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TAMIBKD's Photo TAMIBKD Posts: 541
8/20/13 10:30 P

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I am from the Florida pan handle and the beautiful Emerald Coast. I am a director of an assisted living community. I have worked with seniors for over 12 years now, and love the work I do. I am very interested in helping those who have alz as well as families and caregivers.

I was on SP a few years back, and had great success, then some personal things got the better of me and I gained all back plus a bit more. I have been watching food for a few weeks now, and have made progress, but really have to get moving and start exercising to make a big difference. I have a long way to go, but getting back here was the start of a new day for me!

Starting Spark Weight in September 2010; 272 pounds. Been on and off a few times like a yo-yo. And here I am at 293 in March of 2017. I joined a work group for 'Weigh-down Wednesday' 12 week challenge. And came back to SP because I knew it worked.


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DMILLER33's Photo DMILLER33 Posts: 8,624
7/31/13 9:49 P

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Hello from Ohio!!!

Doris
Northeast Ohio
Eastern Standard time
WRJ&G
Invincible Indigos


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7/31/13 7:17 A

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GOOD day fellow sparklers from Washington State.

I think I can . . . I think I can


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GENTLEVIKING's Photo GENTLEVIKING Posts: 3,798
2/12/13 9:59 A

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Hi Stichinnan! You are a pretty lady and it looks like you are relaxing at the local pub! (We Americans are kinda facinated at how folks in England have a strong social life at the pub. You just don't see that here that much--except maybe in the big city's. I wish we had more social gathering places here than we do.

Sorry to hear about your husband being newly diagnosed. I may be in the same boat with you, cause my mom most likely has the illness. Me and my sister plan to go to her doctors appointment with her this week to make her doctor aware of this, as he seems totally unaware, and I'm sure mom has not been telling him. (It's hard when one has to become a parent for your parents, but there comes that time when one realizes that the parent is not doing what is best for them.)

T E R R Y

***Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself!
***"I can do all things through Christ!" Phillipians 4:13




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ENGLISHNAN's Photo ENGLISHNAN Posts: 20,154
2/12/13 9:35 A

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I was pleased to find this team . My Husband s newly diagnosed so we are just taking in all the implications , I am.irene we live in England , chat soon!

Irene in Nottinghamshire UK
GENTLEVIKING's Photo GENTLEVIKING Posts: 3,798
2/10/13 10:30 A

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I'm new here. I suspect my mom has dementia or alzheimers. I've come here to find some tips and support. Thank you for having me.

T E R R Y

***Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself!
***"I can do all things through Christ!" Phillipians 4:13




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MARRRBO's Photo MARRRBO SparkPoints: (62,290)
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10/20/12 5:16 A

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Sounds like we are in the same boat. This team doesn't seem real active, but looks like some good info has been posted in the past that I plan to refer to.
Welcome!

Actions speak louder than words.


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JLKCAMPER's Photo JLKCAMPER SparkPoints: (0)
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10/19/12 5:10 P

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Hi all emoticon I just found this group. I've been on again/off again with SparkPeople for awhile but need to get back to "on again" :) I've always loved the support from this community, so I knew where to turn for support with this. Although I am not yet experiencing the depth of Alzheimer's you all are, I have realized I am going to need help to get through this, emotionally as much as (if not more than) physically.
Some background: DH & I have lived with his grandparents (whom raised him) our entire marriage, with 1 daughter still at home & 1 son that moved out earlier this year. The grandparents (both in upper 80's) are still capable of self-care with the exception of medication, which is handled OK with the "AM/PM" bill boxes. Well, we also don't trust the grandmother to cook anymore...and we've had to put up the laundry & dish detergent so she can't do laundry or dishes. Lately his grandmother is showing more & more signs of Alzheimer's. (She has not been diagnosed as of yet.) She covers well with her doctors and others she doesn't see often, but the ones that see her regularly realize just how much she's changed.
Family help is sporadic-my FIL offers none; DH's aunt (FIL's sister) thinks she does but is usually counter-productive; DH's uncle (FIL's brother)-actually his wife-helps quite a bit but can be pushy at times; and DH's grandfather's niece helps at times but is *really* pushy. That's it.
It's really starting to wear on me, emotionally. Sometimes I feel like people think that because we live with them, we should know their every move and be able to do everything.
Anyhow, that's my story. I hope to be able to learn some ideas here, and hopefully offer some support/help to others as well. emoticon

~~Jennifer~~

SW MO
Central Time Zone


~~Today is the first day of the rest of your life...make it count.~~


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MICHELE142's Photo MICHELE142 Posts: 16,582
10/12/12 6:23 P

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Hey, unload anytime you need to. Have the same situation with my hubby's four children with only one of them willing to help out! Your frustrations our those of many, you are not alone. Glad you were able to get help! Does your area have ' Adult Day Care ' assistance available, that would be another area to look into if they have.

Nice to have you aboard!

Michele - Central Ohio


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" Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson



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10/12/12 8:31 A

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My soon to be 90 year old Dad was diagnosed a little over a year ago. Last May he moved in with me. It became too dangerous for him to be living alone. Last week I hired an agency to have people come to his house and stay with him for 6 hours 3 days a week so I can have some time for myself. (He still has his own house, I live next door, and we/ I take him there several times a day to "check" things).Part of my frustration is having siblings who COULD be more helpful, but aren't or can't. The ones with problems I understand. But the ones with addictions I have no patience for. Thanks, just HAD to unload!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MICHELE142's Photo MICHELE142 Posts: 16,582
7/28/12 9:44 A

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This last week has been as if nothing has ever changed, during the day though. Come sundown, you can slowly watch that mood begin to change. Years ago, that was called The SunDown Syndrome! Leading everyone to believe the moon rising affected the mind. Now the medical community is saying it does. I need to believe these changes will stay mild for now. Guess we all need to hang in there an go with the flow.

