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JMARIES51's Photo JMARIES51 Posts: 3,105
4/4/19 12:26 A

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I feel like I keep repeating myself on a lot of these days lately. Solve problems. Yes, it is important to work through problems without turning to food for comfort.

Maybe it is because I am getting old and feeling that a lot of my problems are not really mine, but my kids problems. I am now thinking back to how my parents coped with my problems when they were the age I am now. Mostly they didn't get involved at all. I am not sure they did this by being thoughtful, but I admire them for having done it that way. Now I know I have to be supportive in ways I can and then let go and let them live their lives.

oops, got a little off track. Solve problems -- without eating. Finally this year I am succeeding and feeling very satisfied that I no longer eat in a way to solve problems.

p.s. I was telling m SO today to let go of a computer problem he was having and wait until one of the kids can fix it. My 4 yr old granddaughter said - Grandma, I know a really good song for that -- Let it go, Let it go, can't hold it back anymore! Our of the mouth of babes.

Edited by: JMARIES51 at: 4/4/2019 (00:29)



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MISSRUTH's Photo MISSRUTH Posts: 4,969
4/3/19 8:16 P

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What she says in the last line in the "what are you thinking?" part of the chapter-- "Eating is just a short-term fix that'll make me feel worse in the long run."

No matter how stressed or overwhelmed or angry or worried I am, as attractive as the idea of drowning my emotions in ice cream or doughnuts or a whole pizza might sound-- I know the problem/ issue/ whatever it is, is still going to be there. Plus maybe a good 5 to 10 pounds along with it. Whatever little bit of comfort there may be at the time I'm eating, is not worth going off my plan, gaining weight-- and still being left with whatever issue started it all in the first place.

No-- better to figure out if there's something I can do to solve the problem, or at least partially solve it.

Ruth in Cookeville, TN Central Time Zone


Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think - Christopher Robin to Pooh


OLIA_NA's Photo OLIA_NA Posts: 96
4/3/19 1:13 P

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This day is definitely a culmination of days 25, 26, 27. It still feels very challenging to me -- gotta dig deep into myself and be very honest with myself -- but not as impossible as it was before. I've got all the tools that I need, just need to keep practicing!

OLIA_NA's Photo OLIA_NA Posts: 96
4/3/19 1:09 P

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Gail, I'm so sorry you're faced with this potentially big problem.

I'm a contestant worrier and do not like surprises. What has helped me in the past when I'm faced with difficult problems was to dedicate some time to go through all the potential outcomes, how I'm going to react emotionally, and what would be my action plan. That way I spend 30 min at most worrying and planning about things that might or might not happen. This makes me better equipped to better deal mentally and emotionally with whatever may come.

AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 10,923
4/3/19 12:42 P

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Day 34 Solve problems
Learn to nurture myself instead of heading to refrigerator for comfort.
1) Worst time of day for overeating? Evenings
2) Alternatives that will stop impulsive eating pattern
~ * Breath * brush teeth while reading notes on mirror
~ * Big mug of hot water or cool water in fancy glass (walk, read, journal)
~ * 6 Things You Should Never Do After Eating u.nu/-au8
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ ~ *
*Focus on solutions * reflect on past long enough to gather ideas
* Actions * move forward * experiment * repeat * obtain results


Edited by: AURA18 at: 4/4/2019 (07:20)
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ICANINSIGHT's Photo ICANINSIGHT Posts: 22,771
4/3/19 11:34 A

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I am thinking I have lots of family problems at this point in my life and health issues. So I will be doing this step for a while!

I will be better able to deal with them in the future. Now is not good. Even though all this is going on, I am with this, but will repeat several times.

Linda in Central Texas - Austin suburbia

Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. ~Tom Wilson

Leader of Beauty Over 50 www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=24019




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4/3/19 3:56 A

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Day 34: Solve Problems is about the next step: OK, I managed to calm down with one or more of the techniques...
Now let's see what can I do to solve the problems that caused the intense emotions that made want to eat! And maybe prevent their future arising...

Dr. Beck re-uses the strategies we learned on Day 25-26-27 (Identify Sabotaging Thoughts, Recognize Thinking Mistakes, Seven Question Analysis).
Just like in Day 27, it is not easy to do this on the spot, in the emotional situation.
I find it is easier to note down the problem that upset me, and work with it a few hours or days later. As these problems usually return again and again, I can deal them better in the future, or make them go away entirely.

What are you thinking?
Please share here!
If you scroll down, you can find good examples!

Edited by: KRISZTA11 at: 4/3/2019 (04:10)
Kriszta

Goal weight:
58 +- 1 kg /// 128 +-2 pounds
CET (Europe, Hungary)

Maintenance Lessons Learned:
-go on with the healthy lifestyle learned in weight loss phase
-just add healthy foods gradually to stop losing
-work out every day - 30-60 minutes is enough to maintain weight and good mood
-do not try to balance overeating by extreme workouts, it is not going to work
-avoid overeating, instead of satisfaction you get stronger cravings


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KRISZTA11's Photo KRISZTA11 SparkPoints: (138,919)
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4/3/19 3:55 A

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Gail, I'm sorry about the throat problem your DH has, I hope he gets EENT appointment soon, and recovers well. Waiting weeks for the EENT visit will be stressful for both of you. I imagine your GP would ask for an urgent consultation if he thought risk of serious illness was high.
It is good you stayed calm, and convinced your DH to go.
The seven questions can help you make good decisions.
emoticon

Kriszta

Goal weight:
58 +- 1 kg /// 128 +-2 pounds
CET (Europe, Hungary)

Maintenance Lessons Learned:
-go on with the healthy lifestyle learned in weight loss phase
-just add healthy foods gradually to stop losing
-work out every day - 30-60 minutes is enough to maintain weight and good mood
-do not try to balance overeating by extreme workouts, it is not going to work
-avoid overeating, instead of satisfaction you get stronger cravings


422 Maintenance Weeks
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MARITIMER3's Photo MARITIMER3 SparkPoints: (236,310)
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4/2/19 10:20 P

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I have a potentially big problem coming up... DH (79) finally went to the doctor today after being hoarse for about 3 weeks. When I first pointed it out to him, and suggested that he see the doctor, he said, "It's probably throat cancer", and refused to call for an appointment.

Last night his daughter brought it up again, and he said the same thing, but did agree to see our family doctor. I called this morning, told the receptionist the problem, and they fitted him in at 3:45. He told me this morning that he can "sort of" feel something in his throat.

The doctor couldn't see anything, but is referring him to an EENT specialist. Family doctor said it would take a month or more to get the appointment... perhaps that means they don't think it's anything serious???

Anyway, we leave on Sunday for a week at Disney, which I think I pretty much have planned, food-wise.

After we get home, though, I will start major worrying about him. Both of his parents died of cancer, his father from lung cancer and his mother from pancreatic cancer.

I am going to be doing lots of "asking the 7 questions" and trying to keep myself calm. I wish I did not worry so much about him!

Any calming suggestions will be appreciated.

Edited by: MARITIMER3 at: 4/2/2019 (22:22)
Gail
Southern Ontario, Canada
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AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 10,923
2/3/19 6:33 A

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u.nu/cso5
When problem is lack of motivation, I can reignite the flame with Sparks
From BLC39 teammate u.nu/6o83
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During Minnesota's polar vortex I managed stress without overeating.
~ Shelter, water and protecting my dog took priority over food.
Problems started Friday 1/25, home temp dropped to 62, furnace censor panel went out. Added space heaters and covered windows with blankets to maintain heat above 68. Pipe valve froze leaking water all over basement floor. We didn't have water for 3 days!!! Pipe and furnace repaired on Monday.

