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HOLISTICJESSICA's Photo HOLISTICJESSICA SparkPoints: (70,919)
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1/2/11 8:59 A

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It's like the whole saying, "you've got to love yourself before you can be loved by others." It's not so much that they don't love you, it's that you need to believe that they love you. I think you are doing a wonderful job by taking those baths and using candles. It will all come to you and you will have that wonderful feeling of being sexy again.

~Jessica~
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FWGOLDMAN's Photo FWGOLDMAN Posts: 8
1/1/11 4:03 P

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Thanks for the words of encouragement. I'm working on trying to feel sexy and get ready for getting intimate by getting in touch with my sensual side...taking baths and lighting candles, putting on something sexy, listening to music that sets the mood. I guess I just need to woo myself a bit. I've told my partner about this recently and he reassured me that he finds me sexy and sees other men looking at me all the time, he's proud to have me by his side. While I had a hard time believing it, if I just imagine that I'm confident, sometimes it helps me to lose my inhibitions. Thanks for all the tips, y'all. Much appreciated and much love!

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BABYGIRL104's Photo BABYGIRL104 Posts: 53
12/27/10 3:03 A

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My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 yrs. I have recently started gaining alot of weight. I feel so uncomfortable when we are "gettin busy". I have told him many times how disgusting I feel when I take my clothes off. He tells me that he thinks I am so sexy and that he wouldnt have me any other way. We have had our ups and downs but I know that he really means what he says.

So my advice to you... Talk to your man. Listen to what he tells you. Take everything he says and believe it to be true. If he only loves you for what you look like on the outside and not who you are on the inside.... then he doesnt really love YOU.

Put on something sexy, in his favorite color and tell your self "damn I look good", then walk in the room as confident as can be and show him how sexy you are.

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HOLISTICJESSICA's Photo HOLISTICJESSICA SparkPoints: (70,919)
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12/18/10 5:22 P

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I understand where your thoughts are. Mine are in the same place and there are days I feel very sexy...until I have to take the outfit off. I have read a lot of articles about having these types of talk with your man and they all say just talk to him. He may not ever bring up the subjects, but when you do he will participate in them and the best part is he will listen and he will be honest.

I had your same feelings just a few weeks ago. I am completely in love with my bf and he is extremely respectful of me, but he wanted me to shower with him. (Keep in mind, I am quite traditional and conservative) I told him all the reasons I couldn't, one being that I was afraid of what he would think of me after he saw me naked. He didn't push, one day I took that shower. Nothing was said at the time, but the next day he brought it up. He asked if I remembered what I said about his feelings changing then he said I still love you and I love the way you look even though that has nothing to do with how I feel about you.

I shared this little story because I took advice from the articles I read and I really do think they are true. Be honest with yourself and him, he will be honest with you.

~Jessica~
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T4KEMEASIAM's Photo T4KEMEASIAM SparkPoints: (0)
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12/18/10 11:02 A

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I always feel sexy when I'm doing a strip tease work out. I also feel silly, but that's part of the fun. The more I did those (I did Carmen Electra's Aerobic Strip Tease) series, the more sexy I felt while doing them. It's hard to feel sexy the first couple of times when you are learning the moves, but once you get the hang of it, it's a little easier.
I have been with my boyfriend for six years and I have gained weight as well. About...thirty pounds as I recall it. It's also super scary for me because I have an apple body type and I gain the weight in my belly. So my insecurity is all about how I look pregnant when I'm naked. I still feel that way when I am naked, but he tells me that he thinks I am sexy and loves me as I am. So when I get insecure about it, I just tell myself that it's not about me, it's about him, and he thinks I'm very attractive.
I don't know how open your relationship is, but if I were having doubts about whether or not my guy thought I was sexy, I would just ask him about it. Very gently, just sit him down and ask him why he never calls you sexy. It could be (and often is with my man) just poor word choice on his part. Maybe he means that you are sexy when he says that. You never know! He may just not want to make you feel like, I don't know a word for it but, like he's just surface level attracted. Anyway, don't be scared to talk to him, but be easy about it. You know how guys are, they don't like to have "talks".
Lol. Good luck though, and just remember-
When you are getting frisky with your man and an insecure thought pops in your head think to yourself "right now is not about me, it's about HIS pleasure. And HE is pleased with how I look." Then move on to other thoughts (like how amazing you feel)




Melissa


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BLACK_CANARY19's Photo BLACK_CANARY19 Posts: 2,518
12/17/10 8:00 P

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I completely understand where you're coming from. I have found that when I work out I have a much better sex drive and I actually feel that my body is getting better. Another thing that is really important in my opinion is to trust your partner when he says he still thinks you're sexy. Don't automatically assume it's just the weight gain...thats the low confidence devil on your shoulder telling you that. He fell in love with you...the person on the inside and true love has no standards on what someone weighs. Just look in the mirror and realize that you are sexy and that you're taking steps to change what you don't like. Men love confidence...so go put on some sexy lingerie and truly believe you look sexy and I'm 100% sure your bf will too!

Zana
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FWGOLDMAN's Photo FWGOLDMAN Posts: 8
12/17/10 2:16 P

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I've been in a relationship with the love of my life for almost two years now and since we've gotten together, I've gained about 25lbs. Our sex life is pretty atrocious for our age (he's 26, I'm 28), we only hook up maybe 2-3x a month. He swears up and down that my weight is not the problem. He barely flirts with me or compliments me other than "you're cute", even though we're very affectionate.

I think the biggest problem is that I just don't have the confidence I used to and hence my libido is low too. I think most of my life, I've felt sexy because men desired me and now that my partner seems relatively disinterested in sex with me, it's not helping. I do feel all sexy dolled up in clothes, but hate the way I look naked and how I look in lingerie.

How do you all feel sexy on your own (not needing a man's validation)? I want to feel okay with myself in my own skin right now, even as I work on my body. I can't not be a sexual person until I lose the weight I want to drop.

Suggestions?

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