Group photo
Author:
HONEYMUFFIN1923's Photo HONEYMUFFIN1923 Posts: 1,485
2/10/11 12:17 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
When we had the kids my Hubby said they HAD to go to the private school our church has. We worked 5 jobs to make that happen. My Girl was picked on, bullied, and had a teacher to yell at her in front of the whole class. I was a christian school without the christian attitude.

We went to public school. The first two teachers we had for her were AMAZING. They would take up for her. They helped her any way they could. They were christians doing GOD's word in the mission field of public school.

We got one teacher that was terrrible. Then we the last year we got good teachers but by that point my Girl had given up.

I say all this to say: You can get good christian teachers even in public school. I also image even if your kids go off to school you will still be helping with homework and some in the class room. I know you love your kids and want what is best for them.



"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're COMMITTED to something, you accept NO EXCUSES; only results."

I tired of being sick and tired all the time!! Time to do something about it!!

And This Too Shall Pass.

LIFE is like an echo..........


 Pounds lost: 6.0 
0
3
6
9
12
ELIZMDYER's Photo ELIZMDYER Posts: 2,603
2/10/11 11:33 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I have been lifting you and your husband in prayer. I hope he finds a way to deal with his anger and that peace is upon your house.

 Pounds lost: 131.2 
0
34.25
68.5
102.75
137
CHADAVILLE Posts: 18
2/10/11 10:43 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I agree with you in everything you said Mariean. My marriage has been in disarray for a long time. I've read the books about changing yourself first. I was so hooked on not giving up and praying and changing. Yet, I have come to realize, soberly, that there are times where you are in a lose, lose situation. My husband has been unfaithful and in response to his own unfaithfulness has become angrier, harsher, more critical, etc. (maybe displacing his own displeasure in his actions onto me???). After the infidelity (2.5 years ago), I was ok. I knew it was a one time thing. But his attitude has gotten worse and worse. We've been to counseling, only to either have my husband not like the guy or say it was too expensive. I know there is the theory of changing yourself out there, but there is another level you can get too. I don't want to give up on my marriage, but I don't want to be blind to all the signs along the way once I look back in 10 more years. The future looks bleak for our marriage. God is able to do all things. My husband will tell you one minute that he loves h'schooling and approves, the next, he'll say he's always wanted me to work and I've been unsubmissive. My neighbor can attest to that and she is ALL about STAYING in a marriage through anything.

I don't believe education, in any form, is the answer for my children dealing with our very open marital issues. I'm not panicing over my children. I KNOW it affects them, which is why I'm trying to, more or less, give my husband the absolute silence he needs now (as he is in school also) and give them a chance to learn and be kids. And if this moment

I love homeschooling. I believe in it 100%, but not in whatever way we want to do it. I believe hs, done the wrong way, can hinder a child. I have an open door of communication with my kids, both ways. They know I have expectations no matter where they are at, public school or home.

I appreciate the advice so much here. I needed to talk to people that understand homeschooling and the challenges it poses. My family would have told me, "I don't know how you've done it this far!" "They'll enjoy public school!" ....blah, blah, blah....that's not the focus though. As the one God will hold responsible for the training of my children, I take the decision very seriously. It has been a battle the entire time (with my husband....even when he asked me to homeschool). One thing that gives me peace is that even Jesus went to the temple to listen to the priests, Samuel was trained by Eli, etc. God holds today and tomorrow in his hand. Whatever he wants is what I will do.

 Pounds lost: 6.0 
0
12
24
36
48
RUNNINGOMA's Photo RUNNINGOMA Posts: 11,127
2/8/11 4:10 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Some good advice here. Don't do anything without prayer and counsel. (Prov. 11:14 in the multitude of counsellors there is safety)

As far as your marriage - which seems to be the root issue here - you guys need counsel. I would seek that in your church with your pastor or someone that can give you Biblical counsel. This is effecting your kids more than you probably realize. Sending them off to school is not going to solve those problems. One verse that comes to me often is Prov. 13:10 - "only by pride cometh contention". Where there is contention - there is pride.

