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MOM2MISSO's Photo MOM2MISSO Posts: 261
7/9/08 7:05 P

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Yeah he just left Saturday. I think I'm in denial that he's gone because I feel like he's going to walk in the door at anytime. I think it will eventually hit me and it will be like a floodwall of emotions just broke! i'm handling it pretty well, though it is diffictult to be with a 6mo old 24/7. You start talking to yourself and wanting some adult company lol.

Had the butterfly not struggled against the cocoon, her wings would have never been strong enough to fly.


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LORILORENZO12's Photo LORILORENZO12 Posts: 65
7/9/08 4:17 P

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HI MOM2MISSO -- Thanks. He wasn't always this involved and he sure did miss alot (he's had 4 deployments in the 6 years since our first child was born), but he has come around quite a bit!

I'm glad to find this group... I think military wives can use all the support we can get!

PS -- There's a website called "Meetup" that hosts get togethers for different groups. Most areas have a stay at home mom group that links up moms with kids the same ages/genders. It was a great resource to meet people when I first moved away from the base.

How is his deployment going so far? He just left, right?

Edited by: LORILORENZO12 at: 7/9/2008 (16:17)
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MOM2MISSO's Photo MOM2MISSO Posts: 261
7/9/08 4:09 P

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LORILORENZO12, Sounds like your husband is really involved and that is wonderful!

Edited by: MOM2MISSO at: 7/9/2008 (16:07)
Had the butterfly not struggled against the cocoon, her wings would have never been strong enough to fly.


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LORILORENZO12's Photo LORILORENZO12 Posts: 65
7/9/08 12:02 P

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On the last deployment my husband and I tried a few things that made it go by faster. We decided to read the same book while he was deployed then we emailed about it. Since we were on very different clocks it was sometimes hard to talk on the phone. At least we had one thing in common while he was gone. I also kept a "journal". I really like to scrapbook so I wrote down the big events and took pictures or had the kids draw pictures and sent those to him from time to time. He really liked that. Also, since he had computer acess I asked him to help with things sometimes too so he could stay connected. Like when we needed new baby gates for the stairs. He researched the ones he liked and ordered them online. He felt really proud that he was taking care of our safety and that I trusted him with that decision even though he was far away. Don't know if you guys will be able to do any of these, but they really helped for us. I also really loved my webcam and we tried to keep a Saturday "date" so he could see me and the kids and they could see and hear him.

Oh yeah ... one more thing he did. Before he left he put on his BDUs (or whatever they are called these days) and did a visit in my daughter's kindergarden class. They had "bootcamp" day and he gave out prizes for most push ups or USA knowledge. He gave out things like the flag patches he wears on the uniform -- he ripped it right off his sleve and the kids were sooooo impressed. The kids wrote him letters while he was gone and I know our daughter enjoyed staying connected that way. He also got to see how her education was progressing over the year.

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MAMABUNNYOF3 Posts: 9
7/9/08 10:27 A

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I totally get what you are saying about finding your place.
My husband and I were really out of sync when he got home because I was so used to doing everything myself. We had just pcs'ed back to Maryland and 5 weeks later he was gone. I unpacked all the boxes, set up the house, registered my daughter for kindergarten,etc and when he got home, he didn't even know where we kept the toilet paper or who the next door neighbor was.
I think people generally try to empathise, but being a military family in a non military community and then throw in the deployment factor and your social situation drastically changes. I sort of felt like a single mother and while everyone was nice and tried to help out, there were not a lot of invitations to dinner or cook outs where all the couples from my neighborhood would go. It's tricky.
On the up side, it is nice to be your own boss again, so to speak. I liked making the decisions and plans. I was definitely very busy. But after the kids went to bed, it really hit me. I missed that adult time from 8-11 pm where we would just hang out and talk or watch tv.
Even though I've been through it once, I still feel like this time will be different. My kids are older and understand a lot more of what it means to be in Iraq. Not to mention the fact that all three of my kids have lots of activities and more school work now.
He doesn't leave for 6 more months. I will just make the most of what time we have before then.
I think this will be a great support for not only my weight loss but also when he deploys. I have this idea in my head of him coming home to the new and improved me. (maybe I've been watching too many made for tv movies ;-)
One day at a time.


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LORILORENZO12's Photo LORILORENZO12 Posts: 65
7/9/08 10:08 A

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Hey Mamabunny!

My husband is active, but I live 3 hours from the base because of my work. I know the feeling when no one can understand what it's like to have a deployed husband! I also have 3 kids and this last deployment (8 months) was so hard! I just tried to keep myself busy (which isn't oo hard with 3 kids and a 60+ hour a week job).

I find that it's hard to make friends though. If you make friends with a couple you can't do "couple things" because hubby is gone, but if you make friends with singles, when hubby comes home I felt like I would abandon them for "couples activities". Like a no win situation.

I do like having alot of freedom when he is gone. I can schedule my time however I please, so I could do the gym on Saturdays without feeling guilty about opting out of "family" time.