Next weekend (Feb. 2) temps +32, I had problems with stress-eating while shopping.
Saturday, I drove all over town stocking-up on food for the next freezing temps and snow storms. Resistance was low for sweets (carrot cake and oatmeal cookies). Today, I'm drinking more water emoticon Spark Cheers!
NASA video shows polar vortex u.nu/ok4e
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Edited by: AURA18 at: 4/2/2019 (10:17)
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BECKIKORN's Photo BECKIKORN SparkPoints: (8,681)
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12/22/18 10:04 A

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I'm lucky that my life is going along pretty well right now. It definitely makes weight loss easier. I try to do problem solving on a regular basis to clarify my thinking. Mostly its reminded myself how lucky I am and not to dwell on the negative.

Becki

broadcasting somewhere near the middle of Texas


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TNCOUNTRYLIFE's Photo TNCOUNTRYLIFE Posts: 2,685
11/10/18 6:44 P

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Day 34: Problem Solving

My problem is that I know what I need to do but, sometimes I just don't do it. No Excuses!!I

Identify the problem:
I feel unmotivated and don't want to diet through the holidays. I want boiled custard. I want to bake pies, cookies, breads etc.

1. Thinking errors:
-All of Nothing
-Emotional Reasoning
-Exaggerated Thinking

2. Evidence of faulty thinking:
-I have chosen to change my lifestyle. Everyday I need to "Choose Me". I have a plan to deal with the holidays. I can celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas but I don't have to celebrate every single day from now to New Years. I can still bake, but on a smaller scale and with a little tweaking I can rework some recipes to make them "lighter".

3. Alternative View:
-I can choose to take a holiday break but I will gain weight back and from past experience it will not take me long to gain everything back!!

4. Realistic Outcome:
-Working through my thought process will strengthen my resistance, reinforce my goals. I may not be totally compliant but I will not give up.

5. Effect of negative thought:
-These negative thoughts are self sabotaging. "I choose me!" .

6. Advice for friend:
- Dieting through the holidays is hard because there is temptation everywhere.but, You are worth it. You will be glad that you don't start off the New Year having to loose holiday weight.

7. What should I do.
- Continue to track Everything!!! Because it keeps my binges smaller and I have fewer of them. Accountability to myself is a big key to the success I have had and if I want to keep Loosing weight it is essential that I gave my problems and stay true to myself.


Striving for strength and balance in mind, body and spirit!!

-Christi


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KRISKECK's Photo KRISKECK Posts: 1,233
11/4/18 9:16 P

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This chapter is important for me, but I do feel that the hardest part for was covered in the last chapter, recognizing that it is the emotion that it causing me to want to eat. Once I do that, and have calmed myself down, it is much easier for me to engage in the problem solving. Or accepting what I cannot change without becoming fixated on the problem.

I mentioned in my last post that this process has helped me deal with my relationship with my youngest sister, who is often negative towards me. I notice that many other posts deal with family problems, and that while there are sometimes things we can do to mitigate the problem with the person, much of the relief and release from the compulsion to eat our emotions comes from accepting what is beyond our control and not engaging in self destructive behavior as a way of easing the pain.

Kristin
Maryland USA
Eastern Time Zone

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
-- Aristotle




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GOCALGAL's Photo GOCALGAL Posts: 5,124
11/4/18 8:54 P

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Except for teaching my exercise classes, I have been feeling unmotivated to do much spontaneous extra exercise or accomplish very much lately. Slenderella you made me think of a decision that I have been researching and strongly considering for years~a knee replacement for my bone on bone knee condition.

It's hard for me to undertake this operation as I manage my knee fairly well and rarely have pain but it also limits my activity. I miss tennis and my tennis friends. Right now my good buddy and former tennis partner is recovering from a knee replacement operation.

I used the 7 question technique on my blahs and lack of motivation. My answer was instead of my usual 15 minute boring ride at home to go for a 30 minute easy bike ride with DH somewhere new. I had stiffness afterwards but I am okay now. I plan to continue to gradually increase my riding time and hopefully do it away from home. DH wants to sign us up for a 2 hour fairly easy, local bike riding historical tour as soon as I am ready. I need this goal to get me moving.

Edited by: GOCALGAL at: 11/4/2018 (20:57)
Maria ~ So. Cal. ~ Pacific Time Zone
Smile, hug, encourage others

"It's not the mountain we conquer,
But ourselves." unknown

Winning is Not Quitting

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11/4/18 10:42 A

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Right now I can't think of a problem I'm facing that I can solve. But the next time I'm faced with a decision, I hope to remember the 7 question technique. Right now I do have the decision on whether to have surgery on my foot. I think I can work that one out by more information from my primary doctor. Then I need to schedule it at a time that is most convenient and that may take some negotiating, but the decision is really mine. I'd like to be available to take care of granddaughter after her scoliosis surgery but if we are both recovering and DD has to take more time off of work, so be it.


My Keys to Success = Tracking! Super Foods! Step Up Cardio! And most important: Quit Quitting!!

www.sparkpeople.com/blog/blog.asp?po
st=86_pounds_down_marsha_is_one_active
_grandma


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SUSAN_CDN's Photo SUSAN_CDN Posts: 621
11/3/18 5:21 P

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Well, what a coincidence! In April, during our group reading, I posted on this link about using the 7 question technique relating to a problem we were having with our DIL. And I just posted on the Daily Check-In about the same problem, which I really hope will soon be resolved....there is starting to be some light at the end of the tunnel. Fingers crossed!

Although the problem was not solved immediately by the 7 question technique in April, it did give me some relief to think it through, and it helped me because before I did the 7 question technique, I was thinking about the problem almost constantly, it was always weighing on my mind, and after I did the 7 question technique I only thought about the problem occasionally.

I have used the 7 question technique so many times for big issues and small issues and it really has helped me take a look about my problems from a different point of view, and changed my attitude and the lowered the stress I was feeling.

Yes, the technique takes some major thinking and is not easy at first, but becomes automatic eventually.

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QUEENOTHEFOREST's Photo QUEENOTHEFOREST Posts: 4,871
11/3/18 8:43 A

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The three chapters are life changing, thinking mistakes, 7 questions, and problem solving. They are not simple skills to acquire. They are vital to me for wellbeing. They are worth every bit of effort.



Mary

Cape Cod and Western Massachusetts

Well I could do that but why would I want to?


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11/3/18 3:25 A

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Day 34: Solve Problems is about the next step: OK, I managed to calm down with one or more of the techniques...
Now let's see what can I do to solve the problems that caused the intense emotions that made want to eat! And maybe prevent their future arising...

Dr. Beck re-uses the strategies we learned on Day 25-26-27 (Identify Sabotaging Thoughts, Recognize Thinking Mistakes, Seven Question Analysis).
What are you thinking?
Please share here!
If you scroll down, you can find good examples.

Just like in Day 27, it is not easy to do this on the spot, in the emotional situation.
I find it is easier to note down the problem that upset me, and work with it a few hours or days later. As these problems usually return again and again, I can deal them better in the future, or make them go away entirely.