Michele

Michele - Central Ohio


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" Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson



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ELIZABETHHELEN1's Photo ELIZABETHHELEN1 Posts: 26
7/27/12 11:15 P

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I am with you! Your post sounds too familiar to me. I finally had to let go and allow my husband to be placed in care. Hardest thing I ever did, just after our 51st anniversary. He is 77. The last few years I had him home were really rough. You mentioned a fall, we are currently having problems with DH falling. Dr. thinks it is the medication and is reducing it bit by bit. Only thing is DH is one of the Alzheimer's patients that can get physically aggressive without being medicated - that is why I had to put him in care. Mostly he is very loving so when he flares it always takes me by surprise. He is taking respiredon as well as a couple of anti-depressants.

I spend my afternoons with him, and today was a good day - I treasure those. My favourite quote is: Life is not about surviving the storm, it is about learning to dance in the rain.

Michele, I wish you a peaceful night and a good day tomorrow. Beth

Think you can or think your can't - either way you will be right!


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MICHELE142's Photo MICHELE142 Posts: 16,582
7/14/12 11:50 P

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Sorry for being late in reading your reply, an emoticon for doing so. Today has been hectic around here. This is my day I quess were I can do nothing right. You would think by now I would be used to it, but I*'m not. After being with him for 27 years, it is hard to see him change. DH is 76, his profession was in law enforcement and was forced to retire early after having a mimi Stroke. The man I married is just not the man with me now. I have questioned his doctor about his fall. Asking if he had another mini stroke that caused the fall or did the fall cause a mini stroke. We went to breakfast this morning with his family an he was his old self, one hour after being home his mood changed an I got the blunt of it all day. His oldest son is coming over tomorrow to lend me a hand an talk with his father. I can just imagine what I am in for after he leaves. I don't think I will ever get used to what he has changed into. Will keep intouch. ..............Michele

Michele - Central Ohio


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" Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson



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JRAUTIO's Photo JRAUTIO Posts: 1,704
7/14/12 8:01 A

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Welcome, Michele! I am currently dealing with my mom, who is in end stages of Alzheimer's. Her dementia started with not being able to find the words she wanted. I think it's been about 8 years since the onset. When we (and she as well as us -- she was aware of the problems coming on) started trying to find help for her, we first tried a couple of neurologists, who prescribed some meds to help slow the decline. Unfortunately, when we'd take her to an appt, they'd tell us how great she was doing and that she seemed fine -- when we knew far better. She was really able to "cover" quite well and even her close friends didn't see the decline we kids saw. We actually got more help from her primary doctor -- kind of a country doc who had known her well after treating her for 25 years. He was really on top of meds that could help (Aricept, Namenda, Exelon patch) and was brutally honest with us (i.e., she's 4 years into a terminal illness with a typical duration of 7 years).

My advice is to be persistent and seek other opinions! Nobody knows your husband better than you, and can see thru that cover-up he can pull off in the dr's office! You didn't say how old he is...? Also, I wonder if there are some meds that he's on post-surgery yhat might be causing some issues for him? Just a thought that occurred to me as my mom has been very sensitive to different meds. I'll be thinking of you -- let us know how it goes!

~~Julie~~


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MICHELE142's Photo MICHELE142 Posts: 16,582
7/14/12 1:03 A

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Good Day, my name is Michele I am a retired RN with mostly A background in Coronary care an Cancer care. Presently I am caregiver for my husband following a Hip Reconstruction an Pinning in Jan. of this year. Following his surgery he has had some memory loss, starting with the fall itself. Since March I have noticed mood swings and memory loss which is getting worse. I have mentioned this to his primary doctor but he has not addressed this as hubby is his usual self in the office. He is repeating himself more each day and seems to be unable to understand simple instructions several hours after he accomplished them just hours ago.
If you correct him, it is not unusual to have him shake his cane at you.

His Mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in1985, shortly after we married. His only living brother who is six years younger than him is doing fine at present. I have never taken care of someone in the early stages of Alzheimer's an I'm at a loss as to what I should or should not being doing.

I need help! .....Michele

Michele - Central Ohio


Warriors In Pink~~Administrator
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" Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson



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JRAUTIO's Photo JRAUTIO Posts: 1,704
6/19/12 6:32 A

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I'll keep thinking positive for you! Hang in there! emoticon

~~Julie~~


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KATHIERAE's Photo KATHIERAE Posts: 1,030
6/18/12 11:59 P

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Thanks, Julie. I am very glad for you that your family is "in balance". What a blessing!

I am working really hard on staying positive and putting the situation in God's hands. I'm not always good at either of those things, but I am trying! emoticon

I will for sure let you know how things go... Thanks again, just for being here!

