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SHAWNUV's Photo SHAWNUV SparkPoints: (0)
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2/13/08 10:00 A

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Deployments are very hard, there is NO doubt about that. In a sense his friend's wife is right. He does need to find his place. The hope is always to find that place TOGETHER. We recently had our first deployment, DH has been back for a little over a year. He CAN talk about his job he just chooses not to so "redeployment" was very difficult for all of us. We just had to learn to be patient with each other and remember the love that brought us together in the first place. Hang in there. Be strong. And remember you do not have to go back to the "old" you. Instead you have to find the "new" you. Both as individuals and as a couple.

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APPLJELLY's Photo APPLJELLY Posts: 343
2/13/08 9:06 A

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Its been a few years of constant deployments... and there has been little 'recovery' time. I think it's harder on me this time because the boys are a lil older now and it is upsetting them - which only causes more problems w me and the hubby. We also have a new baby - so I'm just tired on top of th stress. Thank you for all your input.... the other day he found (from me) that his buddy from his long deployment is separating from his wife. SHE told HIM he needed to find his own place - and it was the same reasons we are having trouble. It seems to have been pretty eye-opening to him... they were in Cuba years ago - and neither came back 'themselves' - and never recovered. The nature of his work is not something he can talk about - so I think that does not help.... thank you all for everything...ARMYFAOWIFE -
I'll post ics of the new babt on my page..

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ARMYFAOWIFE's Photo ARMYFAOWIFE SparkPoints: (43,875)
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2/12/08 3:15 A

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It is GREAT seeing you back on here Applejelly and teh boy are getting SO BIG!!!


When my DH came home last summer it was hard at first...very short with the kids, hot temper (which he never had before), no patience, etc etc etc. It was something we had to work through and now 6 months later he is back to his normal self.

It sounds like you have bigger issues than I did and might need to see a counclor or a priest just to talk with someone because you do not want the deployments to ruin your marriage/family.

I miss seeing you on here and talking with you. I am here if you need to talk.

Keep moving!





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STBCDR's Photo STBCDR Posts: 172
2/11/08 8:35 P

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My husband returns from Mid-tour leave in less than two weeks, so I cannot relate with your challenges. The one thing that I think will be hardest for when he does finally return for good will be the transition of rolls. For quite some time you have been mother, father and everything to your kids. I guess you have to relinquish some roles and be ready to take a back seat for a while so the roles can balance you. Whatever you do, do not let this phase bring you down and away from your weightloss goals.....good luck

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OKAYIMREADYNOW's Photo OKAYIMREADYNOW Posts: 115
2/11/08 4:02 P

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I dont have any children but My hubby has been deployed twice to Iraq- as well as many of my friends with children. The one thing we agree on is getting away. Take a trip somewhere- not to see family. Just go away to rekindle the flame. And its neutral ground for open discussion; you can talk to him about how you felt when he was gone and how much you missed him and how happy you are that he is back. And then slide in there that you feel like its hard to reconnect and its a understandable but you want the two of you to think of a way to mesh your lives back together.

We both know that he is probably trying to cope with readjusting to home life after deployment but it has to be discussed b/c he could be suffering from PTSD. Ask him what you can do to make his recent return back to family life more smooth and comfortable for everyone- and then tell him what you need.

Hope this helps. It worked for me and about 10-12 other couples I know. Remember that he may not know how to express how he feels; come to think of it, he may not really know how he feels- he just knows he's different. If this doesn't help any or worse case scenario you (or your children) feel unsafe, maybe you should seek counsel from clergy or a therapist.

Edited by: OKAYIMREADYNOW at: 2/11/2008 (16:12)
Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles…. it empties today of its strength.
_____________________
March 22nd Goal- 207 lbs
__________________ GOAL REWARDS
Goal 204- New Gym Clothes
Goal 194- New Jeans


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APPLJELLY's Photo APPLJELLY Posts: 343
2/11/08 3:02 P

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SO - I figured this must be the place for this discussion... hubby has been gone more than home for years now... this past year he was gone Jan-May and left again in Oct. Alot of his trips are 3-6 months - and we have had a 1 yr deployment. We are reserves - so no base here.... how do you COPE with the 'returning soldier'????? He has been gone - and, sadly, we did fine without him. Am loving and supportive wife who is just having a hard time dealing with the return. He is not himself - very abrupt with us all. Am MISERABLE!!! Even his family has noticed. We did/do everything to support him. We even 'skipped' Christmas and celebrated when he came home on Jan (our kids are young, so it was not hard to pull off). We just did not want him to feel left out.... I am loyal and faithful wife who is growing tired of not being appreciated... or even respected. Anyone?

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