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CHUCKLENUTS's Photo CHUCKLENUTS Posts: 93
11/7/10 4:06 P

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My best advice, even though she may not understand at first where you're coming from, or why you think it, because most grandma's don't, tell her how it makes you feel to be spoken to like this. Maybe she just doesn't realize that she's seeming so hurtful. I have family members that are like this, and they honestly just don't know how they're coming off as being hurtful, heck, I have a friend that doesn't realize that he's making hurtful comments because he just sees it at being honest and helpful.

Perhaps if you make it known to her that the way she talks to you only contributes to things like stress eating, and depression in this area, she'll see that she needs to stop talking like this to you, especially if you're all she has left.

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11/7/10 9:39 A

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Thanks for the great advice everyone! Just seeing the responses from all of you has made me feel better and more motivated! I am going to try and do what a lot of you said and just stand up for myself next time it happens and tell her it isn't a topic I want to discuss with her. I am so glad I joined SparkPeople!!

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11/6/10 8:11 P

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That is a horrible thing to go through and I am sorry that you are dealing with that. I hope that it all works out!

CD7863641 Posts: 313
11/6/10 1:04 P

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I'm sorry you have to go through this. I had the same issue with my family and having people tell me that everyone is just fat and deal with it, i'll never be skinny/pretty as an adult. Family can be the cruelest people alive.

I set out on a mission to turn everyone onto my side, and did so by sending everyone the spark book last year. At first no one was interested, but now that i have lost almost 20lbs (this includes before joining sp) some family members are looking at the book. My mother is starting to get behind it and make small changes to help her health and has become supportive of me.

I also included my family in my healthy activities. Instead of going out to eat for my birthday I invited everyone to go play minature golf and go carts. For thanksgiving I have gotten my friends and family to forgo the tradtional fat feast and settle for a fun day of bbq's outside where we can play while the food cooks.

I have learned the hard way that by including my family in fun, healthy activities they are more supportive. Most have admitted they were jealous and had doubts about doing anything healthy. I'm working to chance it around and even dragging my gram out to take a walk around a lake, or even doing some yoga.
Many times people feel left out and afraid they will be forgotten or you will think you are better then them...include them in and have fun, you will be suprised how attitudes can change.

SOJOGAL31's Photo SOJOGAL31 Posts: 86
11/6/10 10:40 A

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I think your Gram is using you as her scapegoat for whatever negative feelings she has. As the saying goes, misery loves company, and if you're saying you're the only person she really has, naturally she's going to lash out at you.

Because she's your Gram, I know you can't just cut her off, and maybe even if you make a point to talk to her, she will continue on with this "tough love" as she may call it. But if you say something, atleast you can walk around knowing that you stood up for yourself, and the best shutdown for negative nancy is success! "Yes Gram, no one wants a fat bride which is why I've been working so hard, but really, what will you have to dwell on once I've lost all the weight? I should wonder!" LOL

15 pounds is fantastic, keep it up bc when you strut down the aisle with your new slim physique, there will be nothing for them to say other than: FABULOUS!

Good Luck!

*~*Halez*~*


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SADOLPHINGIRL's Photo SADOLPHINGIRL SparkPoints: (0)
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11/5/10 3:47 P

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perhaps your grandma is a bit jealous of your increasing self esteem now that you have lost weight and are carrying on to lose weight? Or maybe she thinks that because you are losing weight you will forget about her???
Just a cpl suggestions

If you need to feel that inspiration again:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SbXgQq
bOoU



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THENEWSHANNON's Photo THENEWSHANNON Posts: 498
11/5/10 12:18 P

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There's some good advice on this thread already!

Here's something I have to constantly remind myself of: the things people say to us (or about us) only matter as much as we LET them matter. I'd try having an honest chat with your grandma about how her remarks make you feel, and if that doesn't work find a way to let it go. Keep a tight bubble around your positive attitude, especially when it relates to your weight loss. That doesn't mean you have to cut grandma out of your life, but it might mean spending less of your energy on the conversations you have with her.

Oh, and 15 pounds so far? Go you!!

