boxes. Allow me to quote Mr. Walsh:


“…chivalry is still essential. Men should carry bags, and hold doors, and pull out chairs, and offer seats to women, not because women are incapable of standing or opening their own doors, but because of what these acts represent — what they say. And what they say is simple: “I am bigger and stronger than you, but I will use my strength to honor you and protect you. I will not hurt you. I will not take advantage of you. I will humble myself before you and serve you.”


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