Kriszta

Goal weight:
58 +- 1 kg /// 128 +-2 pounds
CET (Europe, Hungary)

Maintenance Lessons Learned:
-go on with the healthy lifestyle learned in weight loss phase
-just add healthy foods gradually to stop losing
-work out every day - 30-60 minutes is enough to maintain weight and good mood
-do not try to balance overeating by extreme workouts, it is not going to work
-avoid overeating, instead of satisfaction you get stronger cravings


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AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 10,923
10/31/18 10:54 A

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Solving problems gets easier with practice, eating will create more problems.
Spark community has good resources and tools to find solutions.
Most situations get better by letting time pass.
I can review emoticon SP Mind Over Body 10-step plan. u.nu/o4xs
4 Corner Stones bit.ly/2ylureE
emoticon
Articles by Mark Hyman u.nu/-brl u.nu/6dkf
"The power of community to create health is far greater than any physician, clinic or hospital." ~ Mark Hyman

Drink a cup of tea and write in my journal to solve a problem.
1. Identify the problem.
2. Brainstorm possible solutions without judging whether it will work.
3. Prioritize top couple of possibilities.
4. Take action.
5. Evaluate the effect. If satisfied, “problem solved”!
If not, review other identified options or begin again.

Edited by: AURA18 at: 2/5/2019 (13:08)
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36BEATRICE's Photo 36BEATRICE Posts: 2,700
8/2/18 9:56 A

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Christi: this is a great job you did for Day 34! emoticon

Rachel



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TNCOUNTRYLIFE's Photo TNCOUNTRYLIFE Posts: 2,685
8/1/18 2:05 P

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Day 34: Solve Problems

Identify the Problem:
My life is miserable because of my husband's health problems.

1. What kind of thinking error could I be making?
-All or Nothing thinking.
-Negative Fortune Telling.
-Emotional Reasoning
-Exaggerated Thinking.

2. What evidence is there that this thought might not be true or not completely true?
- This is not the " Happily Ever After" that I envisioned but there is a lot of good things in my life and a lot I have to be thankful for.

3.Is there an alternative explanation or another way of viewing this?
-I am able to take care of him in our home. I have good memories. I have a wonderful intelligent son that came from this union.

4. What is the most realistic outcome of this situation.
-One day I will be on my own and will have to navigate a different phase of my life.

5. What is the effect of believing this negative thought? What could be the effect of changing my thinking?
-Negative thoughts make for negative days. When my attitude is positive he usually reflex back with a positive attitude and it makes for a much easier day.

6.What would I tell my friend if she were in this situation and had this thought?
- Stay strong. Keep your faith. Don't take everything personally. He can't help that his health has declined or that he gets disoriented and confused.

7.What should I do?
-Pray for strength.

You can't solve every problem, be realistic, some things are beyond my control.

Striving for strength and balance in mind, body and spirit!!

-Christi


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INTUITIVEEATING's Photo INTUITIVEEATING Posts: 2,713
7/24/18 10:38 P

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Day 34: Problem solving

I am a nerdy overthinking introvert, so this chapter is right up my alley. I have conversations with myself all the time. Sometimes I even keep them inside my head instead of having them out loud. emoticon

Idgie
Southern California (Pacific Time)
My food log: www.drmcdougall.com/forums/viewtopic
.php?f=52&t=58758


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AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 10,923
6/1/18 3:15 P

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Day 34: Proactive Problem Solving
Work on finding solutions - eating is avoidance.
Beck quote "Sabotaging thoughts arise when you’re confronted with a trigger, a situation that stimulates your thinking."
• Environmental Triggers: seeing or smelling food
• Biological Triggers: hunger, thirst, or cravings
• Mental Triggers: thinking about food too much
• Emotional Triggers: pleasant feelings associated with eating
• Social Triggers: people who urge you to eat in unhelpful ways
emoticon Walking outdoors, indoor track, or find an activity at home - Journal - Freedom from negative thoughts.Free-flow writing u.nu/obuz bit.ly/2B3uCdi

Edited by: AURA18 at: 2/1/2019 (20:20)
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SUSAN_CDN's Photo SUSAN_CDN Posts: 621
5/11/18 11:09 P

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JMarie, I can relate. Same here. I serve my same old favourites, and want the kids to relax and enjoy the evening because they work all the time. But maybe I should take them up on their offers to bring something....maybe they would like that...because they are foodies like your kids.

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JMARIES51's Photo JMARIES51 Posts: 3,105
5/11/18 12:48 P

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Kriszta, That is so true - about dividing it up. Until I did this exercise yesterday I was still deliberating in my mind if I should just organize everything and just do it all. Another thinking error (not sure which one) is that I think because they - my children - are so stressed out with work and kids - that coming to my house should be an escape for them, where they can just relax. But I learned yesterday that they were actually excited to come up with new food ideas. I should have known that because they are all "foodies" and I am the one who likes to have the old time favorites.




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5/11/18 3:36 A

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Brilliant analysis and solution!
Thank you for sharing!
emoticon

I imagine you and all the guests will be happier now, that the responsibilities and duties are shared.
I have a similar experience with household chores. Many years ago I used to most of it, despite working full time, and I was exhausted and often angry and resentful too.
After dividing chores fairly between me, husband and kids, I'm thankful for everything they do for me, and I imagine they too feel good about their contribution.

Kriszta

Goal weight:
58 +- 1 kg /// 128 +-2 pounds
CET (Europe, Hungary)

Maintenance Lessons Learned:
-go on with the healthy lifestyle learned in weight loss phase
-just add healthy foods gradually to stop losing
-work out every day - 30-60 minutes is enough to maintain weight and good mood
-do not try to balance overeating by extreme workouts, it is not going to work
-avoid overeating, instead of satisfaction you get stronger cravings


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SUSAN_CDN's Photo SUSAN_CDN Posts: 621
5/10/18 8:15 P

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7 Questions....good tool! Good job working out how you would handle the dinner! emoticon

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JMARIES51's Photo JMARIES51 Posts: 3,105
5/10/18 6:40 P

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Day 34: Solve Problems

Today I was solving the problem of what food are we going to have on Mother's Day. In the past I would have been really dreading this task only because I have been guilty of people pleasing, which would end up with too much food, too many desserts, and just a lot of stress that I put on myself.

So I actually did it a whole different way this year. I asked everyone if they want me to plan the food or does someone else want to do this, or shall I just be the coordinator. So my SIL volunteered doing steaks and bringing everything for them. My daughter (who eats Keto) volunteered to bring a Keto friendly salad and dessert. I will fill in with appropriate side dishes that will be both for the Keto and for the non Keto eaters.


1. What kind of thinking error could I be making?
In the past I would be thinking that I have to make sure that everyone is happy with the meal planned, so that would mean catering to all the diets and food preferences of 11 people.

In the past I would have been having problems with all of nothing thinking, probably some fortune telling - both negative and positive, emotional reasoning, unhelpful rules, justification, and maybe even more errors in thinking.

2. What evidence is there that this thought might not be true or might not be completely true?

The evidence that this might be true is that everyone seems to have ideas on what food they like and it is difficult for me to decide on a single menu for everyone, so I make too much food so that it covers every one's likes. This might not be true because nobody seemed to balk at the suggestion of barbecued steaks and salad. So maybe there is room for compromise.

3. Is there an alternative explanation or another way of viewing this?

My first thought is that nobody really cares that much about the food. They really just want to get together and have a fun afternoon with each other.

4. What is the most realistic outcome of this situation?

The most realistic outcome of this situation is that there will be enough food for everyone and enough types of food that everyone will enjoy something.

5. What is the effect of my believing this negative thought and what could be the effect of changing my thinking?

The effect of my believing the negative thought was that it was always stressful for me to plan a get together. It was too much work, it was too much wasted food, and it wasn't particularly fun for me trying to please everyone. In fact when they all would go home I was happy the day was over.

The effect of my changing my thinking is that I hardly have to plan anything, I will not worry about having enough choices and the day will be far less stressful for me.