Kathie R Waters
Proverbs 3:5-9 (MSG)
Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he's the one who will keep you on track.
Don't assume that you know it all.
Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
your very bones will vibrate with life! www.kathierwaters.com


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JRAUTIO's Photo JRAUTIO Posts: 1,704
6/17/12 6:08 P

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Welcome, Kathie, and thank you for sharing. You are in a difficult position since you've been such a big part of Gramma's life but aren't one of the children. I can only hope they will realize that you likely have a lot of good insight into her normal routines and such since you've spent so much time with her. You could be a great asset in helping her with the transition to the care facility. My guess is they've putt her on those meds because she isn't adjusting well. Hopefully they can back off some of the meds as she adjusts better. I definitely understand the hurt and the anger you are feeling.

I am fortunate that my brother & sister and I are all on the same page with my mom. Which is very good -- technically my sister is power of attorney for medical purposes and my brother for financial purposes, but mom relates to me the most. Among us I feel like we are at a balance.

Keep us posted on how things go. I'll hope for some positive progress!

~~Julie~~


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KATHIERAE's Photo KATHIERAE Posts: 1,030
6/17/12 5:10 P

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I have been on SP for quite a while, and never thought to look for a team ABOUT Alzheimer's! I helped take care of my husband's Grandmother for several years, and now she has been moved to the local nursing home. Gma has been my favorite person since before my hubby and I married 19 years ago (I tease him that I married him for his Gramma) and it was truly a joy to help care for her. I am having a really really hard time adjusting to her being in the nursing home especially because I have NO say in her care. Her kids make all the decisions, and they don't listen to me very well. I am frustrated and angry. In one month she has gone from being able to care for herself in many ways (dress, bathroom, eat) to barely speaking and often needing to be fed because of a medication they put her on. It's crazy.

I look forward to getting to know you all, and will try my best to be a positive addition to this team. Right now I am frustrated and angry and trying very hard not to ruin my relationship with my family...and trying not to stuff my feelings with food at the same time.

Kathie R Waters
Proverbs 3:5-9 (MSG)
Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he's the one who will keep you on track.
Don't assume that you know it all.
Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
your very bones will vibrate with life! www.kathierwaters.com


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5/16/12 3:01 A

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Hi, i'm Lizzy. I just recently began taking care of an elderly gent with Az. His son is a friend of mine, and his mom needs a Break! so i eldersit.

I'm glad to find this team! Thanks for being here!

Lizzy

Lii ~~~ NorthCentralPAh Spark Sisters Rising!
"Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants." - Michael Pollan

Here's our tracking sheet!
bit.ly/BLC41
And the link to the WEC thread:
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_mes
sageboard.asp?board=-1x70752


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SLIMCRUISER Posts: 1,047
5/13/12 11:40 A

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Hi Crazygymgirl..It is a familiar story to me. I have lived in my mom's house , raised my kids here and have run a day care here for 30 years. Dad passed away in 1974, and my mother worked for many years. She is 90 mow, and has only gotten completely dependent on me for the past couple years. My older brother also lives here and helps when he can...but mom seems to really trust me. Everything he does she questions or complains about. My sister who lives just a block away is no help at all! She's kinda mean and flies off the handle easily. So, it's pretty much me. It's hard. We also have a social worker coming next week to see about a day program a couple days a week. We'll see. I really like this group and get some great moral support here...even tho I don't check in as often as I should. Glad you joined.
I am Patty.

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CRAZYGYMGIRL's Photo CRAZYGYMGIRL SparkPoints: (0)
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5/3/12 5:55 P

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Hi all. A very nice person, CHAOTICMOM4, invited me to join this group. My mom is in the early / moderate stage of alzheimers and I've been the primary care giver since she was diagnosed 4 years ago. Seven years ago my dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor and mom had a hard time dealing with it. So after my sister took 6 mos leave from her work, and dad got worst, I had the opportunity to take an early leave package from my work. Lucky I got a small pension, I was 49. that was 7 years ago. since then my dad passed away and my mom was diagnosed. It's was hard originally because the illness was mixed with the grief. they had been married 50 years. The illness has progressed slowly to the point we thought it might have been a mistake, but it wasn't. The last few months have been the worst. She still lives in the house we lived in for over 35 years, but she can't cope at all. Well she seems to be able to do some things, still can make food, wash clothes. But everything else is a problem. My sister is 11 years younger than me and still works, has 2 boys: 12 & 14 and so she can't be at mom's beck and call like me... but to give her credit she takes her every weekend and I get a break. But mom is difficult. She has to have things her way and i try and do everyhting I can for her.... oh the story is too long and I'm too worn out lately.

After leaving work, I decided I wouldn't turn into a couch potato. Despite all the problems with dad, mom was still very involved so I had time to start WW's and working out. Over a period of 18 mos I lost 60 + lbs. And it was off for the longes time, but lately, it's been creeping back. I've gained 20+ lbs. I know that weight is a trivial matter compared to what's happening to my mom, but it just adds to my despair. If i could get this back under control, I might be able to better cope with what's happening with mom.

We have a social worker coming on Mon and will be applying for long term care. There is quite a waiting list for decent placements and I don't know if at this point we can hold off for 2 more years. But then I know that once she goes into Long term care and no longer has to think about meals, etc. she will probably deteriorate faster. But what can I do? I'm having trouble coping now, as she gets worst, how will I cope?

Anyway, I'm sure most of you in this group are more than a little familiar with what I'm saying. I hope that I can enlist your help to see me through some of the really difficult situations and decisions I see coming up.

ps... the really bad thing is mom was only 72 when diagnosed.

