Group photo
Author:
56ROSE's Photo 56ROSE Posts: 15,158
6/4/11 5:21 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
HI and thanks so much for your kind words! I enjoy your posts and I think you are an intelligent person with some very good points. So, I'm here for you anytime. Feel free to send me a personal message. emoticon emoticon

Marilyn
Boise, ID
Mountain Time Zone

Everything you've ever wanted is one step out of your comfort zone.

The food you eat can be either the safest and most powerful form of medicine or the slowest form of poison. Ann Wigmore

Max Lifetime Weight: 215
SP Start Weight: 199
Maintaining since: April 2016
Initial Goal Weight: 178
Current Goal Weight: 170

Purpose is the place where your deep gladness meets the world's needs.
Frederick Bue


 current weight: 183.3 
184
181.75
179.5
177.25
175
MERRICAT's Photo MERRICAT Posts: 503
6/3/11 6:20 P

Reply
You're a very sweet person with a kind heart, Rose, and your note means more to me than you might think (I had left the group, but learned I had to rejoin to reply and did so). Yes, even understanding the medical details AND having a ... comfortable? ... no, let's say "peaceful" relationship with Death, the emotional trauma and financial crisis that this brings is enormous. I have lost relatives before, and I have hurt and missed them and helped the families every way I could, but when your closest family - your world - is suffering, it's a thousand times worse. You'd think that anyone who has gone through it would understand that.

Yet I received actual hate mail from self-proclaimed Christians after my original post. I'll probably get more, even though I reconfigured my preferences so my email isn't visible any more (I hope I did that correctly). Saying things like "you don't believe in god, and that's why he gave him the cancer - you deserve it!" and "you're both going to burn in hell anyway, so here's a taste of what's coming." And things along that vein. You don't need the details, I'm sure you get the idea. "Delete All" has become my favourite email command.

I used to go to a site called The Thinking Atheist. He also has a YouTube channel. He makes some very well-produced videos that explain the atheist point of view (in general, I guess), and I was glad to find a place with some well-reasoned arguments and rational discussions. It was a nice change from all the yelling the different viewpoints were doing at each other.

But the more I explored the sites, the more I found an overall attitude of "ha ha, you're superstitious idiots and inbred morons! We know you're wrong, so WE'RE superior!" It's most evident in some of the podcasts. And that doesn't just make me uncomfortable, it infuriates me. EVERY faith is the "right" one for the person who follows it, and I have no right to try and force my viewpoints on them. I see no difference between an aggressive evangelical trying to make one become a Christian and an atheist sneering at a christian because they're "wrong".

Personal beliefs are just that: personal.

I happen to believe in reincarnation and the existence of spiritual force(s) that exist in all living things. What they are....I don't know. I can't. (perhaps we know after we die, before rebirth? I'm just guessing.) But I simply do not believe in the existence of god (and all that goes with that), and that, apparently, is considered a Very Bad Thing. Even here in this forum, where the most needed and amazing resource is People Who Have Been There, not religion. People who you think would understand that it's hard enough learning about the disease (I'm fortunate to have medical training) and how to get through the days.

People believe in prayer. If that comforts the pray-er, then it's wonderful. People have asked if they CAN pray for me (I have friends of faith), and I'm touched that they care enough to put that emotional effort in....but these same friends are the ones who are helping keep the lawn mowed and help get groceries when I'm near collapse. It's the "good Christian" friends and family members that can't be bothered to put off watching "American Idol" to help me feed the dog or help me get my husband home after chemo because "it's all in god's hands, let him take the burden, I'll pray for you and it'll all be OK." Or worse: "don't ask about treatment, leave it in god's hands and it will all work out. And I'm pray for you, so don't worry about anything."

I get that a lot.

So now that I'm in a place where I need supportive, empathetic, listening people, I've learned to let people know what my religious worldview is. Some day I will be able to go back to being the one OTHERS can talk to and lean on - that's my usual role - but I've finally realized I'm the one who needs that support. I see it as giving an honest view of who I am (and am not). Some look at that view and decide "well, you don't have the same beliefs, so you're not worth bothering with." OK. I can't change that opinion. I don't even want to try.

...and that's about it.

Wrote too much, as usual. At least I've been true to myself. If I'm the only support I've got online, for those 3 a.m. fears...so be it. But it's heartening to know there are still people like 56Rose who see a person in pain and don't demand that the person hold a certain worldview to be thought of as "worthwhile. "

I wish everyone felt the same.

- M.


56ROSE's Photo 56ROSE Posts: 15,158
6/1/11 10:27 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon emoticon Glad you're Here! I read your original post and left it as a tab on my computer with the intention of replying later today. I was getting ready for my afternoon work shift and was intrigued by your post. This team isn't as active as some of the others but I think we all understand the trauma and crisis that a cancer diagnosis can bring to one's life. I enjoyed the original post and saw nothing wrong with it at all. I actually felt that you expressed some of my own personal beliefs and feelings. I have been interested in Buddhism for some time but have never followed through. Thank you for sharing. Take Care. emoticon emoticon

Marilyn
Boise, ID
Mountain Time Zone

Everything you've ever wanted is one step out of your comfort zone.

The food you eat can be either the safest and most powerful form of medicine or the slowest form of poison. Ann Wigmore

Max Lifetime Weight: 215
SP Start Weight: 199
Maintaining since: April 2016
Initial Goal Weight: 178
Current Goal Weight: 170

Purpose is the place where your deep gladness meets the world's needs.
Frederick Bue


 current weight: 183.3 
184
181.75
179.5
177.25
175
MERRICAT's Photo MERRICAT Posts: 503
5/31/11 11:10 P

Reply
Yeah, the post got pretty much the reaction I thought. So since you don't have the option of outright deleting a post, I'll edit it by just deleting most of the text and just leaving this blurb. It'll disappear in the rest of the page clutter soon enough.

Surprised? Not even a little bit.




Edited by: MERRICAT at: 6/1/2011 (20:08)
Page: 1 of (1)  

Report Innappropriate Post

Other Cancer Spouses/Families Introduce Yourself to Team Forum Posts

Topics:
Last Post:



Thread URL: https://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_messageboard_thread.asp?board=-1x3583x42157886

Review our Community Guidelines