6. What would I tell my friend if she were in this situation and had this same kind of a thought?

I would tell my friend to do what I thought about doing and turn it over to everyone else to plan.

7. What should I do now?

I should yell WOO HOO and congratulate myself on a Win/Win. And another thought I have been having is that now I know I won't have a bunch of leftovers to deal with, so I am doing a happy dance.
p.s. I should write out a reminder card -- so I can remember this for the future.




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Like MTN_KITTEN, problem solving was part of my job description, that is, helping others solve problems. So, I have a good handle on the process with one exception. Personal illness generally throws me for a loop, mostly because there is very little I can do to address it.

The Seven Questions Technique is helpful in this regard, particularly question # 6, "What would I tell a friend, or in my case a client or co-worker . . . .


Ron G.

“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.” Booker T. Washington
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4/4/18 10:43 A

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As a retired project manager / business analyst ... this thought process is just ... well, second nature.

Unless ... I am in an emotional tornado. Usually these tornados show up when I truly CAN'T do anything about a "problem".

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Cat

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
it's about learning how to dance in the rain.


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Good post, Linda. You've given me a couple of things to think about. Thanks.

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Hey Beck Team,

I'm really enjoying and learning a lot from the way ya'll are applying the Beck Tools.

#29 - 32 I have finally learned to deal with.

But when it comes to #33 EMOTIONAL EATING - I have some tools that work if I remember to work them. I tend to want to get all mad at first, maybe rant and rave a little, get it out of my system, and then I can calm down by calling a friend, meditate, journal, hang out at Pinterest - really helpful and helps the stress time pass, groom my dogs, ride stat bike, and my new best thing is the 5 SECOND RULE.

Which say, you have had the small urge to get up and do something, do it within 5 seconds or the mood will pass and you will just continue to sit right where you are and do nothing. It's an important way to tell the brain that you are serious and want to change. Doing the 5 Second rule over and over helps it become a habit.

For 20 years I had a problem with my DIL, for two years she didn't let me see my GD. But when my GD turned 8, she had a talk with her dad and told him she wanted to see her Grandmother so they let me visit a little. They thought I was being too permissive with her, not making her mind. She was five at the time and I loved her to death. No, I was not going to spank her. I feel like I spanked my own children too much when they were little and I don't think it works. Anway...I found what works for this DIL - gifts. I hardly ever go see her that I don't BRING SOMETHING. I got her a big ONE POT for Christmas plus some cash. Jan I got her a K-cup coffee maker just the $20 one at WM, Feb. she was getting her house ready for my GD to come stay with her new baby so I have been going twice a week to do up dishes, do loads of laundry, and get to spend time with GD and GGson. What I do and how I act is not real, I KNOW that underneath she doesn't like me any more than she ever did, but I'm faking and she's going along with it. It's working. That old saying...fake it to you make it is true.

#34 Solve Problems
I have really been doing a deep study of meditation and mindfulness, walking in balance. It's definitely a process, doesn't happen overnight, but it does work. I love the questions. They are really helpful.

Much love and many thanks for all of your chat.

Linda


Edited by: LINDAINALABAMA at: 4/4/2018 (00:37)
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4/3/18 10:13 P

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Stress # 2
I retired from working in a law office, but since then I am continually asked to come in and help out. I don’t like to say no, so I agree. I was originally just supposed to come one day a month and do corporate annual minutes. But very quickly it snowballed into looking after Estate files, real estate deals and complex corporate transactions, and working almost every day. I keep saying I only want to do annual minutes and I only want to work 1 day a month, but the lawyer keeps giving me more and more work. I always end up doing the work I am asked because I think the lawyer will be upset with me if I say no. I would feel guilty if I said no. I often feel resentful and frustrated. This causes recurring stress.
1. What kind of thinking error could I be making? Jumping to conclusions. Mind Reading. Unhelpful Rules.
2. What evidence is there that this thought is true or untrue? The fact that the lawyer continually asks me to do more when I’ve been clear that I don’t want to do more is evidence that he would be upset with me if I said no.
3. Is there another way to view this situation and what is it? I could realize that I am contributing to the problem because the lawyer knows I will end up saying yes, so why wouldn’t he keep giving me more work?
4. What is the most realistic outcome of this situation? If I continue accepting more work, nothing will change and I will continue to be stressed on a regular basis.
5. What is the effect of my believing this thought, and what could be the effect of changing my thinking? The effect is that the stress leads me to overeating or eating off-plan, or wanting to relax with a glass of wine when I get home from work. I’m sabotaging myself. If I change my thinking and I don’t worry about pleasing the lawyer and instead realize that I did retire and how much work I do is under my control and I can say no to taking on extra work, then my stress level would be reduced and I would be happier and less likely to go off-track.
6. What would I tell my friend if she were in this situation and had this thought? I would tell my friend to say no to extra work and not do it. If that is stressful for her, then completely retire and do not go back to help out. I would tell my friend that she is past retirement age and is entitled to enjoy her retirement with her retired husband. I would tell my friend that the lawyer will be able to carry on his practice without her….no one is indispensable. He will find a way.
7. What should I do now? I should say no the next time I am given extra work. If the lawyer continues to try to give me extra work, then retire completely and enjoy life.

I actually did say no to taking on a new Estate file today. He gave it to one of his full-time assistants who normally does his Estates, and asked me to give her some guidance. The lawyer was not happy, the assistant feels overwhelmed. She is nice. I feel bad. I think I should seriously consider retiring completely…again.


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I decided to use the 7 question technique to analyze 2 recurring stressors. I’ll do a separate post for each. (This is long, but cathartic and I feel better having gone through the process.)

Stress # 1
My daughter-in-law does not want to have anything to do with our family. We have a good, caring family and no one has ever intentionally done something to upset her. But she gets extremely upset over minor or non-existent issues and stops talking to people (her own family as well). She accuses us of “thinking” things that we do not think. Like she says I have been upset with her for years because she doesn’t call me Mom. I have never expected her to call me Mom. When they first got married she said she didn’t know what to call me and I said call me whatever you are comfortable with…Mom, Mrs. x, Susan. She said she preferred to call me Susan and I said that’s fine with me. I’ve never had an issue with it, and yet now she is not talking to us because thinks I do, even though I’ve explained to her that I don’t. She hasn’t talked to us for 10 months now. She’s blocked our whole family on social media and told us not to email her. My husband and I have gone to family counselling to get advice as to how to handle the situation and the counsellor said we should wait for her to come to us (in the past she never apologized or made the first move, we were always the ones to try to smooth things over, but it was getting worse). Our son has not seen us in 6 months and just emails us occasionally, but seems to be trying to avoid being in a situation where we might talk to him about it. We are very sad about the situation and we feel stressed about it every day.
1. What kind of thinking error could I be making? Jumping to conclusions. I am taking it personally. I am thinking that she is intentionally trying to isolate my son from his family and friends.
2. What evidence is there that this thought is true or untrue? She makes me feel like a bad mother and mother-in-law. My son used to have lots of friends, was family oriented and enjoyed family gatherings. Now he has no friends and doesn't see his family. She has blocked everyone in our family and extended family on social media and told us not to email her.
3. Is there another way to view this situation and what is it? Maybe she has mental health issues and she truly believes she is being treated unfairly and she really does feel very strong negative emotions. She was sexually abused by her mother’s brother when she was young and her mother did not support her, but instead maintained a close relationship with her brother, which made my daughter-in-law feel betrayed. This is my daughter-in-law’s third marriage and I understand her other in-laws had similar issues with her. I can understand how childhood abuse can have a huge effect on a person’s mental health. She can be a very nice, sociable person, but you have to walk on eggshells because you can’t predict what will upset her.
4. What is the most realistic outcome of this situation? I will end up having no relationship with my daughter-in-law or my son.
5. What is the effect of my believing this thought, and what could be the effect of changing my thinking? If I believe she is being malicious, there will never be a relationship with her and I will likely lose the relationship with my son. If I change my thinking and believe that this is something that she is unable to control, then perhaps I can stop taking it personally and not be so upset…just overlook it.
6. What would I tell my friend if she were in this situation and had this thought? I would tell my friend that in order to keep a close relationship with her son she should reach out to him and ask what he thinks would help mend the situation. I do not think my friend should apologize when she has does nothing wrong, but could express her desire to have the family be close again and let bygones be bygones, and start fresh, and in future try hard not to react to accusations, not take them personally, stay on an even keel and try to smooth things over, and accept that it is what it is.
7. What should I do now? I should talk to my husband about changing our approach and try to get my son to visit us so that we can find out what he thinks might be a way to mend the situation and get our family back together again.