Edited by: CRAZYGYMGIRL at: 5/3/2012 (17:58)
"Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that's the stuff life is made of." Benjamin Franklin


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3/11/12 8:41 P

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Welcome Suzanne you will find this team a very informative group
Seems many children are having to deal with elderly parents and the dementia/alzheimers problem with me it is my DH
Was lucky that my parents were both healthy and well until days before their deaths they were dad 86 and mom 95 so I come from healthy stock
If you get your parents to move where do you want them to move too
Think it is harder when it is the wife with alzheimers as women are natural caregivers where it is not so easy for men
It is so nice that you are close and keep an alert eye on things
Hoping you have sibs or support from others
Take one day at a time
You are in prayers

Edited by: MAYBER at: 3/11/2012 (20:44)
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3/9/12 11:25 A

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Hello. My name is Suzanne and my Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimers about 2 years ago now. She`s 80 and my dad is 84. They are still at home, my dad is looking after her. I live across the street from them and check in on them a lot.
Recently my dad has been showing signs of dimentia too, so we are in the process of getting him assessed. Hoping that we can get them to move soon.
Nice to know that I`m not alone with this.

God is good. All the time.

Don't let fear stop you from a task...Do it afraid

He must increase..I must decrease.



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1/30/12 9:59 P

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Medication can be a problem when my DH would no longer swallow his pill with liquid talked to pharmasist and made sure that all his pill could be crushed some pills are time released and should not be crushed luckily all were crushable so crush them finely now and he takes them with yogurt pudding applesauce and anything that he seems to like will try pills in
Continue to take one day at a time

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JRAUTIO's Photo JRAUTIO Posts: 1,704
1/26/12 11:24 A

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I think they've tried everything but the drink method for her meds and I'm not certain about the drink idea. We can't seem to get her to drink much of anything, so my guess is that they wouldn't get down her at all. I haven't thought about the Ensure idea, but I think I'll pick some of that up to keep in her room. She really liked that stuff which we were pushing on her when she had gallbladder issues before. I'd like to get some weight back on her.

~~Julie~~


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NEELOJ's Photo NEELOJ Posts: 8,733
1/26/12 11:10 A

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My DH also has trouble with pills. He was this way even before he got this sick.
They may have all tried many different ways like crushing them and putting them in pudding, applesauce or ice cream. That works sometimes for DH.
The best way we found was to crush them and put them in his favorite drink which is the chocolate milk food supplement. At home he drank Ensure. At the care home it is a different brand. We have to stir it often as he drinks it, otherwise he feels the crunchies in the drink and then doesn't like it! ha ha

Just thought I would mention this in case you hadn't tried it.
JO

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Please visit my Flickr Page for my photographs.
flickr.com/photos/neelojtsl/
I also have a Blog on Blogspot for my Short Stories.
joreflections.blogspot.com/


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1/26/12 9:20 A

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MAYBER, sending prayers for your grandson. What a horrific ordeal he has been thru! They say Mayo is the best, so hoping you'll get some positive results.

Patty, glad your neuro appt went well. Isn't is amazing they can do so well in some areas but not in other areas? Do you HAVE to go the route of the courts for guardianship or whatever? I'm guessing that is because she hadn't designated power or attorney or anything before? Our atty told us they try to avoid that whenever there is another option.

I stopped to see my mom Tuesday nite and physically assisted in getting the urine specimen for them to culture. The nurse called me yesterday morning to tell me that just from how bad that sample LOOKED that Mom obviously had "a raging UTI". Ummm.... ya think? What have we been saying for the last 2 weeks?! My siblings and I have scheduled an appt with Mom's doc for next week to discuss where things are at with her -- the chronic UTI (and of course accompanying dehydration and reduced mental state), weight loss (at least 20 lbs in the six months she's been there), etc. Are there ways we can be more proactive or make her more comfortable? She is having trouble taking her meds due to an exaggerated gag reflex (common with Alz's), so we are thinking we'll try to reduce any that aren't really gaining her anything. This has been such an awful decline since she's been there. I don't think she'll make it another year at this rate.

~~Julie~~


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1/25/12 6:35 P

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Hello to everyone and so nice to hear that the year is starting out good
We are doing okay Asking for prayers for our 19 year old grandson
He had entered drug recovery program end of November
Developed Guillian Barre Syndromeo on December 31
Is paralized from the neck down at this time
Was transfered from St. Cloud, MN to Mayo Clinic St. Marys Hospital in Rochester, MN on Monday
Today he is stable and hopefully getting the help he needs
One day at a time

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1/24/12 9:40 P

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well, the neurology appointment wasn't so bad....I heard exactly what I expected to hear. The things my mother couldn't do...name her 3 children, (me included) or remember her address, or answer most of the Docs questions, I expected. He held up objects for her to name. She called a MUG a JUG. She couldn't name a stapler or paper clip, but told us what they did...in great detail. She did identify a rock and scissors, without hesitation. That was so interesting to me. BUT...she could draw the face of a clock and put in the numbers correctly. She was asked to write a sentence about today's weather. She wrote "the weather today is sunny" (and that was correct.) she did a math problem in her head. (if you have a dollar and buy something for .88 how much change do you have?) AMAZING. SO, in the end she was told she was not competent to make her own decisions. Now we see where we go from here with the courts as far as guardianship and conservatorship goes.
And, life goes on!!
Find something to enjoy today....and hang in there!

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1/24/12 6:40 P

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I not only wish you "luck" Julie, but also I send along many prayers!
I know it is prayer from family and friends that gets DH and I through each day!!