Make sure you are in God's Word EVERY day! Proverbs has a lot of wisdom for every day challenges. You can't change your husband, but you can pray for him and you can change yourself - how you deal with things, the way you respond to him, etc. Just like taught here on spark - choose one thing and concentrate on that and build on that. Another place that we need to go as wives is I Peter 3. That is God's remedy for a husband who is not following the Word of God.

May you be led by our Great God who has all wisdom, and imparts that liberally to all who ask (James 1:5)

Praying for you.
Mariean

In CHRIST I can!
Mariean
GMT +1

Make NO provision for the flesh. Romans 13:14

KNOW that if you really want something you will find a way -- the person who doesn't will find an excuse.

docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=
0ArJWI3jY7Uu-dDJOOWRBY2pFVTFPb0NIcDQ2T
zNTTVE#gid=24


 Pounds lost: 31.4 
0
17.5
35
52.5
70
SUSANSKI's Photo SUSANSKI SparkPoints: (59,847)
Fitness Minutes: (29,290)
Posts: 5,604
2/8/11 10:11 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi. Sending you a quick private message....

And we all lived happily ever after...


Life.
It's Worth Living.
It's Worth Giving.
Choose Life.

Susan...ski www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=65758


http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/gro
ups_individual.asp?gid=65796

Build up the Culture of Life!
We can change hearts, by bringing up the next generation to embrace Life at an early age.
If only moral people are willing to do that, mass abortion will end.


 current weight: 247.0 
247
235
223
211
199
CHADAVILLE Posts: 18
2/8/11 9:00 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Also, I agree public school (with their demands, fund raisers, needing money here and there, etc.) is just as stressful. However, taking into consideration my younger two, it will give me a small break to show them some attention and maybe do laundry (the chore that my husband insists is mine because I asked for it when I became a stay-at-home mom....nevermind the OTHER full time job I took on of schooling my children.....one that I take very seriously).



 Pounds lost: 6.0 
0
12
24
36
48
CHADAVILLE Posts: 18
2/8/11 8:57 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I want my kids to have some free time from us....as bad as that sounds. They are so resilient. My oldest son went to a full year of PK, K, and 3rd at public school. The tension isn't here unless my husband is home. BUT I totally believe you are right....he probably does want a break from it all.

This is not a rash decision I'm making....I am a big proponent of not making permanent decisions because of temporary circumstances. So, after months and years of going back and forth, the unknowns, the marriage situation, my future, etc. I am going to rely on God to bring peace to me and my children, and maybe my husband too if he wants it.

Thanks so much for your advice.

 Pounds lost: 6.0 
0
12
24
36
48
CHADAVILLE Posts: 18
2/8/11 8:52 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Susan-

Actually I am a Christian and I appreciate the prayer. I needed it greatly.

God Bless

 Pounds lost: 6.0 
0
12
24
36
48
CHADAVILLE Posts: 18
2/8/11 8:50 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Elizmdyer-Thanks for your advice. :)

 Pounds lost: 6.0 
0
12
24
36
48
CHADAVILLE Posts: 18
2/8/11 8:19 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Annette - Thanks so much.

 Pounds lost: 6.0 
0
12
24
36
48
HONEYMUFFIN1923's Photo HONEYMUFFIN1923 Posts: 1,485
2/7/11 10:21 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Susan gave a great prayer. I prayed that prayer for you too.

On another note. If there is a ton of tension in the house that could be a reason your oldest wants to go to public school. Kids are smart. They want us to be happy too. He sees how school causes you problems. He also sees ps as a way to get out of the tension. Never knowing when Hubby/Dad will be home and the yelling will start. At our house you can cut the tension with a knife. It starts building at 5 everyday, when Hubby will be getting off work. We never know what kind of mood he will be in. The slightest little thing will set him off. He will fuss about the littlest things. He has been know to yell at me for 45 minutes because we didn't have two towels in the kichen.

We have what we call the purple list, because its on purple paper, that is a list of chores to be completed before he walks in the door. Stupid maybe helps to hold the peace.