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@DIROB57 and @SUZYB53 - wow, great applications of the program,
I'm happy for you!

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Kriszta

Goal weight:
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CET (Europe, Hungary)

Maintenance Lessons Learned:
-go on with the healthy lifestyle learned in weight loss phase
-just add healthy foods gradually to stop losing
-work out every day - 30-60 minutes is enough to maintain weight and good mood
-do not try to balance overeating by extreme workouts, it is not going to work
-avoid overeating, instead of satisfaction you get stronger cravings


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DIROB57's Photo DIROB57 Posts: 2,912
4/3/18 9:47 A

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It is easy for me to get overwhelmed by multiple problems at once and feel stressed. This happened recently with several issues that all occurred on the same day with our remodel. I was so stressed that I didn't think I could go to sleep & my stomach was in knots, so I did a 'brain dump' in writing before bed and it helped me so much!

I wrote down the issues one at a time and wrote out steps to take and possible solutions and then any follow-up actions I needed to take. When viewed one at a time, the issues didn't seem as overwhelming...plus I had a clear plan of what I could do or not do when I was finished. This was such a better alternative than eating to relieve stress!

Another favorite technique of mine is to take a walk!



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SUZYB53's Photo SUZYB53 Posts: 556
4/3/18 9:32 A

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I'm having a bit of a hard time with this one. I have a small consulting business, and I feel like my daily life is characterized by defining and solving problems. One situation that has led to overeating in the past is stress from unrealistic expectations by my clients.

If I do a quick seven step analysis of a typical situation, I find:

1) Thinking mistake is emotional reasoning. If a client wants something more, I must be doing something wrong.

2) The evidence shows that this is wrong. I do lots of things very well. People keep coming to my business.

3) A more realistic way of viewing it is that I have a better handle on the situation and I can teach the client new ways of looking at it.

4) The most realistic outcome of this situation is that I will do what I am able to and it will be OK.

5)Beating myself up is getting nowhere. Being more confident will help everyone.

6)What I would tell a friend is that it part of the job of a consultant is to manage the expectations of clients with a constructive, problem-solving head-set.

7) In this kind of stressful situation, it is helpful to take a quick break from the problem - go for a walk, meditate, or even do a load of laundry.


I'm looking forward to seeing how others approach this task

This turtle is to remind myself that slow but steady wins the race.


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4/3/18 3:56 A

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Hi, thank you everyone for your thoughtful posts on the Day 33 thread about emotional eating!
emoticon

Day 34: Solve Problems is about the next step: OK, I managed to calm down with one or more of the techniques...
Now let's see what can I do to solve the problems that caused the intense emotions that made want to eat! And maybe prevent their future arising...

Dr. Beck re-uses the strategies we learned on Day 25-26-27 (Identify Sabotaging Thoughts, Recognize Thinking Mistakes, Seven Question Analysis).
Just like in Day 27, it is not easy to do this on the spot, in the emotional situation.
I find it is easier to note down the problem that upset me, and work with it a few hours or days later. As these problems usually return again and again, I can handle them better in the future, or make them go away entirely.

A personal example:
two weeks ago I had a super busy period at work, as the days passed it became clear that I will not be able to finish everything by the deadline. There was no way to fit everything into the working days left.
emoticon
And then I remembered a similar situation from 3 years ago: I worked longer days + on Saturday, and took extra days off later, when the deadlines passed.
The stress immediately lifted, without turning to food... and the work got done on time!



Edited by: KRISZTA11 at: 4/3/2018 (03:59)
Kriszta

Goal weight:
58 +- 1 kg /// 128 +-2 pounds
CET (Europe, Hungary)

Maintenance Lessons Learned:
-go on with the healthy lifestyle learned in weight loss phase
-just add healthy foods gradually to stop losing
-work out every day - 30-60 minutes is enough to maintain weight and good mood
-do not try to balance overeating by extreme workouts, it is not going to work
-avoid overeating, instead of satisfaction you get stronger cravings


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AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 10,923
4/1/18 10:32 P

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Edited by: AURA18 at: 2/1/2019 (20:22)
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1/16/18 3:55 A

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Keeping this chapter in mind will will help you find solutions,
letting those thoughts simmer for a while.
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Kriszta

Goal weight:
58 +- 1 kg /// 128 +-2 pounds
CET (Europe, Hungary)

Maintenance Lessons Learned:
-go on with the healthy lifestyle learned in weight loss phase
-just add healthy foods gradually to stop losing
-work out every day - 30-60 minutes is enough to maintain weight and good mood
-do not try to balance overeating by extreme workouts, it is not going to work
-avoid overeating, instead of satisfaction you get stronger cravings


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1/16/18 12:30 A

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Today is the most important day for the focus of this Beck Trek for me, solving all problems (not just sabotaging thoughts involving eating off plan) and taking the stress out of solving problems by being methodical and being active, implementing solutions, progress not perfection. I spent a lot of time reading this day in the book and the workbook. And I will return to it daily until the end of this trek.

Every day I -
Read my ARC - 7 questions - list of thinking errors - and until the end of the trek, Day 34 in the book and workbook

I am really busy with life right now, so I am taking time to read these and submit them to my subconcious, I don't have time right now to closely analyze and form new conclusions and implementation strategies. But I can read them every day.


Edited by: JUNEPA at: 1/16/2018 (07:31)
June -- Pacific Time Zone
Where you end up is more important than how fast or where you start out.
- Improved fitness and nutrition, energy and confidence are my rewards.
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
A PH (personal high) is the main goal, a PB is the sometime icing on the cake.
Never underestimate the inevitability of gradualness.
Sopra le nebbie delle valle e le vicende della vita sorge una promessa di luce e serenita.


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11/14/17 6:57 A

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Congrats to your progress!
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Kriszta

Goal weight:
58 +- 1 kg /// 128 +-2 pounds
CET (Europe, Hungary)

Maintenance Lessons Learned:
-go on with the healthy lifestyle learned in weight loss phase
-just add healthy foods gradually to stop losing
-work out every day - 30-60 minutes is enough to maintain weight and good mood
-do not try to balance overeating by extreme workouts, it is not going to work
-avoid overeating, instead of satisfaction you get stronger cravings


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BMASSIE3 Posts: 43
11/13/17 10:25 P

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This chapter goes hand in hand with the previous chapter, Emotional Eating, the suggestions here would help you deal with emotional eating.