I don't think I would have your patience with your concerns about your mom. I think I embarrassed my sister many times when my DH was in the hospital because I was always asking questions and bugging the doctors about what they were doing and what was going on! ha ha
At the Care Home they are great about listening to me. Not trying to say that I know more then they do, because I sure don't, but there have been times I was right in there with them doing things to help with DH. Of course I don't know what they were "discussing" about me after I left!!! ha ha
I just like to be on top of each issue and try to help them solve a problem if there is one.

Hope things work out with you and your mom. I know it can be so hard when you do not have control. And I am sorry as I imagine it is hard on her too.
All of the best to you!
JO

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Please visit my Flickr Page for my photographs.
flickr.com/photos/neelojtsl/
I also have a Blog on Blogspot for my Short Stories.
joreflections.blogspot.com/


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1/24/12 2:54 P

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Oh, Jo... what a heartbreaker! I'm sure I said this before -- know how hard it is with just my MOM at a care center; can't imagine how said it is for a husband to be there. Maybe I should be GLAD that Mom can't really communicate to us now -- I'm sure it would all be cursing!

We are having definite issues with her now. This is the 3rd week in a row the nurse has called to advise me they are having issues with her. She is "winding up" and is more or less a "rebel without a cause". She is pacing and pounding on doors, not wanting to take her meds, not wanting to take her shower, is getting regular shots of Atavan (a sedative) because she's getting out of control. She's starting to get agitated with the other residents now -- has been moving their drinks to other tables, taking their silverware, etc. The aids thought she just might want to help set tables with those behaviors, but she wasn't having any of that either. As of yesterday, they told me she "went after" another resident.

When we've seen this "acting out" behavior (twice before) we've found she's had a UTI (urinary tract infection), although that didn't become apparent until they'd sent her out to a mental hospital for the behavior issues. Two weeks ago when she was starting to escalate, the dr requested a urine culture. When the nurse called me again last week I asked about that. "Well we're TRYING, but it's SO difficult!" So when she called me yesterday and I asked whether they'd done the urine culture "Well, we'll have to try again". OMG -- we are getting SOO frustrated! The doctor prescribed an antibiotic "just in case" but the last infection didn't respond to the usual meds.

I figure the next call I get will be them saying she's attacked someone and they've sent her off in the ambulance to the hospital. Which we really don't want -- the last time she was there they had her so doped up that she ended up falling out of bed, breaking her nose and knocking out her two front teeth so she then spent the NEXT week in the hospital. I am on pins and needles waiting for the next issue.

I am jealous of you girls getting out and having a good time with friends! But I have plans on Thursday to have dinner with old high school friends, so I will get my break soon! In the meantime, wish me luck!

~~Julie~~


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1/24/12 12:24 P

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Oh yes, that laughter is great!! If we don't laugh we cry!!! They can say and do some pretty funny things.
Just be a bit careful when laughing around them because they don't always realize why you are laughing and think you are laughing "at" them, making fun of them. That has happened to me a couple of times with DH when the health care providers have laughed at something he said. I explain they just thought what he said was funny and they love taking care of him, etc, etc.......

My nephew sent me a $50 gift certificate to Pizza Hut for Christmas. What a wonderful gift when I am on a limited budget. Our local Pizza Hut is only two blocks away. I invited my neighbors and we had a great time laughing, relaxing and eating last Saturday night!
The four houses on the end of my street now has four ladies living by ourselves. All of this happened in the last year. Two divorces, one DH passed away, and my DH in a Care Home.
We had so much fun we decided we are going to do this each month!!
Now all we need is to figure out a name for our new "singles" club!! ha ha

Yesterday was hard for me as DH was having a fairly clear thinking day and was asking lots of questions about where he was and why he couldn't go home yet.
I tried to explain as simply as possible and "blamed" it on the doctor, ha ha.
Then he couldn't understand why I couldn't live there with him. I tried to explain we couldn't afford for both of us to live there and I needed to take care of our "other" home.
What broke my heart is when he had tears in his eyes! I just can't take that!!
I cried most of the way home but was better after I did get to the house. I so wish I could have him home but with his medical problems, unable to stand or walk, as well as dementia I know he is in the right place.

Okay I am done jabbering for today!! It has helped!
Thanks for everyone being here!
JO

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Please visit my Flickr Page for my photographs.
flickr.com/photos/neelojtsl/
I also have a Blog on Blogspot for my Short Stories.
joreflections.blogspot.com/


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1/23/12 10:52 P

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Hi all, I went out for dinner with two women who I have known for about 45 years now...we've been friends through high school, boyfriends, husbands, kids and our mothers! All three of us are taking care of our mothers in various stages of dementia. (my mother and my 1 friend's mom actually went to high school together too) We all laughed ourselves silly tonight....it was great. And, I must say I am glad that at least my mother is basically a happy old lady....one friend not so lucky.
Jrautio, I have a great story about mom not always finding proper words. One night, as she was gathering things before bed she was kinda looking around, feeling her pockets, the couch, obviously looking for something. She said "oh phooey! I can't find my gun" (she doesn't have a gun...as far as I know) I was laughing so hard....she said "Not gun, stick.....ahhh, cane"
I am a child care provider, in my home, and I visit an assisted living center, locked dementia unit in the neighborhood every week. I actually am good at this, and enjoy my time there. The kids love going and the residents love the kids. I am always amazed when an elder who hasn't spoken very coherently for quite awhile can talk to the children!! We sing and play catch with foam balls. It is a wonderful experience, and I am sure it has done a lot to make me more comfortable with my mother's limitations.
Tomorrow is my mother's neurology appointment to start the process to diagnose her type of dementia....I have a feeling it it going to be rough! I'll keep in touch. I am glad I found this group right now!! Thanks.
Patty

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1/23/12 1:48 P

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Hi Jo. I am in a very similar situation as you are. My dh also has vascular dementia. I had to place him in care in December of 2011. He also tells me that he does not like where he is and he wants to come home because that is where I am. He is usually understanding about the situation but not always. He forgets why he is hear. He asks alot. I hate to have to remind him of his shortfalls but if I just say "It is to keep you safe" he always asks me why.