Homeschooling for us is also a roller coaster ride but so is private school and public school. We have done it all and I'm here to tell you school is school is school. With my DD a public school day for me looked like getting everyone up and out of the house. On the bus at 630am , off bus at 230pm and homework started at 300 finshed by 8 but at times not until 11. I was still homeschooling just at their pace which was hard.

PS has its own stressors for the kids. You'll have to weight out which is better for your family. Thats were I am. Weighting pros and cons.

What grades are they in again? If anything lower than high school take some time off. Catch your breath. Just enjoy them a little and relax with them. Sounds like Hubby is being harsh and you just need to breath a litlle. I have a Hubby that can be harsh at times. I'm his whipping boy. Everything that is wrong in the world is my fault. I caused it. We have mental health days off not snow days.

Part of him wanting you to homeschool could be him wanting you tied down. He knows where you are 24/7. You need a Mommy time out. You need some time off. Whether taking a LONG bath or handbells at church (I do this one) or whatever. Time off. Not kid related.

I too would be overwhelmed. Its nice when the Hubby is on the same page. We don't even talk about school. Its on the can't discuss list without a yelling match. I have my SP Buddies and RLF to talk to about any problems we are having.

I'm so sorry for you. I understand more than you can know. I too am thinking about going back to PS. Feel free to vent to me as well.

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're COMMITTED to something, you accept NO EXCUSES; only results."

I tired of being sick and tired all the time!! Time to do something about it!!

And This Too Shall Pass.

LIFE is like an echo..........


 Pounds lost: 6.0 
0
3
6
9
12
SUSANSKI's Photo SUSANSKI SparkPoints: (59,847)
Fitness Minutes: (29,290)
Posts: 5,604
2/7/11 9:47 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I'm so sorry for all you two are going through. I don't know what to say. I can't make myself advise sending them to public school. There are definitely deeper issues here. I feel like I need to pray for you, though I don't know your religious views.
I'm going for it anyway.
"Lord Jesus, I ask that you just stop Satan in his tracks in this family. You've done it for me and my husband, making us aware that every time we argued, Your enemy was thrilled. Lord, just bind the devil's hands. Bring peace to her husband, because I'm not hearing anything that sounds like a peaceful spirit. Give strength, peace and wisdom to our friend here. Lord, bless her. She wants a good family and her hands are bound and her emotions are played with. Give her steadiness of heart and mind. Lord, you can change people! Open up eyes that need opened. May each member of the family give due respect where it is needed and love and honor where it is missing. Lord DO NOT let go of this family. Bless them , Lord. See their pain and help them through their own personal issues. I ask this in Christ's Holy and Precious Name, Amen."

I am so thankful that you shared with us. It was a good idea. If you ever want any suggestions on books about Christian families, I have some ideas. I've been blessed with them this past year.
Blessings and warm thoughts to you! Hang in there. If you need to vent, feel free to send me spark mail.
Love, Susan

And we all lived happily ever after...


Life.
It's Worth Living.
It's Worth Giving.
Choose Life.

Susan...ski www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=65758


http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/gro
ups_individual.asp?gid=65796

Build up the Culture of Life!
We can change hearts, by bringing up the next generation to embrace Life at an early age.
If only moral people are willing to do that, mass abortion will end.


 current weight: 247.0 
247
235
223
211
199
ELIZMDYER's Photo ELIZMDYER Posts: 2,603
2/7/11 9:45 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Sorry to hear that you are having so many problems. I am here for support any time you need it. However, you are the only that can decide what is best for you and your family.

It sounds as if both you and your husband are having a lot of issues with anger. I too have had that problem. In fact, I would say most people in the world have at one time or another. I read an article one day that said anger is a result of idolatry. I started inspecting my own motives and what I put first in my life. It is so easy to put things ahead of God and not even realize it. For me, I had put myself there. I did think I should have to do this, or go through that.....When I found out where my anger was coming from, it was much easier to change.