For today
-Read ARC twice
-Ate sitting and mindfully most of the time, and gave myself credit.
-Monitored fullness after each meal and if I could take a walk.
-Didn’t do Sun Salutations this morning but did walk and gave myself credit.
-Stayed on plan, Gave myself credit.
-Have planned my meals and snacks for tomorrow in Spark Nutritional Tracker and gave
myself credit.
-Read my “It’s Not Okay” and “Get Back on Track” response cards and gave myself credit
- Worked toward accepting what I have to do to lose weight
-Wrote the Beck techniques for addressing emotional eating in my journal and wrote a new response card for emotional eating.
-Tagged the Seven Questions Technique to use when I’m upset instead of turning to food for comfort.


KBEHNKE81's Photo KBEHNKE81 Posts: 16,125
11/4/17 10:52 A

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My response got a little deep, so I posted a blog.
On my first read, I had hoped for more from this chapter, but I see that it is really just a bow on the package of Overcoming Challenges. All the Week 4 and Week 5 techniques roll into the category of solving problems.
I wish I could say I have mastered this one, but I can't. I still have a ways to go on the big ones.

www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
ur
nal_individual.asp?blog_id=6428087


**Kathleen
___________
2 Peter 3:9
The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.


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11/3/17 1:08 P

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Wow, Rhonda, your resistance muscle got some proper training - great job!

The Seven Questions Technique is very helpful in other areas of life, to see any problems more clearly and to find alternative solutions - or accept and tolerate discomfort.
I'm an emotional eater too, and this reading helped me realize how I need this skill to overcome emotional overeating.
I rarely have such episodes (thanks to my Beck skills) - but when I have it really bothers me.
Created two response cards, and dug out the Emotional Eating Toolbox card I created in the last Beck Blue challenge. These are the ones I read daily, together with my Advantages response card.
It helps to sink in!


Kriszta

Goal weight:
58 +- 1 kg /// 128 +-2 pounds
CET (Europe, Hungary)

Maintenance Lessons Learned:
-go on with the healthy lifestyle learned in weight loss phase
-just add healthy foods gradually to stop losing
-work out every day - 30-60 minutes is enough to maintain weight and good mood
-do not try to balance overeating by extreme workouts, it is not going to work
-avoid overeating, instead of satisfaction you get stronger cravings


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GOING-STRONG's Photo GOING-STRONG Posts: 7,118
11/3/17 8:43 A

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Day 34 - Solve Problems

Since I am an emotional eater, it is important that I practice problem solving skills. This strategy will not be an overnight resolution
As a recap - ask myself the seven important questions

1. What kind of thinking error could I be making?
2. What evidence is there that this thought might not be true or might not be completely true?
3. Is there an alternative explanation or another way of viewing this?
4. What is the most realistic outcome of this situation?
5. What is the effect of my believing this negative thought and what could be the effect of changing my thinking?
6. What would I tell my friend if she were in this situation and had this same kind of a thought?
7. What should I do now?


I have noticed myself getting a bit lax in my habits this past week. A few nibbles standing, eating just one bite of something that is NOT my food, and eating a bit more than optimal. I have been ignoring my quiet inner voice and I certainly do not want the bully voice to take over! I have been doing plenty of physical exercise; but now need to get to work on exercising my resistance muscle.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon


Rhonda
Seaside, Oregon

Remember...
Eat healthy.. Exercise daily.. repeat! and Consistency.. that is the secret!


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AMUSICALLIFE's Photo AMUSICALLIFE Posts: 458
6/22/17 5:29 P

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I am not very good at solving problems.
the seven question technique is good for me.

Stopping to think things through is enough to help me follow through on problems. I think I really don't stop long enough usually which is why the questions work so well.

I can't help but think that we ALREADY know the answer to the question before we even start, but it helps me to remember the WHY.

I am worth it.!

It is never too late to become who you always wanted to be.


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Edited by: AURA18 at: 2/1/2019 (20:22)
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GOING-STRONG's Photo GOING-STRONG Posts: 7,118
4/3/17 9:40 P

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Day 34 - Solve Problems

Since I am an emotional eater, it is important that I practice problem solving skills. This strategy will not be an overnight resolution and will take some practice.

As a recap - ask myself the seven important questions

1. What kind of thinking error could I be making?
2. What evidence is there that this thought might not be true or might not be completely true?
3. Is there an alternative explanation or another way of viewing this?
4. What is the most realistic outcome of this situation?
5. What is the effect of my believing this negative thought and what could be the effect of changing my thinking?
6. What would I tell my friend if she were in this situation and had this same kind of a thought?
7. What should I do now?



Edited by: GOING-STRONG at: 4/3/2017 (21:40)
Rhonda
Seaside, Oregon

Remember...
Eat healthy.. Exercise daily.. repeat! and Consistency.. that is the secret!


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The problem solving aspect of this appeals to me, too. I can do this!

Monica

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4/3/17 7:30 P

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Interesting, the problem solving method is similar to the process used in business. The first step is to Identify the problem . . . although I didn't use Dr. Beck's Seven Question Technique it would be useful.
During my later years of work life, I was primarily a problem solver, however, that skill didn't translate into health and wellness. But now I developing those skills to help me keep my emotional eating under control thereby getting to and maintaining a healthy weight.

Ron G.

“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.” Booker T. Washington
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4/3/17 3:14 P

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Identifying and solving problems creates confidence and joy,
so much better than eating in response to difficulties.

As in D33, here again dr. Beck re-uses techniques learned earlier: the same Seven Questions Technique as in Day 27 sabotaging thought analysis. Great job we don't have to learn a new set of skills!
.
Last week I had a stressful family conflict: son wanted to organize a small party in our home Friday night - my daughter and I wanted rest and silence after a long working week. I'm proud it didn't occur to me to relieve tension by eating.
Instead, I acknowledged stress and started to find solutions (sleep at my parents' house) and gave the same idea to my daughter, who accepted it after some reluctance, and joined me! So, we all got what we wanted, and my parents were glad to see us too : )


Kriszta

Goal weight:
58 +- 1 kg /// 128 +-2 pounds
CET (Europe, Hungary)

Maintenance Lessons Learned:
-go on with the healthy lifestyle learned in weight loss phase
-just add healthy foods gradually to stop losing
-work out every day - 30-60 minutes is enough to maintain weight and good mood
-do not try to balance overeating by extreme workouts, it is not going to work
-avoid overeating, instead of satisfaction you get stronger cravings


422 Maintenance Weeks
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KRISZTA11's Photo KRISZTA11 SparkPoints: (138,919)
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4/3/17 3:04 P

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Great problem solving and anticipation, Cat,
you are so well prepared!
emoticon

Kriszta

Goal weight:
58 +- 1 kg /// 128 +-2 pounds
CET (Europe, Hungary)

Maintenance Lessons Learned:
-go on with the healthy lifestyle learned in weight loss phase
-just add healthy foods gradually to stop losing
-work out every day - 30-60 minutes is enough to maintain weight and good mood
-do not try to balance overeating by extreme workouts, it is not going to work
-avoid overeating, instead of satisfaction you get stronger cravings


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4/3/17 2:27 P

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Going to see DD in St Louis in a week "could" present problems. So ...

Hubby is packing our electric cooler.
We will stock it with produced for me ... no sharing so I can always have what I need.
We are packing our electric skillet.
We are living in her basement but will be able to cook when ever we need to.
Workout clothes already planned.
Walking path not far from DD ... she says she is gonna walk with me. Well, see.
MP3 loaded and ready to pack.
Hot tea favs already pulled out and ready to pack.

To be continued ....


Cat

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
it's about learning how to dance in the rain.