The care he is getting is called Assisted Living. But I am sorry to say that I think he will require additional care. He forgets to bathe, the change his clothes and I don't know if he brushes his teeth or other daily living things. I check as much as I can but sometimes it is difficult. I visit every 2 or 3 days. He often asks for things like snacks food. When I bring some and put them away, I see that he has not eaten any that I got him the previous time.

I am sure that you did the right thing for your dh. You must take care of yourself as well.

Take care, Dianne

HOPE is not pretending that there's never any sorrow - It's the knowledge that our troubles will be overcome tomorrow. It's the inner strength we call on to sustain us now and then, till our problems lie behind us and we are happy again


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1/23/12 11:16 A

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I too have a sister and son that have helped me through all of this. Don't think I could have done it without them!!
Also a great blessing to me has been the support from DH's side of the family. They are not a close family, only visit maybe once every five years. But we always get Christmas cards each year, ha ha.
But they have been with me through all of this too. They have visited a couple of times and call often. They all supported me putting DH in the Care Home and I was so relieved about that. Not really knowing them really well I wasn't sure what they would think.

DH has PAD and his toes on his right foot are all black and dried up. Surgery has not been possible at this time because of his health and age. But they are now beginning to get worse so we are heading back to the doctor next week to see what we can do next.
Other then that his health seems to be doing pretty well.

When I visit him he just doesn't remember anything that happened in the last year and doesn't even understand what is wrong with his feet. He has Vascular Dementia. Some days he is pretty good and other days he is so grumpy and gets mad because I won't take him home. But he doesn't remember home either. He says he is so bored but then will not participate in anything at the home or even just with me. He had no hobbies in the past and just sat watched TV at home. Now he doesn't even like that.
I just wish I could make him more content.

Like everyone says.... so glad to have this team just to be able to talk!!
Thanks for listening.....
JO




Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Please visit my Flickr Page for my photographs.
flickr.com/photos/neelojtsl/
I also have a Blog on Blogspot for my Short Stories.
joreflections.blogspot.com/


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1/23/12 7:31 A

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Patty, you definitely have your hands full. Thankfully my brother and sister and I all worked together to take care of Mom, who was "living alone" (we were there 2-3 times a day to cook, spend time, etc.) in her condo until last July. Since she has been at the care facility, I'm fairly certain my brother doesn't go to visit, but I try to go at least once a week -- usually twice. My sister was pretty good before, but has been recovering from shoulder surgery the last few months and apparently can't get her significant other to take her to visit (?). It's frustrating to me!

I know what you mean about your mom looking to you before she does anything. While my brother and sister are supportive, Mom and I have always been extra close. She was more like my best friend (I sure miss that friend...). A perfect demonstration was at Christmas that we had at my house. While people were visiting and I was preparing food, etc., Mom was like a permanent attachment to me. She couldn't so much as sit down in a chair unless I was sitting. If I just got up to get something from the oven, she was right beside me. The hardest part for me, I think, is that she can't really communicate. The first (and worst) way she was affected was by "losing her words". For a woman who was always outspoken and a force to be heard, it's like a bad joke. What's SO sad is that you can sometimes see the understanding and comprehension in her face, but she just can't get anything out to interact in an intelligible manner. I can only hope that she is confused enough that she doesn't realize how bad she is, poor thing.

I'm glad we have this team to listen!

~~Julie~~


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1/22/12 9:04 A

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Welcome. Boy do you have your hands full. Do you get any time for yourself. For if you don't you may collapse under the load. Hopefully some of the problems will get resolved soon but most important TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. You certainly deserve it.

Dianne

HOPE is not pretending that there's never any sorrow - It's the knowledge that our troubles will be overcome tomorrow. It's the inner strength we call on to sustain us now and then, till our problems lie behind us and we are happy again


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1/22/12 1:11 A

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Hi, I'm sure I will be glad I found this group!! I have been the sole care giver for my mom for several years now. It has only been the last year and half or so that she has become completely dependent on me to do everything. I have lived in her house for nearly 30 years, with my children and husband, and older brother who is on disability for lung disease. I have supported the household...pay all the bills, grocery shop, cook, laundry, and housekeeping (what little housekeeping I actually do...not my strong suit) My kids help out some, and my brother as much as possible. My husband, not so much.
The care of my mother falls directly on me. My brother spends as little time as possible with her. She doesn't always know who he is...she thinks he's the nice man who sleeps in the "other room". If anyone says something to her, she has to confirm it with me. (maybe she thinks they are lying...don't know.) It is exhausting. It has also become harder for me to go out for dinner with friends, or to meetings for t he committees I serve on. My mom, who will be 90 in February, gets pretty stressed out if I am not here.
Then, there is my sister....she lives a block away, has some mental health issues, and hasn't spent any time with my mother since August. She did go to court and file for guardianship of my mom, and I contested it and now everything is a huge mess. There are several lawyers involved....at my mother's expense, and we have to start the process of neurological and psychiatric visits to determine her competency. So, through stress...life goes on. I am sure I will be checking in with you guys quite a bit in the next few weeks. Thanks for being here.
I am Patty

Edited by: SLIMCRUISER at: 1/22/2012 (01:17)
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1/20/12 1:06 P

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Good for you!