There are a lot of books out there that helped me in both my marriage and homeschooling: Fool-proof living, Designed to be his help meet, and the five love languages just to name a few. These books are very good at helping find the root of the problem.

However, the best advise I can you, is to pray about the situation. God can work miracles and change a negative situation into an opportunity for growth and into something wonderful.

Wishing you only the best!


emoticon emoticon

 Pounds lost: 131.2 
0
34.25
68.5
102.75
137
THENEWME43's Photo THENEWME43 Posts: 9,178
2/7/11 9:37 P

Send Private Message
Reply
I don't have any great words of wisdom to offer, but I am praying for you and your family. May the Lord speak to your husband like only He can.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you're doing. You are NOT going through this alone. emoticon
emoticon emoticon
Annette

Annette


 current weight: 142.5 
150
146.5
143
139.5
136
CHADAVILLE Posts: 18
2/7/11 9:03 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I've been homeschooling for a total of 3 1/2 years, but there was a break in there two years ago. Homeschooling for me has been a roller coaster ride, emotionally. I started out doing it with two children, got pregnant, and then again....now have four children.

My problem is EVERY year I want to quit....and it doesn't change until my husband talks me into it again. I don't feel he is supportive though. He doesn't get involved in it at all and rarely puts the money forth to buy supplies, books, etc. (And I'm not one who feels compelled to do it for free.) I have to force the issue with buying supplies/curriculum by just doing it most of the time. Also, his job situation the last two years has been unstable. When he turned thirty, he decided he didn't want to work in law enforcement anymore (he had only done it for a year and a half) and quit to move to another state to work with his brother. Well, that fell through and his brother was talking bigger than reality about what he could pay him. So, we moved back three months later (which was the break two years ago....my kids went to public school that year bc of the stress).

We are back homeschooling now. He went back into law enforcement last year, but because of a citizen complaint and politics lost the job. Now, he's in school himself in an A/C, Heating, & Refrigeration program (I am happy for him) and collecting unemployment bc of the situation losing his job. We argue like cats and dogs. He was unfaithful to me two years ago as well. I have only in the last month talked to someone about it. I sometimes feel like I hate him. I feel he gets too angry with me, is too demanding, critical, etc....especially if he's wanting me to stay here and be married....which at times he says he doesn't.

All in all, I'm not betting on us being together forever. This is not how I started my marriage either. I am planning on returning to college and taking the required science classes to enter Pharmacy school.

So, I'm saying all that to say, we had a huge argument today because he said when I went to school in 2005 that I didn't have "anything" else to do besides school and I don't understand what he's dealing with. So, that spurred it on with me. He also belittles everything I do. AND I had two children at the time I graduated, ages 5 and 3, and still graduated Magna Cum Laude. I drove 3 hours in all a day getting them to my mom's so I could go to school. Well, this just sealed it for me....

I NEED to put my two older children in school (11 and 8 1/2). At the beginning of this year, I was going to do it (on the first day of school as a matter of fact) and he said he didn't want them to go. I thought it would take a load of stress off of him (still in law enforcement with crazy schedule). I spoke with my neighbor who homeschooled 5 children and she said to follow his wishes. I did. Later, he backlashed and told me to put them in school in an argument. He's always telling the kids not to be like me, to pick a spouse wisely or this is what you're going to get. I want to leave....just don't have the means to....which is why I'm returning to school.

What I'd love is for someone to tell me that it's probably time to send them to school and to relax. Just needing some moral support. My kids are awesome and I'm very open and honest with them. They know that they will probably go to PS soon. My oldest son wants to go and I think he will do well. This will also give me time to show attention to the youngest two....3 and 1.



 Pounds lost: 6.0 
0
12
24
36
48
Page: 1 of (1)  

Report Innappropriate Post

Other Homeschooling Pre-K through High School General Team Discussion Forum Posts

Topics:
Last Post:
4/26/2018 11:10:05 PM
10/11/2017 12:36:53 PM
5/23/2018 10:19:39 AM



Thread URL: https://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_messageboard_thread.asp?board=0x11366x39764331

Review our Community Guidelines