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KBEHNKE81's Photo KBEHNKE81 Posts: 16,125
2/11/17 12:22 P

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Congrats on your 34+ day streak, Em. :-)

**Kathleen
___________
2 Peter 3:9
The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.


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2/11/17 2:18 A

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I'm with you in this, Em!
During my first Beck reading I was feeling so good, no worries... so just read the chapter carefully and noted I have this great resource in case I need it in future.

Thinking before putting food in one' mouth happens very fast, it is hard to notice at first.
But the Beck skills in previous chapters help to slow time down, most of all Eat Sitting Down.
If I insist on really not eating standing up, not one single bite, but have to grab what I want, walk to my chair and eat in only when I did sit down... that' plenty of time to recognize the thought.



Kriszta

Goal weight:
58 +- 1 kg /// 128 +-2 pounds
CET (Europe, Hungary)

Maintenance Lessons Learned:
-go on with the healthy lifestyle learned in weight loss phase
-just add healthy foods gradually to stop losing
-work out every day - 30-60 minutes is enough to maintain weight and good mood
-do not try to balance overeating by extreme workouts, it is not going to work
-avoid overeating, instead of satisfaction you get stronger cravings


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IAMAUNTYEM's Photo IAMAUNTYEM Posts: 6,716
2/10/17 6:33 P

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I worry a little bit about this one: It seems to me that past experience shows me that I don't think before I start stuffing food into my face while I'm in crisis mode. In a previous chapter, Beck wrote that everyone thinks before they turn to food, so I'm beginning to question my past behavior. That seems to me to be a good thing, but I am doubtful, therefore, worried a bit. Second, I'm on such a good roll right now that it's hard to even imagine that a crisis could occur; I don't want to be anticipating a problem, yet I want to be prepared...what to do? what to do? Reminds me of the white rabbit in Through the Looking Glass. He's so stressed; I bet he'd be tough eatin'. 8-)
Oh, Well! Impulsive eating is Not an Option! Hunger is Not an Emergency!
Hard to believe that I've not eaten outside my range for over 34 days!
emoticon

8-)
AuntyEm
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Pacific Time Zone
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NEVER FORGET


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JEANKNEE's Photo JEANKNEE Posts: 22,341
11/5/16 9:41 A

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Kathleen, Excellent insight. Yes. Awareness is where it starts.

Jeanne
Pacific Time

Max Lifetime Weight, 211
SP Start Weight, 206.8
Maintaining since June 2014
Initial Goal Weight, 144
Current Goal Weight, 120

"Believe me, your body has the ability to restore itself to perfect health, once you eliminate the foods and other forces that prevent it from healing." ~ Steven R. Gundry, MD

"I'd like to dispel once and for all the myth that any single diet approach works for every individual." ~ Peter J. D'Adamo, ND


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11/4/16 10:42 A

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I like solving problems. Now that I have a 7 questions grid and a list of common thinking mistakes, I can use them on my thinking distortions, sabotaging thoughts and to resist emotional eating. CBT is about identifying solving practical and psychological problems and learning new thinking and behavioral skills.

This is mostly theory for me at this stage, this time next year it will be interesting to see where I am at and how useful I found the Beckniques. I am a freshman, excited about the newness of it all and hopeful to join the ranks of the long-time maintainers once I get to goal weight.

June -- Pacific Time Zone
Where you end up is more important than how fast or where you start out.
- Improved fitness and nutrition, energy and confidence are my rewards.
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
A PH (personal high) is the main goal, a PB is the sometime icing on the cake.
Never underestimate the inevitability of gradualness.
Sopra le nebbie delle valle e le vicende della vita sorge una promessa di luce e serenita.


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KBEHNKE81's Photo KBEHNKE81 Posts: 16,125
11/4/16 8:15 A

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The first time through the book I remember being disappointed that there wasn't more to this chapter. After some thought I realized exactly what Kriszta pointed out: This day is not about learning new skills, but about pulling together the skills we learned in the past few days. The biggie in this chapter is that "to solve a problem, you first have to identify it." Then it's up to me to see what my responsibility in the problem is, and use my "Beckniques" (thank you whoever suggested this term) to find the best resolution.

Kriszta, I hope your family vacation turns out memorable and positive despite a few problems. Good for you for sticking to your plan and for stepping away from the situation mentally to come up with some solutions. I hope they're successful!

**Kathleen
___________
2 Peter 3:9
The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.


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11/2/16 5:29 P

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I ran ahead and read this chapter because of our trip starting tomorrow.
Right now I don't have any problems that trigger overeating, partly thanks to my first reading - I'm thankful for this! But I may have some during the trip 4x24 hours together with family is fun but often spawns conflicts that wouldn't surface in everyday life at home .
As in D33, here again dr. Beck re-uses techniques learned earlier: the same Seven Questions Technique as in Day 27 sabotaging thought analysis. Great job we don't have to learn a new set of skills!

Edit 4th Nov: Bingo! as I expected, stress arises from spending all day together... problem: DD is overly critical of me, makes hurtful remarks, them criticizes me for being too sensitive. Analyzed the situation with the 7 Questions, and came up with solutions to relieve stress and escalation of hostility. It didn't work 100% at the first conflict, but I'll keep working on it.
Credit: I ate on plan all day, and didn't consider turning to food seriously.

Edited by: KRISZTA11 at: 11/4/2016 (04:09)
Kriszta

Goal weight:
58 +- 1 kg /// 128 +-2 pounds
CET (Europe, Hungary)

Maintenance Lessons Learned:
-go on with the healthy lifestyle learned in weight loss phase
-just add healthy foods gradually to stop losing
-work out every day - 30-60 minutes is enough to maintain weight and good mood
-do not try to balance overeating by extreme workouts, it is not going to work
-avoid overeating, instead of satisfaction you get stronger cravings


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DRAGON-ROSE's Photo DRAGON-ROSE Posts: 47
5/4/11 3:25 P

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After reading the workbook entry for this day I did some real soul-searching. Why have I begun to snack at night again? I quickly realized that I am seriously stressing about all the work that needs to be done before we can sell our house. The list of projects is overwhelming, and I am afraid because I can't get my head around it. I eat to soothe my fear.

But I worked through the questions in the book, and I have a much clearer view of the problem now.

So, Now What? -- I have chosen ONE area to clear out. ONE part of one room that has a huge collection of mismatched and probably useless stuff. I will pick through that whole mess and either toss, sell, gift or keep each piece (and there won't be many 'keeps').

And I will quit snacking, or I'll do all this again and name the next underlying problem.

Thank you, Beck Solution -- I wouldn't be this far without you.


Your life is not a dress rehearsal, it is the real thing. Do what makes you happy. Do it now.


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JSPEED4's Photo JSPEED4 Posts: 1,701
4/26/11 11:49 P

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My favorite of the 7 Questions is the last one. And the example of just doing it and then calling someone supportive. Often, a quick rewared, like some time with a supportive friend, helps re-classify the unwanted acitivity as being OK.

J. Speed Eastern Standard Time, UTC/GMT -5
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Today I don't have any problems causing me to reach for food. However, I have had many times in the past. I probably will again. Trying to remember to use this 7 question method will be the challenge. I think getting in problem-solving mode will be helpful and this specific method will give me structure I need. Must remember!!


My Keys to Success = Tracking! Super Foods! Step Up Cardio! And most important: Quit Quitting!!

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I wrote the problem solving questions down on a 3x5 card so that I can carry it with me. Like waiting 20 mins after a meal to feel full, this seems like a good way to step back from a situation, think about it for a few minutes, relax and decide not to eat or do something else destructive.

Anuschka
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ANNANN63's Photo ANNANN63 Posts: 2,241
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I have learned to be an excellent problem solver. This day gave me additional tools to deal with the emotional issues that tend to put me in a place where I don't always see things as problems that can be solved. Just the idea of stopping in the middle of an unpleasant emotional time and considering how to solve the "problem" is a revelation and very helpful.