Dianne

HOPE is not pretending that there's never any sorrow - It's the knowledge that our troubles will be overcome tomorrow. It's the inner strength we call on to sustain us now and then, till our problems lie behind us and we are happy again


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1/20/12 12:46 P

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Thanks so much for the comments! It is such a blessing to me to hear other people that have "traveled the same road" that I am doing.
The guilt is getting better because I know he is doing much better in the care home. He has even gained some weight!

I am cutting back on my visiting time too. I am still going up every day but have missed some when I had a bad cold, etc. I stay an hour or two as long as he is awake. When he falls asleep then I come home. I do not worry about him at all when I am not there. He is in a wonderful care home. I plan to miss days now and then so I can go see my grandsons, sister, and other friends.
I know it will be okay if I am gone a few days, even though he wants me there all of the time, because I went up one day and he was scolding me because I had not been up to see him in "two weeks"!!! I had not missed a day!! ha ha ha

I have decided 2011 was DH's year, now 2012 is going to be mine!!!
JO

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Please visit my Flickr Page for my photographs.
flickr.com/photos/neelojtsl/
I also have a Blog on Blogspot for my Short Stories.
joreflections.blogspot.com/


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1/20/12 11:16 A

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Hi Jo, I am sorry that you are feeling guilt because there should not be any quilt at all. You did what was best for him as well as you. What would have happened if you had fallen ill. You would not have been able to care for him. My husband also has vascular dementia caused by a stroke in 2002. I had been taking care of him since he had his first cancer in 1995. That adds up to 17 years or so. Prior to that I took care of my son who has a major disability (autism) with profound intellectual disabilities.

I finally placed dh in Dec 2011. He is not happy to be there but he tells me he understands (I am not sure that he does). He also wants to come home. When he calls he always sounds down.

Since I lived through my son's placement at 15 yrs old I more or less knew what to expect. It is a nice place where he is. It is me that he wants.

I have cut my visits to 2 or 3 times per week so that I don't wear myself out. Even if you do feel guilty it does not mean that you need to visit every day. You must be finding it difficult.
You have a life too.

I will keep you in my prayers

Dianne

HOPE is not pretending that there's never any sorrow - It's the knowledge that our troubles will be overcome tomorrow. It's the inner strength we call on to sustain us now and then, till our problems lie behind us and we are happy again


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1/16/12 8:59 A

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Hi JO

I STILL get a "hitch" in my heart every time I leave assisted living (or currently rehab) after visiting mom. More than once I get into the car and just can't drive for awhile. Once I was SO overwhelmed (when she fell again at rehab) that I just shut down and fell asleep in the car.

My PRAYER for ALL of us is to find peace and comfort and KNOW (in brain & heart) that we are doing the very best we can and making the best decisions we can.

My HOPE is that we all take care of ourselves (even if we feel selfish doing so) and realize that we can't do our loved ones any good if we don't.

My WISH is that a cure will be found for ALL the different hideous forms of Dementia.



I have seen women looking at jewelry ads with a misty eye and one hand resting on the heart, and I only know what they're feeling because that's how I read the seed catalogs in January.

Barbara Kingsolver - Animal, Vegetable, Miracle


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1/13/12 10:09 P

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Hi!! What a great team idea.
It has been a very rough year for DH and myself. I just added a blog yesterday that will tell more about what all happened.
www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
ur
nal_individual.asp?blog_id=4677165


It all started with DH having major heart failure. That led to many more problems and he can not stand or walk anymore. He also has Vascular Dementia which came on so sudden that I am still really struggling with that.
I tried to keep him at home each time we came home from the hospital, six times in four months. With much urging and encouragement from family and our doctor I finally gave in and placed him in a wonderful Care Home in September. I was getting so worn out, even with health care people helping.

The worse struggle I have had is with the guilt of putting him in the Care Home instead of keeping him home. I feel so selfish. I feel like I am doing what is best for me and just dumping him off. And he always talks about wanting to come home all though he does not remember our home at all. I think "home" to him just means being with me. I spend time with him every day.
As was mentioned in an earlier post about head and heart, I know in my head it was the right thing to do but my heart is taking longer to catch up with that decision.
He has not been back to the hospital since being in the Care Home. He of course will not get better but he is holding his own right now.
He knows me most of the time but is very confused about everything else.

I am learning to live alone which I have never done. I have a wonderful sister, 200 miles away, and wonderful son, 100 miles away. They call me all of the time and are wonderful support but it has been such a struggle having to make all of these decisions on my own.

As I said, go check my blog and you will see that I am coping better. One thing I did was get me two new kittens for company. They have been so great to come home too!!
Thanks for starting this team.
The best is knowing we are not alone in this!!
JO


Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Please visit my Flickr Page for my photographs.
flickr.com/photos/neelojtsl/
I also have a Blog on Blogspot for my Short Stories.
joreflections.blogspot.com/


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1/13/12 9:56 P

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What I like the most about living alone is the quiet. My dh always played classical music (not my forte). Now I can turn off all the sounds and just listen to the quiet. I love it.