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MAMABUNNYOF3 Posts: 9
7/8/08 9:44 P

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My husband deployed for 18 months when I was pregnant with my third child. He is a reservist and mobed with a cross leveled group from another state so there was no FRG and no other military families around us. He is now gearing up to go again in Feb. The 1st deployment, I was busy and so sick from the pregnancy. It was different b/c I had a baby to look forward to. This time I hope to stay busy and finally get into the shape I was in when we met. Even though he is in the reserves (15 yrs now) we have been active for almost half of that. It does seem that people perceive the reservist differently, but I absolutely consider myself to be an army wife and am darn proud to be. It is harder when your husband is gone though b/c the other moms at school and neighbors just can't relate like they do when you live on post.
For all of you who are going through a deployment or will be.... we are here to support you. You find the strength where you think there is none left, believe me. emoticon

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MOM2MISSO's Photo MOM2MISSO Posts: 261
7/7/08 1:12 P

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Hi ladies!
I'm brand new to this team but this topic hits home. My husband just left for Iraq Saturday. We just had a baby who is 6 months. We've been together for 10 years, married for 2, and this is the first deployment I've had to deal with. Its that much harder for me being a new mother with little family in this area. And because he's in the last 4 years of his active/inactive contract and is a reservist, we are not on a military base. Sometime we get treated like stepchildren when it comes to some military things. But I digress. I don't know how to handle it. I try to stay busy but its so hard when you are a stay at home mom! I'm hoping this group has a lot of support to give because I need it!

Had the butterfly not struggled against the cocoon, her wings would have never been strong enough to fly.


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CAREY.LISK's Photo CAREY.LISK SparkPoints: (0)
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7/4/08 1:06 P

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I don't really know this will be the first deployment hubby and I have experinced and he leaves in october I am so worried for him but also for me what am I going to do why he is gone? I do have family close by so that will help but I still am learning how to deal. we do talk about it.

"you CAN do ALL things through Christ which STRENGTHENS you"
phil 4:13


I don't believe in failure.

( this includes getting healthy!!)


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CSCMARTIN's Photo CSCMARTIN SparkPoints: (0)
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6/26/08 12:23 A

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I keep busy. I work full time and half three girls ages 14, 11 &6 so busy with the after school activities you wouldn't even believe but I find it hard at night and usually holidays. Right now we don't live by a military base because he was doing the recruiting thing for a minute. It really probably would be better if we did live on a base. I just don't know how much of the deploying I can take. We have been married for 15 years and together for 18 all this separation is just really starting to wear on me and to think we have to go through another one again in about six months. By the way Denise, you can do it. I got serious and lost 40 pounds while he was gone the first time. Still have 15 to go and I know I can do it when he is gone but when he is here that is another question. I ran my first 1/2 marathon in May so anything is possible. Show him what you got lil momma.

Carmen
http://carmensmartin.blogspot.com/

Turkey Stuffer 07 5k -34:50
Eugene half marathon- 13.1 - 2:11:50
Kelly Butte Classic 8k -48:42
Nike+Human Race 10k- 58:23
Girlfriend run - 2:01:01
Turkey Stuffer 08 5k - 26:57
Eugene 1/2 May 3 - 2:05:48
Turkey Stuffer - 29:07


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BELLA-GRACE's Photo BELLA-GRACE Posts: 16
6/25/08 10:55 P

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Well, for me, I do try to keep busy. I have children, so lately, I am trying to make the most of the time I have. I have joined a Mommy group online, which meets up several times a week. That keeps the kids happy and gives me adults to talk to. I have also started doing things that I enjoy. I've baked a few cakes for friends, I do crafts as well. I think it's all about making the most of the time. Not focusing on the amount of time left. It's bad enough that our husbands miss out on so much...we shouldn't miss out because we are focused on the time passing. And..it actually makes the time go by, so it's great.

Be not ashamed of mistakes and thus make them crimes ~Confucious


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VA_LADYBUG's Photo VA_LADYBUG Posts: 1,268
6/25/08 9:56 P

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we are kinda in the same boat. my hubby got home from iraq in oct of last year and is going back in nov this year. he just got back from a month in the field yesterday and still has a month jrtc to do. it tough. i wouldnt even say i handel it in i positive way. everyone says to stay busy but i really dont. i am fine during the day weather hes here or not. its at night when its hard and when i get stressed and i dont have any friends to talk to here so i let lose on him when i am stressed and i cant when hes gone. i email him alot. and i buy something big every month. i tell him he gets the best gifts for me when hes gone LOL. but thats about all i can say really

"When life gets you down do you wanna know what you've gotta do?
Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming." --Dorie "Finding Nemo"

"It means no worries
For the rest of your days
It's our problem-free philosophy
Hakuna Matata!"--Lion King

goal-135
current-155
next treat for myself-150 (new outfit!)


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CSCMARTIN's Photo CSCMARTIN SparkPoints: (0)
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6/25/08 9:36 P

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Hi All,

My Husband just came back from Afganstain in Jan. of this year and found out he will be going to Iraq in Jan. 09. How do you all handle deployment in a positive way?

Carmen
http://carmensmartin.blogspot.com/

Turkey Stuffer 07 5k -34:50
Eugene half marathon- 13.1 - 2:11:50
Kelly Butte Classic 8k -48:42
Nike+Human Race 10k- 58:23
Girlfriend run - 2:01:01
Turkey Stuffer 08 5k - 26:57
Eugene 1/2 May 3 - 2:05:48
Turkey Stuffer - 29:07


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