Annie
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11/20/09 12:40 P

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I tend to get emotional and then later get into a problem solving mode. I have some work to do on this one.
Cindi

Cindi
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Team leader:
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NANCY-'s Photo NANCY- Posts: 7,470
9/26/09 10:50 A

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I still have lots of work to do. Sometimes it just seems that I am mindless. I need to pay more attention so I can do some problem solving.

Expect Success

*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.*Stress comes from focusing on problems,
........relief comes from focusing on solutions.

Reward yourself for behaviors, not results.
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12/6/08 11:34 A

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Read this week Dec 6, 08

Solving problems with the 7 question technique described in DAY27 is the same technique used in depression therapy. It's called the 'thought record' in Dennis Greenberger's book "Mind Over Mood." I learned about this from my former therapist.

Over the years I found this method to be very effective in dealing with my over-the-top exaggerations and negative thoughts. Sometimes I even look back at my record and laugh at how overly negative I sound.

I use this method to deal with the anxiety over a problem. Once I have my feelings in control, then I can deal with the problem calmly with methods used to solve problems at work or home.

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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
9/19/08 8:35 P

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Good job! Stress eating is a killer because stress is almost constant sometimes. Learning that eating doesn't help can solve a lot of problems!

Sandy emoticon

Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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FINALLY FINISHED THIS CHAPTER I WENT BACK AND REVIEWED CHAPTER 27. VERY DETAILED. I'LL USE MY ALREADY IN PLACE TECHNIQUES.

I MADE SOME CARDS FOR STRESS EATING. SOMETIMES I STRESS EAT BECAUSE OF MY SONS DIFFICULTIES. BUT IT DOES NOT HELP ME TO EAT. SO I MADE A CARD FOR THAT. IT SAYS I CAN'T NOT CHANGE HIS DIFFICULTIES BUT I CAN CHANGE HOW I REACT TO THEM.

THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT CAN'T BE CHANGED. (MADE A CARD SAYING JUST THAT). I HAVE NOT BEEN QUITE ABOUT HOW VISUALIZATION WORK WITH USING AEROBICS WHEN UPSET WITH HD. I WILL KEEP USING WHAT WORKS.

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

Revelation 21:4



Pat from the east coast


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8/27/08 4:41 P

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That is a tough one! Once you get it started though, it gets easier! Good luck!

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Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

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8/27/08 8:44 A

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I'm randomly revisiting the chapters and this is one I really like.

I am putting a plan in place to put an end to my chronic negative thinking!

Wish me luck! It's a life long problem for me.

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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
8/24/08 8:19 P

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I suppose some people need the detail; sounds like you've got a good handle on it though.

Sandy emoticon

Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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RUN2RIDE's Photo RUN2RIDE Posts: 1,204
8/17/08 9:42 A

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this chapter in the book was a bit overboard for me -- and in that my career is all about solving problems, i'm pretty much ok w/my approach to problems - usually pretty direct and/r accepting of what can't be changed.

I agree with Mazzy's comment:
"...being aware that I don't need to feed the emotion that comes up from the problem is a new consciousness."

The "labeling/self-talk is working for me here: "I'm upset with xxxxx and eating won't fix that. I can do xxxxx and while dealing with this, I choose to be fit. The habits that keep me fit will also fuel my body and health so I'll be better able to deal with this stress."

My ticker represents 12 years of learning and losing and regaining and regrouping - I'm NOT going back! I *AM* and *WILL BE* fit 4 life!!


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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
5/13/08 10:32 P

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Nus - You have to know what works for you! Good Job!

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Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

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MOV4WARD's Photo MOV4WARD Posts: 10,632
5/11/08 2:43 A

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...finally reaching day 34!

ok, problem solving is an essential skill, i think, that has it's time and place. sometimes distraction techniques work better, but solving problems has it's place too.


sometimes when we are in crisis, it's not the best time to try to lose weight or quit smoking or expect to quit bingeing right now...

i read a New Year's tip onetime that said when you are in crisis, you should do your best to maintain and get through it,

and from that, decided it was ok to make the best choices possible to me each meal and snack, but that i should try to follow my normal eating happy making guidelines as much as possible.

but let's say it's a chronic problem that disrupts our life... some we can change, some we can't, some we aren't willing to change...

so i think it's important to figure out can we change it, what our alternatives are and what we are willing to do...

this is usually easiest for me to do this kind of thinking when i'm not in the throes of a binge and terribly upset or ___________?

yet... if I don't try to use some of my strategies, things will never get better...

and if I don't try to actively solve the problems, things won't get better either...

~ upshot... i do what i can, the best i can each day... start where I am and go from there... and actively work on identifying problems & my strategies the best i'm able when i can...

sometimes being a little analytical using a thought process like she suggests can help...

i tend to be less structured in my approach, and I also tend to like to look at small, doable things to change... i get overwhelmed if I try to do to much or expect too much to change all at once...

Edited by: MOV4WARD at: 5/11/2008 (02:48)
MAZZYR's Photo MAZZYR Posts: 9,217
4/12/08 11:49 A

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Some problems cannot be solved NOW, but being aware that I don't need to feed the emotion that comes up from the problem is a new consciousness.

Mazzy


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4/11/08 9:05 A

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Problem Solving. Here's what I wrote in my personal diary the day I first read this chapter:

"Day 34- Problem solving-don't give up. Don't fall into an eating trap. Get up and solve the problem. Just do it."

This 7 step method generates the answer to "what should I do now?" to solve a problem.

I think I'll go over to my blog and solve a problem there...

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MAZZYR's Photo MAZZYR Posts: 9,217
11/15/07 7:25 P

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LOL

Mazzy


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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
11/15/07 6:50 P

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Yay!! She's getting it!! She's getting it!! LOL!

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MAZZYR's Photo MAZZYR Posts: 9,217
11/15/07 6:31 P

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Quoting from the Beck Diet Solution:

"Once you recognize that food won't make problems go away, dieting will be easier."

I was never aware that I may have eaten to escape problems... the behavior may have been so mindless that I may not have realized it may have covered up a problem... lol... if that makes any sense.

I just know if I wanted something to eat that maybe was not the best choice... I almost closed my thinking off and indulged because... I really wanted it. Now, lol, I know... IT'S NOT OKAY. Lol... I finally get it.

Mazzy


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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
10/8/07 10:37 P

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Great, Mary! Let us know how you make out when you encounter a problem. I wrote them down, too, and have them in my purse to help me out if I need it. I think they are good.

Sandy emoticon

Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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PEANUTBUTTER14's Photo PEANUTBUTTER14 Posts: 214
10/8/07 5:42 P

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Hi,
The seven questions tecnique is great. I am writing them out on a card because I need it broken down like it is here. I tend to get overwhelmed when I have a problem. I also tend to get negative thoughts and have a hard time seeing a solution and then I give up without trying. This process will cause me to deal and think about the problem and come up with solutions.
Mary


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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
9/29/07 8:00 A

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I'll get my book back tomorrow so, again, if anyone has anything profound from the book, please add.

As I remember this chapter this is about how to fix those problem areas that seems to catch us in our bad habits, just as we've been doing with each other. Very nice! This group is very supportive of each other!

I'll check back later to see if anyone adds ideas from the book. I loaned mine to a dear friend of mine who was commenting on my weight loss. She wants to lose but can't seem to get herself motivated; I thought the book could help that.

Thanks Sandy emoticon



Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
9/23/07 8:40 P

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Problem Solving

Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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