Dianne

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1/13/12 10:44 A

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You are right about the head vs. the heart, Patty! I think I feel more frustrated than guilty. And throw some anger in there, too! My mom was SOOO logical, so it just really irks me that she refused to make any decisions about what she wanted when she got to this state, which essentially "forced our hand" to make the decision. For the past 5 or 6 years whenever we tried to discuss with her, all we got was "I won't need that". If she would have been accepting of this and worked WITH us, she probably wouldn't have basically lost her mind when we moved her! Then you feel so darn SAD about the whole thing! This poor woman went from being my best friend who could take on the world to the state of a 4-year-old that can barely communicate. (I related to your siamese twin analogy -- we did SO much together!) I know she would be an advocate for me, so I'm trying my best to advocate for her.

Have had a some frustrations on the Mom-front this past week. When Mom gets agitated and unruly, it has proven to be a result of a UTI (urinary tract infection). They were going to test for that on Friday. By Tuesday morning, it still hadn't been done. Come on! Four days? I finally just called the doctor myself and he prescribed meds without the urine culture.

I'm also getting a bit irritated because neither my brother or sister (who I said are on the same page) have been to visit Mom lately. In the last 2 months, my brother has only seen her at Christmas (when I brought her there) and hasn't been to the care facility for weeks before that. My sister had shoulder surgery a month ago, so understand her not visiting initially. But she is now managing to work 4 hours a day, and can't seem to stop for a visit because her significant other doesn't like nursing homes (she can't drive on her own yet).

Okay, I better get back to work -- just venting some frustration. Thanks for "listening"! Hope everyone else is hanging in there!

~~Julie~~


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1/10/12 8:30 A

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Oh Dianne, this has to be so hard for you! Especially you husband wanting to come home all the time. :-( But you describe it beautifully, he has a nice apt. and you know he is well cared for. I can only imagine what it feels like to be on your own for the first time after so many years! I hope your doing something completely out of the ordinary and fun for you! We so need to keep positive! Thank you so much for your support, I am taking small steps (coming back to sparks is one of them.) :-)

Julie, I could tell by the way you wrote your first response that you have a lot of guilt. :-( I also can tell that you know you shouldn't.. the heart and the mind are a fickle pair aren't they? Heck I'm home with my Mom and still feel guilty over silly things all the time. I guess it comes with these types of diseases huh? It really is wonderful you and your siblings are on the same page. Your brother will come around in time.. I think like mine, they just need to lick their wounds for a bit, it's just so darn hard sometimes.

And yes, my Mother lives with me. Pretty much always has.. My Dad died when I was only 13 and I'm the youngest of 8, so even when I married she was part of my package deal. As you can imagine after all that chaos she didn't want to be alone. I call her my siamese twin... where I go she goes. :-)

Well, today there are no nurses or therapists coming, so I'm off to get her ready for a day out of the house! Wish us luck! :-) Have a beautiful day Ladies..
Blessings to you..

Patty140

5'8 1/2"

IF GOD BRINGS ME TO IT... HE''LL BRING ME THROUGH IT!


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1/10/12 7:34 A

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Oh my goodness, Dianne -- I can only imagine how hard it is placing your husband in a care facility when I know how traumatic it's been just getting our MOM there. There's no way we could have continued to look after her (we all work full-time), yet I still feel torn that she is there -- even though it is a very nice place and we know they are looking after her!

Patty, we are very lucky that my siblings and I are all on the same page and lend support. Although while my brother was doing his daily turns checking in on Mom before, I think this move has been too much for HIM -- I don't think he's stopped to see her in months. I try to get there at least once every week. It's got to be hard if you are battling family members (I'm guessing you're the one that is close to your mom so the majority of the issues fall on you). You just have to remember that you do what's best for your mom while trying to maintain your sanity, too! Hang in there!

~~Julie~~


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1/9/12 3:51 P

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Hi Patty, I was more or less in the same situation with my dh. I had to place him on Dec 17 because his vascular dementia (similar to Alzheimer) was getting increasingly worse. I am still adjusting to the move. Dh does not want to be where he is and wants to come home. He seems to understand why he is there and he is adapting as well as he can. He lives in a nice nursing home, has his own studio apt. So he does have space to himself. The staff check on him several times a day.

It feels weird having the apartment to myself and living alone for the first time in 37 years.

Take time for yourself as who will take care of everyone if you are sick. If you have very little time start of slowly (5 - 10 min) and increase it everyday - make it part of your routine.

Best of luck

Dianne

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PATTY140's Photo PATTY140 Posts: 1,511
1/9/12 1:46 P

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Hi Julie!

Thank you for responding so quick! Give me motivation to do better myself.
Wow, that had to be so hard moving your Mom like that. :-( But, so nice that you have a support group to help with decisions! ♥ That is awesome!
My Mother is between stage 5 & 6. I just try so hard to stay positive, if my siblings don't attack, I can handle each decline, but when they do? I fall apart. But I'm working on it!! I'm just trying to find a way to fit in an hour a day for self preservation and fitness. (I call it mental and physical strength training.)
Hugs,
Patty

Patty140

5'8 1/2"

IF GOD BRINGS ME TO IT... HE''LL BRING ME THROUGH IT!


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