"It's a choice. Make a different choice." -Jillian Michaels


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SHEDANCERJ's Photo SHEDANCERJ Posts: 174
11/5/10 11:44 A

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my mother is the same way!!!....nothings good enough for her!!!...the way i have dealt with it is by being as blunt as she is when im telling her to BACK OFF...the last time she made a comment about my weight was when i bought a new shirt...her comment was "oh that will look great in about 15-20 lbs"...my response back was "i didn't ask for your opinion and if you don't have anything nice to say id appreciate it if you kept it to yourself"!!!

It took me a long time to get to the point where everything she said didn't hurt me and i was able to stand up for myself and "talk back" to her...I had to get to a point with in myself where i was strong enough to not be hurt by her comments...i realized over time that she was a miserable person and makes the comments to make herself feel better about life...she still makes underhanded comments to me about EVERYTHING she doesn't like about me or what i do...but most of the time i just let it go...

good luck!!!

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CD1881940 Posts: 301
11/5/10 11:28 A

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First off, hooray on the weight loss!!! You go girl!

Now unfortunately as you get older the filter between your brain and your mouth seems to go hay wire. Sounds like Grandma is miserable, and you get the brunt of that. Next time she says something non-supportive, or just plain mean (the bride thing was mean...), approach it in a respectable, kind matter, and stand up for yourself. For example "I've been working very hard toward my goals, losing weight doesn't happen over night and I have lost 15lbs so far. I am really upset that you aren't happy with that, but I won't be unhealthy to meet your goals. I don't think it's okay for you to say something like that, and I would appreciate it if you dropped the subject."

If she persists, politely ask her to simply never bring it up again. I have stopped talking to my co workers about my weight loss because I feel like it is counter productive. Just let her know that she is making you uncomfortable and it's the wrong attitude to have with such a fragile subject matter.

And if you are feeling especially spunky after you've reached your goals, I suggest you stick your tongue out at her and give her an "I told ya so!", and yes, I would SO do that!

RUNTOFINDME's Photo RUNTOFINDME Posts: 652
11/4/10 1:59 P

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Negative people are so hard sometimes. I found that when someone doubted me I was out to prove them wrong. For example, I have lost 126 pounds, I have a few 5k's under my belt and have a goal to run a 20k next June. My husband asked me if that was a reasonable goal!!?!???!! I thought "oh no you didn't, and now I will run that 20k even if I have to walk/run it." So would it totally through her off if you just agreed with her. Like when she says no one wants a fat bride, just say I know grandma, I am doing my best to lose weight and it would be more helpful to me if you would be encouraging of my journey at hand rather than say things that are hurtful, that just holds me back even more. It may just completely confuse her that you have a lagitiment comment to come back with.

I am sorry you have to face this, the journey itself is hard enough. But if you believe in yourself you can and will do this!!
Congrats on the 15 lost so far!!!

SW 346
CW 239
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain!

Believe when it is beyond reason to believe!!

Little motions make big waves!!

Ran the Dam to Dam 5k on June 5, 2010, 38min38sec
Clover Run 2 mile on July 3, 2010 21min 30 sec
Sheels Shoes that fit 5K August 28, 2010 33min 24sec
Susan G Komen Race for the Cure 5K 10-23-10 36min29sec-hard run HILLS!!
April 2011, Friendly Sons of Saint Patricks


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CTK181's Photo CTK181 SparkPoints: (0)
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11/4/10 1:29 P

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Hi everyone, I was hoping some of your may have some advice for me. Since Oct. 18 I have lost 15 pounds (10 before Spark and 5 since joining Spark), and I want to lose a total of about 150 pounds. I feel like I have been doing really well so far but my grandmother is just constantly negative towards me. She will call me up to ask me if I've been cheating or sticking with my diet. She will also constantly give me back-handed compliments like "You're so smart, I don't know why you haven't been able to figure this weight loss thing out." Or "you have such a pretty face it's a shame you have let yourself go." Just yesterday she told me "No one wants you to be a fat bride" (I am getting married in 2012) Just really hurtful stuff. Unfortunately, I'm pretty much all she has since my dad passed away so I don't feel right just cutting her off completely but I just feel so terrible about myself every time I talk to her. Anyone else have a similar person in their life? Any tips on how to deal without just cutting that person out of your life?

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